4 Reasons To Not Be O.K. With Your Partner Having A Friend of The Opposite Sex

For people who are not naturally trusting or who have been betrayed by their relationship partners in the past can see as clear as day why it is not a good idea to be o.k. with their partner having a friendship with a member of the opposite sex.

Other people who are trusting may think that they can trust their partner without question, so there is not a problem at all with their partner starting a friendship with a member of the opposite sex or continuing a friendship with someone of the opposite sex that their partner was already friends with before they came along.

Well, the following are inevitable consequences that can occur that may lead to a person’s partner becoming emotionally bonded or worse yet fall in love or become physically attracted enough to have an affair or choose to start a relationship with their friend of the opposite sex.

1) Bonding:

When people work closely together or play together whether that is with members or the opposite sex or not these activities create a bonding experience.

It is just the way it is, you see it all the time even enemies bond as well as bosses and assistants even humans and aliens bond ( E.T., The original TV series “V” and the movie “Enemy Mine” to name a few examples) - it is just human nature.

Then if this close platonic friendship involves members of the opposite sex and these members share a traumatic experience together or a dramatic separation from each other - it’s now a done deal – all of a sudden they realize that they are in love and can’t stand to be away from each other.

This doesn’t happen to everyone, but if either person in this friendship is unhappy, stressed or experiencing low self esteem – this highly increases the chances of “falling in love”

2) Contrast/Courtship Phenomenon:

When two people first meet and are attracted to one another they are in what is called a “Courtship Phase” where each person will pull out all the stops in order to woo, impress and secure or “land” the mate.

Once the landing occurs and the partners feel safe (it’s different for each person it can be going steady, moving in together, getting engaged or getting married) they return to their more natural, authentic state and unless they have a relationship addiction issue, both members of the relationship will no longer feel the need to impress or woo their partner as intensely any more.

What happens when a person is in a serious relationship but has a friend who is of the opposite sex is the person, without knowing it is in a continuous state of courtship with the friend and visa versa.

So compared to their own partner, this friend is always going to seem like the best invention since sliced bread – this friend of the opposite sex is fun, adventurous and unconditionally loving unlike their relationship partner who is stressed out, nagging, distracted, and critical – their friend is like heaven.

So a contrast effect occurs so even if the friendship stays platonic, the partner at home who is being authentic is continuously being judged and compared to unrealistic standards by their partner who has the friend and this judgment is going to be felt and will start creating negative emotions and situations for the couple.

For females who have a male friend, if the male friend understands and “gets” her (unlike her partner which is often the case) this releases “serotonin” the feel good brain chemical that creates a sense of well being. So not only will her male friend be in her good books, there is a chemical bonding that is occurring that is not happening or she is not getting from her partner.

For males with female friends, the courtship phase is like an enjoyable challenge and pursuit that releases “dopamine” another “feel good” brain chemical which also increases bonding with the female friend.

For both male and females the continuous courtship and chemical bonding can also increase the chances of relationship addiction to kick in.

3) Relationship Centred People Can Only Handle One Relationship At A Time:

If the partner who has the friend is Relationship Centred – he/she can only connect with one person at a time so when he or she is with the friend it is harder to switch back to being centred emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually with his or her partner.

If the other partner who doesn’t have a friend is also Relationship Centred and is Highly Sensitive not only will they be able to tell when their partner is not connected to him or her when they are together as a couple, he or she will also pick up when his/her partner is not connected when he/she is away with the friend.

This is going to cause a lot of friction and feelings of abandonment as well as potential trust issues which can lead to control dramas on the part of the partner who is feeling the disconnection as well as a build up of the negative emotions called the Great Dividers of Love.

4) Self – Fulfilling Prophecy:

If the other partner has any history of being cheated on, is Relationship Centred or just plain has a lot of reasons to feel jealous or threatened because their partner is spending a lot of time and is doing things for the friend of the opposite sex – a few things are going to happen:

The partner at home is going to start acting out and wanting the partner to stop seeing the friend causing negative downstate’s and a toxic environment, arguments and powerstruggles or the partner at home will hold their emotions in and develop depression, develop an illness or shutdown emotionally.

In all of these situations, especially if the partner at home is making the partner with the friend feel guilty and/or accusing the partner of having an affair – the partner at home is actually pushing their partner towards the friend and this ongoing build-up of deficiencies and toxicities in their relationship will potentially lead to their partner getting their needs met and starting an affair with the friend.

So relationships is just like tending a garden, if you do not keep the weeds out of your garden, the weeds will eventually start moving in and taking over your garden, so it is your duty as the gardener or guardian of your relationship to not allow anything toxic like weeds or friends of the opposite sex to crowd in and overtake your relationship.

For other tips on how to cheat proof and build a solid, secure relationship with your partner visit our Counsellor in a Box Free Relationship Video Tutorials & Reports Blog @ http://counsellorinabox.com/FreeVideos.html

Warm Regards,

Melody Chase

Centre For Life Management

http://www.betterparentsbetterkids.com

http://www.trueloveondemand.com

http://www.lovebydesignbook.com

http://www.counsellorinabox.com

http://www.drrobbyonline.com

http://www.relationshipbeach.com

http://melodychasesrelationshipinfo.wordpress.com

Email: relationshipcentre@shaw.ca

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