Is Your Partner in Constant Need of Attention? (Part 3 OF 4)

In the first part of our article we went over understanding your partner and yourself in regards to your partner being in constant need of attention.

Now in Part Two, we will go briefly go over some suggestions on how to embrace and work with a partner who needs a lot of attention.

UNDERSTAND, ACCEPT, FORGIVE AND APPRECIATE YOUR PARTNER:

It is important to understand you partner such as some of the examples that we give in Part One such as they may have childhood wounds, they may be relationship centred or be an Expressive personality.

Next you have to accept, forgive and appreciate them for who they are. This is where your partner is at. If it is a childhood wound, unmet need or a pattern, this is what they have experience, learned or what has been passed on to them. If they where to know of a better way, trusted that it would work and know how to install it they would use it. It is also important to embrace your partner for where they are at because 1) what you resist persists. 2) Your partner will be able to pickup and feel that you are in judgment and resistance of them.

CODEPENDENCY:

There are many ways on how to deal with Codependency but one of the simplest ways is the deal with the caregiving aspect of it. When a person is caregiving another, in other words taking care of the other person for one reason or another, this dies-empowers the other person, hence why even people who may not have started off as being dependent over time can become dependent. If they are connected to a caregiver, they just lose all their power over the time. So the best thing you can do if you are a codependent caregiver is to picture you partner as being a whole, functional, empowered person, this way you are sending them empowering energy instead of disempowering energy. For more information about Codependency we have a mini book called “Do You Still Love Me?” that is part of our Love by Design package. (www.lovebydesignbook.com)

SHADOWSIDE EXERCISE:

The following is a brief shadowside exercise that you can use to help deal with any shadowside issues that you may have around attention or neediness.

SHADOWSIDE EXERCISE

List Three Things that really irk or trigger you about your partner.

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Now picture yourself doing each of the three irks/or triggers yourself. Pay attention to how you feel. Chances are you feel resistance, and are saying, "No I just couldn't do that." Now think about why you think you shouldn't do that. What it will usually come down to is that you have learned from either society, family, experience or your own rules that if you do that activity or be that way that one way or another someone will withdraw love from you, whether that is another person or even yourself. However, because we have all aspects of personalities within us, by repressing this aspect of yourself, you are automatically withdrawing love from yourself. So you can do one of two things,

1) You can either accept your child for who they are or
2) You can accept that there is that part of you in you.

FIND OUT IF YOU ARE COMPATIBLE:

If you are not relationship centred and you are a different personality other than Expressive, on top of understanding, accepting, forgiving and appreciating your partner you also have to have be honest with yourself as to whether this is the type of relationship you want to have and also honestly evaluate whether you can give you partner what they want, especially if you have widely different values.

Like with all situations you have three main choices you can:

ACCEPT: Accept and allow you partner to be authentically who they are without resistance and without trying to change them. Allow them to be a full expression of themselves.

NEGOTIATE: Negotiate with your partner in areas where you are not compatible by either coming up with creative win-win situations or negotiations where both you give a little. Both of you have to change a bit, and/or gift give in order to fill the incompatibility gaps.

LEAVE: Decide to leave the relationship and find someone you are 100% compatible with or closer to 100% in compatibility where both of you can authentically give each others what you want in the relationship.

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