Relationship Advice: What To Do When Your Partner Leaves You For a Narcissist – Part 2

Hi Everyone,

Here is Part 2 of the Relationship Advice Video: What To Do When Your Partner Left You For a Narcissist.

In This Video I explain how the Narcissist ensnares your Partner and keeps a hold of him or her.

Click on The Link Below To Watch Video Part 2:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=79EaTdA1nyg

Video #2 Transcript:

Hi – It it Melody Chase – Welcome to Part 2 of our Relationship Advice Videos Series #3 called What To Do If Your Partner of Has Left you for a Narcissist.

For a definition of a Narcissist see Video #1.

Now for Part 2 let’s discuss How the Narcissist Ensnares Your Partner.

So the way how the Narcissist works is that they seek out potential partners who are vulnerable and susceptible to being codependent and a source of Narcissistic Supply – this is someone who can be controlled by fear, guilt and shame in order for the Narcissist to get the attention fix they desire.

Anyone of any personality or level of education and life experience can become a source of Narcissist Supply – we all have our Kryptonite – something that creates fear in us and the Narcissist knows how the find our Kryptonite and especially if we have been the Narcissistic Supply for a Narcissistic Parent when we were growing up this increases our chances of drawing in Narcissistics that we can be vulnerable to as adults.

So the Narcissist will penetrate a couple by starting off as friends, business associates or an employee with one or both members of the couple – it is just as important to befriend and gain the trust of you as it is your partner in order to pump information out of you about your partner and to gain your trust and unlimited access to your partner.

In The beginning stages there is a lot of information gathering and a Narcissist will be your partner’s number one fan – admiring him or her and be 100% supportive of your partner and your partner’s beliefs and what they offer to the world.

Then with all information gathered in regards to your partner’s history and vulnerabilities especially since your partner is going to tell this new fan every little detail about their life and history because your partner is just loving all this attention, admiration and support – The Narcissist will now lie in wait for however long it takes for you and your partner to hit a low point in your relationship.

Usually it doesn’t take long since if the Narcissist has been drawn into your lives your partner has already been suffering from low-self esteem since “like attracts like’ and underneath the charm and the well-groomed presentation of the Narcissist they cover the fact that they have low self-esteem and in fact have a self-loathing towards themselves.

This is often because as children they came from abusive or neglectful homes and experienced a lot of trauma and they end up having so much hate built up towards themselves and their parents they are not willing to forgive or heal which is how the Narcissist Personality Disorder develops and continues to exist for them.

Speaking of well-groomed presentation – the Narcissist is going to be putting their best foot forward during the lying in wait stage – how they look, how efficient and functional they are – your partner is impressed by how successful and amazing the Narcissist is and if there is any adjustments to the Narcissist’s appearance that is needed to insure that that your partner will be attracted to them they will do – for example lose weight, wear certain clothing, dye their hair to the color that your partner desires and they will also be incorporating the same values and interests as your partner.

Then when you and your partner are at a low – often if there is a job loss or a dip in income or the two of you have to move in with in-laws, you are sick, you are your partner is suffering from post-partum depression, a Mid-life Crisis has begin for one or both of you, Empty Nest Syndrome etc and you and your partner are arguing a lot or have grown distant or distracted this is when the Narcissist strikes and starts oozing out sexual energy.

This sexual energy creates a chemical fog on your partner so all that they can think about is the Narcissist and then the Narcissist begins their series of “Take-Aways” – they disappear for periods of time and each time they do this, this wears away on your partner’s will until they can no longer deny that they cannot be without the Narcissist – the Narcissist when they come back from their “Take – Aways” showers your partner with attention, attraction and praise so that it is even worse being denied of this during the next take-away.

It is a form of Emotional Terrorism and at the same time the Narcissist is also making sure to come across as someone in need of being rescued, the strong front that they started off with is giving way to this vulnerable side where the Narcissist’s own spouse is being horrible and your partner needs to rescue him or her from them and all these other horrible events going on in their life (often they will wrap the take-aways into this drama of theirs so they have a genuine excuse for the take-away)and your partner is their only hope for a better life.

So now your partner is on a mission to save the Narcissist and this gives him or her a purpose and a drive that was lacking in the relationship with you. Now not only does this create undying dedication to rescuing the Narcissist it is keeping your partner distracted and 100% focused on the Narcissist. Worse yet everyone becomes a barrier and distraction from their role of saving the Narcissist so this “us versus them” bond is created between the Narcissist and your partner.

By this time you are wondering where the heck did your partner go? He or she is being dismissive and arrogant with you and you start fighting more and more – pretty much pushing your partner right into the Narcissists arms now.

Then one final perfectly timed “Take-away” fueled by pressure from the Narcissist to get rid of you now and your partner is toast – your partner has now given all power away to the Narcissist, he or she is then forced to be with him or her instead of you.

Once your partner leaves you -the Narcissist’s true colours come out but it is too late for your partner to do anything – he or she is too far invested and the Narcissist can do whatever they want now and your partner is at their mercy and if you are a threat of any sort to the Narcissist, the Narcissist will assure that your partner can not have anything to do with you – even if you share children or a business – contact will be minimum and the Narcissist will threaten to leave your partner anytime your partner complains about needing to have contact with you – in fact anything that the Narcissist doesn’t like about your partner’s behaviour the Narcissist will threaten to leave.

So then a strange thing happens – at first your ex-partner is in a euphoric state because against all odds he or she is now with the “man or woman” of his or her dreams – then reality hits that the Narcissist was totally lying about everything and isn’t at all what they presented originally and was just mirroring your partner in order to nab their Narcissistic Supply – however your partner is completely enmeshed, bonded and attracted to this Narcissist so your ex-partner is completely stuck and their brain can’t handle the truth so they go into denial still believing that they are with the person that they first fell in love with (and they did fall in love with this persona and there was physical attraction – this is real in your partner’s perception so you cannot argue or discount how your partner felt or is feeling)

So it is quite confusing because one time you talk to your ex-partner and he or she is high as a kite and happy as can be and saying that this is what they had always wanted (although it is the complete opposite to how you imagined your partner’s lifestyle to be like) and the next time you talk he or she is complaining about how chaotic the Narcissistic is and that if the Narcissist threatens to leave once more your ex-partner isn’t going to take it anymore. Your ex- partner will tell you it is like living in a Mine Field – anything can set the Narcissist off. As well in the most serious of cases if the your ex-partner gives any hints of wanting to leave the Narcissist will threaten to pursue them to the ends of the earth creating fear on the opposite end of the spectrum as well.

Yet in reality your partner is no where near ready to get out of the relationship – you think it looks like it’s about to come crashing down around them but then then next time you talk to your ex-partner he or she is all happy and enthused about the relationship again.

What is really happening is that he or she is caught in the Narcissist’s abuse cycle and your partner is swept back into denial in the make-up and honeymoon stages and because of the Narcissist’s need for continuous drama the cycle spins through very quickly at times.

So then what do you do in the meantime?

Join me in Part 3 of our Relationship Advice Video #3 Series – I will be discussing why dealing with both your ex-partner and the Narcissist is so unique and what? is the best approach and mindset to have during the Meantime Process.

As well – please refer the the Youtube Write-up, our Counsellor in a Box Blog at Counsellorinabox.com/Blog or my Love By Design Blog at lovebydesignbook.blogspot.com for the List of further Resources and Information about Narcissists.

If you have any questions so far for Robby or myself you can contact us at relationshipcentre@shaw.ca .

Thank you – looking forward to connecting with your again in Part 3

Have a Wonderful Day and Bye for Now.

Melody Chase

Further Information and Resources on Narcissists:

The link for the full definition of the Narcissist Personality Disorder from wiki. answers.com is:

http://wiki.answers.com/Q/What_is_the_definition_of_the_Narcissistic_Personality_Disorder#ixzz1H4dvOnD

Part 1 “I, Psychopath” a Video Documentary about a Psychopath/Malignant Narcissist named Sam Vaknin who has dedicate his life helping others to understand Psychopaths and Narcissists.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cKn4IYpXK6g

Narcissism: The Web of Illusion, Discover The Truth About Narcissism By Kaleah LaRoche

http://www.narcissismmalignant.com/

Love Fraud: How To Know When Love Is A Con Website

http://www.lovefraud.com/\

Malignant Self- Love: Narcissism Revisited

http://samvak.tripod.com

You Can Save This Marriage – Larry Bilotta’s Marriage Expert Website (Recommended by our Customer mentioned in Part 3 – Larry was able to assist our Customer? in learning how to block negative feelings and enhance positive – something that is key in order to be happy and successful during the Meantime Process as your partner goes through his or her process with the Narcissist)

http://www.youcansavethismarriage.com/

Reality Transurfing -? By Vadim Zeland ( Also Highly Recommended by Our Customer Mentioned in Part 3 – he says in the section of the? book that talks about Pendulums – the book explains about how easy it is to recognize Narcissists and how to deal with them)

http://zelands.com/e_book1.htm

Toxic Parenting: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life

http://www.susanforward.com/author.htm

Recover From Narcissistic Abuse!- Kaleah LaRoche

http://www.narcissismfree.com/

How To Survive Cheating and Narcissism Healing From an Addiction To a Narcissist – By Maria Ava

http://www.articlesbase.com/infidelity-articles/how-to-survive-cheating-and-narcissism-healing-from-an-addiction-to-a-narcissist-996354.html

Narcissistic Abuse by Anne Brady

http://www.narcissisticabuse.com/

Other Websites Mentioned:

Counsellor in a Box Program at http://www.counsellorinabox.com and Love By Design Program at http://www.lovebydesignbook.com

Any questions you can reach Robby or myself at relationshipcentre@shaw.ca

Warm Regards,

Melody Chase