Hope Versus Creating The Relationship of Your Dreams – Which is the highest and best way to get what you want in your relationship?

I was talking to Tanis, a fellow Counsellor about how she used to try to influence her husband in order to get what she wanted in a relationship. Of course, she was in the Competitive Adveriseral Paradigm at the time and she was under the impression that if you kept forcing what you on someone repeatedly, they will eventually get it.

In her situation that approach didn’t work for a variety of reasons from the fact that they had different communication modes that they were not aware of to missing basic relationship mastery skills such communication techniques and because the two of them had not established that there any problems that they were aware of or agreed to.

The result was Tanis ended up spending a lot of time nagging, repeating herself and having arguments to get what she wanted across which just increased their relationship problems.

So that got me thinking, how did I try to get my way back when I was still married to my first husband? I didn’t really remember having a lot of arguments or nagging him. So what was my Competitive Adversial technique?

I then remembered that I actually used a form of codependency were I was nice, easy going and allowed him to do what he wanted in most situations, and then just hoped that he would give me what I wanted. However, that never occurred and I just continued to lose in two ways 1) that I wasn’t getting what I wanted, and 2) I was getting even more of what I didn’t want by agreeing to do whatever my husband wanted.

So in the present day, I understand that if I didn’t tell him what I wanted, no wonder why he didn’t comply, after all he wasn’t a mind reader. Yet, would I have really got what I wanted? After all Tanis told her husband over and over what she wanted and she didn’t get what she wanted, so then what is the true answer?

I decided to ask Rob (Director/ Head Counsellor of the LMC Relationship Centre and my significant other), as Rob would explain it would be that you have to create the relationship of your dreams and develop the relationship mastery to support your creation.

Upon having this discussion with Rob, I had to ask him about hope. I explained to him that I had hope that my husband would do what I wanted, how was it different that creating the relationship of my dreams?

Rob explained that hope was a useless emotion because you release your power to an outside source, versus taking responsibility, being aware and making a choice to create what you want. Hope is like throwing a penny in a wishing well versus using your own creative power to create what you want.

In many of our articles and books we talk about the Law of Attraction and that you have the power to create your reality.

It is this same ability that allows us to be able to create the reality and the relationship that we desire. So instead of trying to force people in your environment to do what you want, try to manipulate indirectly by using codependency techniques or just hoping that you will be taken care of by someone or something outside yourself, you can just draw in people, environments and situations to support what you want.

If the person you are with is your highest and best, then they will shape into what your desire and if not, they will fall away so someone new will enter your life. In either case, creating what you want is a nonconfrontational, gentle enlightening process for everyone involved than trying to force, influence or use codependency techniques.

In the case of Tanis what she decided to do in order to create the relationship she was looking for included:

Finding out who she was and what her highest and best needs are.
Made a decision to create the relationship of her dreams.
Gave herself permission to have what she wanted in the way she wanted.
Finding out who her husband was and being able to understand, accept, forgive and appreciate him for he was in order to create a mutual fulfilling of needs and not in be resistance to who he was.

Developed relationship mastery skills to support her creation.

What then happened was in areas that the two of them were compatible everything fell into place, without having to force her husband and without him having to go through a lot of counselling or personal development.

In areas where Tanis and her husband weren’t compatible, she was able to release and be in nonresistance to those areas and was able to apply relationship mastery skills to assist working with her husband in these areas. As Tanis put it, she went from a relationship where she was only at 30% happiness and compatibility to 90% happiness and compatibility in her relationship.
In my case, I had done the same steps above because I had taken two of Rob’s relationship courses, and in my case, my highest and best relationship was with someone else other than my husband. Going from a powerless position of hope to an empowering position of creation worked out not just for myself, but for Rob, as well as for my ex-husband who was then free to find someone who was not only more compatible with him but is also his soul-mate.

For more information on creating the relationship of your dreams checkout Rob
‘s book called True Love on Demand at www.trueloveondemand.com. For more information of compatibility check out the book Rob and I co-wrote called Love by design at www.lovebydesignbook.com and for more information of relationship mastery skills, check out Rob’s book called Counsellor in Box at www.counsellorinabox.com.

Authentic Relationship And Marriage Counseling Would you like to KEEP Him or Her for life? Get ALL the answers in here! Disocver how you can bring NEW PASSION to a long time relationship, heal a broken heart, or even BREAK DOWN barriers that are keeping you and your partner apart! My strategies have been used successfully by people in the REAL WORLD, people who are facing REAL LIFE challenges just like you! Find out how we have helped thousands of couples and individuals find and keep their relationships. Click Here!

Divorce Help – Divorce Tips Discover how to deal with the pain and trauma of divorce and get useful divorce tips from a relationship expert today! Click Here for Divorce Tips!