Making A Long Distance Relationship Work – Part 5

Welcome To part 5 of our 5 part series on “Making a Long Distance Relationship Work”

In Part 4 I talked about whether both of you have support systems. Now for the last part of our series let’s talk about whether both of you are interested in learning Relationship Mastery or Relationship Success Skills.

Part 5 - Are You Both Interested In Learning Relationship Mastery or Relationship Success Skills?

In our Counsellor in a Box Relationship Home Study Course (http://www.counsellorinabox.com ), we talk about what we call “Ad-ons”, Mini-Counselling Techniques, General Relationship Knowledge, Relationship Success or Relationship Mastery Skills.

What all of these terms are and what they are used for are that they are skills and techniques that are designed to enhance and make the best out of a couple’s situation in areas where they are not compatible.

Rather than people having to “Change” when they are not 100% compatible, these Relationship Mastery or Relationship Skills are techniques that people can “Ad-On” to themselves that will immensely help them “relate” in their relationship.

Some examples of these Skills or Techniques include Communication Techniques, Conflict Resolution Techniques, Negotiation Techniques, learning how to talk in each other’s Communication Modes and working along with one of the most important things to remember about relationships – that relationships are a mutual fulfillment of needs and you need to know what your partner needs in order to give your partner what he/she wants in the way he/she wants it (in ways that does not take away yourself or cause you to be inauthentic of course)

Even with couples who are highly compatible, if they have developed or learned any dysfunctional ways of relating to one another Relationship Mastery Skills and Techniques will be needed to override what they have learned.

Last but not least if members of a couple have unresolved childhood wounds that filter their perception of reality and that cause them to make decisions based on past behaviour and the past in general - on top of healing these wounds (which may or may take time) there are Relationship Mastery Skills that are needed to help keep the couple focused and making decisions based on their present reality.

An example of Relationship Mastery Skills that would help keep the couple focused would be using Communication Techniques that make sure that the person doing the talking is taking ownership of his/her own feelings and perceptions using “I feel” statements and statements such as “In My Opinion” or ‘In my perception of the situation...”

Relationship Mastery Skills may also be needed to “referee” the “triggers” or emotional outbursts that are often the result of childhood wounds being activated.

An example of a Relationship Mastery Skill that helps to prevent or referee a trigger is by being in the mindset of what we call at the Centre the L.A.N.A. Mindset (Love, Acceptance, Non-Resistance, Allowance) before entering into a conversation with you partner to avoid negative emotions that may be triggered for both the person talking and the person listening.

So you may be thinking that logically if you are in a Long Distance Relationship you won’t need to learn and use Relationship Mastery Skills because you are not with each other in continuous communication and since you are not living together what kind of negotiation would the two of you possibly need to attend to?

The reality is that it is even more important to have Relationship Mastery Skills when you are in a Long Distance Relationship because as long as you are in a relationship regardless of how far away – you still need to relate to each other.

Plus not only are the two you susceptible to the normal communication traps of individual perception, interpretation, definitions and filters - with less forms of communication available to interpret what each other are trying to say (since communication involves not only what you say but your body language/facial expression and tone of voice to create the full picture of what you are saying) this opens both of you up to much more miscommunication and misunderstanding.

So if you are in a Long Distance Relationship you need to make sure that having and/or learning Relationship Mastery Skills is a requirement in your relationship.

If your partner is not on board, this will lower your success rate of communication and functionally in the relationship but even if you just make it your own mission to learn as much as you can in the areas of communication, conflict resolution and negotiation techniques it will make for a much stronger relationship built on understanding and cooperation.

So of course, I’d recommend our Counsellor in a Box Home Study Program (http://www.counsellorinabox.com) that includes an entire Mainbook Chapter and Workbook Chapter on Relationship Mastery Skills, a mini-book on Communication Modes and a mini-book on Negotiation – but any resources you can find on Relationship Mastery is a great place to start.

It is also important to remember that we learn best through our own Communication Modes or Channels so each person is different as to what skills and techniques will work best for them so keep searching until you find material and resources that feel comfortable, easy and makes the most sense to you and encourage your partner to do the same if he or she is searching as well.

So this concludes our 5 part series, we at the Centre wish you and your long –distance relationship all the best.

If you have any questions you can email us @ relationshipcentre@shaw.ca

Warm Regards,

Melody Chase
Centre For Life Management
http://www.trueloveondemand.com
http://www.lovebydesignbook.com
http://www.counsellorinabox.com
http://www.drrobbyonline.com
Email: relationshipcentre@shaw.ca
(204) 475-0323

If you are looking for more suggestions on how to have a successful Long-Distance Relationship – check-out our Counsellor in a Box Relationship Home Study Program at http://www.counsellorinabox.com

Real-life, Practical, Proven Solutions, Support and Resources To Help You Create The Relationship of Your Dreams!

Making A Long Distance Relationship Work – Part 4

Welcome To Part 4 of our 5 part series on “Making a Long Distance Romance Work”

In Part 3 I talked about whether both you and your partner feel loved - now for Part 4 let’s talk about “Do Both Of You have A Support System?”

Part 4 – Do You Both Have A Support System?

In one of our other series called “How To Stop Being Enmeshed With Your Ex- Partner – Part 3 Seek Support Elsewhere” (http://www.lovebydesignbook.blogspot.com) we talked about how not only is this world abundant, there is also an abundance of people willing to give you support for whatever issues you may have including of course needing support when you are in a Long Distance Relationship.

Not only is having a Long-Distance relationship susceptible to all the same types of issues that a couple that see each other everyday has, there are also issues unique to being in a Long-Distance Relationship.

These Long-Distance Relationship issues can be anything from being lonely, feeling left out from hanging out with other couples (or feeling like the third wheel), to trust issues and the potential deficiencies and toxicities that I have already been discussing throughout this series.

So it is vital to your Long Distance Relationship to make sure you have a support system set-up and functioning for you whether that is your family, friends, even support counsellors.

Check to see if there are support groups in your area and don’t count out systems of support that can be found on the internet such as http://www.loveshack.org/forums/ which is Relations Website Forum that has a specific forum on Long Distance Relationships.

It’s worth the time to do the research and make sure to keep in touch with your friends, family and community even if you do not seek out specific support, having the company and sense of connection with others is supportive in and of itself.

Just as important, you need to encourage your Long-Distance partner to have a support system set up as well since just like when on a team, the team is as strong as its weakest link.

In Part 5, we will be discussing whether both interested in learning relationship mastery or relationship success skills, so don’t forget to come back and visit!

Warm Regards Melody Chase

Centre For Life Management

http://www.trueloveondemand.com

http://www.lovebydesignbook.com

http://www.counsellorinabox.com

http://www.drrobbyonline.com

Email: relationshipcentre@shaw.ca

(204) 475-0323

If you are looking for more suggestions on how to have a successful Long-Distance Relationship – check-out our Counsellor in a Box Relationship Home Study Program at http://www.counsellorinabox.com

Real-life, Practical, Proven Solutions, Support and Resources To Help You Create The Relationship of Your Dreams!

Plus ...

Want to Save Your Marriage Or Relationship? Get Your FREE Video Tutorials, Reports and
Templates to Get any Ex Back Today!
http://www.counsellorinabox.com/FreeVideos.html

Making A Long Distance Relationship Work– Part 3

In Part 2 of our 5 part series on "How To Make Your Long Distance Relationship Work" we talked about whether all your needs are being met in the relationship.

Now for Part 3 let's discuss the topic of “Do Both of You Feel Loved?”

3) Do Both Of You Feel Loved?

In Part 2 of our series I was talking about the importance keeping the love, connection, passion and communication going for those stretches between physical visits with your long-distance partner.

The best way to go about doing this is to find out what yours and your partner’s communication modes are and come up with creative ways of expressing yourselves through your Communication Modes.

In addition, understanding and communicating in each other’s communication modes is important in and of itself in order to avoid deficiencies in many areas of your relationship including actual communication and the ability give love and feel love as Dr. Robby explains in the following excerpt from our Counsellor in a Box Communication Mode Mini-Book: (http://www.counsellorinabox.com)

Dr. Robby says:

“Communication is the result you get. Different people are on different channels. We learn, we express love and communicate through different modes or combinations of modes. It is important to know who you are playing with, what channel they are playing on or else your communication will not be very effective.”

“We basically all want to get what we want. If you cannot get your message through of what your needs, wants, dreams, goals and visions are, you will be very frustrated and stressed. You will feel very empty if you cannot communicate the love you have to give and the love you want, so an understanding of communication mode love strategies is a basic skill for relationship success.”

So what I will now do is give you:

A brief description of the Communication Modes.

A quick verbal way to tell what yours and your partner’s communication modes are.

Some examples of how you can communicate with your partner in each other’s communication modes.

REMEMBER Relationships are a mutual fulfillment of needs which means you need to give your partner what he/she wants in the way he/she wants it – so keep in mind that you want to look for ways on how your can express your love towards your partner and communicate in your partner’s communication mode and then explain if needed to your partner how you would like to receive your communication - by giving first to your partner, your partner will be better able to understand because he/she will be able to feel your love towards him/her and will be able to understand what you are teaching better since we all learn best via our own communication modes. In Dr. Robby’s Excerpt, he mentioned Love Strategies - there is an article by Bob Scheinfeld about Love Strategies that he had learned from Tony Robbin’s “Three Days to Unlimited Power Program.” In Bob Scheinfeld’s article, he explains how a person in each communication mode would like to be loved.

Bob Scheinfeld has an explanation for Visual, Auditory and Kinesthetic people; however, he has left out the Digitals people - so we have added some information on Digitals to his explanation.

One last note before we begin - there are 4 main communication modes and a person can be a blend of 1, 2, 3 or all 4 and some communication modes may be stronger than others.

Visual Communication Mode:

Visual people communicate by seeing and doing. They like activities and they like gifts. They notice people, places and things with just the slightest glance. They feel and share love by doing things with or for other people. They take things at face value and do not look deeper into things. They learn by seeing and doing.

People who are in the Visual love strategy need to “see” that you love them. “Seeing” takes the form of receiving flowers or gifts and/or seeing you do unexpected thoughtful acts for them (like a special romantic evening or getaway, a massage, a day of pampering, etc.). People with this strategy need to see “evidence” or “proof.”

There are some basic things that your partner will say during normal conversations which will help you figure out what mode or modes your partner is in.

A Visual person will say things like “I see or do you see what I mean.”

The most obvious suggestion for a long-distance relationship if your partner and/or you communicate in the Visual channel is take the time to schedule visits to see each other in person whenever possible (without making it too stressful on both of your lifestyles and/or careers since that can create deficiencies and toxicities for both of you and the relationship as well)

Visual people need to see and be with their partner for connection and to feel loved so that “in person” visit is like a “recharge” – it’s like plugging in your cell phone when your batteries are low.

Now for creative ideas to “communicate” in the Visual channel you need to think up as many ways that you can to “see’ each others – keep pictures and videos of your partner and the two of you together on your camera phone, have a webcam set-up when you are emailing each other or chatting using Skype (or other similar technologies), send each others video or live stream of each other via your computer, send each other pictures via emails on the computer (or your camera phones, PDAs etc ) and/or send pictures to each other of each other via the old fashioned snailmail.

There are even home phones now days where you can see each other while talking to each other long-distance.

To get even more creative you can go to one of those photo places (or do some of the following ideas at home too) and get pictures of you or the two of you made into a poster, calendar, keychain, magnet, button –the sky’s the limit – so you will always have each other nearby where both of you can see each other.

It seems simple but you will “see” the huge difference on how loved and connected the two of you will feel and will continue to feel.

Auditory Communication Mode:

Auditory people communicate through talking. They have the natural gift of the gab and are designed to be able to talk for long periods of time. They enjoy talking and listening to other people talk. They feel loved when they are talked to, and like to hear the words “I love you”. They learn by hearing.

People with the Auditory love strategy need to hear the words “I love you” (or similar words) to feel totally and completely loved. The also want to connect through conversation. Talk, talk, and more talk.

In order to tell if your partner is Auditory, your partner will say “Do you hear what I am saying or I hear what you are saying or I hear you.”

For an Auditory partner or if you are Auditory I would recommend getting a really good Long-Distance Calling Plan or get a service like Skype where you are can talk to each other via your computers/the internet. Even just a quick call to say “Hello” on a frequent basis will help.

You can also send each other Mp3 Audios of each other’s voices or each other’s favorite songs (which can be a Digital Communication Mode Technique as well). You can use the same techniques as the Visual people do but focusing on sound instead such as webcams and videos or live-streaming. You can send each other a tape cassette via mail too.

There are even cards for special events like Birthdays where you can record your voice on them. For example I bought one of these cards for my Mom for Mother’s Day and I recorded myself saying “I Love You” on it - now everyday my Mom gets up and opens my card and hears my voice.

The important thing to remember is to talk and chat as often as yours and your partner’s lifestyles and/or careers can comfortably handle.

Digital Communication Mode:

Digital people communicate through connection and understanding. They find the deeper meaning in everything they think, see and do. Understanding is very important to them. They feel loved when they share connections with others and are understood. They learn by understanding.

Digital people seek to understand and to be understood in order to feel loved. They would like to connect at an emotional, intellectual and spiritual level.

In order to tell if your partner is Digital, your partner will say “Do you know what I mean or I understand what you mean.”

Digital people can use the same techniques as Visual and Auditory people do but just remember to seek to understand your partner and connect with him/her.

Writing to your partner in any form or in any vehicle is also great if he or she is Digital. Poetry or writing a story that involves the two of you together really will help him/her to feel part of your inner world and that you understand him/her and his/her inner world. (This is also a good technique for Visual people because they get to ‘see’ what you wrote).

Even connecting through Social Networking Sites like Twitter where you and your long-distance partner can keep up with each other’s day to day activities will keep the two of you mentally connected and “in the know (It’s also great for Auditory people because of the chat factor and Visual peoples because you are asking “What Are You Doing?”)

Kinesthetic Communication Mode:

Kinesthetic people communicate through their bodies. They move, feel and express through their bodies and love doing physical activities. Kinesthetic people love to touch and are very touchy-feely. They feel loved when they are touched. They learn through touch and through experience.

People with the Kinesthetic love strategy need to be touched in certain ways or in certain places to feel totally and completely loved. It might be massaging the scalp a certain way, kissing a certain spot under the neck, rubbing an ear just so, etc. It should be noted that this strategy rarely if ever involves touch of a sexual nature.

In order to tell if your partner is Kinesthetic, your partner will say “I get a feeling for it or I know how your feel.”

Kinesthetic people have the same issue as Visuals - sometimes you just need to get together in person for a ‘recharge’ since Kinesthetics people give and receive love through touch – so when comfortably possible for your lifestyle and/or career get together with your long-distance partner in person.

I saw a documentary where technology is being developed where one day you will be able to “touch” people via your computer by being hooked up to a bunch of sensors, but that won’t be for a while - so in the meantime you can exchange with your long-distance partner your belongings or clothes like a sweater or each other’s hats so you feel more “in touch” with each other. (This works from a “meaning” sense for Digital people and a “visual” sense” for Visual people as well).

For more information on Communication Modes in general as well as how to test for both yourself and your partner’s Communication Modes check out our Counsellor in a Box Relationship Home Study Program @ http://www.counsellorinabox.com

O.k. this post was a little long but hopefully it was worth it for you to take the time out to read.

Don’t worry Part 4 on “Do You Have A Support System?” is a lot shorter - so “see”, “talk”, “get on the same page” or “get in touch with you” in our next post.

Warm Regards

Melody Chase

Centre For Life Management

http://www.trueloveondemand.com

http://www.lovebydesignbook.com

http://www.counsellorinabox.com

http://www.drrobbyonline.com

Email: relationshipcentre@shaw.ca

(204) 475-0323

If you are looking for more suggestions on how to have a successful Long-Distance Relationship – check-out our Counsellor in a Box Relationship Home Study Program at http://www.counsellorinabox.com

Real-life, Practical, Proven Solutions, Support and Resources To Help You Create The Relationship of Your Dreams!

Plus ...

Want to Save Your Marriage Or Relationship?
Get Your FREE Video Tutorials, Reports and
Templates to Get an Ex Back Today!
http://www.counsellorinabox.com/FreeVideos.html

Making A Long Distance Relationship Work – Part 2

In Part 1 of our 5 part series on "How To Make Your Long Distance Relationship Work" we talked about "What Does a Long-Distance Relationship Mean To Both of You?

Now for Part 2 let's discuss the topic of "Are all your needs being met in the relationship?"

2) Are All Your Needs Being Met In The Relationship?

In our Love by Design book (http://wwwlovebydesignbook.com) and our Counsellor in a Box Relationship Home Study Program (http://www.counsellorinabox.com) we talk about values. Values can be described as something that is important to you. It is something that you are willing to focus on and put attention and time into in order to maintain.

Our ideas and beliefs about the relative worth of things in our lives are called values. They are not facts, but choices we have made as we matured. When our actions match our values, we experience emotional balance. When they don’t match, we feel frustrated and experience emotional imbalance.

Our values play an integral part in determining the compatibility and success of our relationships. Values are the glue that holds people together. Lack of compatible values can be the undoing of a relationship.

So for example, if both you and the partner you are having a long distance relationship with have “business” or “work-centred” values (which means both of you will put your energy and focus first and foremost into your work or careers over any other value), then both of you will be happy and fulfilled having a long-distance relationship since what you value most is independent of each other and does not interfere, take away from or need to be attended to in your relationship.

As well if you are “friendship-centred” meaning your friends come front and centre and it is what you focus on the majority of the time then this works well because not only is there no powerstruggles going on (having to split time between your partner and your friends) you also have a built-in support system for the times when you are lonely and missing your partner and/or need people to talk to about your long-distance relationship.

However, if one or both you and your partner are “relationship-centred” which means being in a relationship with each other is where you focus your energy and attention on over all other values and you crave being together one-on-one every day first and foremost over all other values - you may find a long-distance relationship unfulfilling because it is impossible to spend a great deal of time together.

Another example of how unfulfilled values can cause deficiency and toxicity in your relationship is that if you or the person you are having an exclusive long-distance relationship with has a high sex drive and sex is a high value. (which is just as an important value as any other and is often a hidden powerstruggle in relationships because the couple does not acknowledge the importance of sex in their relationship for one or both partners).

If you are in an exclusive long-distance relationship and you or your partner have a high sex drive and sex is a high value and/or if one or both of you are relationship-centred the reality of the situation is that the two of you have to work trips into your schedule so you can physically get together whenever possible.

Then in the meantime between visits, the both of you have to come up with some creative ideas to keep the passion, spark and sense of connection flowing in the relationship.

In Part 3 of our series we have a bunch of suggestions on how to keep the connection, passion and communication going for those stretches between physical visits by tapping into your Communication Modes or Love Strategies so make sure to come back to read Part 3 " Do Both Of Your Feel Loved?

Warm Regards

Melody Chase
Centre For Life Management
http://www.trueloveondemand.com
http://www.lovebydesignbook.com
http://www.counsellorinabox.com
http://www.drrobbyonline.com
Email: relationshipcentre@shaw.ca
(204) 475-0323

If you are looking for more suggestions on how to have a successful Long-Distance Relationship – check-out our Counsellor in a Box Relationship Home Study Program at http://www.counsellorinabox.com

Real-life, Practical, Proven Solutions, Support and Resources To Help You Create The Relationship of Your Dreams!

Making a Long Distance Relationship Work -
Part 1

A few years ago I wrote an article about Long Distance Romances and/or Relationships in regards to whether this type of relationship is highest and best for you in our Love By Design Ezine.

However recently I have realized by reviewing comments and emails for readers and clients that many people are more interested in How To Make Their Long Distance Romance and/or Relationship Work.

So just like I mentioned in the original Long Distance Relationship Article in order to have a healthy, long-distance relationship, both partners need to be on the same page and both of you need to have your needs met otherwise there may be toxicities or deficiencies in the relationship caused by hidden powerstruggles, unfulfilled expectations and/or needs not being met.

So I have developed the following 5 part series to discuss the main areas that need to be met in any relationship let alone a long distance romance since all relationships are a mutual fulfillment of needs.

For this series we will be covering the following topics or areas:

1) What Does a Long-Distance Relationship Mean To Both Of You?

2) Are Yours and Your Partner’s Values Being Met?

3) Do Both Of Your Feel Loved?

4) Do Your Both Have Support Systems?

5) Are You Both Interested In Learning Relationship Mastery or Relationship Success Skills?

For Part 1 Let’s Discuss What Does a Long-Distance Relationship Mean To Both of You?

Part 1 - What Does a Long-Distance Relationship Mean To Both of You?

The following questions are designed to open communication with your partner as well as yourself to find out if you are both on the same page.

• What does a long-distance relationship mean to you?
• What does a long-distance relationship mean to your partner?
• Does it mean that you will always have a long-distance relationship with this partner?
• Do you expect to get together with this partner ending the long distance part eventually, if so when? Does you your partner share the same time-line?
• Are you at the same commitment level? For example, are you still allowed to date other people or are you not allowed to date anyone else? Is your partner allowed to date other people?
• Are the two of you at the same life transition point as well as lifetime line? For example do you want to get married to your partner eventually? Does your partner want to get married to you eventually? Do you want to have a family with your partner at some point and if so when? Does your partner want to have a family with you and if so when?

Understanding where you are at as far as commitment is important enough on its own in a relationship, but it is just as important to know where the two of you are at as a whole in your long-distance relationship.

If the questions above are not clear between you and your partner, it will inevitably cause powerstruggles and unfulfilled expectations as well as a sense of longing, questioning and doubt which can create deficiencies and toxicities (especially in the area of emotions) in your relationship which is not a good way to build the foundation of your relationship especially when you are trying to create positive upstate associations with each other and create a base to expand as well as maintain your love and attraction for one another from.

In Part 2 we will be discussing Whether Yours and Your Partner’s Values Are Being Met.

Warm Regards,

Melody Chase

If you are looking for more suggestions on how to have a Successful Long-Distance Relationship – check-out our Counsellor in a Box Relationship Home Study Program at www.counsellorinabox.com where we provide you with real-life, practical, proven solutions, support and resources to help you create the relationship of your dreams.

Do You Know How To Tell If Your Partner Is Into You?

Dr. Robby (Director of the Centre For Life Mamagement ) recently did a short radio interview with Winnipeg Radio Personality Laurie Lancaster about the Movie “He’s Just Not That Into You.” (Produced by Flower Films 2008, Directed by Ken Kwapis, Written by Abby Kohn & Marc Silverstein)

Although Dr. Robby and I have not seen the movie yet, Dr. Robby did explain that not recognizing that the person you are seeing is into you is not only a female thing but a male thing as well.

I recently was answering a reader’s question from the Counsellor in a Box Ask The Wizard Series and Blog (http://www.counsellorinabox.com ) about how to tell whether someone truly loves you and how to get your partner to admit to that you that he/she loves you.

In my answer I explained that many people may think that the only way to say that they love someone is to actually say “I love You” but everyone has their own way of expressing or showing how they love someone, plus the way how each partner says or shows love to each others may be interpreted differently by each partner.

So in order to truly find out if your partner loves you or to make sure you are not missing your partner’s attempts of expressing that he or she loves you is to learn about what we call Communication Modes.

It is through studying Communication Modes that you can also find out whether the person you are seeing or dating is in to you or not with or without verbal confirmation.

So for this article I’m going to give a brief description of the four types of Communication Modes, how people can give indications as to whether they are in to you through their Communication Modes and then some tips as to how to spot whether your partner or the person you are dating is into you or not using the Communication Modes as a guide.

The following is a quote from Dr. Robby from our Counsellor in a Box (http://www.counsellorinabox.com ) Mini-book about Communication Modes:

“Communication is the result you get. Different people are on different channels. We learn, we express love and communicate through different channels or modality love strategies (modes for short) or combinations of modes.”

“It is important to know who you are playing with and what channel they are playing on, or else your communication will not be very effective.”

So not only is an understanding of communication modes or love strategies a basic skill for relationship success it is also important in order to help you determine whether your partner is expressing love for you or in the early stages of a new relationship whether your partner is in to you or not.

In the paragraph above, I mentioned Love Strategies - there is an article by Bob Scheinfeld about Love Strategies that he had learned from Tony Robbin’s “Three Days to Unlimited Power Program.” In Bob Scheinfeld’s article, he explains how a person in each communication mode would like to be loved.

Bob Scheinfeld has an explanation for Visual, Auditory and Kinesthetic people; however, he has left out the Digitals, so we have added some information on Digitals to his explanation.

There are 4 main Communication Modes and a person can be a blend of 1, 2, 3 or all 4 and some Communication Modes may be stronger than others.

Visual Communication Mode: Visual people communicate by seeing and doing. They like activities and they like gifts. They notice people, places and things with just the slightest glance. They feel and share love by doing things with or for other people. They take things at face value and do not look deeper into things. They learn by seeing and doing.

People who are in the Visual love strategy need to “see” that you love them. “Seeing” takes the form of receiving flowers or gifts and/or seeing you do unexpected thoughtful acts for them (like a special romantic evening or getaway, a massage, a day of pampering, etc.). People with this strategy need to see “evidence” or “proof.”

If you partner is Visual, he or she may think you are as well and will be showing you love or that he or she is into you by doing any of the love strategies above for you.

Has your partner being doing any of the above strategies with or for you?

Auditory Communication Mode: Auditory people communicate through talking. They have the natural gift of the gab and are designed to be able to talk for long periods of time. They enjoy talking and listening to other people talk. They feel loved when they are talked to, and like to hear the words “I love you”. They learn by hearing.

People with the Auditory love strategy need to hear the words “I love you” (or similar words) to feel totally and completely loved. The also want to connect through conversation. Talk, talk, and more talk.

Depending how far into your relationship you are, it may be too early for your partner to actually say “I Love You” however does he/she seek out conversation with you and always loves to chat with you? He/she may be not emotionally comfortable yet or it may be too early into the relationship to actually tell you that he/she loves you, but he may be trying to express that he/she is into you in a round about way by wanting to talk with you all the time.

Does your partner want to talk with you all the time?

Kinesthetic Communication Mode: Kinesthetic people communicate through their bodies. They move, feel and express through their bodies and love doing physical activities. Kinesthetics love to touch and are very touchy-feely. They feel loved when they are touched.

They learn through touch and through experience. People with the Kinesthetic love strategy need to be touched in certain ways or in certain places to feel totally and completely loved. It might be massaging the scalp a certain way, kissing a certain spot under the neck, rubbing an ear just so, etc. It should be noted that this strategy rarely if ever involves touch of a sexual nature.

If your partners loves you or is in to you he/she will want to touch you and be touching you all the time but not in a sexual way, he/she may want to hold hands, snuggle close, touch you face or your hair all the time, in a natural comforting way.

Does your partner want to touch you all the time?

Digital Communication Mode: Digital people communicate through connection and understanding. They find the deeper meaning in everything they think, see and do. Understanding is very important to them. They feel loved when they share connections with others and are understood. They learn by understanding.

Digitals seek to understand and to be understood in order to feel loved. They would like to connect with their partner at an emotional, intellectual and spiritual level.

If your partner is Digital and loves you or is in to you he/she will want to connect with you all the time, he/she will want to understand you and seek to understand you.

Does your partner want to connect with you and understand you?

So our article may not be as entertaining as the “He’s Just Not That Into You Movie” however the more information you have the more aware you can be as to what is truly going on in your relationship,

For more information on Communication Modes, especially on how to find out what yours and your partner’s communication modes are - check-out our Counsellor in a Box Relationship Home Study Program at http://www.counsellorinabox.com

Plus

Are You Looking For The Perfect Gift For Your Partner On Valentine’s Day? Check-out my favorite Valentine’s article from our past Valentine’s Day called “The Art of Gift-Giving: How To Give Your Partner The Perfect Gift For Valentine's Day” at http://lovebydesignbook.blogspot.com/2008_02_01_archive.html

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Melody Chase

Is Your Partner A Male Diva? Part Two

Welcome to Part Two of our Male Diva 7 Part Series.
Hi, it’s Melody.

Let’s jump right in and find out the second way on how you can give your Expressive Male Partner what he wants, in the way he wants it. If you need a review about what Male Expressives are all about, please read Part One of our Male Diva Series.

2) Start Every Conversation Off With Something Positive: Usually in most articles I suggest using the “Mary Kay Style” of approaching negative feedback with your partner, which is to say something positive - then something negative - then something positive.

For example “Thank you for volunteering to peel the potatoes, it really helps me out, I noticed that you are missing some of the spuds, so you may have to dig in a little deeper, however I’m so happy at how quickly you are getting through the whole bag.”

However, with some Expressives, especially if they are super sensitive of looking bad, (Looking bad to an Expressive is the equivalent to Kryptonite for Superman) keep the negative feedback to a minimum.

Prioritize only negative behaviours that are of the highest importance to you and just let the rest go and as I started off saying, no matter what- always start every conversation off with something positive.

I think I’ll have fun again and make Part Three of our Male Diva Series, yet another Cliffhanger.

Wishing You Fun, Freedom and Love,

Melody Chase

P.S. In case you may be wondering who the male is in the picture, it is the character Vincent Chase, from the HBO series “Entourage”. In the series, he plays a popular Hollywood actor and classic Male Expressive who keeps his entourage of best friends with him at all times who unconditionally love and support him for who he is.

Are you in a committed relationship and are looking for communication tools so you can have that happy and harmonious relationship you have always envisioned? Check out our Counsellor in a Box Relationship Home Study Program at http://www.counsellorinabox.com/

IS YOUR PARTNER A GOOD LISTENER? 10 WAYS TO TELL IF YOUR PARTNER IS REALLY LISTENING.

By Melody Chase

A good listener is worth their weight in gold and one of the most important foundations in a relationship is for both partners to be good listeners.

So whether you are already in a relationship and are looking for a good listener to use as a role model or if you are looking for the love of your life and one of your criteria is someone who is a good listener, it is always good to be able to recognize a good listener.

So the following are ten signs of a good listener:

1) You Can Feel That The Listener Is Fully Present And In the Moment With You: You can tell the difference between someone who is fully in the moment with you versus someone who has their mind on something else is when you are talking to the unfocused person you will get an urge to rush through what you are saying versus when you are with a person who is totally focused on you, you will feel at home and that you have all the time in the world to say what you have to say. With a person who is totally focused on you, you will almost feel like sighing because you feel so supported and because you feel like you are truly the centre of their attention.

2) The Listener Will Keep Eye Contact With You: The listener will keep constant eye contact with you, only looking away on occasion to prevent staring or awkwardness.

3) The Listener Will Nod, Smile And Give You Auditory Feedback: A good listener will nod, smile and give you auditory feedback such as “Mm hum”, “Yeah” “I see” or “No, really?” in a sincere and interested way to encourage you to continue and to indicate that they are listening.

4) The Listener Will Encourage You To Continue Talking: As you are talking, they will encourage you to continue talking. For example they will say things like “That’s really interesting” or “I find that interesting, please continue “or “I’d like to hear more.”

5) The Listener Will Parrot Back What You Are Saying When Appropriate: Every once in a while, a good listener will parrot back what you say to indicate they are paying attention and that they are right in your story with you.

6) The Listener Will Only Finish Your Sentence When Appropriate: A good listener will only finish your sentence when the timing is right, not to try to rush you through your story or to help you out when you are at a loss of words, but to show that they are on the same wave length as you.

7) The Listener Goes By the 80% Listening, 20% Talking Rule: A good listener knows that the art of being a good listener (whether that is because they just intuitively know or because they are actually aware of the rule) will listen approximately 80% of the time during the course of the conversation and spend only 20% of the conversation talking.

8) The Listener Will Keep The Conversation Focused on Your Topic of Discussion: There is nothing more annoying than to open a conversation with someone and they change the topic on you in the middle of what you are trying to express. This often happens when the person gives you an example about themselves to show that they understand what you are saying but then they keep going with their example or take the opportunity while the attention is on themselves to switch topics. A good listener if they feel the need to use an example to back up what you were saying will keep it short and will return the conversation back to what you were talking about.

9) The Listener Will Ask You Thoughtful and Open-ended Questions About What You Are Talking About: A good listener will ask you thoughtful questions that will lead you into opening up into further detail about your topic of discussion. For example, they may say something like “ So you work in the Marketing Department, tell me about some of the duties that you are in charge of or what specifically are in you charge of or what aspects of your job do you love?”

10) The Listener Knows How to Empathize With You: When a good listener feeds back how you are feeling, their description of the feeling or emotion will actually match how you are feeling. If they are off, they are dedicated to finding out how you are truly feeling versus throwing out a bunch of descriptions of how you are feeling in hopes of eventually guessing the correct feeling or emotion.

If you recognize a good listener in your life, tell them you how much you appreciate them. If you are still looking for a good listener to come into you life, it is both worth the search and the wait, because not only will they create a wonderful communication foundation for your relationship, they will always make you feel special and supported in expressing yourself.

Warm Regards,

Melody Chase

Are you looking for more information about communication and your relationship?

We Have Several Resources To Fit Your Needs:

Are you having communication problems and you are not sure whether you should stay or go in your relationship? Check out our Love By Design Book @ http://www.lovebydesignbook.com/

Are you in a committed relationship and are looking for communication tools so you can have that happy and harmonious relationship you have always envisioned? Check out our Counsellor in a Box Relationship Home Study Program @ http://www.counsellorinabox.com/

Is your relationship under a lot of stress and strain because your children don't listen and you feel like there must be a secret to parenting you are missing? We have the answers in Dr. Robby's Free "7 Lost Parenting Secrets Report". Check it out @ http://www.7lostparentingsecrets.com/

Is Your Partner's Nickname "Bamm-Bamm Rubble" From The Flinstones? If So, Here Are The Top Five Tips For Dealing With The Adult Tantrum.

By Melody Chase

People want what they want in the way they want it and will do what they know or have been taught on how to get what they want either consciously or unconsciously. Sometimes the way people may try getting their needs and wants met is through having tantrums.

However there may be other factors going on that may encourage the tantrums as well, so before we go write-off our partners or other adults in our lives that have tantrums, we need to seek to understand why they are doing what they do.

So the following are 5 possible reasons for the “Adult Tantrum.”

1) It’s the Only Way They Know on How To Get Their Needs Met: Many people who have tantrums may have learned, picked up or absorbed this way of trying to get their needs met, usually from early childhood and early caregivers in their lives. Often this tantrum is what is called a control drama.

A control drama is a way or technique that people use to try to get what they want which often causes conflict and is usually learned or developed unconsciously. Although the ways that people are using control dramas may appear to work for them in the moment, often it doesn’t achieve their goals and causes damage in the relationship.

Common control dramas include crying, yelling, screaming, hurting themselves, (consciously or unconsciously) breaking things or throwing things or even criticism or guilt-tripping.

Your partner may be choosing to use control dramas either consciously, because it is all he or she knows or unconsciously and are just going on automatic pilot.

What you can do as the witness or the partner of the control drama king or queen is not to judge him or her, just allow your partner to be who he/she is, understanding that your partner either does not know what he/she is doing or is choosing to do so because he/she doesn’t know of any other way to get his/her needs met.

The next most important thing is while acknowledging your partner’s needs and his/her tantrum, understand that it is a control drama and do not give in to him or her all because your partner is trying to be dramatic and intense in order get you to do what he/she want you to do.

Lastly, as a couple, offer to go for Communication and Conflict Resolution Classes or Courses or read some books together so both of you can learn alternate ways on how to get each other’s needs met, but do it together so it doesn’t look like it is your partner who has the problem.

2) People Have Learned That Life is all About Survival: Similar to people who use control dramas, most people have been taught to believe that they need to fight, struggle and be aggressive because they have been conditioned to believe that the world is not abundant and there is limited resources so in order to strive they have fight, it is either win or lose in life.

In a case like this, one of the best ways to deal with an aggressive partner, who flips his or her lid, is not to react or retaliate back, be a silent role model of how one gets their needs met without being aggressive. I don’t mean ignore your partner, but just don’t up the ante to your partner’s level if you are having a disagreement or a discussion or not getting what you want.

It’s really hard to have a big argument with someone if you are not fueling the fire, eventually your partner will defuse because he or she is not getting any resistance from you.

3) They have a Trigger: When a person has an unresolved emotional wound, usually from childhood, what often happens is that they will be “triggered” when something reminds them or makes them feel like they did when they had the original emotional wound happen to them.

You can tell if a person has been triggered because they will overreact way out of proportion to the situation at hand.

For example, your partner was ignored by his/her parents as a child, and today you didn’t respond to your partner’s question because you didn’t hear him/her and he/she go off they deep-end thinking that you are intentionally ignoring him or her.

So your partner needs to release and heal the original emotional wound. Your partner can get therapy of course, but you can also talk with him/her and ask him/her what other time in his/her life did he/she feel the way he/she does when he/she has been triggered.

Having you listen and be a witness to your partner’s pain, and especially if you can validate and empathize with him or her, that may be enough for him/her to be able to heal and no longer be triggered anymore.

In the meantime, if you know what your partner’s trigger is, try not to antagonize him or her with it.

4) Their Personality Is More Pre-dispositioned To Getting Angry or Blowing Up: There are many different types of personality styles and ways of testing personalities, but for the purposes of this article, let’s talk about two types of personalities that are more prone to be emotional or flipping their lids known as Driver Personalities and Expressive Personalities.

Just a brief explanation, Driver Personality people are bottom-line, aggressive people who like results, tasks, control, dominance and authority. They are independent, goal-oriented, bossy, and sometimes even rude.

Expressive people are emotionally based, love people, dominant and friendly, love freedom and appreciation, approval, centre stage, change their minds a lot, are charming, humorous and fun. They have excellent people skills.

Drivers get especially upset if they are taken off task and if their A-B is disrupted, plus because they are what is called a task-centred personality versus people-centred, meaning tasks come first before people, they really aren’t focused or concerned if they offend or make other people upset. They are also a dominant personality, so they are more likely to use control dramas.

Then the Expressive personality, even though they are people-centred, are the Control drama kings and queens because they understand people, are very influencing, emotional, where their hearts on their sleeves and need their freedom, so they will react strongly when things aren’t going their way.

So once again, you need to love and allow your partner to be who he/she is instead of being in judgment of his/her personality, and when you can, try to assist your Driver partner in accomplishing his/her tasks and getting from point A-B and if your partner is Expressive, love him/her for who he/she is, compliment him/her and give your partner as much freedom and fun as you can.

5) They May Have a Medical Condition or Have a Low Frustration Level: An adult having a tantrum may also have a medical condition or be physically or mentally exhausted.

I walked around for years having Hypoglycemia without being aware of having it, until this one point in my life were I started having too much processed foods and refined sugar.

It caused my sugar to go out of whack and to my surprise (since I am usually a mellow and gentle person) I became a raving maniac when my sugar was plunging and there wasn’t anything I could do until I got my sugar up. Ask any Diabetic who would have the same problem and they’ll tell you what I am talking about.

As well, a person may snap if they are under a lot of continuous stress and if their nerves are frayed, they may not be as resilient as they used to be which can lead to low frustration levels.

You can’t force your partner to change his/her diet or lifestyle, but you can keep an eye out for him/her to see if he/she has eaten.

Often once someone’s sugar’s plunged and they are already really upset and angry they are not focused or interested in eating so you have to keep an eye out for them and encourage them to eat or help get them food or something to drink or help prepare food.

If you are arguing, step back and let them eat and resume your discussion at a later time - it is in both of your best interest.

Same thing for if you see your partner struggling on his/her last nerve either support him/her or give your partner some space, nothing is going to get resolved if your partner is having a tantrum for either of you.

As I always say, people always do things for a reason. When we give people the benefit of the doubt and seek to understand we can support and resolve both the people in our lives including our partner’s needs and our own needs with ease and comfort.

Are You In A Commited Relationship? Are You Looking For The Secrets To Having The Relationship of Your Dreams With The Love of Your Life? We have the information, tools and ... yes... "Secrets" to Relationship Success that you are are looking for, check out our Counsellor in a Box Relationship Home Study Program at http://www.counsellorinabox.com/

THE ART OF GIFT GIVING- How To Give Your Partner The Perfect Gift For Valentine’s Day

By Melody Chase

The following is an updated version of my favorite Valentine's Day article that I posted a few years back. Happy Valentine's Day!

Communication is important in any relationship, but did you know that communication is also a form of giving and receiving? Quite literally people give and receive in what we call communication modes.

This really hit home one year when my partner, Dr. Robby (Director of the LMC Relationship Centre) and I were trying to plan my Birthday. Although Dr. Robby is the person who introduced communication modes to me in the first place, neither one of us realized how specific my needs were when it came to celebrating my birthday.

I discovered this was because of my own unique communication mode style. What Dr. Robby thought would be a satisfying day for me, wasn’t everything that I wanted and it wasn’t because I am a needy or picky person, it was just because not all of my communication mode areas were being satisfied.

So what is a communication mode?

We all learn, express love and communicate through different communication modes or combinations of modes. It is important to know what channel your partner communicates, as well as gives and receives love in or else your communication will not be very effective.

The following is a very basic definition of the Communication modes. You and your partner can be primarily one mode or a mixture of up to all four.

Visual people communicate by seeing and doing. They like activities and they like gifts. They notice people, places and things with just the slightest glance. They feel and share love by doing things with or for other people. They take things at face value and do not look deeper into things.

Auditory people communicate through talking. They have the natural gift of the gab, are designed to be able to talk for long periods of time. They enjoy talking and listening to other people talk. They feel loved when they are talked to, and like to hear the words “I love you.”

Digital people communicate through connection and understanding. They find the deeper meaning in everything they think, see and do. Understanding is very important to them. They feel loved when they share connections with others and are understood.

Kinesthetic people communicate through their bodies. They move, feel and express through their bodies. Kinesthetics love to touch, feel and do physical activities. They feel loved when they are touched.

There are also two more communication modes, which are not as well known (as well as harder to explain how they are a form of communication) known as Gustatory and Olfactory communication modes.

Gustatory Mode is when a person communicates through taste. (I am Gustory; I actually remember events often by what I have eaten in and around that event.

The Olfactory Mode is centred on scents and sense of smell. There are plenty of people out there such as my partner Dr. Robby who communicates and receives communication through smell.

Now, how does all this fit into gift giving? Well, if you want to give you partner the best gift ever; find out what communication modes they communicate in since each communication mode receives in a certain way.

For example Visuals like to give and receive gifts, have people do things for them like cook or do things with them like go out dancing. You, if you are Visual may think well, of course everyone likes to receive gifts don’t they?

You will be surprised to know that people who are not Visual would prefer other gestures of love. Of course they wouldn’t mind gifts and they would appreciate it, but it will not satisfy them or make their day.

An Auditory person would rather sit and chat with you or listen to music together and hear you say that you love them.

A Digital person would like to talk about deep philosophical discussions and connect on a deep level.

A Kinesthetic person would like to cuddle and hold hands.

So what you may think is the ultimate show of love and affection may not be what the other person wants. What you may think is as boring as watching paint dry, may be the other person’s delight.

So just in time for Valentine’s Day, the following are two main steps that you can do in order to find out what is the perfect gift or date for you partner.

STEP ONE

Find out what you partner’s communication modes are, that way in case your partner isn’t even sure what they like, you have the general bases covered.
The following is a quick communication test, ask your partner the following question:

"How do you want to Get or Receive Love" from someone you truly love?

1. Have your partner do things for you, be there for you and/or get gifts.
2. Have your partner say "I love you" and phone as well as talk with you in person
3. Get touched cuddled, kissed, and held physically.
4. Be understood and talk about ideas and concepts as well as talking about feelings and the relationship.

Answer Key: (Your partner can be a combination of one, two, three or all four modes):

If your partner picked #1 they are a Visual.
If your partner picked #2 they are an Auditory
If your partner picked #3 they are a Kinesthetic
If you partner picked #4 they are a Digital

In addition, if your partner loves food and every aspect surrounding food your partner Gustatory.

If your partner has a very strong sense of smell, notice scents and loves the scent of things your partner is Olfactory.

If you partner wasn’t able to take the test, here are some basic things that you partner will say during normal conversations which will help you figure out what mode or modes your partner is in.

A Visual person will say things like “I see or do you see what I mean.”

Auditory people will say “Do you hear what I am saying or I hear what you are saying or I hear you.”

Digital people will say “Do you know what I mean or I understand what you mean.”

Kinesthetic people will say “I get a feeling for it or I know how your feel.”
Now since you know your partner’s communication mode, here are some “gift” ideas to satisfy your partner.

VISUALS

Gifts (If you know specifically what they like that’s the best, but it is actually the act or gesture of giving the gift is what is so special to them)
Doing things together (i.e. walking, dancing, going to a sporting event or movie) Doing things for them (i.e. cooking for them, cleaning for them or making them a gift)
Playing games (i.e. Board games, cards)

AUDITORY

Talking together
Singing together
Listening to music together
Listening to the radio together
Hearing “I love you”

DIGITAL

Deep philosophical discussions.
Taking the time to understand them and ask them what they are thinking.
Things that help them understand and learn about things such as: Books, Crossword puzzles, Board games, trivia.

KINESTHETIC

Touching
Cuddling
Hugging
Kissing
Holding hands
Rubbing/Massaging them
Bubble bath
Soft clothes
Sex
Stuff Animals or Plushies

GUSTATORY

Food
Going out to eat
Cooking

OLFACTORY

Flowers
Perfumes
Incense
Lotions
Scented Candles

STEP TWO

The second part of what you can do to give you partner a wonderful special occasion or gift is to explore further to find out the specifics of what you partner would like.

Ask them what their ideal day would be, ask them what they would like to do, hear, think and feel. You can then incorporate the list of suggestions above into their perfect day.

The bottom line is that we are all unique; therefore we all have our own unique wants and needs. What could be a more beautiful gift for your love one than a gift that reflects the uniqueness of the person? Taking the time to learn your partner’s communication modes also strengthens the foundation of your relationship which will also be an everlasting gift for the both of you.

Do you want to have the relationship of your dreams with your partner? Check out our relationship home study e-book program Counsellor in a Box (www.counsellorinabox.com).

Have You Accused Your Faithful Spouse of Cheating? Here's 5 Ways On How To Make It Up To Him or Her

By Melody Chase

Falsely accusing your faithful partner of having an affair can really throw your relationship for a loop. A loss of trust has occurred and on top of that it leaves you as the perpetrator in a real awkward position of not knowing what to do now since the potential damage has been done.

Is there a way to reverse or at least make up for what you have done? Time is the best remedy but during the early healing process of your relationship, the following are some suggestions on how to help your partner and your relationship get back to on track.

1)Apologize: Apologizing for your mistake is the best gesture to show that you are sincere and are serious about regaining the trust and positive upstate that your relationship had before.

2)Take Responsibility For Your Actions: Tell your spouse that you take responsibility for your accusation and that the reason why you accused them of having an affair was an unresolved issue that has to do with you, not them.

3)Promise Them That You Will Take Care of Your Own Issues: Say to your partner you are going to investigate why you have trust issues and that you will take the initiative to heal yourself so you will not do that again to him or her. For example, when you were child, one of your parents had an affair and got caught and it had such a traumatic effect on you that you are now sensitive towards being hurt in the same way and are focused on preventing that from happening to you to a point where you jump the gun or overreact. Therefore it is in your own best interest to heal your trauma and in the best interest of your relationship to deal with the trauma as well.

4)Empathize With Your Partner: Empathize or learn empathy techniques so you can empathize with how you spouse is feeling so they feel validated and understood which will increase their ability to heal, forgive and regain your trust. Even say that you understand and it’s o.k. if they are angry at you because you would feel the same way if it happened to you.

5)Give Your Partner Some Time to Heal and Regain Trust: Give you partner some time and space. Trying to force forgiveness or trust or expecting them just to get over it doesn’t hurry up the process; it’ll actually slow the process down. Time is yours and your partner’s best friend.

Due to the awkwardness of accusing your faithful partner of having an affair, it is almost instinctual to just want to laugh it off, however if you step up and make a sincere effort to see the incident as an opportunity for your relationship to grow, before you know it, you and your partner will be having the fun and laughs and regular way of relating to each others just the way you used to.

Are you looking for ways to improve your relationship? Check out our Counsellor in a Box Relationship Home Study Program at www.counsellorinabox.com

Top 5 Ways To For A Couple To Deal With Chronic Illness


It may seem like this topic isn’t the happiest topic to have as our final blog entry before the New Year, however since capacity, availability and self-love is so important to a relationship, I thought what better way to start the New Year off for a couple where one partner has a chronic illness than with some helpful tips to make the best of their situation.

When one partner has a chronic illness in a relationship, the illness can be stressful enough as it is, but it can also put a lot of stress on the relationship as a whole as well.

When I was a growing up, my Mom was ill quite frequently and my Dad suffered from depression, so I got to see first hand the stresses of illness on a couple let alone a family. So I made it a life mission to learn as much about health, depression and all areas of relationships so I could one day help other couples out there who may suffer from the similar stresses of living with a partner who has a chronic illness.

The following are some of the suggestions that I have gathered over the years for the partner of someone who has a chronic illness:

Take Time For Yourself: If you are living with a partner who has a chronic illness, the best way to relieve stress, to recharge, and to be at your highest and best is to make it a priority to take time to breath and focus on your own needs. You do not want to get sick as well and your partner would want nothing more than for you to be healthy and happy. Seeing you happy also will help your partner to feel better too.

Don’t Hesitate To Ask For Help: Just as important as taking time for yourself, is also asking for help and embracing help from others. The power of family and friends can have an amazing healing power for both you and your partner. Getting help from a professional support worker, caregiver or nurse is just as important whenever possible, so everyone can take turns in being strong and supportive for you and your partner. If you have a choice in selecting your support worker, care worker or nurse, look for someone who absolutely loves what they do and watch them do their magic by providing a warm and supportive environment.

Share As Much Time Together With Your Partner Doing Things and Interests That You Both Have In Common: Do activities that you both love doing together in order to keep yourself bonded and connected together instead of focusing on the illness, even if it is as simple as snuggling together, playing cards, doing a puzzle or watching your favorite show together. Don’t forget to talk and connect at a deep level and share each other’s thoughts, dreams and feelings as often as possible in order to maintain your special emotional bond that the two of you have together.

Make Each Other Laugh: Make it a daily ritual to make your partner laugh, at a bare minimum of at least a day, and ideally as often as possible. Laughing is great for body circulation, energy circulation, getting air in the lungs, releasing tension, releasing pleasure or feel good chemicals in the brain and bonds people together. What better way to heal and have fun for you and your partner then being able to share a good laugh together.

Find Others To Talk To: With most of the centre of attention being on your partner, you may forget that you may need a little attention too, so find a friend or family member who knows how to listen who can focus on you, so you can talk about whatever you would like to talk about.

The key to any successful relationship is being able to maintain an emotional bond no matter what is going on in the relationship as well as balance and having both members in the relationship having their needs met. When there is one member in the relationship who has a chronic illness, it makes maintaining a successful relationship harder, but as long as both members continue to do what they do best which is loving each others, love themselves and honoring their commitment to their relationship they will always be happy and successful no matter what happens.


On Behalf of Dr. Robby and Myself…

Happy New Year!!!

Melody Chase