Making A Long Distance Relationship Work– Part 3

In Part 2 of our 5 part series on "How To Make Your Long Distance Relationship Work" we talked about whether all your needs are being met in the relationship.

Now for Part 3 let's discuss the topic of “Do Both of You Feel Loved?”

3) Do Both Of You Feel Loved?

In Part 2 of our series I was talking about the importance keeping the love, connection, passion and communication going for those stretches between physical visits with your long-distance partner.

The best way to go about doing this is to find out what yours and your partner’s communication modes are and come up with creative ways of expressing yourselves through your Communication Modes.

In addition, understanding and communicating in each other’s communication modes is important in and of itself in order to avoid deficiencies in many areas of your relationship including actual communication and the ability give love and feel love as Dr. Robby explains in the following excerpt from our Counsellor in a Box Communication Mode Mini-Book: (http://www.counsellorinabox.com)

Dr. Robby says:

“Communication is the result you get. Different people are on different channels. We learn, we express love and communicate through different modes or combinations of modes. It is important to know who you are playing with, what channel they are playing on or else your communication will not be very effective.”

“We basically all want to get what we want. If you cannot get your message through of what your needs, wants, dreams, goals and visions are, you will be very frustrated and stressed. You will feel very empty if you cannot communicate the love you have to give and the love you want, so an understanding of communication mode love strategies is a basic skill for relationship success.”

So what I will now do is give you:

A brief description of the Communication Modes.

A quick verbal way to tell what yours and your partner’s communication modes are.

Some examples of how you can communicate with your partner in each other’s communication modes.

REMEMBER Relationships are a mutual fulfillment of needs which means you need to give your partner what he/she wants in the way he/she wants it – so keep in mind that you want to look for ways on how your can express your love towards your partner and communicate in your partner’s communication mode and then explain if needed to your partner how you would like to receive your communication - by giving first to your partner, your partner will be better able to understand because he/she will be able to feel your love towards him/her and will be able to understand what you are teaching better since we all learn best via our own communication modes. In Dr. Robby’s Excerpt, he mentioned Love Strategies - there is an article by Bob Scheinfeld about Love Strategies that he had learned from Tony Robbin’s “Three Days to Unlimited Power Program.” In Bob Scheinfeld’s article, he explains how a person in each communication mode would like to be loved.

Bob Scheinfeld has an explanation for Visual, Auditory and Kinesthetic people; however, he has left out the Digitals people - so we have added some information on Digitals to his explanation.

One last note before we begin - there are 4 main communication modes and a person can be a blend of 1, 2, 3 or all 4 and some communication modes may be stronger than others.

Visual Communication Mode:

Visual people communicate by seeing and doing. They like activities and they like gifts. They notice people, places and things with just the slightest glance. They feel and share love by doing things with or for other people. They take things at face value and do not look deeper into things. They learn by seeing and doing.

People who are in the Visual love strategy need to “see” that you love them. “Seeing” takes the form of receiving flowers or gifts and/or seeing you do unexpected thoughtful acts for them (like a special romantic evening or getaway, a massage, a day of pampering, etc.). People with this strategy need to see “evidence” or “proof.”

There are some basic things that your partner will say during normal conversations which will help you figure out what mode or modes your partner is in.

A Visual person will say things like “I see or do you see what I mean.”

The most obvious suggestion for a long-distance relationship if your partner and/or you communicate in the Visual channel is take the time to schedule visits to see each other in person whenever possible (without making it too stressful on both of your lifestyles and/or careers since that can create deficiencies and toxicities for both of you and the relationship as well)

Visual people need to see and be with their partner for connection and to feel loved so that “in person” visit is like a “recharge” – it’s like plugging in your cell phone when your batteries are low.

Now for creative ideas to “communicate” in the Visual channel you need to think up as many ways that you can to “see’ each others – keep pictures and videos of your partner and the two of you together on your camera phone, have a webcam set-up when you are emailing each other or chatting using Skype (or other similar technologies), send each others video or live stream of each other via your computer, send each other pictures via emails on the computer (or your camera phones, PDAs etc ) and/or send pictures to each other of each other via the old fashioned snailmail.

There are even home phones now days where you can see each other while talking to each other long-distance.

To get even more creative you can go to one of those photo places (or do some of the following ideas at home too) and get pictures of you or the two of you made into a poster, calendar, keychain, magnet, button –the sky’s the limit – so you will always have each other nearby where both of you can see each other.

It seems simple but you will “see” the huge difference on how loved and connected the two of you will feel and will continue to feel.

Auditory Communication Mode:

Auditory people communicate through talking. They have the natural gift of the gab and are designed to be able to talk for long periods of time. They enjoy talking and listening to other people talk. They feel loved when they are talked to, and like to hear the words “I love you”. They learn by hearing.

People with the Auditory love strategy need to hear the words “I love you” (or similar words) to feel totally and completely loved. The also want to connect through conversation. Talk, talk, and more talk.

In order to tell if your partner is Auditory, your partner will say “Do you hear what I am saying or I hear what you are saying or I hear you.”

For an Auditory partner or if you are Auditory I would recommend getting a really good Long-Distance Calling Plan or get a service like Skype where you are can talk to each other via your computers/the internet. Even just a quick call to say “Hello” on a frequent basis will help.

You can also send each other Mp3 Audios of each other’s voices or each other’s favorite songs (which can be a Digital Communication Mode Technique as well). You can use the same techniques as the Visual people do but focusing on sound instead such as webcams and videos or live-streaming. You can send each other a tape cassette via mail too.

There are even cards for special events like Birthdays where you can record your voice on them. For example I bought one of these cards for my Mom for Mother’s Day and I recorded myself saying “I Love You” on it - now everyday my Mom gets up and opens my card and hears my voice.

The important thing to remember is to talk and chat as often as yours and your partner’s lifestyles and/or careers can comfortably handle.

Digital Communication Mode:

Digital people communicate through connection and understanding. They find the deeper meaning in everything they think, see and do. Understanding is very important to them. They feel loved when they share connections with others and are understood. They learn by understanding.

Digital people seek to understand and to be understood in order to feel loved. They would like to connect at an emotional, intellectual and spiritual level.

In order to tell if your partner is Digital, your partner will say “Do you know what I mean or I understand what you mean.”

Digital people can use the same techniques as Visual and Auditory people do but just remember to seek to understand your partner and connect with him/her.

Writing to your partner in any form or in any vehicle is also great if he or she is Digital. Poetry or writing a story that involves the two of you together really will help him/her to feel part of your inner world and that you understand him/her and his/her inner world. (This is also a good technique for Visual people because they get to ‘see’ what you wrote).

Even connecting through Social Networking Sites like Twitter where you and your long-distance partner can keep up with each other’s day to day activities will keep the two of you mentally connected and “in the know (It’s also great for Auditory people because of the chat factor and Visual peoples because you are asking “What Are You Doing?”)

Kinesthetic Communication Mode:

Kinesthetic people communicate through their bodies. They move, feel and express through their bodies and love doing physical activities. Kinesthetic people love to touch and are very touchy-feely. They feel loved when they are touched. They learn through touch and through experience.

People with the Kinesthetic love strategy need to be touched in certain ways or in certain places to feel totally and completely loved. It might be massaging the scalp a certain way, kissing a certain spot under the neck, rubbing an ear just so, etc. It should be noted that this strategy rarely if ever involves touch of a sexual nature.

In order to tell if your partner is Kinesthetic, your partner will say “I get a feeling for it or I know how your feel.”

Kinesthetic people have the same issue as Visuals - sometimes you just need to get together in person for a ‘recharge’ since Kinesthetics people give and receive love through touch – so when comfortably possible for your lifestyle and/or career get together with your long-distance partner in person.

I saw a documentary where technology is being developed where one day you will be able to “touch” people via your computer by being hooked up to a bunch of sensors, but that won’t be for a while - so in the meantime you can exchange with your long-distance partner your belongings or clothes like a sweater or each other’s hats so you feel more “in touch” with each other. (This works from a “meaning” sense for Digital people and a “visual” sense” for Visual people as well).

For more information on Communication Modes in general as well as how to test for both yourself and your partner’s Communication Modes check out our Counsellor in a Box Relationship Home Study Program @ http://www.counsellorinabox.com

O.k. this post was a little long but hopefully it was worth it for you to take the time out to read.

Don’t worry Part 4 on “Do You Have A Support System?” is a lot shorter - so “see”, “talk”, “get on the same page” or “get in touch with you” in our next post.

Warm Regards

Melody Chase

Centre For Life Management

http://www.trueloveondemand.com

http://www.lovebydesignbook.com

http://www.counsellorinabox.com

http://www.drrobbyonline.com

Email: relationshipcentre@shaw.ca

(204) 475-0323

If you are looking for more suggestions on how to have a successful Long-Distance Relationship – check-out our Counsellor in a Box Relationship Home Study Program at http://www.counsellorinabox.com

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