Is Your Partner in Constant Need of Attention? (Part 1 OF 4)

These instructions and strategies are going to come in 4 parts. Be sure to check back often to read the latest tips and tutorials!

Do you find that your partner is in constant need of attention? It’s just not your imagination because they will act out and try to get your attention in any which way possible from trying to pick arguments to hurting themselves.

Our article will be separated into two parts, part one will be about understanding your partner and part two will be about what you can do in order to work with and embrace a partner who is in constant need of attention.

PART ONE UNDERSTANDING

The first step is to understand your partner and even yourself before being able to take action. The following are some possible reasons why your partner is the way they are:

IT COULD BE A CHILDHOOD WOUND, A CHILDHOOD NEED, REOCCURING PATTERN OR LEARNED BEHAVIOR FROM EARLY CHILDHOOD

If your partner is in need of attention, a childhood wound or childhood need is almost a guarantee to be the origin of the need.

Childhood wounds are unresolved emotional traumas that we have developed or experienced from our childhood and early life.

In extreme cases if the early childhood trauma is severe enough, it may possibly be one of the reasons why some people develop the Borderline Personality.

Borderline personality is a type of personality disorder that a person usually doesn’t need to be on medication, but it does cause a lot of complications in a relationship.

A person with a Borderline Personality usually because early childhood trauma revolving around abandonment often react strongly to the fear of abandonment, take extra measures to insure that people don’t abandon them, and often have trouble feeling safe, secure or settled. They will also often turn on the people they love to prevent from being hurt or because they are feeling hurt because they feel like they are being abandoned. Their partner gets pushed back and forth between feeling smothered and being pushed away.

Unmet childhood needs are areas of needs usually based upon the child’s unique combinations of their personalities, communication modes, metaprograms and body types that were not met in childhood so they continue they need to fulfill that needs into adulthood. The need almost comes consuming because they feel so unfulfilled.

Patterns are often more subtle than wounds or unmet needs because we are so used to the pattern we won't recognize it right away. We pick up patterns from early childhood, generational patterns (Which can also include DNA patterns passed on thorough genes.) and any experience during the course of our lives.

They can be so subtle that we can draw in people into our lives to recreate a pattern from childhood without noticing the pattern especially at first. The person will feel so familiar you will not recognize the pattern until it’s well established in the relationship. A common pattern for the people who naturally need a lot of attention is growing up in a family where at least one of the parents where not into giving attention to their spouse or children.

This pattern is passed down to the children, now the child who is still in need of attention draws in a mate who is not into getting attention. Chances are this mate also happens to have a pattern where one of the parents was in constant need of attention and was constantly trying to get it from the child. So the two children as adults have complimentary patterns running so they are drawn to each other unconsciously to carryout their ongoing childhood patterns. In part two we will give some suggestions on how to deal with this.

YOUR PARTNER MAY NOT BE RECEIVING THE ATTENTION IN THEIR OWN COMMUNICATION MODE:

At our centre we talk about the four basic communication modes at our Centre. Different people are on different channels or modes. We learn, we express love and communicate through different modes or combinations of modes. It is important to know who you are playing with, what channel they are playing on or else your communication will not be very effective. If you are trying to give your partner attention but it is not in your partner’s communication mode, then it is like being on different radio frequencies, your partner is not going to be able pick up, or understand that form of attention and will not feel fulfilled. For more information on Communication modes, and how to test for them check out our Love by Design book (http://www.lovebydesignbook,com/) or sign up for our free mini-course called Top Ten Compatibilities for Relationship Success also at http://www.lovebydesignbook.com/.

YOUR PARTNER MAY BE RELATIONSHIP CENTRED:

At our Centre we talk about values which are our ideas and beliefs about the relative worth of things in our lives, it is what you are willing to focus on, and put attention and time into in order to maintain.

They are not facts, but choices we have made as we matured. When our actions match our Values, we experience emotional balance; when they don’t match, we feel frustrated and experience emotional imbalance.

Our Values play an integral part in determining the compatibility and success of our relationships. Values are the glue that holds people together. Lack of compatible Values can be the undoing of a relationship.

A relationship centred person’s main focus or value is on a one on one relationship with their partner. Now if both partners are relationship centred then it feels normal, but if your top value is not relationships, you may feel a little smothered by the relationship partner hence believing that they are just needy or in need of attention, when in reality this is just their values.

To be continued…

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