Melody Chase's Relationship Advice Video Debut

Hi Everyone,

Happy New Year!

I am Happy To Announce My Relationship Advice Video Debut and that I will be creating a Relationship Advice Series!

Warm Regards,

Melody Chase




P.S. The Websites I mention in the Video are:

Counsellor in a Box Home Relationship Rescue and Repair Home Study Program: http://www.counsellorinabox.com

How To Find Out If You Are With Your Soul-mate: The Love By Design System: http://www.lovebydesignbook.com

Melody Chase's Relationship and Self-Growth Information HQ Blog: http://www.melodychasesrelationshipinfo.wordpress.com

Life Quest Publishing: http://www.lifequestpublishing.com

How To Keep Your Faith: A Major Key In Getting Your Ex-Partner Back

Matthew 17:20: And He said to them, "Because of the littleness of your faith; for truly I say to you, if you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move; and nothing will be impossible to you.”

Mindy sat staring off into space, her cellphone still in her hand. Her ex-boyfriend just called to say he was coming with a truck tomorrow to pick up the last of his stuff to take over to his new girlfriend’s house.

Mindy should be used to this by now, over the last 3 months her ex-boyfriend had slowly but surely been taking apart and separating all of their belongings and connection that they had to each others.

Mindy hasn’t given up whatsoever in getting her boyfriend back. She has read books on how to get her lover back and has gone on a journey of Self-love, Self-Discovery and Relationship Mastery plus she has heard and seen so many success stories of couples getting back together against all odds.

So the belief was there, the issue that she had that would shake her confidence the most and even her faith was when what she would see before her seemed so real and symbolic of change and separation and of her ex-boyfriend carrying on.

Her ex-boyfriend taking the last of his belongings was one of these changes that really shook her belief and faith like an earthquake. Then add on the after-shocks of such “apparent realities” as her ex-boyfriend seeming so happy and inspired by his new girlfriend and how he talks about how well they get along and hearing about their future plans.

Then there was the original earthquake that shook Mindy to her core – when her ex-boyfriend choose the new girlfriend instead of herself after she caught him cheating with this other woman and how he claimed that he would never come back to Mindy.

Mindy has just heard encouraging news in the entertainment world – she had heard about the Reality Stars from “The Bachelor” Series – Jake the Bachelor and his final rose pick Vienna who he was engaged to had just broken-up.

Pretty much anyone who watched the show was against Jake picking Vienna because Vienna’s motives were suspect by how she played the game and she really didn’t have anything in common with Jake.

Yet Jake and Vienna did such an amazing job of coming across as being deeply in love and having the attraction, romance and adventure that even Mindy (although at first Mindy knew beyond a doubt that they would break-up) got pulled into the illusion that the couple would last.

So now Mindy was experiencing the same issue with her ex-boyfriend – getting pulled into a certain reality that wasn’t true or at least is highly likely not to be true – yet with a lot of smoke and mirrors (or sometimes even with no smoke or mirrors at all) anything can become convincing especially when a person is attached to a certain outcome.

So how then does Mindy continue with having faith and not give into the potential illusions presented in front of her?

Since this is such a common experience for people who are in the process of getting their partner back, I have created a list of ways on how to approach your situation if you are feeling or going through with Mindy is going through as well:

1) More Time Spent With the Other Man or Woman and Less Time With You Is To Your Benefit

The saying that “absence makes the heart grow fonder is true” – the greatest fear about no communication or not being with your ex-partner all the time is that he or she is going to forget you completely, forget all the positive aspects of your relationship or get completely spun and distracted by the other man or woman and your partner will just disappear into activity and happy land with the other man or woman.

However it is when you are not pressuring or pursing your ex-partner that your ex-partner’s defenses go down and they have time to think and remember everything about you.

As well this gives your ex-partner time to recover and heal from any stresses or strains in your relationship and your ex-partner will begin to feel a draw towards you again instead of the draw to pull away which were caused for a number of reasons usually due to a build up of toxicities and deficiencies in your relationship and a perfectly timed game plan on the part of the other man or woman.

The good news is that the Courtship Phase (Everyone puts a good face on and is busy pursuing the other person stage) and the Honeymoon Stage (Celebrating the win of getting the other man or woman) does start to wear off – so time and being away from your ex-partner is on your side.

So think of the time that you are not spending with your ex-partner as a perennial seed that is growing under the surface and in the spring, when it comes to the light of day signifies the beginning of a new relationship with your partner whereas the seed that was planted with this other man or woman is just an annual that will just die off at the end of the season and will no longer return.

2) Don’t Give Into Potential Illusions

Our society thrives on spin and trying to control the opinions of others and create certain impressions with others – so as a rule in life in general be open with the curiosity of child but never take anything at face value otherwise you are just at the mercy of one spin after the other.

So yes, maybe your ex-partner is happy or maybe your ex-partner is high on oxytocin, serotonin and dopamine and will soon have a rude awakening once the Honeymoon Stage is over.

Maybe your ex already knows he or she has made a mistake and is too embarrassed to own up to this yet or is struggling to make things work with the other man or woman and doesn’t want any outside interference so he or she puts on a good front.

Maybe he or she is scared to leave because he or she realizes he/she is addicted to this other person and like an alcoholic or a smoker he/she needs to leave when he/she is ready and your ex-partner doesn’t want to get your hopes up in case he/she doesn’t have the strength to stay away and has to go back and forth to the other man or woman a few times before the relationship is done for good.

Your ex-partner may be in denial and in coping mode and one day will wake up realize you are the one and just leaves the other man or woman and comes back to you.

You can see how exhausting and an up and down roller-coaster of emotions this could cause for you if you followed along with any of these scenarios – so it is best to not give the time of day to anything that appears to be going on or not going on or anything that your ex says or does until one day he or she shows up asking if you will take him or her back and that the other relationship is done for good.

3) Make Positive Thought a Priority

After a break-up you are grieving, in shock and often in denial of all the change going on in your life – add fear, worry and doubt about ever getting your ex-partner back and no wonder why so may people experiencing this end-up having to take time off work, go on anxiety and anti-depressants, develop health problems, go for counselling and unfortunately often give up on getting their partner back.

So the healthiest thing you can do for yourself let alone for getting your ex-partner back is to learn how to make Positive Thought a Priority and your new way of thinking.

You have the rest of your life to choose fearful and negative thoughts so why not take this opportunity to try a different approach to thinking and if you feel it doesn’t work for you, you can always go back to the old way of thinking at any time.

So if you chose to go the Positive Thinking Route – make this into a Full Out Positive Thinking Campaign – be absolutely relentless in switching from negative thoughts to positive thoughts – don’t deny, resist or beat yourself up for having a negative thought – just be aware that you are having one then as soon as you can chose to think the opposite of the negative thought or just chose any positive thought you can think of to get back into a positive upstate.

As part of your Positive Thinking Campaign you need to come from a state of detachment and preference and think, say and feel that you are confident, you are capable, you are calm, you are relaxed, you are loving and lovable - think of yourself as all of these things and imagine what it would feel like to be all of these things and hold those thoughts and feelings with you for as long as you can and as often as you can - especially at night before you go to bed.


As well imagine and feel what it would be like for you and your ex-partner to be together again, the two of you getting along and for him or her to be joyful, connected and unconditionally loving with you - this is far more powerful and beneficial to you then focusing on the negatives of the past and the potential negatives of the future and if you are honest with yourself – has being negative helped you up until this point in your life?

So it is time to try something completely different and become 100% committed and relentless towards being confident, positive and having faith that all will be well for you and everyone.

Yes, you can be aware of the potential of negative outcomes - that is okay so you are not in resistance but at the end of the day you can handle your situation as it comes especially if you are calm and relaxed because then you can think clearly and create a calming atmosphere so any issues can be resolved peacefully - much better than being on guard and expecting the worse.

A Positive Thinking Campaign can help change your perception and reaction to your world. You can change that now by deciding to become dedicated to Positive Thinking and as you go you will discover that it will become more and more of a habit and a natural way of life as your subconscious mind absorbs this new way of thinking and eventually your new creations will override your old subconscious mind patterns, programs and way of thinking. You will also be so inspired by the feedback in your subjective reality you will want to create your world the way you like to by conscious choice all the time.

Even if you start off just for an hour a day and keep expanding your Positive Thinking Campaign from there. I even created a Contract for myself where I went on a 24 hr Positive Thinking Campaign that I signed in order to get myself started when I first changed over to Positive Thinking.

Once I tried the contract a couple of times I realized I wanted to make the switch to full-time Positive Thinking because I was no longer suffering in fear and just having the odd negative thought was such a better way to live then having the Negative Thoughts in control of my life.

Just to clarify as well, this doesn’t mean deny your emotions once you are already emotionally triggered or in a negative mental spin or simply still grieving the changes that have happened. You still need to lovingly embrace your feelings and just feel through the emotions and be in non-resistance to your reaction in order to fully release it.

Then from a state of detachment and preference - focus on what you do want to create – especially just before you go to bed – this a very powerful time for your subconscious mind to be impressed and it will set the tone for your next day.

With a Positive Thinking Campaign you will no longer keep yourself in a state of worry and doubt and in doing so not only will you feel more relaxed and at peace – the Positive Thinking will become a natural habit overtime and your life, environment and relationship will become a reflection of this.

In addition to the three suggestions above there is one last important thing to keep in mind and it was what the Quote by Matthew said – if all else fails and you are having a bad day and the illusions seem so real – just remember all you need is the faith the size of a mustard seed and you can move mountains!

Warm Regards,

Melody Chase

For More Information on What You Can Do To Get Your Ex-Partner Back Check-out Our Counsellor in a Box Relationship Repair Home Study Program at http://www.counsellorinabox.com

Relationship Advice: 7 Reasons Why Your Partner Chooses Not To Communicate – Part 4

Welcome to Part 4 of our 4 Part Series called “7 Reasons Why Your Partner Chooses Not To Communicate.

For this part let’s talk about your partner being a Hopeless Romantic.

7) Hopeless Romantic:

There are people out there who are for lack of a better description – hopeless romantics – they want to be rescued (i.e. give them what they desiring) and they assume that you will know this and that you will pursue them.

An example would be at the end of a movie with Keanu Reeves and Cameron Diaz.

In the movie their two characters became lovers but they had gotten themselves into trouble and Cameron’s character took off on her own to avoid the police.

A few months later she sent an email to Keanu Reeve’s character telling him that she is in Las Vegas now and is happy pursing her dream as a Showgirl.

Keanu rushed off the Las Vegas and was reading this letter to his Taxi Driver. The Taxi Driver said that he was confused because no where in the letter did Cameron Diaz’s character say that she wanted Keanu’s character to come meet up with her in Las Vegas.

Keanu’s character said it isn’t what she said but what she didn’t say.

Now luckily Keanu's character was in tune enough to this woman to realize that the letter itself was a message to pursue her but if a couple is busy and distracted with their everyday life it would be very easy not to pick up on what their partner is really desiring if they are not giving any indications.

So this completes the 7 Reasons For Why People Chose Not To Communicate.

For more information about why couples don't communicate as well as proven communication techniques to get your partner talking check out our Counsellor in a Box Relationship Rescue and Repair Home Study Program at http://www.counsellorinabox.com

Warm Regards,

Melody Chase

Relationship Advice: 7 Reasons Why Your Partner Chooses Not To Communicate – Part 3

Welcome to Part 3 of our 4 Part Series on why your partner chooses not to communicate.

For Part 3 we are going to be going the next 3 reasons out of 7 which are:

3) Your Partner is a Narcissist
4) Conditioned To Keep Things To Themselves
5) Burnt-out/Overwhelmed

3) Your Partner is a Narcissist

Narcissists expect others to know what they want and if others do not know it is the others people’s responsibility to find out and the Narcissist is not going to lift a finger to assist because according to them it is their birthright for others to figure out what their needs and wants are. It is not in their job description to be responsible for being understood or communicate.

4) Conditioned To Keep Things To Themselves

Some people, especially males are conditioned to become the strong silent types often as a result of picking it up from their family, community or society where it may seem the honorable way to be or it is respectful or even seen as a sign of strength where as expressing how one feels or thinks is considered a weakness. A person may also be conditioned to be non-communicative because they were punished or abused for speaking their mind. Your partner may have also had his/her heart broken in the past so he/she is afraid to open up in any area of communication in order to protect his or herself.

5) Burnt -out/Overwhelmed:

When a person is burnt out it is really hard to muster up energy to do anything, this includes wanting to talk and communicate especially if the topic at hand is a hard topic to handle or talk about. So your partner may be burnt out because of the current situation you are in, burnt out from talking to you all the time in the past, especially if issues were never resolved or they are simply burnt out from life in general and it really has nothing to do with you, you may be a part if a much larger life problem whether that is being caused by family, school, community or a former relationship partner. Likewise if a person is really overwhelmed by things going on in one's life they may not be able to talk or communicate either.

6) Given Up:

Sometimes a person gets to a point where after they tried and tried in the relationship they just break on all levels - emotionally, physically, spiritually and they just give up and completely check out of the relationship. The are apathetic and is what we describe as having both feet out the door - if apathy is involved they have gone past the point of no return and there is no hope for the relationship to be resuscitated. In the last part of our series will be discussing Reason #7 – Your Partner is a Hopeless Romantic.

Warm Regards,

Melody Chase

For more information about why couples don't communicate as well as proven communication techniques to get your partner talking check out our Counsellor in a Box Relationship Rescue and Repair home Study Program at http://www.counsellorinabox.com

Relationship Advice: 7 Reasons Why Your Partner Chooses Not To Communicate - Part Two

In Part One of our Series we talked people simply being non-communicative by nature.

Now for Part Two Let’s Discuss People Who Are Conflict Avoidant for reasons for why you partner may chose not to communicate with you:

2) Conflict Avoidant:

There are certain personalities such as what is called the Amiable or Stabilizer personality whose natural disposition for harmony and for everyone to get along also causes them to be conflict avoidant.

Amiable personality people are not as dominant as some of the other personalities so they are just not going to have the urge to take the risk and stand up for their rights so they don’t end up communicating what their requirements, needs and wants are especially if they are with a dominant or competitive partner.

Plus if their partner is very reactive, or even just a little bit reactive this can cause an Amiable personality person to retreat into themselves or physically try to avoid their partner due to the amount of stress and discomfort they feel that a person of a different personality would not feel the same intensity of.

Another potential conflict avoidant person is the Analytical Personality Type Person. Analytical people are more dominant than an Amiable but otherwise are more passive then the rest of the personalities.

They are into rules and procedures and it is important for them to be right and for other people to go along with their rules.

Due to their Analytical nature and attention to detail they are also black and white, all or nothing thinkers and they make decisions in the all or nothing way leaving no room for grey or potential for creative solution above and beyond what they can logically understand and/or prove.

So if met with a conflict, Analytical people will deal with the situation one of
two ways - if it is something they are really passionate about and have more a dominant personality mixed in with their Analytical side or if they feel safe with who they are with they will argue their point until the cows home.

However if they are less dominant, been conditioned not to argue, are burnt -out from arguing all the time or is with someone who is too aggressive and reactive to their opinions, the Analytical person will keep his/her opinions to his or herself then one of 3 things will happen - the unresolved issue will fester and the Analytical will get more and resentful - resentful being something that is common since Analyticals are often more negative and cynical by nature.

The second thing that could happen is the repressed need or opinion gets added to the stack of the rest of the issues that the Analytical is holding in and this leads to emotionally shutting down and disconnection from their partner.

As well because of the Analytical’s black and white thinking whether it is one incident or twenty something in the Analytical snaps and he/she totally writes off his/her partner, the partner may feel it and see that the Analytical partner may no longer give his/her partner the time of day, but he/she has written off his/her partner and has just not said anything nor does he/she have any interest in telling him/her so because he/she is done and it no longer matters to him or her.

In Part 3 of our series will be discussing 4 reasons since they are shorter in length including – Your Partner is a Narcissist, Conditioned To Keep Things To Themselves, Burnt-out/Overwhelmed and Given Up.

Warm Regards,

Melody Chase

For more information about why couples don't communicate as well information about the different personalities and how to test to see what yours and your partner’s personalities are check out our Counsellor in a Box Relationship Rescue and Repair Home Study Program at http://www.counsellorinabox.com

Relationship Advice: 7 Reasons Why Your Partner Chooses Not To Communicate - Part One

At our Centre For Life Management and with our Online Clients and Readers we have a lot of people asking why their partners chose to never talk about what they were upset about and then one day their partner just gets up and leaves the relationship without ever wanting to talk things over and resolve anything.

For the one partner who does believe in talking and discussing issues and what is upsetting them it is hard to understand why their partner would chose to be silent and then just throw the relationship away without even trying to fight for it.

This type of situation is more common that you would think and whether the following information can be used to help you to understand how to get your partner to open up before it is too late, to get your partner back if they have left or to even just have closure if your partner has decided to carry on it is worth taking the time to find out.

So the Following Are Potential Reasons Why Your Partner Has Chosen Not To Communicate With You In The Relationship:

1) Non- Communicative People
2) Conflict Avoidant
3) Your Partner is a Narcissist
4) Conditioned To Keep Things To Themselves
5) Burnt -out/Overwhelmed
6) Given Up
7) Hopeless Romantic

I will be going over 7 Potential Reasons Why Your Partner Chooses Not Communication by splitting the Reason into a 4 Part Series.

For Part One let’s talk about Non-Communicative People

1) Non- Communicative People:

There are people who by their natural dispositions are not talkers and are often thinkers versus talkers.

At the Centre For Life Management we talk about the Four Styles Of Communication Modes which are how people communicate, learn as well as give and receive love.

One of these four types of Communication Modes is what is called an “Auditory
Person”. Auditory people are designed to talk, they have the gift of the gab and can speak without rehearsing often off the top of their head.

They in fact need to talk and be talked to in order to feel loved. If your partner is Auditory (unless there is a build up of toxicities of some sort in the relationship causing him or her to shut-down) you will never have trouble getting your partner to talk.

Now if your partner is any of the other Communication Modes other than Auditory then there is a much greater chance that it will be hard to get your partner to open up because it just doesn’t come naturally to him or her.

For example, Visual People are into doing, Digital People are into connection and understanding and Kinesthetic People are into touching and feeling – none of these Communication Modes are naturally inclined to talk a lot with the exception of Philosophical Digital People but if they not Auditory to go along with being Digital they may carry on conversations in their head without realizing that people are not hearing them because they are so convinced that everyone is on the same wavelength as them which is a common trait of a Philosophical Digital person.

In Part Two We Will Be Discussing Your Partner Being Conflict Avoidant

Warm Regards,

Melody Chase

For more information about why couples don't communicate as well as proven communication techniques to get your partner talking check out our Counsellor in a Box Relationship Rescue and Repair home Study Program at http://www.counsellorinabox.com

Start Your Relationship Anew For Valentine’s Day!

Are you and your partner having relationship difficulties and the last thing on your mind that you feel like doing is celebrating Valentine’s Day?

Well, I may have a suggestion as to how and why to celebrate Valentine’s Day in a way like you may never have thought of before.

If you are having relationship difficulties and you feel like your relationship has ground to a stand-still – why not use Valentine’s Day as an opportunity to re-start or start your relationship anew and see your romantic night out or cozy night at home together as the very first date of your new relationship and life together.

At our Centre For Life Management/LMC Relationship Centre we talk about how often when couples have a lot of deficiencies or toxicities in their relationship that after a while all the life gets sucked out of the relationship and the relationship starts spiraling down until it comes to a standstill and there is no where else for the relationship itself to go like a spiral circling inwards.

So what happens when you have no where else to go in the center of the Spiral? Your only choice is to turn around and start traveling outwards and the benefit of this is that a spiral going outwards has room to spiral out to infinity.

A Relationship has this same opportunity when the couple realizes that the direction and choices that they are making in the relationship is taking them to a dead end so all they have to do to start over is to do the opposite of whatever they are currently doing and choosing to do.

The best way to get this process started is by bringing the old relationship including the rules, agreements, expectations and habits to an end in order to start a fresh, clean foundation upon which to create new rules, agreements, expectations/preferences and habits that are functional, life enhancing, inspiring and creates a mutual fulfillment of needs for both partners since relationships are a mutual fulfillment of needs.

Another benefit of ending the original relationship as well is that no one can blame their partners anymore for what they are not getting or getting too much of in the relationship since the old ways are no longer in effect.

Your relationship is a brand new relationship, so just as you wouldn’t bring the baggage or issues about an Ex into your new relationship, you no longer need to bring up and focus on the issues of the past with your partner, unless it can be used as a contrast effect or as a sign-post towards what you do want in your new relationship or simply for healing or closure purposes otherwise the past is the past and you have a brand new relationship to create together.

So why use Valentine’s Day as a launching pad or starting point for your new relationship?

You want to symbolically and energetically release your old relationship so what better symbolic celebration than one that is based on the promise of everlasting love and hope of the relationship and life of your dreams as well as the celebration of the love you already share with your partner – past, present and future.

So some suggestions for closing of the old relationship and beginning of a new one are:

Making a toast over dinner – toasting to the end of the old relationship and a toast to the new relationship and new beginnings.

Replacing your old set of rings with a new set of rings,

Writing on a piece of paper “Old Relationship” then ripping up, burying, burning and throwing the paper away and then write on a new piece of paper “New Relationship” and have both of you sign the paper then frame it or keep it with you all the time or throw out, bury, burn etc anything that has a symbolic meaning to the both of you and then choose something new to symbolize your new relationship.

Go for a walk together and crossover a bridge representing crossing over into a new relationship.

Re-write new vows and read them to each other.

Even renew your marriage or get remarried – anything that is creative, symbolic, meaningful and romantic for the two of you.

So the first step then is to end your old relationship, the 2nd is to celebrate the beginning of your new relationship.

From there you will begin your journey of discovery to find out what relationship systems work and are functional, healthy, and life enhancing for the two of you such as our Counsellor in a Box Relationship Home Study Program (http://www.counsellorinabox.com ) that helps couples to re-build their relationship based on a foundation created out of the understanding of the uniqueness of you and your partner and how to not only find out what each of your unique Requirements, Needs and Wants are but how to give these unique Requirements, Needs and Wants to your partner.

If you have any questions about how to end and/or begin the Rebuilding Process of your Relationship you can contact Dr. Robby or myself at relationshipcentre@shaw.ca

Warm Regards,

Melody Chase

Happy Valentine’s Day! Speaking of Valentine’s Day we are having a 50% Off Valentine’s Day Sale From Feb 14^th 9:00am EST to Feb 20 Midnight EST for Our Counsellor in a Box Relationship Home Study Program - Click On The Link Below To Purchase and/or For More Information: http://www.counsellorinabox.com

The Untold Story of Being a Highly Sensitive Person and Your Relationship

In our Love By Design Book and in our Love By Design Top 10 Ten Compatibilities For Relationship Success Free E-course (http://www.lovebydesignbook.com) one of the Top Ten Compatibilities that we talk about is Capacity.

Specifically, do you and your partner have the capacity - mentally, emotionally and physically to be in a relationship?

In our Love By Design Book and in our Love By Design E-course we give some examples of Capacity such as being emotionally, mentally or physically burn-out or if you and/or your partner have a chronic illness how this can effect the synergy and functionality of your relationship.

One area that we touched on but didn’t go into very much detail about was if you and/or your partner is a Highly Sensitive Person.

According Dr. Elaine N. Aron, PhD’s book “The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You." (Published by Broadway Books, 1997), being a Highly Sensitive Person “means your nervous system is more sensitive to subtleties. Your sight, hearing and sense of smell are not necessarily keener (although it may be) but your brain processes information and reflects on it more deeply.”

Therefore a Highly Sensitive Person is someone who is sensitive or more finely tuned to different forms of energy such as light, sound, temperature, smells, touch and even emotions.

As a Highly Sensitive Person, I have learned that being Highly Sensitive is a blessing, however it took me a while to discover the Positivities and learn how to work with or along side my abilities versus seeing my sensitivities as an up hill battle that was more of a hindrance than a benefit.

Having my old “my sensitivities are an uphill battle” mindset definitely did not help me when I was married to someone who was not as Highly Sensitive as me because:

1) I didn’t know enough and didn’t take the time to try to explain what I was all about so my partner would understand why I had to do things to the beat of my own drum all the time and…

2) My negative attitude towards myself created situations where I was my own worst enemy – afterall if I don’t have my own back and I am not kind, supportive and empathetic towards myself how is anyone else suppose to?

When I was married to my 1^st husband, he was very active and very social and could go 24/7 – I was never able to keep up with him because on top of the normal impact of being Highly Sensitive I did not how to properly take care of myself and even if I did my low level of self-love because of what I used to think was a “disability” (being so sensitive all the time) there was no way I would validate or allow myself to follow my energy and take care of myself properly.

So the end result for me was that I had Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and if I would stay still for longer than 45 minutes at a time I’d fall asleep.

Over time my ex-husband and I grew further and further apart – he’d spend more and more time with family and friends - he was family and friend centred to begin with but he would have to rely on others even more because I just wasn’t up to full capacity to fulfilling his need for constant socializing and activity.

Even though he never expressed his feelings, I’m sure he felt abandoned and lonely as well.

At times, during our marriage I was working a full-time and a part time job so by the end of the day attempting to cook wasn't happening and activities of daily living like cleaning and keeping organized would suffer as well.

So eventually, combined with the rest of our incompatibilities we did get divorced. He carried on and is now remarried and has a child.

Since then I have found Dr. Robby who is Highly Sensitive like myself but even for us we had to adapt to having to follow our own unique energy and rhythms of life to function at our highest and best.

If we didn’t know what we know today, even as two Highly Sensitive People we would have had a lot of Powerstruggles to contend with.

So if there is anything that I would like to get across in this article is the importance of finding out if you and/or your partner is Highly Sensitive and from there do research to see how wonderful, positive and productive your life together can be when you understand your uniqueness and unconditionally love, support, and honour how you and/or your partner need to take care of yourselves.

Just as important too - if you or your partner is Highly Sensitive take the time to ensure that yours and your partner’s perception of being Highly Sensitive is one of joy and celebration of knowing about the amazing gifts that you have been given to share with the world!

So the following are some wonderful resources to find out more about being Highly Sensitive:

“The Highly Sensitive Person. How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You." (Published by Broadway Books,1997) by Dr. Elaine N. Aron, Ph.D

"The Highly Sensitive Person In Love" (Published By Broadway Books, 2000) By Elaine N. Aron, Ph.D

For more information on both of these books see Dr. Elaine N. Aaron’s Website @ http://www.hsperson.com

The following link is to an article from a wonderful newsletter called “The Care & Feeding of Empaths & Highly Sensitive Persons” Newsletter. The article itself is called “What Are Self-Coaching Skills & Why Do Sensitive’s Need Them?” by Carolyn Wilson-Elliot.

Even though I just recently read the article, the article really helped me to empower my abilities as a Highly Sensitive Person – once you read it you’ll know and get a sense of what I mean – here is the link:

http://quantumspirit.net/Empaths/Home/WhatareSelf-CoachingSkills/index.cfm

As well, there are many, many people out there who will encourage you and support you.

My article today was inspired after talking to a wonderful person I know on Twitter who’s Twitter Account name is @RevMeKila

If you go to my @ChannelofLight Account (my @MelodyChase Account as well) on Twitter and check out the Profiles of people that I follow you will see an amazing support network of Highly Sensitive People are out there - so go by your feelings and energy if you are drawn to follow any of these amazing people!

Warm Regards

Melody Chase

Want 2 Save Your Relationship? We have a free e-course, free video tutorials & free tips for you @ http://www.counsellorinabox.com/FreeVideos.html

Unavailability: The Silent Relationship Enemy – Part Two

Welcome back for Part Two of our Two Part series on Unavailability.

In Part One I talked about the 6 areas of availability in a relationship that a couple can be unavailable in.

Now for Part Two let’s discuss what to do now since you know that there is an issue of unavailability.

Part Two – Now What?

I have created the following 3 steps or suggestions on how to deal with issues of unavailability in your relationship.

1) Acknowledge That You or Your Partner/Love Interest is Unavailable

The first step is to see the elephant sitting in the middle of the room for what it is – you and/or your partner is unavailable in one or more ways of being unavailable.

This will give you a base to work with in order to deal with you issue which is now officially real versus being ignored or invisible.

2) Acknowledge The Possibility That You May Not Be Able To Get Your Needs Met With This Partner/Love Interest:

It is important to acknowledge that you may not be able to get your needs met with your partner/love interest if you choose to stay in the relationship with him/her and release all expectations in the relationship.

It is like the Serenity Prayer by Elizabeth Sifton "God, Give us the grace to accept with serenity the things that cannot be changed, Courage to change the things which should be changed, And the wisdom to distinguish the one from the other."

3) Develop a Plan To Bridge The Incompatibility Gaps:

In both our Love By Design (http://www.lovebydesignbook.com ) and Counsellor in a Box Relationship Home Study Program (http://www.counsellorinabox.com )

We talk about negotiation and creative solutions.

This is what is going to have to happen if you choose to stay in a relationship with an unavailable person.

Yes you can choose to accept your situation for what it is but keep in mind that you will not be getting your needs met so you will have to be at peace with this.

You can also leave the relationship if you and your partner/love interest chooses not to negotiate or come up with creative solutions.

However if you have chosen to negotiate and/or use creative solutions you will have to learn how to negotiate in ways that work best for the both of you since both of you are unique.

Even more important both you and your partner/love interest need to have an open mind and think outside of the box to come up with creative solutions that are win/win and are highest and best for both of you.

Your power lies in your intention for what is highest and best for all versus logic so be open to all possibilities when it comes to creative solutions and/or negotiations and allow your creative minds to flow and your imagination play in harmony together.

If you need further advice on negotiation and creative solutions we have extensive information and resources in our Counsellor in a Box Home Study Relationship Program @ http://www.counsellorinabox.com

Wishing You All The Best,

Melody Chase


Do You Want to Save, Improve or Repair Your Relationship? We Have a Free 7 part E-Course, Free Video Tutorials & Free Tips For You ! Visit us @ http://www.counsellorinabox.com/FreeVideos.html

Unavailability: The Silent Relationship Enemy – Part One

We often have clients who come in to see us for relationship advice and counselling because their partner/ love interest appears to be into them, attracted and/or in love with them yet is never available. Our clients always seem to be fighting for their partner/love interest’s time and attention.

If you are one of these baffled people like these clients, I have created the following two part article to assist you in two areas in particular.

In the 1^st area or Part 1 of our series I will list the 6 types of availability so you can see which area or areas that you or your partner may not be available in and in Part 2 I will give you some suggestions as to what to do about your situation now since you are aware that there is in fact an issue of unavailability going on in your relationship.

Part One: 6 Types of Availability

At our Centre For Life Management and in our Love By Design Book (http://www.lovebydesignbook.com ) we talk about 6 types of Availability in a relationship.

Knowing what they are will help you to understand what they are and accept that they are real as well as at a bare minimum acknowledge that there is an issue that needs to be addressed in your relationship.

The 6 types of availability in a relationship are as follows: (I will include examples of “unavailability” for each of them)

1) Geographic – Your partner/love interest lives in a different city, town, location etc.

2) Social – Your partner/love interest is married or dating or living with someone else

3) Emotional – Your partner/love interest is shut down and can't deal with situations, emotions and affection

4) Physical – Your partner/love interest is not affectionate or he/she cannot do anything or go out because of illness or other reasons

5) Sexual - Your partner/love interest can't or won’t have sex with you

6) Mentally – Your partner/love interest is not on the same page - no form of communication connects with him/her

As I mentioned, in Part Two we will be discussing what to do now since you are aware of yours and your partner’s unavailability.

Warm Regards,

Melody Chase

Do You Want to Save, Improve or Repair Your Relationship? We Have a Free 7 part E-Course, Free Video Tutorials & Free Tips For You! Visit us @ http://www.counsellorinabox.com/FreeVideos.html

Making A Long Distance Relationship Work – Part 5

Welcome To part 5 of our 5 part series on “Making a Long Distance Relationship Work”

In Part 4 I talked about whether both of you have support systems. Now for the last part of our series let’s talk about whether both of you are interested in learning Relationship Mastery or Relationship Success Skills.

Part 5 - Are You Both Interested In Learning Relationship Mastery or Relationship Success Skills?

In our Counsellor in a Box Relationship Home Study Course (http://www.counsellorinabox.com ), we talk about what we call “Ad-ons”, Mini-Counselling Techniques, General Relationship Knowledge, Relationship Success or Relationship Mastery Skills.

What all of these terms are and what they are used for are that they are skills and techniques that are designed to enhance and make the best out of a couple’s situation in areas where they are not compatible.

Rather than people having to “Change” when they are not 100% compatible, these Relationship Mastery or Relationship Skills are techniques that people can “Ad-On” to themselves that will immensely help them “relate” in their relationship.

Some examples of these Skills or Techniques include Communication Techniques, Conflict Resolution Techniques, Negotiation Techniques, learning how to talk in each other’s Communication Modes and working along with one of the most important things to remember about relationships – that relationships are a mutual fulfillment of needs and you need to know what your partner needs in order to give your partner what he/she wants in the way he/she wants it (in ways that does not take away yourself or cause you to be inauthentic of course)

Even with couples who are highly compatible, if they have developed or learned any dysfunctional ways of relating to one another Relationship Mastery Skills and Techniques will be needed to override what they have learned.

Last but not least if members of a couple have unresolved childhood wounds that filter their perception of reality and that cause them to make decisions based on past behaviour and the past in general - on top of healing these wounds (which may or may take time) there are Relationship Mastery Skills that are needed to help keep the couple focused and making decisions based on their present reality.

An example of Relationship Mastery Skills that would help keep the couple focused would be using Communication Techniques that make sure that the person doing the talking is taking ownership of his/her own feelings and perceptions using “I feel” statements and statements such as “In My Opinion” or ‘In my perception of the situation...”

Relationship Mastery Skills may also be needed to “referee” the “triggers” or emotional outbursts that are often the result of childhood wounds being activated.

An example of a Relationship Mastery Skill that helps to prevent or referee a trigger is by being in the mindset of what we call at the Centre the L.A.N.A. Mindset (Love, Acceptance, Non-Resistance, Allowance) before entering into a conversation with you partner to avoid negative emotions that may be triggered for both the person talking and the person listening.

So you may be thinking that logically if you are in a Long Distance Relationship you won’t need to learn and use Relationship Mastery Skills because you are not with each other in continuous communication and since you are not living together what kind of negotiation would the two of you possibly need to attend to?

The reality is that it is even more important to have Relationship Mastery Skills when you are in a Long Distance Relationship because as long as you are in a relationship regardless of how far away – you still need to relate to each other.

Plus not only are the two you susceptible to the normal communication traps of individual perception, interpretation, definitions and filters - with less forms of communication available to interpret what each other are trying to say (since communication involves not only what you say but your body language/facial expression and tone of voice to create the full picture of what you are saying) this opens both of you up to much more miscommunication and misunderstanding.

So if you are in a Long Distance Relationship you need to make sure that having and/or learning Relationship Mastery Skills is a requirement in your relationship.

If your partner is not on board, this will lower your success rate of communication and functionally in the relationship but even if you just make it your own mission to learn as much as you can in the areas of communication, conflict resolution and negotiation techniques it will make for a much stronger relationship built on understanding and cooperation.

So of course, I’d recommend our Counsellor in a Box Home Study Program (http://www.counsellorinabox.com) that includes an entire Mainbook Chapter and Workbook Chapter on Relationship Mastery Skills, a mini-book on Communication Modes and a mini-book on Negotiation – but any resources you can find on Relationship Mastery is a great place to start.

It is also important to remember that we learn best through our own Communication Modes or Channels so each person is different as to what skills and techniques will work best for them so keep searching until you find material and resources that feel comfortable, easy and makes the most sense to you and encourage your partner to do the same if he or she is searching as well.

So this concludes our 5 part series, we at the Centre wish you and your long –distance relationship all the best.

If you have any questions you can email us @ relationshipcentre@shaw.ca

Warm Regards,

Melody Chase
Centre For Life Management
http://www.trueloveondemand.com
http://www.lovebydesignbook.com
http://www.counsellorinabox.com
http://www.drrobbyonline.com
Email: relationshipcentre@shaw.ca
(204) 475-0323

If you are looking for more suggestions on how to have a successful Long-Distance Relationship – check-out our Counsellor in a Box Relationship Home Study Program at http://www.counsellorinabox.com

Real-life, Practical, Proven Solutions, Support and Resources To Help You Create The Relationship of Your Dreams!

Making A Long Distance Relationship Work – Part 4

Welcome To Part 4 of our 5 part series on “Making a Long Distance Romance Work”

In Part 3 I talked about whether both you and your partner feel loved - now for Part 4 let’s talk about “Do Both Of You have A Support System?”

Part 4 – Do You Both Have A Support System?

In one of our other series called “How To Stop Being Enmeshed With Your Ex- Partner – Part 3 Seek Support Elsewhere” (http://www.lovebydesignbook.blogspot.com) we talked about how not only is this world abundant, there is also an abundance of people willing to give you support for whatever issues you may have including of course needing support when you are in a Long Distance Relationship.

Not only is having a Long-Distance relationship susceptible to all the same types of issues that a couple that see each other everyday has, there are also issues unique to being in a Long-Distance Relationship.

These Long-Distance Relationship issues can be anything from being lonely, feeling left out from hanging out with other couples (or feeling like the third wheel), to trust issues and the potential deficiencies and toxicities that I have already been discussing throughout this series.

So it is vital to your Long Distance Relationship to make sure you have a support system set-up and functioning for you whether that is your family, friends, even support counsellors.

Check to see if there are support groups in your area and don’t count out systems of support that can be found on the internet such as http://www.loveshack.org/forums/ which is Relations Website Forum that has a specific forum on Long Distance Relationships.

It’s worth the time to do the research and make sure to keep in touch with your friends, family and community even if you do not seek out specific support, having the company and sense of connection with others is supportive in and of itself.

Just as important, you need to encourage your Long-Distance partner to have a support system set up as well since just like when on a team, the team is as strong as its weakest link.

In Part 5, we will be discussing whether both interested in learning relationship mastery or relationship success skills, so don’t forget to come back and visit!

Warm Regards Melody Chase

Centre For Life Management

http://www.trueloveondemand.com

http://www.lovebydesignbook.com

http://www.counsellorinabox.com

http://www.drrobbyonline.com

Email: relationshipcentre@shaw.ca

(204) 475-0323

If you are looking for more suggestions on how to have a successful Long-Distance Relationship – check-out our Counsellor in a Box Relationship Home Study Program at http://www.counsellorinabox.com

Real-life, Practical, Proven Solutions, Support and Resources To Help You Create The Relationship of Your Dreams!

Plus ...

Want to Save Your Marriage Or Relationship? Get Your FREE Video Tutorials, Reports and
Templates to Get any Ex Back Today!
http://www.counsellorinabox.com/FreeVideos.html

Making A Long Distance Relationship Work– Part 3

In Part 2 of our 5 part series on "How To Make Your Long Distance Relationship Work" we talked about whether all your needs are being met in the relationship.

Now for Part 3 let's discuss the topic of “Do Both of You Feel Loved?”

3) Do Both Of You Feel Loved?

In Part 2 of our series I was talking about the importance keeping the love, connection, passion and communication going for those stretches between physical visits with your long-distance partner.

The best way to go about doing this is to find out what yours and your partner’s communication modes are and come up with creative ways of expressing yourselves through your Communication Modes.

In addition, understanding and communicating in each other’s communication modes is important in and of itself in order to avoid deficiencies in many areas of your relationship including actual communication and the ability give love and feel love as Dr. Robby explains in the following excerpt from our Counsellor in a Box Communication Mode Mini-Book: (http://www.counsellorinabox.com)

Dr. Robby says:

“Communication is the result you get. Different people are on different channels. We learn, we express love and communicate through different modes or combinations of modes. It is important to know who you are playing with, what channel they are playing on or else your communication will not be very effective.”

“We basically all want to get what we want. If you cannot get your message through of what your needs, wants, dreams, goals and visions are, you will be very frustrated and stressed. You will feel very empty if you cannot communicate the love you have to give and the love you want, so an understanding of communication mode love strategies is a basic skill for relationship success.”

So what I will now do is give you:

A brief description of the Communication Modes.

A quick verbal way to tell what yours and your partner’s communication modes are.

Some examples of how you can communicate with your partner in each other’s communication modes.

REMEMBER Relationships are a mutual fulfillment of needs which means you need to give your partner what he/she wants in the way he/she wants it – so keep in mind that you want to look for ways on how your can express your love towards your partner and communicate in your partner’s communication mode and then explain if needed to your partner how you would like to receive your communication - by giving first to your partner, your partner will be better able to understand because he/she will be able to feel your love towards him/her and will be able to understand what you are teaching better since we all learn best via our own communication modes. In Dr. Robby’s Excerpt, he mentioned Love Strategies - there is an article by Bob Scheinfeld about Love Strategies that he had learned from Tony Robbin’s “Three Days to Unlimited Power Program.” In Bob Scheinfeld’s article, he explains how a person in each communication mode would like to be loved.

Bob Scheinfeld has an explanation for Visual, Auditory and Kinesthetic people; however, he has left out the Digitals people - so we have added some information on Digitals to his explanation.

One last note before we begin - there are 4 main communication modes and a person can be a blend of 1, 2, 3 or all 4 and some communication modes may be stronger than others.

Visual Communication Mode:

Visual people communicate by seeing and doing. They like activities and they like gifts. They notice people, places and things with just the slightest glance. They feel and share love by doing things with or for other people. They take things at face value and do not look deeper into things. They learn by seeing and doing.

People who are in the Visual love strategy need to “see” that you love them. “Seeing” takes the form of receiving flowers or gifts and/or seeing you do unexpected thoughtful acts for them (like a special romantic evening or getaway, a massage, a day of pampering, etc.). People with this strategy need to see “evidence” or “proof.”

There are some basic things that your partner will say during normal conversations which will help you figure out what mode or modes your partner is in.

A Visual person will say things like “I see or do you see what I mean.”

The most obvious suggestion for a long-distance relationship if your partner and/or you communicate in the Visual channel is take the time to schedule visits to see each other in person whenever possible (without making it too stressful on both of your lifestyles and/or careers since that can create deficiencies and toxicities for both of you and the relationship as well)

Visual people need to see and be with their partner for connection and to feel loved so that “in person” visit is like a “recharge” – it’s like plugging in your cell phone when your batteries are low.

Now for creative ideas to “communicate” in the Visual channel you need to think up as many ways that you can to “see’ each others – keep pictures and videos of your partner and the two of you together on your camera phone, have a webcam set-up when you are emailing each other or chatting using Skype (or other similar technologies), send each others video or live stream of each other via your computer, send each other pictures via emails on the computer (or your camera phones, PDAs etc ) and/or send pictures to each other of each other via the old fashioned snailmail.

There are even home phones now days where you can see each other while talking to each other long-distance.

To get even more creative you can go to one of those photo places (or do some of the following ideas at home too) and get pictures of you or the two of you made into a poster, calendar, keychain, magnet, button –the sky’s the limit – so you will always have each other nearby where both of you can see each other.

It seems simple but you will “see” the huge difference on how loved and connected the two of you will feel and will continue to feel.

Auditory Communication Mode:

Auditory people communicate through talking. They have the natural gift of the gab and are designed to be able to talk for long periods of time. They enjoy talking and listening to other people talk. They feel loved when they are talked to, and like to hear the words “I love you”. They learn by hearing.

People with the Auditory love strategy need to hear the words “I love you” (or similar words) to feel totally and completely loved. The also want to connect through conversation. Talk, talk, and more talk.

In order to tell if your partner is Auditory, your partner will say “Do you hear what I am saying or I hear what you are saying or I hear you.”

For an Auditory partner or if you are Auditory I would recommend getting a really good Long-Distance Calling Plan or get a service like Skype where you are can talk to each other via your computers/the internet. Even just a quick call to say “Hello” on a frequent basis will help.

You can also send each other Mp3 Audios of each other’s voices or each other’s favorite songs (which can be a Digital Communication Mode Technique as well). You can use the same techniques as the Visual people do but focusing on sound instead such as webcams and videos or live-streaming. You can send each other a tape cassette via mail too.

There are even cards for special events like Birthdays where you can record your voice on them. For example I bought one of these cards for my Mom for Mother’s Day and I recorded myself saying “I Love You” on it - now everyday my Mom gets up and opens my card and hears my voice.

The important thing to remember is to talk and chat as often as yours and your partner’s lifestyles and/or careers can comfortably handle.

Digital Communication Mode:

Digital people communicate through connection and understanding. They find the deeper meaning in everything they think, see and do. Understanding is very important to them. They feel loved when they share connections with others and are understood. They learn by understanding.

Digital people seek to understand and to be understood in order to feel loved. They would like to connect at an emotional, intellectual and spiritual level.

In order to tell if your partner is Digital, your partner will say “Do you know what I mean or I understand what you mean.”

Digital people can use the same techniques as Visual and Auditory people do but just remember to seek to understand your partner and connect with him/her.

Writing to your partner in any form or in any vehicle is also great if he or she is Digital. Poetry or writing a story that involves the two of you together really will help him/her to feel part of your inner world and that you understand him/her and his/her inner world. (This is also a good technique for Visual people because they get to ‘see’ what you wrote).

Even connecting through Social Networking Sites like Twitter where you and your long-distance partner can keep up with each other’s day to day activities will keep the two of you mentally connected and “in the know (It’s also great for Auditory people because of the chat factor and Visual peoples because you are asking “What Are You Doing?”)

Kinesthetic Communication Mode:

Kinesthetic people communicate through their bodies. They move, feel and express through their bodies and love doing physical activities. Kinesthetic people love to touch and are very touchy-feely. They feel loved when they are touched. They learn through touch and through experience.

People with the Kinesthetic love strategy need to be touched in certain ways or in certain places to feel totally and completely loved. It might be massaging the scalp a certain way, kissing a certain spot under the neck, rubbing an ear just so, etc. It should be noted that this strategy rarely if ever involves touch of a sexual nature.

In order to tell if your partner is Kinesthetic, your partner will say “I get a feeling for it or I know how your feel.”

Kinesthetic people have the same issue as Visuals - sometimes you just need to get together in person for a ‘recharge’ since Kinesthetics people give and receive love through touch – so when comfortably possible for your lifestyle and/or career get together with your long-distance partner in person.

I saw a documentary where technology is being developed where one day you will be able to “touch” people via your computer by being hooked up to a bunch of sensors, but that won’t be for a while - so in the meantime you can exchange with your long-distance partner your belongings or clothes like a sweater or each other’s hats so you feel more “in touch” with each other. (This works from a “meaning” sense for Digital people and a “visual” sense” for Visual people as well).

For more information on Communication Modes in general as well as how to test for both yourself and your partner’s Communication Modes check out our Counsellor in a Box Relationship Home Study Program @ http://www.counsellorinabox.com

O.k. this post was a little long but hopefully it was worth it for you to take the time out to read.

Don’t worry Part 4 on “Do You Have A Support System?” is a lot shorter - so “see”, “talk”, “get on the same page” or “get in touch with you” in our next post.

Warm Regards

Melody Chase

Centre For Life Management

http://www.trueloveondemand.com

http://www.lovebydesignbook.com

http://www.counsellorinabox.com

http://www.drrobbyonline.com

Email: relationshipcentre@shaw.ca

(204) 475-0323

If you are looking for more suggestions on how to have a successful Long-Distance Relationship – check-out our Counsellor in a Box Relationship Home Study Program at http://www.counsellorinabox.com

Real-life, Practical, Proven Solutions, Support and Resources To Help You Create The Relationship of Your Dreams!

Plus ...

Want to Save Your Marriage Or Relationship?
Get Your FREE Video Tutorials, Reports and
Templates to Get an Ex Back Today!
http://www.counsellorinabox.com/FreeVideos.html