"Burnout And How It Affects Your Lifestyle In Your Relationship!"

In an article that Rob Bilton, (Director of the LMC Relationship Centre and Writer), wrote me about a Couple where one of the partners had burned out from Life, Work and Relationship Stress.

This was seriously affecting their Relationship and both needed to understand the causes and the effects on their life and relationship. Rob talk to me about the differences between Life Values, Visions and Lifestyle and how that was one of the underlying cause of the Burnout in one of the partners in previous Relationships as well as how it was causing difficulty in their present Relationship.

The couple used in his article were two people who had different lifestyles because the woman in the relationship was burned out and just didn’t have the energy to move with the other partners dreams and goals. .

A lifestyle is how a person likes to spend their day moment to moment. With this couple, the woman who we will call Abbey was burned out and had no energy to keep up with her partner who we will call Abe who was on the opposite end of the energy wagon. He had enough energy for work and when he wasn't at work, he was working at home doing one project or another project or being part of one organization or another organization.

Abbey had just enough energy to work, take care of the basic household chores, and visit family and friends, otherwise she had no energy to do anything else in her life. Abe always had something for Abbey to do, or he wanted her to go to his organizations and get togethers, but Abbey would often resist because she wasn't up to it.

This caused a lot of what we call power struggle in their relationship and they had come to see us to see if there was anything that could be done to deal with the conflict.

Now in most situations, the more similar in lifestyle that a couple has in common, the better the chances that they are in a highest and best relationship. Rob in his other articles often described the relationship that he had with his last major relationship, Lucie.

Among the other major foundation problems they had in their relationship, they also did not have anything in common in the everyday moment to moment activities. For example, they didn't eat at the same time, clean the house at the same time, and watch entertainment at the same time. They had no moment to moment interaction in common.

This is what appeared to be the situation with Abbey and Abe. She wanted rest and relaxation and Abe wanted to keep active 24/7. This was draining Abby even more and even though she just had started a new relationship with Abe a few years ago her general burnout did not seem to be improving. .

In our Love by Design Book (www.lovebydesignbook.com) we have a system and many exercises to find out if you have the same values, visions and lifestyle as your partner, since often neither partner is consciously aware of what their needs, wants and deal-breakers are.

In Abbey's case, at the present time she appears to have a different lifestyle than her partner Abe. However, in this case, there is a potentially positive twist. Since she had been burned out for a long time, she really doesn't know anymore what her lifestyle would be if she was recovered and healthy. So in order to truly find out whether she is compatible with Abe, she first needs to take care of herself and then she will be able to find out what her true lifestyle and rhythm is.

So then, how does a person recover from burnout?

In the case of burnout, the best thing you can do is to rest, recharge and heal yourself back to a state of health.

Its important for one to go on a journey of self discovery to find out ones true desires, wants and needs from a body, mind and soul level

The Key is to go slow Step by Step till you gain momentum and energy in all areas of your life.

The most important steps to get yourself started are to the similar steps that we use in our Love by Design book to find out if you and your partner are compatible or not. One of the most important “ key foundational step” is for you to come from in all things from a place of Unconditional Love,( which is a place of Understanding, Acceptance, Forgiveness, Appreciation and Gratitude) and for you to learn the Art of Allowing of Your Present State and Relationship Reality.

Here is a brief explanation of the “Ascension Attitudes” of Unconditional Love
~ UNDERSTAND
~ ACCEPT
~ FORGIVE
~ APPRECIATE

UNDERSTANDING: You have to first understand that for one reason or another, you are a burnout. It is a real condition; you are not lazy or weak. Just as important to understand is that this burnout is not permanent and persuasive (although it can sure feel like it) as well as remembering that this is not your natural state.

ACCEPT: You have to accept that you need to heal yourself, just as an athlete would need to heal a sport-related injury. You need to rest, relax and recharge. Never underestimate the power of giving yourself permission to do this. This is not a selfish decision, no matter how busy or how much responsibility you have in your life. It is much quicker to give yourself permission to recover versus resisting your need to recover and prolonging your burnout. It takes a lot of energy that you don't have to begin with in order to be in resistance. Nonresistance on the other hand is effortless and doesn't use up any energy at all.

FORGIVE: Forgiving yourself for not knowing how to prevent becoming burned out and also forgiving anyone along the way that may have assisted in you getting to the state of burnout is very important. Resentment and not forgiving yourself or others blocks your energy and prevents energy from circulating. The best gift you can give yourself in the early steps of recovery is forgiveness and releasing any resentment or criticism that is directed to either yourself or someone else.

APPRECIATE: It is very important to appreciate yourself as your own unique person, with your own unique make-up and experiences. During burnout recovery, it is important to note that you must walk to the beat of your own drum and not try to keep up or compare yourself with the people who are not burned out. In fact, we should never try to copy another person's rhythm since you are your own unique individual. Your highest and best, love by design partner will naturally align or compliment your natural rhythm without either one of you having to copy, or keep up with the other.

Using these steps at the beginning of your road to burn out recovery will then assist in the other more common steps of regaining your health such as healthy eating, lots of rest, sleep, exercise that is not stressful to your body, lots of water, minerals and vitamins etc. All of these steps will then fast track you back to your natural and authentic state.

From there you will then be able to discover what your true energy level and lifestyle is like. If Abbey begins her burnout recovery, which she has begun, she will then eventually discover what her authentic lifestyle and compatibility is with Abe.

Burnout from previous Relationships that is standing alone or in combination with Stress and Burnout from other Life & Work/Career Situations is a Serious Concern in our Society. Although it is not well understood by Professionals and Employers or Lovers its now becoming more common in everyday conversations to hear about someone who is burnout or is suffering from mental, emotional and physical issues caused by Stress, Anxiety, Depression and Burnout.

If you or you partner are having issues in this areas we recommend you seek help from knowledgeable organizations and professionals who have expertise and training in this area.

You can check out Dr. Rob’s, Cucan, Melody’s books, products and services at www.relationshipmasteryonline.com

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