How to Disagree Without Being Disagreeable

Even the most compatible couple will find themselves at one time or another faced with a situation where they disagree about something, whether that is an idea or an item or a situation.

Of course it is perfect fully healthy to disagree and have one’s own opinions in order to be authentic and have a balanced relationship.

However, for some people knowing how to disagree without popping their partner’s balloon doesn’t come naturally. If a couple constantly interrupts each others ideas and points of view, this can to lead to communication problems.

Often if the person with the idea is constantly slammed, invalidated or overruled they may start hesitating or stop suggesting or bring up ideas. If the person who is disagreeing with the idea gets the fallout of an angry and hurt partner whose ideas are being challenged, they may stop disagreeing and just go along to avoid the conflict. For either partner, this can lead to the couple not being authentic as well as a build up of hurt, anger, disappointment and/or resentment.

So we at the centre, have developed a simple little system in order to be able to disagree with your partner without disagreeing as well as still supporting your partner’s ideas.

Say to your partner:

1) Your idea is fine.
2) I see that you are excited about your idea.
3) In truth, it wouldn’t work for me but it’s a great idea and I totally support you with what you think.

This way your partner feels totally good and supported about their idea, yet they know that you have a difference of opinion. The communication is kept open and no one feels offended.

Since the partner with the idea does not feel judged and feels supported, this highly increases the chances of them being open to negotiation and/or hearing your ideas or point of view as well

The system may seem simple, but it can go a long way towards keeping the
creativity and expansion in your relationship open and alive.

Melody Chase is a Writer and Counsellor at the Centre for Life Management/ LMC Relationship Centre and Co-author of Love by Design. She can be reached by email at support@lovebydesign.com

Authentic relationship counseling – Marriage advice – Marriage tips
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