Start Your Relationship Anew For Valentine’s Day!

Are you and your partner having relationship difficulties and the last thing on your mind that you feel like doing is celebrating Valentine’s Day?

Well, I may have a suggestion as to how and why to celebrate Valentine’s Day in a way like you may never have thought of before.

If you are having relationship difficulties and you feel like your relationship has ground to a stand-still – why not use Valentine’s Day as an opportunity to re-start or start your relationship anew and see your romantic night out or cozy night at home together as the very first date of your new relationship and life together.

At our Centre For Life Management/LMC Relationship Centre we talk about how often when couples have a lot of deficiencies or toxicities in their relationship that after a while all the life gets sucked out of the relationship and the relationship starts spiraling down until it comes to a standstill and there is no where else for the relationship itself to go like a spiral circling inwards.

So what happens when you have no where else to go in the center of the Spiral? Your only choice is to turn around and start traveling outwards and the benefit of this is that a spiral going outwards has room to spiral out to infinity.

A Relationship has this same opportunity when the couple realizes that the direction and choices that they are making in the relationship is taking them to a dead end so all they have to do to start over is to do the opposite of whatever they are currently doing and choosing to do.

The best way to get this process started is by bringing the old relationship including the rules, agreements, expectations and habits to an end in order to start a fresh, clean foundation upon which to create new rules, agreements, expectations/preferences and habits that are functional, life enhancing, inspiring and creates a mutual fulfillment of needs for both partners since relationships are a mutual fulfillment of needs.

Another benefit of ending the original relationship as well is that no one can blame their partners anymore for what they are not getting or getting too much of in the relationship since the old ways are no longer in effect.

Your relationship is a brand new relationship, so just as you wouldn’t bring the baggage or issues about an Ex into your new relationship, you no longer need to bring up and focus on the issues of the past with your partner, unless it can be used as a contrast effect or as a sign-post towards what you do want in your new relationship or simply for healing or closure purposes otherwise the past is the past and you have a brand new relationship to create together.

So why use Valentine’s Day as a launching pad or starting point for your new relationship?

You want to symbolically and energetically release your old relationship so what better symbolic celebration than one that is based on the promise of everlasting love and hope of the relationship and life of your dreams as well as the celebration of the love you already share with your partner – past, present and future.

So some suggestions for closing of the old relationship and beginning of a new one are:

Making a toast over dinner – toasting to the end of the old relationship and a toast to the new relationship and new beginnings.

Replacing your old set of rings with a new set of rings,

Writing on a piece of paper “Old Relationship” then ripping up, burying, burning and throwing the paper away and then write on a new piece of paper “New Relationship” and have both of you sign the paper then frame it or keep it with you all the time or throw out, bury, burn etc anything that has a symbolic meaning to the both of you and then choose something new to symbolize your new relationship.

Go for a walk together and crossover a bridge representing crossing over into a new relationship.

Re-write new vows and read them to each other.

Even renew your marriage or get remarried – anything that is creative, symbolic, meaningful and romantic for the two of you.

So the first step then is to end your old relationship, the 2nd is to celebrate the beginning of your new relationship.

From there you will begin your journey of discovery to find out what relationship systems work and are functional, healthy, and life enhancing for the two of you such as our Counsellor in a Box Relationship Home Study Program (http://www.counsellorinabox.com ) that helps couples to re-build their relationship based on a foundation created out of the understanding of the uniqueness of you and your partner and how to not only find out what each of your unique Requirements, Needs and Wants are but how to give these unique Requirements, Needs and Wants to your partner.

If you have any questions about how to end and/or begin the Rebuilding Process of your Relationship you can contact Dr. Robby or myself at relationshipcentre@shaw.ca

Warm Regards,

Melody Chase

Happy Valentine’s Day! Speaking of Valentine’s Day we are having a 50% Off Valentine’s Day Sale From Feb 14^th 9:00am EST to Feb 20 Midnight EST for Our Counsellor in a Box Relationship Home Study Program - Click On The Link Below To Purchase and/or For More Information: http://www.counsellorinabox.com

Toxic Communication: How To Tell If You Are A Toxic Communicator - Part Two

In Part One of our Toxic Communication: How To Tell If You Are A Toxic Communicator we discussed six ways of being a toxic communicator.

Now for Part Two let’s cover the next six ways of being a Toxic Communicator then I’ll give some suggestions on what to do if you are a Toxic Communicator yourself.

7) Negative Intent Implicator:

This is more of a feeling that your partner is going to pick up from you where you are basically accusing your partner of having a negative intent - this accusation is felt when you ask questions of your partner such as "When are you going to do___? Why aren't you doing _? Did you do this yet?

In these cases the underlying assumption is that you believe that your partner has no intent of doing what is being asked of him/her instead of being patient, trusting or giving him/her the benefit of the doubt.

Often you may be even more direct in blaming or accusing your partner by saying you did this or you didn't do that without checking things out first with open curiosity and the assumption that he/she has a positive intent and/or just waiting it out to see if he/she does what she or he has been asked, offered or agreed to do.

8) The Intensity Over-driver:

Check your body language, your level of emotional intensity, your tone and facial expression - basically are you too scary to have a conversation with? If you don't believe that any of these factors can make it an uncomfortable experience for your partner and your partner is just being overly sensitive then have your partner hold up a video camera towards you the next time you are in an intense discussion and then play back the video to get an idea of what it is like from the perspective of your partner.

9) Psychic Vampirism:

You may be a Psychic Vampire in the area of communication and not even know it. Psychic Vampires feel that they need to take other people's energy or at least prevent others from expressing their own energy thinking at some level that there is not enough energy to go around and that their partner is going to steal their energy if they don't steal their partner's energy first.

So the Psychic or Energy Vampire will use disempowerment, control dramas, aggressiveness and powerful negative emotions like guilt and shame to break their partner down and not only take the wind out of their partner's sails but take this energy for themselves.

Most people are not aware that they are Psychic Vampires, they have picked it up from a competitive adversarial society and paradigm where there is a lack of resources and one must fight for the limited resources or else they will perish - it is a fight for life and survival even at the expense of someone they love.

So just to check, do you ever feel uncomfortable when your partner is happy and excited about something and is throwing out positive energy but once you verbally knock your partner down a few pegs you feel much more comfortable, at ease and invigorated? If so you may be a Psychic and /or energy vampire.

10)The Constant Complainer:

Every time you see your partner the first thing that pops out of your mouth is a complaint or something negative, this includes making noises such as sighs, grumbles and ouches.

These complaints can be about your partner, what you are thinking or feeling or something that happens to you or with others. Often it is so automatic the negativity doesn’t even match the situation. It is like your partner comes home and says “Hi” and your response is “Oh my back hurts” or “You didn’t take out the garbage”

In our Counsellor in a Box Relationship Home Study Course (http://www.counsellorinabox.com) we talk about the 7 Principles of Relationship Success and Principle #3 is about being Responsible For Having a Positive Emotional Upstate.

This is a Principle because too much negativity creates toxicity and impresses your partner to associate you with something that is negative and painful. People, including your partner will either want to move away from pain or move towards pleasure – either way it won’t be towards you if you are negative all the time.

This by the way is one of the major reasons why partners have affairs because they find someone who is pleasant and is in a positive upstate most of the time which is so much easier and enjoyable to be around.

11) The Invalidator/Mismatcher:

Often unconscious of what they are doing, this type of communicator is invalidating you in order to be right all the time or mismatching you because he/she is not interested in anyone’s information until he/she has had time to think it through and decide if he/she wants to agree or not.

If you are an Invalidator/Mismatcher, even if your partner’s facts are correct you are going to mismatch anyway - your partner would say “The Grass is Green” and you will say no it not, even if you know that your partner is correct - you just have to urge to disagree.

I know Mismatchers and they can be quite annoying, it will be like the Mismatcher will ask “Who is that actress that stars in Pretty Woman?”

I’ll answer by saying “Julia Roberts”

The Mismatcher will say “No… but she is also in Erin Brockovich.”

I’ll say “Yes, you mean Julia Roberts”

The Mismatcher will then say “No. Let me think, she was also in Mystic Pizza – I know Julia Roberts.”

I’ll say “That’s what I said Julia Roberts”

Does this sound familiar? Be honest.

12) The Ante-upper:

For Ante-uppers, they can’t seem to be satisfied with anything coming to a close or a finish, so it feels to their partner like a conversation or any area of discussion will never be finished.

If you are an Ante-upper your partner begins to feel discouraged and disheartened because there never seems to be an end in sight no matter what he/she does to resolve the issue at hand.

It would be like your partner says “I took the garbage out.”

You respond by saying “Yeah but you didn’t put the bag in and the garbage bins need to be organized.”

Or you complain all the time that your partner doesn’t listen, so now your partner is listening and your partner even says “I’m listening”

Your response is: “Yes, but now I need you to talk more.”

Part Three – If You Are a Toxic Communicator…

The main purpose of this article is awareness and understanding so you can recognize if you are a Toxic Communicator.

Now if you have discovered that you are Toxic Communicator here are a couple of suggestions for dealing with being a Toxic Communicator:

Give your partner the courtesy of saying that you would like to talk and that you need to clarify something then state the topic, give an estimated length of time for the talk and ask if it is a good time for the discussion.

If your partner says yes, honor both the time and the topic that you stated you are going to talk about and not switch topics.

If you want to change topics go through the same procedure again – say you have another topic you would like to discuss, state topic, length and then ask whether it is a good time to continue talking.

If you accidentally go off topic, admit to it, reset and go back to the originally agreed upon discussion first.

If you have to walk away or you are triggered, to prevent a control drama, admit to being triggered, explain that you love your partner; your intent is that you do want to continue the conversation at a later time when you have regrouped.

As well, take responsibility for being upset before going into the conversation, if you are upset go for a walk first, do something physical, breathe, drink water, make sure your blood sugar is good and you are well-fed and if you still can’t help being upset confess to it and own it versus blaming your partner for how you are feeling.

The another important thing that you need to do is find Functional, Successful, Healthy Forms of Communication to replace the dysfunctional, toxic ones such as the types of communication that we teach about in our Counsellor in a Box Relationship Home Study Program.

What makes our forms of communication special is that they are based on unconditional love, abundance and creativity instead of communication taught in our society’s competitive adversarial beliefs such as there is scarcity and not enough resources so everyone has to fight to survive and strive.

For more information about Toxic Communication, Toxic Communicators and what can be done to change what is often simply a habit of communication you can reach Dr. Robby or I at relationshipcentre@shaw.ca or check out our Counsellor in a Box Relationship Home Study Program at http://www.counsellorinabox.com

Warm Regards,

Melody Chase

Toxic Communication: How To Tell If You Are A Toxic Communicator – Part One

Does your partner seem to want to avoid having discussions with you at all costs? When you are about to start talking do you see your partner’s eyes fill with fear? Do you wonder why it’s like trying to pull teeth to get your partner to open up with you when you are attempting communication with him or her?

If any of these questions sound familiar it may be because you are a Toxic Communicator and you may not even know it.

Most people when they think about having conversations with their partner think that the conversation is simply an auditory experience.

However, the reality is conversations are also an intellectual, emotional, mental, physical and energetic event. There is much more than just what you can hear and see that is going on which is why any toxicity that is involved in a conversation can have multi-layered effects for all involved.

What makes it even more intense is if the person giving the toxicities has no idea what they are doing so they will end up using their toxic communication and if what they are trying to get across doesn’t seem to be working they will just unknowingly amp up the toxicity or switch to another toxic form of communication.

This can lead to severe communication issues as the partner on the receiving end of the toxicity begins to pull away, react or get defensive all the time and at the extreme end will be so overwhelmed by the toxicities that he/she will start looking elsewhere to get his/her needs met and end up having affairs or leaving his/her partner for someone who doesn’t have these toxic tendencies.

So it is a serious issue and it is no one’s fault if you are a toxic communicator, the best functional types of communication are not taught by society and most of the time people pick up bad habits and toxic ways of communicating from the competitive adversarial society they live in as well as from the family and social environment they grew up in. Often toxic communication can even be passed down from one generation to the next.

So the following are a list of different forms or types of toxic communication that Toxic Communicators use that not many people may have heard of or be aware of that is important to put a stop to in order to have a Functional and Successful Relationship in the area of communication:

1) The Bait and Switch:

You start off with a safe topic that you announce that you want to talk to your partner about so that your partner is open and ready to have this topic of discussion with you then you suddenly shift to another topic out of the blue causing your partner to be totally taken off balance, confused and off guard.

2) The No Win Situation Provider:

You have a no win situation of yours and regardless of whether your partner is involved or can do anything about this no win situation, you tell him or her anyway.

However you are so confused, in limbo and all over the map because of the no win situation that this puts your partner into a situation where his/her hands are tied and he/she is helpless to help you in anyway other than being able to listen and validate you - yet even though a Mensa member wouldn't be able to solve your situation in the current way you are looking at it you are expecting and demanding that your partner save you and solve your dilemma.

Worse yet, there may be times when you really don't want a solution or are not willing to do what is really needed to be done to resolve the situation so you just keep telling your partner about it so you can relieve stress.

So not only is this a lot of pressure on your partner it is toxic because your partner feels bad for your dilemma yet feels helpless to do anything about it - it is even more toxic if your partner is part of the no win situation.

3) The Spinner:

You spin by jumping to so many topics in rapid precession your partner is overwhelmed and confused and his/her head is spinning. Then if your topics of conversation involve negativity and personal attacks towards your partner it is like you are a machine gun hitting your partner with round after round of painfully toxic emotional, physical and energetic bullets.

4) The Drama King or Queen:

You use “control dramas” to keep control of the situation and conversation by reacting to anything that you don't like by bursting out crying, running away, going silent, back talking, sarcasm, invalidation, mismatching, changing topics and even eye rolling in order to keep control of what you want to talk about and to try and influence your partner.

5) The Ambusher:

Your partner is minding his or her own business and suddenly out of the blue you pounce and begin talking usually in an intense and upset manner - it's about as shocking to your partner as the shower scene at the end of the Psycho movie.

6) Subconscious Mind Influencer:

As with most of these toxic forms of communication people don't actually know what power they are having over people. For some people who come from the Competitive Adversarial Paradigm they just can feel that this technique works or they have used this technique successfully in the past, but in any case you may use Subconscious Mind Influencing Techniques that goes directly into your partner's mind practically forcing him/her to do things involuntarily or against his/her will.

Your partner may not know why you are having such an influence but after a while your partner begins to realize that he/she is vulnerable and easily influenced around you and will start to guard and protect him/herself by avoiding having discussions with you.

So examples of Subconscious Mind wording and influencing include "you should" "you ought" and “aren't you going to do_ and _?”

In Part Two of our Toxic Communication: How To Tell If You Are A Toxic Communicator we will be revealing another six types of toxic communication as well as offering some suggestions as to what to do if your discover you are a in fact a Toxic Communicator.

Warm Regards,

Melody Chase

Want To Save Your Relationship? We have a free e-course, free video tutorials & free tips For You @ http://www.counsellorinabox.com/FreeVideos.html

Can Your Relationship Be Saved After Your Partner’s Midlife Crisis?

It is hard enough recovering, healing and regaining trust with your partner when he or she cheated on you but it becomes even harder if your partner has a midlife crisis and has left you for a period of time to be with someone else.

During the time of the midlife crisis you feel betrayed and abandoned, your partner doesn’t seem to care judging by his or her actions, everyone around you is mortified that your partner is doing this to you and your friends and family are hell-bent on making sure you don’t take your partner back ever.

The whole mid-life crisis seems so dark in nature and irreversible it almost seems impossible to even justify taking your partner back.

Yet there is something in your heart and soul that is telling you to hang in there and keep the eternal flame of your relationship lit.

Yet you wonder is it truly possible to have a future with your partner after so much potential damage has been done?

The answer is Yes – there are couples who have recovered from the mid-life crisis – the partner had to discover for him or her self what was truly in his or her heart and discover what was causing the emptiness in his or her life.

So once he or she is back, your next question will be – so where do I go from here?

The following are some important suggestions on how to successfully repair and rebuild your relationship.

1) Learn About What Causes Toxicities and Deficiencies in Relationships.

It’s nothing personal but a relationship is a mutual fulfillment of needs plus we are unique individuals with unique needs and have unique ways upon how we would like our needs to be met.

So you may have done everything in your power to give your partner what you think he/she needs or your partner may have even told you what his/her needs are or your partner may not even know what his/her needs are but in any case you may have been missing the mark in the area of successfully giving your partner what he or she wants in the way he or she wants it.

So now is the time to learn all about how people are unique and in particular what your partner’s needs, wants and requirements are. You also need to find out how to communicate clearly with your partner, learn creative negotiation techniques to fill in compatibility gaps as well as learn healthy, functional, unconditional love based approaches to having a relationship with your partner.

When all these areas are put in place not only will this help repair your relationship, but maintain and create a foundation for a new relationship to be created for you and your partner.

2) End Your Old Relationship and Start a Fresh New Relationship:

The reality is the original relationship that you had with your partner is never going to be the same and needs to be rebuilt from the ground or foundation up.

So it is best for the both of you to bring you old relationship to a close – all rules, agreements and past issues brought to an end and start fresh a new relationship where everything is created together by the two of you in ways that will work best for the both of you.

You can symbolically end your old relationship by removing, burying, throwing away or burning something that represents your old relationship and/or renewing your vows and deciding on something such as ring or a memento to represent your new relationship.

3) Maintain Your Social Network of Supporters

All because you and your partner are working on putting your relationship back together doesn’t mean that you don’t need your family, friends or support groups anymore.

There are times when you are going to need to talk about unresolved hurts and there are times when you will need to talk to others about how rebuilding your relationship is going so although you may be totally wrapped up in repairing your relationship with your partner, always remember to keep people around in your life to share with other than your partner.

4) Give Each Others Space When Needed

There is going to be a part of you that will feel like you never want to leave your partner alone for a second especially when you are just learning to trust your partner again.

However the reality is both of you (yes, even your partner) has been through a very trying and traumatic experience so if you or your partner feel like you need a little space to breathe it is important to honour these feelings.

Like anything in life, quality time is more important then the quantity of time so when both you are more relaxed and have the freedom to go at one’s own pace much more progress will occur in the rebuilding and repairing of your relationship.

5) Laugh and Have Fun Together

Every new moment is a new gift to create love, fun and happiness together so don’t miss out on opportunities to build wonderful memories of your renewed relationship.

Laughing, having fun and playing together recaptures the innocence of your relationship as well as reconnects the bond that the two of you once shared.

Following these five suggestions will all help to heal and inspire you and your partner towards having a new relationship that is safe and loving and once again the two of you will be able to share your eternal flame together.

Warm Regards,

Melody Chase

For more information on repairing and rebuilding your relationship including learning about your partner’s uniqueness, mutual fulfillment of needs and functional Relationship Mastery Skills such as Communication and Creative Negotiation Techniques check-out our Counsellor in a Box Home Study Relationship Program @ http://www.counsellorinabox.com as well as our Free Relationship Advice and Relationship Video Tutorial Blog @ http://counsellorinabox.com/FreeVideos.html

4 Reasons To Not Be O.K. With Your Partner Having A Friend of The Opposite Sex

For people who are not naturally trusting or who have been betrayed by their relationship partners in the past can see as clear as day why it is not a good idea to be o.k. with their partner having a friendship with a member of the opposite sex.

Other people who are trusting may think that they can trust their partner without question, so there is not a problem at all with their partner starting a friendship with a member of the opposite sex or continuing a friendship with someone of the opposite sex that their partner was already friends with before they came along.

Well, the following are inevitable consequences that can occur that may lead to a person’s partner becoming emotionally bonded or worse yet fall in love or become physically attracted enough to have an affair or choose to start a relationship with their friend of the opposite sex.

1) Bonding:

When people work closely together or play together whether that is with members or the opposite sex or not these activities create a bonding experience.

It is just the way it is, you see it all the time even enemies bond as well as bosses and assistants even humans and aliens bond ( E.T., The original TV series “V” and the movie “Enemy Mine” to name a few examples) - it is just human nature.

Then if this close platonic friendship involves members of the opposite sex and these members share a traumatic experience together or a dramatic separation from each other - it’s now a done deal – all of a sudden they realize that they are in love and can’t stand to be away from each other.

This doesn’t happen to everyone, but if either person in this friendship is unhappy, stressed or experiencing low self esteem – this highly increases the chances of “falling in love”

2) Contrast/Courtship Phenomenon:

When two people first meet and are attracted to one another they are in what is called a “Courtship Phase” where each person will pull out all the stops in order to woo, impress and secure or “land” the mate.

Once the landing occurs and the partners feel safe (it’s different for each person it can be going steady, moving in together, getting engaged or getting married) they return to their more natural, authentic state and unless they have a relationship addiction issue, both members of the relationship will no longer feel the need to impress or woo their partner as intensely any more.

What happens when a person is in a serious relationship but has a friend who is of the opposite sex is the person, without knowing it is in a continuous state of courtship with the friend and visa versa.

So compared to their own partner, this friend is always going to seem like the best invention since sliced bread – this friend of the opposite sex is fun, adventurous and unconditionally loving unlike their relationship partner who is stressed out, nagging, distracted, and critical – their friend is like heaven.

So a contrast effect occurs so even if the friendship stays platonic, the partner at home who is being authentic is continuously being judged and compared to unrealistic standards by their partner who has the friend and this judgment is going to be felt and will start creating negative emotions and situations for the couple.

For females who have a male friend, if the male friend understands and “gets” her (unlike her partner which is often the case) this releases “serotonin” the feel good brain chemical that creates a sense of well being. So not only will her male friend be in her good books, there is a chemical bonding that is occurring that is not happening or she is not getting from her partner.

For males with female friends, the courtship phase is like an enjoyable challenge and pursuit that releases “dopamine” another “feel good” brain chemical which also increases bonding with the female friend.

For both male and females the continuous courtship and chemical bonding can also increase the chances of relationship addiction to kick in.

3) Relationship Centred People Can Only Handle One Relationship At A Time:

If the partner who has the friend is Relationship Centred – he/she can only connect with one person at a time so when he or she is with the friend it is harder to switch back to being centred emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually with his or her partner.

If the other partner who doesn’t have a friend is also Relationship Centred and is Highly Sensitive not only will they be able to tell when their partner is not connected to him or her when they are together as a couple, he or she will also pick up when his/her partner is not connected when he/she is away with the friend.

This is going to cause a lot of friction and feelings of abandonment as well as potential trust issues which can lead to control dramas on the part of the partner who is feeling the disconnection as well as a build up of the negative emotions called the Great Dividers of Love.

4) Self – Fulfilling Prophecy:

If the other partner has any history of being cheated on, is Relationship Centred or just plain has a lot of reasons to feel jealous or threatened because their partner is spending a lot of time and is doing things for the friend of the opposite sex – a few things are going to happen:

The partner at home is going to start acting out and wanting the partner to stop seeing the friend causing negative downstate’s and a toxic environment, arguments and powerstruggles or the partner at home will hold their emotions in and develop depression, develop an illness or shutdown emotionally.

In all of these situations, especially if the partner at home is making the partner with the friend feel guilty and/or accusing the partner of having an affair – the partner at home is actually pushing their partner towards the friend and this ongoing build-up of deficiencies and toxicities in their relationship will potentially lead to their partner getting their needs met and starting an affair with the friend.

So relationships is just like tending a garden, if you do not keep the weeds out of your garden, the weeds will eventually start moving in and taking over your garden, so it is your duty as the gardener or guardian of your relationship to not allow anything toxic like weeds or friends of the opposite sex to crowd in and overtake your relationship.

For other tips on how to cheat proof and build a solid, secure relationship with your partner visit our Counsellor in a Box Free Relationship Video Tutorials & Reports Blog @ http://counsellorinabox.com/FreeVideos.html

Warm Regards,

Melody Chase

Centre For Life Management

http://www.betterparentsbetterkids.com

http://www.trueloveondemand.com

http://www.lovebydesignbook.com

http://www.counsellorinabox.com

http://www.drrobbyonline.com

http://www.relationshipbeach.com

http://melodychasesrelationshipinfo.wordpress.com

Email: relationshipcentre@shaw.ca

(204) 475-0323

How To Prep For The Reality That Your Partner Is Cheating

If you suspect your partner is cheating then you need to prepare yourself and not just jump into telling your partner because it is not just your partner who is going to get caught with their pants down.

You are about to step into the biggest upheaval of your life and although you will never be completely prepared for what is about to unfold, at least you can do the best you can to prepare.

So the following are some important things you must do:

1) Open a Separate Banking Account

Open a separate banking account and start putting money in just in case your partner wants to play dirty or tries to blackmail you especially if his/her girlfriend/boyfriend is in the picture.

2) Contact a Lawyer

Just as important, make sure to find a lawyer and talk to a lawyer to ensure that your lawyer is on top of everything legally for you and so you are aware of what your legal rights are.

3) Keep An Emergency Exit Plan

Keep money and change on you at all times and a bag packed in case you have to leave suddenly.

4) Step-up A Place To Stay

Find a place to stay e.g. friends, relatives, or a hotel and start setting up there so if you have to leave and you can’t get back in the house right away that you are comfortably set-up.

5) Prepare Friends and Family

Tell the people that you are going to have as your social network a head of time about the fact that you may be calling out your partner on his/her affair so that they can prepare and recover in time to help you during your time of needing support and encouragement.

6) Ensure Your Business Is Not Effected

If you work from home make sure you have internet access and whatever else you need to set-up shop if you are the one leaving – it is going to be hard enough as it is to work so the less complications the better.

7) Take Care of Yourself

Get lots of sleep, eat, take vitamins, exercise – you are going to need all the energy and good health.

8) Find a Support Counsellor

Search out and prepare to find a Support Counsellor for yourself and a Family Counsellor for your children. If it is a Midlife Crisis situation with your partner don’t even bother with the Marriage Counselling for now – just take care of yourself and your family.

9) Prepare Your Children

If you know your partner is cheating for sure, you can prepare your children by saying that you and your partner need a break from each others but it has nothing to do with them and both of you love them and they are safe – you and the children just will be visiting Grandma for a while and you will be telling your partner soon.

10) Promise Yourself To Keep Your Faith

Promise Yourself to keep your faith – whatever keeps you at a high level of vibration and unconditional love - promise yourself never to turn your back on this – this is going to be the light that is going to get your through the dark tunnel.

11) Remember To Still Live Your Life

Allow yourself to Still Dance, Be in Joy, Laugh and Love now and once the flood gates are open – you still have your life to live no matter what so embrace everything and live – don’t waste a moment of your life – it is still the only one you are living right now.

From a position of security, safety and support you can then decide which route your relationship is going from there.

If your partner wants you back and wants to repair your relationship then I would recommend our Counsellor in a Box Home Relationship Study Program (http://www.counsellorinabox.com) to help you rebuild your relationship on a new and stronger foundation.

If your partner is not interested in getting back together but you do I would recommend both our Counsellor in a Box Home Study Program and Cucan Pemo’s Retrieve a Lover System http://www.retrievealover.com which is about How To Get Your Lover Back and/or Stop Your Divorce.

Warm Regards,

Melody Chase

Want To Save Your Relationship? We have a free e-course, free video tutorials & free tips For You @ http://www.counsellorinabox.com/FreeVideos.html

What To Do When Your Partner Is Having a “Midlife Crisis”

Special Note: To make this article easier to read I will be using “He” when referring to the person having the Midlife Crisis but of course you can substitute with the appropriate gender.

So what do you do when your partner is having a midlife crisis and in particular if your partner’s midlife crisis involves an affair with another person?

LEAVE – Yes, either leave or have your partner leave the premises until he is done his soul searching and figures out what he wants with his life. Stay at a friends, relatives, even a shelter if your partner refuses to leave himself.

Separating is especially important when he is saying things like “ I just don’t see a future together”, “I’m afraid to have sex with you right now because I am confused and I am afraid that that we will get pregnant even though I still find your attractive” or “ I can’t get rid of her because she is my business partner and I have invested 4 years into the business” or “give me time to get rid of her – I just can’t handle telling her right now with all the pressure – oh my high blood pressure” ( And there will be pressure and stress hence why he is having the midlife crisis.)

Be personable and friendly to keep necessary communication about such things as finances, children, business ties etc in tact but otherwise cut all connection to your partner.

No connection includes sex of course but even more subtle things such as kissing, hugging, snuggles, intimate conversations and dating in the beginning.

If you still want to have a relationship with your partner tell him you are still interested and you will wait but at a distance until he sows he wild oats.

The reality is with most midlife crisis’s there is no immediate way to sway him back to having your old relationship with you unless he experiences you completely disconnecting from him.

At first you giving him the cold shoulder will not be a big deal for him and he’ll be giving you negotiation suggestions like “Well, I’ll stop seeing her on a personal basis I’ll just continue being business partners with her” and other utterly ridiculous beyond belief suggestions that will make you gasp in disbelief – but hold firm and do not negotiate at this stage of the game.

This is because whether he admits to still loving you or not – his head is in the clouds and you hold no value to him hence no power for negotiation – it is easy for him just to drop you like a hot potato especially if you pressure him even if you are married and/or have been together for many, many years.

Holding firm and not allowing him in your life until he has done his soul searching will lead to 1 of 2 things – he’ll either snap out of his low self-esteem, fantasy world and “can’t handle reality” phase into a functional, healthy, mature phase of choosing you and rebuilding a new life and relationship with you or he’ll drop you and leave with the new person.

The drop you and leave with the new person route sounds absolutely horrible – I know - your stomach dropped out and landed on the floor when you read this but to save the heart break and disappointment of being hurt, betrayed and disappointed on pretty much a daily basis while he is in his mid-life crisis – it is much easier to cut your “losses” and grieve and go through the 7 stages of loss so you can recover and carry on with your life – with or without your partner – let time and commitment to self-love shake things out for you instead.

The other danger of trying to control the external and trying to woo and/ or negotiate with your partner is that on top of the initial damage done of being caught cheating or your partner telling you that he is not sure about yours and his relationship anymore is your partner letting you think that you have as much meaning to him as used bath water.

If you stay and try to make it work while he’s in the middle of his fantasyland he will hurt you over and over and the repetitive scarring to your heart and soul starts building up and eventually you will become hard and cold.

The Great Dividers of Love becomes so heavy and hard that even when he does return to you, you may be too far gone and even if your heart manages to be resuscitated the damage to the relationship is going to be humongous – rebuilding your relationship is going to be a tremendous undertaking (especially if you are repetitively hurt day after day) - only the strongest can survive.

So you need to come from a state of grace, self-respect, confidence and self-love.

Sure you are going to be all over the map emotionally – raging, crying, shaking from waves of abandonment coursing through your body but just remember don’t hold it in – it is your right to grieve – for your health on all levels including mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually make sure you let it all out on your own time and/or with friends, family, counsellors etc.

As well, allow your emotions to run free because even though your heart may be bleeding, the flow of emotions prevents your heart from getting clogged up and scarred metaphorically as well potentially physically.

Now, during this time period, (once you are over being stunned) is the perfect time to work on yourself and focus on self-love since grief usually puts you into the now and you are very present so you will be able to achieve amazing levels of healing and rising of consciousness, maybe not in the specific area of your relationship because your situation is so raw, but you may learn a lot about yourself and make realizations about your past that will take you to new levels of growth and self-appreciation now and for the future.

Working on yourself is also a great way to fill in the moments when you begin to feel impatient and want to try and force your partner into bending to your wants and needs which when done too early into the separation just pushes him away further.

Just remember hold true to yourself and remain strong.

Imagine you have a daughter if you don’t already have one (or a son) and however you are choosing to treat yourself is how your daughter is learning to treat herself – would you want your child to be a doormat or would you want her to learn about self-respect, grace, confidence and self-love even in the face of possibly the biggest upheaval of her life.

Last but not least, although it may seem really hard to believe right now but have faith that everything will be alright for you regardless of what happens – some people may not like the word surrender but have an intention of what your want but no expectations and you will be fine as well as understand that detachment to your current situation will give you the peace of mind and stamina to remain strong and in a state of grace.

So you need to protect your heart and hold firm, you are holding the flame of your relationship – it is your job to maintain and assure that the flame doesn’t burn-out until you get to the point where both you and your partner can see clearly enough and decide whether to continue tending to the flame or not.

If you and your partner eventually decide to continue your relationship we are here to support you - we have our Counsellor in a Box Home Study Program to help you rebuild your relationship @ http://www.counsellorinabox.com, and for free relationship resources check-out our Counsellor in a Box Blog and Relationship Tutorial Site @ http://www.counsellorinabox.com/FreeVideos.html

You may also email us with any relationship questions @ relationshipcentre@shaw.ca

Warm Regards,

Melody Chase

Want 2 Save Your Relationship? We have a free e-course, free video tutorials & free tips 4 U @ http://www.counsellorinabox.com/FreeVideos.html

The Untold Story of Being a Highly Sensitive Person and Your Relationship

In our Love By Design Book and in our Love By Design Top 10 Ten Compatibilities For Relationship Success Free E-course (http://www.lovebydesignbook.com) one of the Top Ten Compatibilities that we talk about is Capacity.

Specifically, do you and your partner have the capacity - mentally, emotionally and physically to be in a relationship?

In our Love By Design Book and in our Love By Design E-course we give some examples of Capacity such as being emotionally, mentally or physically burn-out or if you and/or your partner have a chronic illness how this can effect the synergy and functionality of your relationship.

One area that we touched on but didn’t go into very much detail about was if you and/or your partner is a Highly Sensitive Person.

According Dr. Elaine N. Aron, PhD’s book “The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You." (Published by Broadway Books, 1997), being a Highly Sensitive Person “means your nervous system is more sensitive to subtleties. Your sight, hearing and sense of smell are not necessarily keener (although it may be) but your brain processes information and reflects on it more deeply.”

Therefore a Highly Sensitive Person is someone who is sensitive or more finely tuned to different forms of energy such as light, sound, temperature, smells, touch and even emotions.

As a Highly Sensitive Person, I have learned that being Highly Sensitive is a blessing, however it took me a while to discover the Positivities and learn how to work with or along side my abilities versus seeing my sensitivities as an up hill battle that was more of a hindrance than a benefit.

Having my old “my sensitivities are an uphill battle” mindset definitely did not help me when I was married to someone who was not as Highly Sensitive as me because:

1) I didn’t know enough and didn’t take the time to try to explain what I was all about so my partner would understand why I had to do things to the beat of my own drum all the time and…

2) My negative attitude towards myself created situations where I was my own worst enemy – afterall if I don’t have my own back and I am not kind, supportive and empathetic towards myself how is anyone else suppose to?

When I was married to my 1^st husband, he was very active and very social and could go 24/7 – I was never able to keep up with him because on top of the normal impact of being Highly Sensitive I did not how to properly take care of myself and even if I did my low level of self-love because of what I used to think was a “disability” (being so sensitive all the time) there was no way I would validate or allow myself to follow my energy and take care of myself properly.

So the end result for me was that I had Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and if I would stay still for longer than 45 minutes at a time I’d fall asleep.

Over time my ex-husband and I grew further and further apart – he’d spend more and more time with family and friends - he was family and friend centred to begin with but he would have to rely on others even more because I just wasn’t up to full capacity to fulfilling his need for constant socializing and activity.

Even though he never expressed his feelings, I’m sure he felt abandoned and lonely as well.

At times, during our marriage I was working a full-time and a part time job so by the end of the day attempting to cook wasn't happening and activities of daily living like cleaning and keeping organized would suffer as well.

So eventually, combined with the rest of our incompatibilities we did get divorced. He carried on and is now remarried and has a child.

Since then I have found Dr. Robby who is Highly Sensitive like myself but even for us we had to adapt to having to follow our own unique energy and rhythms of life to function at our highest and best.

If we didn’t know what we know today, even as two Highly Sensitive People we would have had a lot of Powerstruggles to contend with.

So if there is anything that I would like to get across in this article is the importance of finding out if you and/or your partner is Highly Sensitive and from there do research to see how wonderful, positive and productive your life together can be when you understand your uniqueness and unconditionally love, support, and honour how you and/or your partner need to take care of yourselves.

Just as important too - if you or your partner is Highly Sensitive take the time to ensure that yours and your partner’s perception of being Highly Sensitive is one of joy and celebration of knowing about the amazing gifts that you have been given to share with the world!

So the following are some wonderful resources to find out more about being Highly Sensitive:

“The Highly Sensitive Person. How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You." (Published by Broadway Books,1997) by Dr. Elaine N. Aron, Ph.D

"The Highly Sensitive Person In Love" (Published By Broadway Books, 2000) By Elaine N. Aron, Ph.D

For more information on both of these books see Dr. Elaine N. Aaron’s Website @ http://www.hsperson.com

The following link is to an article from a wonderful newsletter called “The Care & Feeding of Empaths & Highly Sensitive Persons” Newsletter. The article itself is called “What Are Self-Coaching Skills & Why Do Sensitive’s Need Them?” by Carolyn Wilson-Elliot.

Even though I just recently read the article, the article really helped me to empower my abilities as a Highly Sensitive Person – once you read it you’ll know and get a sense of what I mean – here is the link:

http://quantumspirit.net/Empaths/Home/WhatareSelf-CoachingSkills/index.cfm

As well, there are many, many people out there who will encourage you and support you.

My article today was inspired after talking to a wonderful person I know on Twitter who’s Twitter Account name is @RevMeKila

If you go to my @ChannelofLight Account (my @MelodyChase Account as well) on Twitter and check out the Profiles of people that I follow you will see an amazing support network of Highly Sensitive People are out there - so go by your feelings and energy if you are drawn to follow any of these amazing people!

Warm Regards

Melody Chase

Want 2 Save Your Relationship? We have a free e-course, free video tutorials & free tips for you @ http://www.counsellorinabox.com/FreeVideos.html

Unavailability: The Silent Relationship Enemy – Part Two

Welcome back for Part Two of our Two Part series on Unavailability.

In Part One I talked about the 6 areas of availability in a relationship that a couple can be unavailable in.

Now for Part Two let’s discuss what to do now since you know that there is an issue of unavailability.

Part Two – Now What?

I have created the following 3 steps or suggestions on how to deal with issues of unavailability in your relationship.

1) Acknowledge That You or Your Partner/Love Interest is Unavailable

The first step is to see the elephant sitting in the middle of the room for what it is – you and/or your partner is unavailable in one or more ways of being unavailable.

This will give you a base to work with in order to deal with you issue which is now officially real versus being ignored or invisible.

2) Acknowledge The Possibility That You May Not Be Able To Get Your Needs Met With This Partner/Love Interest:

It is important to acknowledge that you may not be able to get your needs met with your partner/love interest if you choose to stay in the relationship with him/her and release all expectations in the relationship.

It is like the Serenity Prayer by Elizabeth Sifton "God, Give us the grace to accept with serenity the things that cannot be changed, Courage to change the things which should be changed, And the wisdom to distinguish the one from the other."

3) Develop a Plan To Bridge The Incompatibility Gaps:

In both our Love By Design (http://www.lovebydesignbook.com ) and Counsellor in a Box Relationship Home Study Program (http://www.counsellorinabox.com )

We talk about negotiation and creative solutions.

This is what is going to have to happen if you choose to stay in a relationship with an unavailable person.

Yes you can choose to accept your situation for what it is but keep in mind that you will not be getting your needs met so you will have to be at peace with this.

You can also leave the relationship if you and your partner/love interest chooses not to negotiate or come up with creative solutions.

However if you have chosen to negotiate and/or use creative solutions you will have to learn how to negotiate in ways that work best for the both of you since both of you are unique.

Even more important both you and your partner/love interest need to have an open mind and think outside of the box to come up with creative solutions that are win/win and are highest and best for both of you.

Your power lies in your intention for what is highest and best for all versus logic so be open to all possibilities when it comes to creative solutions and/or negotiations and allow your creative minds to flow and your imagination play in harmony together.

If you need further advice on negotiation and creative solutions we have extensive information and resources in our Counsellor in a Box Home Study Relationship Program @ http://www.counsellorinabox.com

Wishing You All The Best,

Melody Chase


Do You Want to Save, Improve or Repair Your Relationship? We Have a Free 7 part E-Course, Free Video Tutorials & Free Tips For You ! Visit us @ http://www.counsellorinabox.com/FreeVideos.html

Unavailability: The Silent Relationship Enemy – Part One

We often have clients who come in to see us for relationship advice and counselling because their partner/ love interest appears to be into them, attracted and/or in love with them yet is never available. Our clients always seem to be fighting for their partner/love interest’s time and attention.

If you are one of these baffled people like these clients, I have created the following two part article to assist you in two areas in particular.

In the 1^st area or Part 1 of our series I will list the 6 types of availability so you can see which area or areas that you or your partner may not be available in and in Part 2 I will give you some suggestions as to what to do about your situation now since you are aware that there is in fact an issue of unavailability going on in your relationship.

Part One: 6 Types of Availability

At our Centre For Life Management and in our Love By Design Book (http://www.lovebydesignbook.com ) we talk about 6 types of Availability in a relationship.

Knowing what they are will help you to understand what they are and accept that they are real as well as at a bare minimum acknowledge that there is an issue that needs to be addressed in your relationship.

The 6 types of availability in a relationship are as follows: (I will include examples of “unavailability” for each of them)

1) Geographic – Your partner/love interest lives in a different city, town, location etc.

2) Social – Your partner/love interest is married or dating or living with someone else

3) Emotional – Your partner/love interest is shut down and can't deal with situations, emotions and affection

4) Physical – Your partner/love interest is not affectionate or he/she cannot do anything or go out because of illness or other reasons

5) Sexual - Your partner/love interest can't or won’t have sex with you

6) Mentally – Your partner/love interest is not on the same page - no form of communication connects with him/her

As I mentioned, in Part Two we will be discussing what to do now since you are aware of yours and your partner’s unavailability.

Warm Regards,

Melody Chase

Do You Want to Save, Improve or Repair Your Relationship? We Have a Free 7 part E-Course, Free Video Tutorials & Free Tips For You! Visit us @ http://www.counsellorinabox.com/FreeVideos.html

Power Struggle Quiz – Are You Aware Of What Is Really Eating Away At Your Relationship?

In many of my books and articles I talk about hidden powerstruggles in relationships and how if you are not aware of the hidden powerstruggles that they will eat away at your relationship and cause a build up of anger, frustration and resentment for both you and your partner.

So I created this Power Struggle Quiz to help bring to light some of the common powerstruggles of relationships that couples often have.

These power struggles often occur because both partners don’t realize that they are both unique individuals so they assume that what they like or want would be the same as their partner therefore they would never have thought to ask their partner whether they may have different likes, needs or views.

If you take the quiz and find out that you and your partner do have powerstruggles that were hidden, this does not mean that you are incompatible with each other, it just means that now that you are aware of what is really going on you can set to work at creating negotiations and creative solutions to assure that everyone gets their needs met without the conflict of the hidden powerstruggles.

At the bare minimum you will at least be aware of what is causing the powerstruggle so you can prepare yourself and choose healthier options other than reacting with anger or frustration or carrying out control dramas to try and get your needs met.

To take the quiz, have you and your partner take the quiz separately then compare notes and see how much (if any) hidden powerstruggles (answers that you and your partner do not match up on).

You can write your answers on a piece a paper or print the quiz out.

1) What does a relationship mean to you? (Circle as many as apply)

a) Relationships are about Survival: Two people banding together and pooling resources to get through life.
b) Relationships are about Learning and Expansion: People who believe in this definition believe that a relationship is an opportunity to expand themselves and their consciousness.
c) Safety and Security: People with this mindset believe that a relationship is a place of refuge, a place to feel safe and protected from the rest of the world.
d) Relationships are for Emotional Support: People who believe in this definition believe that a relationship is a place to feel supported and express one’s feelings and experiences.

2) How Do You Feel Cared For By Your Partner? (Circle all that apply)

a) When your partner is attentive towards you.
b) When your partner does things and activities with you.
c) When your partner does things for you when asked.
d) When your partner does things for you on his/her own initiative without you asking.
e) When your partner talks with you.
f) When your partner understands you.
g) When your partner reads your mind.
h) When you partner is physically affectionate towards you.
i) When your partner protects you/has your back.
j) When your partner compliments you.
k) When you partner speaks kindly towards you.
l) When your partner buys things for you.
m) When your partner makes you things i.e. builds you something or cooks or bakes.
n) When your partner emotionally supports you.
o) When your partner validates you in any area i.e. emotions, thinking, beliefs, perceptions etc.
p) When your partner respects your space and independence.
q) When your partner respects your values i.e. family centred, work centred, friend centred etc (this includes being relationship-centred too).
r) When your partner loves you unconditionally – loves you for being you.

3) Is there a Captain of the Ship? Who Makes The Final Decisions in Your Relationship?

a) You in charge
b) Your partner in charge
c) Both of you equally in charge
d) Neither of you are in charge

4) If you are equally in charge, does that mean … (you can skip this question if it doesn’t apply)

a) All final decisions are decided equality between the two you always.
b) Certain situations your partner can override you and make the final decision
c) Certain situations you can override your partner and make the final decision.

5) What does a ‘relaxing evening’ at home the majority of the time mean to you regardless of what your partner is doing or wants to do? (You can pick more than one, but keep in mind what you would like to do MOST OFTEN)

a) Snuggle on the couch watching t.v. together with your partner.
b) Some alone time (without your partner or kids) whether that is watching t.v., taking a nap, going on the computer, tinkering in the garage, playing a video game, doing a hobby or chore, reading a book, cooking or baking alone etc.
c) Doing chores together with your partner i.e. cleaning up the garage together, vacuuming together, tending the garden together, cooking together, doing dishes together etc.
d) Playing a board game, reading or playing videogames or playing cards together with your partner.
e) Going for a walk or drive together, going out for dinner, to a movie, sports game etc together (just the two of you).
f) Going for a walk or drive, dinner, a movie, sports game etc with you kids, relatives, friends and your partner all together.
g) Going for a walk or drive, dinner, a movie, sports game etc with you kids, relatives, friends without your partner.
h) Sitting and chatting together with your partner.
i) Chatting with other people other than your partner i.e. with kids, parents, siblings or friends.
j) Sitting on the porch or in the yard watching the sunrise or set, watching the stars, nature or the weather with your partner only.
k) Sitting on the porch or in the yard watching the sunrise or set, watching the stars, nature or the weather by yourself without your partner.
l) Sitting on the porch or in the yard watching the sunrise or set, watching the stars, nature or the weather with others like kids, relatives and friends along with your partner.
m) Planning the future and setting goals together with your partner.
n) Planning the future and setting goals by yourself without your partner.

If your partner is not interested in doing the quiz when you are doing yours, be creative such as when your partner isn’t busy ask for his/her answers to the quiz verbally, send the quiz to him/her via email or leave the quiz with him/her to answer when he/she feels like it and you will compare and total the answers yourself.

As long as you have the answers you, yourself can take the next step of coming up with creative negotiations and solutions to yours and your partner’s powerstruggles and incompatibilities and at the very least you have a heads-up and awareness of the potential of powerstruggles so you have choice as to how you choose to act or react since in the big picture it takes two to tango.

For more information on Hidden Powerstruggles, Creative Negotiation and Creative Solutions for Relationship Success check-out our Counsellor in a Box Home Study Relationship Program @ http://www.counsellorinabox.com

Warm Regards,

Melody Chase

Want 2 Save, Improve or Repair Your Relationship? We have a free 7 part e-course, free video tutorials & free tips for you ! Visit us @ http://www.counsellorinabox.com/FreeVideos.html

Making A Long Distance Relationship Work – Part 5

Welcome To part 5 of our 5 part series on “Making a Long Distance Relationship Work”

In Part 4 I talked about whether both of you have support systems. Now for the last part of our series let’s talk about whether both of you are interested in learning Relationship Mastery or Relationship Success Skills.

Part 5 - Are You Both Interested In Learning Relationship Mastery or Relationship Success Skills?

In our Counsellor in a Box Relationship Home Study Course (http://www.counsellorinabox.com ), we talk about what we call “Ad-ons”, Mini-Counselling Techniques, General Relationship Knowledge, Relationship Success or Relationship Mastery Skills.

What all of these terms are and what they are used for are that they are skills and techniques that are designed to enhance and make the best out of a couple’s situation in areas where they are not compatible.

Rather than people having to “Change” when they are not 100% compatible, these Relationship Mastery or Relationship Skills are techniques that people can “Ad-On” to themselves that will immensely help them “relate” in their relationship.

Some examples of these Skills or Techniques include Communication Techniques, Conflict Resolution Techniques, Negotiation Techniques, learning how to talk in each other’s Communication Modes and working along with one of the most important things to remember about relationships – that relationships are a mutual fulfillment of needs and you need to know what your partner needs in order to give your partner what he/she wants in the way he/she wants it (in ways that does not take away yourself or cause you to be inauthentic of course)

Even with couples who are highly compatible, if they have developed or learned any dysfunctional ways of relating to one another Relationship Mastery Skills and Techniques will be needed to override what they have learned.

Last but not least if members of a couple have unresolved childhood wounds that filter their perception of reality and that cause them to make decisions based on past behaviour and the past in general - on top of healing these wounds (which may or may take time) there are Relationship Mastery Skills that are needed to help keep the couple focused and making decisions based on their present reality.

An example of Relationship Mastery Skills that would help keep the couple focused would be using Communication Techniques that make sure that the person doing the talking is taking ownership of his/her own feelings and perceptions using “I feel” statements and statements such as “In My Opinion” or ‘In my perception of the situation...”

Relationship Mastery Skills may also be needed to “referee” the “triggers” or emotional outbursts that are often the result of childhood wounds being activated.

An example of a Relationship Mastery Skill that helps to prevent or referee a trigger is by being in the mindset of what we call at the Centre the L.A.N.A. Mindset (Love, Acceptance, Non-Resistance, Allowance) before entering into a conversation with you partner to avoid negative emotions that may be triggered for both the person talking and the person listening.

So you may be thinking that logically if you are in a Long Distance Relationship you won’t need to learn and use Relationship Mastery Skills because you are not with each other in continuous communication and since you are not living together what kind of negotiation would the two of you possibly need to attend to?

The reality is that it is even more important to have Relationship Mastery Skills when you are in a Long Distance Relationship because as long as you are in a relationship regardless of how far away – you still need to relate to each other.

Plus not only are the two you susceptible to the normal communication traps of individual perception, interpretation, definitions and filters - with less forms of communication available to interpret what each other are trying to say (since communication involves not only what you say but your body language/facial expression and tone of voice to create the full picture of what you are saying) this opens both of you up to much more miscommunication and misunderstanding.

So if you are in a Long Distance Relationship you need to make sure that having and/or learning Relationship Mastery Skills is a requirement in your relationship.

If your partner is not on board, this will lower your success rate of communication and functionally in the relationship but even if you just make it your own mission to learn as much as you can in the areas of communication, conflict resolution and negotiation techniques it will make for a much stronger relationship built on understanding and cooperation.

So of course, I’d recommend our Counsellor in a Box Home Study Program (http://www.counsellorinabox.com) that includes an entire Mainbook Chapter and Workbook Chapter on Relationship Mastery Skills, a mini-book on Communication Modes and a mini-book on Negotiation – but any resources you can find on Relationship Mastery is a great place to start.

It is also important to remember that we learn best through our own Communication Modes or Channels so each person is different as to what skills and techniques will work best for them so keep searching until you find material and resources that feel comfortable, easy and makes the most sense to you and encourage your partner to do the same if he or she is searching as well.

So this concludes our 5 part series, we at the Centre wish you and your long –distance relationship all the best.

If you have any questions you can email us @ relationshipcentre@shaw.ca

Warm Regards,

Melody Chase
Centre For Life Management
http://www.trueloveondemand.com
http://www.lovebydesignbook.com
http://www.counsellorinabox.com
http://www.drrobbyonline.com
Email: relationshipcentre@shaw.ca
(204) 475-0323

If you are looking for more suggestions on how to have a successful Long-Distance Relationship – check-out our Counsellor in a Box Relationship Home Study Program at http://www.counsellorinabox.com

Real-life, Practical, Proven Solutions, Support and Resources To Help You Create The Relationship of Your Dreams!