Is Your Partner in Constant Need of Attention? (Part 4 OF 4 – Final)

RECOGNIZE THAT YOU HAVE A COMPLIMENTARY PATTERN:

So with the example that I have in Part One, I had a complimentary pattern to people in my life where I would draw people into my life people who need a lot of attention. So I had to recognize the pattern, accept and appreciate the pattern, chose to release and then replace it with a functional pattern. For me I decided to replace the pattern by creating an environment where people are whole and functional who have a strong sense of self love so they do not need to fulfilled by people outside themselves.

Of course some people like Expressives, their natural value is to be the centre of attention, but the difference between a healthy Expressive is that the attention is a want instead of a need and they are still healthy and functional if they do not get it from an outside source. Any attention from others is like icing on the cake not the cake itself.

DO YOU PAY ATTENTION TO YOURSELF?

Take a moment, to check in with yourself. Do you actually pay attention to yourself? It’s not something we normally think about, but we do try to get our own attention. The important thing is to be able to notice the signs. As we mentioned in Part One, we sometimes attract people because it’s a reflection as to what is going on inside.

So a good way to find out if you are paying attention to yourself, is to ask yourself how would you like others to pay attention to you? Then ask yourself do you pay attention to yourself in that same way? For example:

Is it important for people to listen to you? Do you listen to yourself?

Is it important for people to pay attention to how you feel? Do you pay attention to how you feel?

Does paying attention to you mean noticing how you look or what you are doing? Do you pay attention to what you are doing or how you look?

Does paying attention mean being with you or spending alone time with you? Do you just be with yourself or spend alone time with yourself?

Hopefully these examples make sense.

ASSERT YOUR BOUNDARIES WITH CONVICTION:

You probably have read books or at least heard of the importance of maintaining your boundaries and that it’s ok to say no.

You are probably thinking, yeah, well I say no and my attention seeking partner still doesn’t listen or amps up the control dramas. So if I am being assertive, why doesn't it seem to be working?

In addition, other people are just afraid of the conflict that may happen because of being assertive.

The important thing to remember when you are being assertive is to believe that you deserve to be assertive and say it and mean it with 100% conviction. If you have any hesitancy, fear or guilt, your partner (especially if they are Expressive) will pick up on it and if they come from the C.A.P. they will instinctly feed off your vulnerability. They will either use your hesitancy, fear or guilt to their advantage or not really take you seriously anyway because you may give in or suffer from your fear, causing you not to be assertive the next time. This is not usually going on a conscious level on the part of your partner, but their subconscious mind is working for them.

So you would be surprised how by being assertive without fear really stops people right in their tracks.

BE FULLY PRESENT:

Last but not least, when you do choose to give your partner attention, it is extremely important to choose to do so and be in nonresistance to your reality. If you embrace your present circumstances then you are fully in the moment, you are completely there mind, body and soul. Your partner will therefore feel like you are totally there with them and will be able to truly feel your attention. They will then be able to fully feel your attention.

If you ever watch American Idol, sometimes you will have singers performing where the judges like Simon, Paula and Randy, complain that they just couldn’t feel the performer. It is guaranteed that if the singer gets that feedback it is because they were nervous or in resistance to what they were singing. In either case, there were in resistance to their situation, therefore they were not fully present, when they are not fully present other people cannot connect or feel their energy.

The next time you watch American Idol or any other show with singers watch to see whether they are in the moment or not and feel the difference in energy that you feel from them.

CONCLUSION:

This is just a brief overview of some actions that you can take. Take to time to see if any of these relate to you and or you and your partner. The results will be a relationship were both of you will be able to have what you truly want one way or another.

Authentic Relationship And Marriage Counseling Would you like to KEEP Him or Her for life? Get ALL the answers in here! Disocver how you can bring NEW PASSION to a long time relationship, heal a broken heart, or even BREAK DOWN barriers that are keeping you and your partner apart! My strategies have been used successfully by people in the REAL WORLD, people who are facing REAL LIFE challenges just like you! Find out how we have helped thousands of couples and individuals find and keep their relationships. Click Here!

Divorce Help – Divorce Tips Discover how to deal with the pain and trauma of divorce and get useful divorce tips from a relationship expert today! Click Here for Divorce Tips!