Are You Having Anger Management Issues In Your Relationship?

The Story of Gwen Stephani and the Importance of Dissipating Anger

I was watching an evening entertainment show a few months ago and I saw a story about how there was a religious based student group in Malaysia who was angry at Gwen Stefani, the singer.

The student group was offended by Gwen, her lyrics, how she dances, her back up dancers, the L.A.M.B. t- shirts, her videos, you name it they wanted to ban it- ban it from the country!

Now you are probably thinking the same thing I was at the time –what? How and why of all the singers and entertainers did they target Gwen?

Dr. Robby (Director/Counsellor for the LMC Relationship Centre and my significant other) and I have always admired Gwen’s Creative Process and how when she did what she felt inspired to do amazing creations developed like her clothing line where are all the clothes that she likes to wear was designed with her in mind.

So what was going on?

The first thing that hit me is that she’s angry, full of resentment and her vibration matched with the vibration of the angry university students.

I don’t know the specifics about her anger and resentment, my suspicions, my feelings and my observations say that she has a childhood pattern or childhood wound of not being accepted for she is. It may not have been triggered until she went solo and broke away from the Band “No Doubt”. This childhood pattern or wound maybe why she was hesitant to break away from the band because she was afraid that people wouldn’t be able to accept her for who she is even though she practices following her own desires already in most areas of her life.

A pattern, just to explain, is created when your subconscious mind is impressed by an event or strong emotions. Since your subconscious mind is a broadcasting system, and everything is made up of energy, it continuously broadcasts the energetic vibration of what was impressed, then since like attracts like (as you may know if you are familiar with the Law of Attraction) what you are broadcasting will be drawn to you. You can recognize a pattern when you notice events happening in your environment that reoccur but don’t seem to make sense.

In the case of Gwen, this pattern we are talking about may be reflected in the Malaysia students who cannot accept who she is, what she does or anything about her.

All I know is that she definitely has an edge to her solo songs along with her creativity so I have a suspicion that she is angry towards people who don’t’ accept her highlighted by her childhood wound or pattern. She may also be angry and bitter because she has lost a lot of time catering to the fear of people not accepting her and she’s blaming others for her loss of freedom and opportunity of creation.

Now that’s fascinating in and of itself but it also made me ponder the power of anger. Now anger like any emotion is a signal that a feeling is being coloured a certain way by how we are thinking, something that we are not unconditionally loving about ourselves or others that we have to release. Anger is only supposed to be used as a signal, not something we are supposed to hold on to. It is something that helps to fuel the fire and gets our solar plexus ready to take action.

However, if we hold on to anger, not only is it not healthy for our body, it also causes others to react with anger. They act as a mirror, others are directly reflecting what is going on within you, so if Gwen is not unconditionally loving herself the Malaysian students may be reflecting that by not unconditionally loving her and if not she may be just intently angry about something else and that intense anger is just reflecting back.

Have you ever noticed that if you are angry you find others who are just as angry right back at you? Two exceptions to the rule are passive or repressed people, instead of getting angry at you, you will get even more angry at them no matter how polite, nice and patient they are towards you. That is just because they are furious at you a deeper level but will not openly admit that to you, so they just get walloped with your fury. They are still angry but the battle between the two of you is going on at a deeper level.

The other exception of the rule is when someone is open and unconditionally loves and embraces your anger. What will happen instead is that your anger will dissipate and you will feel loved and supported even if the other person isn’t verbally validating or empathizing with you.

Until the world gets to the point where everyone can unconditionally love themselves and others, the most important thing you can do for yourself if you find yourself angry a lot or are on the receiving end of others being angry at you, is to take note of your anger, see what the message is for you and what you need to unconditional love about yourself or others then let go of the anger. Then you just have to dissipate the residual emotion and adrenalin of the anger in your body by doing activities such as running, jumping, stomping, (Gwen’s Hollaback song and video is actually probably a good way to dissipate anger) yelling, kicking, biting , punching, slamming doors, throw things, don’t be afraid to have a really good deep scream even.

Anger is as we said only a signal to allow you to be able to embrace and unconditionally love all aspects of yourself, it’s not necessary to hold onto it and the benefits of dealing with it is a benefit to you and through you it is a benefit to the world.

Melody Chase