Lost That Loving Feeling – and have no idea why?

I often wondered what made Jessica Simpson decide to break up with Nick Lachey. Sure, Rob (Director/ Head Counsellor of the Centre for Life Management/ LMC Relationship Centre and my significant other) had been predicting their break up from when he first started watching their reality TV show and I was in agreement because I could feel their incompatibility. I missed however any information as to why they actually or officially broke up.

Then just recently, I finally had my answer. Jessica was having an interview with one of the nighttime entertainment shows where she explained that the reason why she left Nick was that she just felt like there was something missing and that there was something more out there for her.

Wow, I thought, someone who actually listened to her feelings and her intuition. This was backed up in one of Nick’s new songs where he was singing that he wished her the best in finding what it is that she is looking for.

The actress who was famous for asking if Chicken of the Sea was chicken has crossed to opposite side of the spectrum and showed a side of herself that was wise way beyond her years.

Many of us end up in relationships where we find ourselves no longer having that loving feeling and even more have that feeling of being unsettled and that something isn’t quite right, there is something missing.

Most people don’t listen to these feelings, masking or avoiding or distracting themselves from how they truly feel. Other people push head on to getting to the bottom of things and seek out ways to “fix their problem”. Others just sort of sit in a state of awe, curiosity and confusion as to where did their love and visions of the spending the rest of their lives with this person go?

So where did the loving feelings go?

The following are some possibilities:

COURTSHIP PHASE

In our Love by Design Book we talk about the courtship phase in the relationship. For our definition courtship phase is the stage in a relationship were both partners in the relationship do whatever it takes to get the person to fall in love with them and continue to love them until their relationship is taken to the next level of security. Security means different things for each individual. Some people consider getting married as the point where they feel secure that they will not lose their partner, other people feel the engagement is safe enough or just moving in together or for some even just going steady or meeting the parents.

During this courtship phase the partners, usually at an unconscious level will do whatever it takes to woo the other partner and give them whatever they need in the relationship to keep them and show them that they are the highest and best partner for them.

The fuel to keep their courting is incredible it like the old Hercules cartoon when Hercules puts on his special ring or when Popeye eats his spinach; people have superpowers when they are in the courtship phase. For example, people who do not tend to go out to movies or give gifts, tend to do these things. Those who tend not to do understand are very understanding in the beginning. Even those who tend not to be huggy or touchy freely people become very touchy feely whereas when they are actually in their natural state they are aloof, cool and don’t like physical contact.

The landing or securing of the mate often signifies the ending of the series of courtship behaviors that both partners were expressing up until that time. For example that person who normally is not talkative goes back to their non-talkative state. The non touchy freely person returns to their more aloof self, and the person who all their life was totally friendship centered, but dropped all their friends to focus one on one with you, is now going out every second night with their buddies.

Sometimes the changes are not that noticeable and the partners are close enough in the natural state compatibility wise that they relationship is fine. For couples that are not compatible the differences will begin to show over time. For others it’s instant like a splash of cold water. For these people they are asking questions like “Who is this person? Where did that romantic, attentive person go? I didn’t sign up for this? Look I have proof, that my partner is romantic, here are the love letters they wrote to me 6 months ago!”

If the changes aren’t noticeable right away, eventually the relationship will grind to a halt if the partners are not compatible because the partners are not getting their needs, wants and requirements fulfilled and there isn’t a free flow of energy circulating in the relationship. It is this inertia of energy that feels like you have lost that loving feeling.

GREAT DIVIDERS OF LOVE

In our Love by Design Book, we talk also talk about the Great Dividers of Love which are built up emotions in a relationship that cause a separation of love. These emotions are caused by the accumulation of experiences such as revenge or judgment, loss of respect, loss of trust, and disappointment resulting in closed, numb and frozen hearts, that make it harder and harder to love and relate with your partner whether your compatible or not.

If you have experienced any of the above Dividers of Love you may have a build up of emotions which of course make it hard if not impossible to feel love for your partner like you once did.

YOUR INTUITION MAY BE TELLING YOU THAT YOU ARE NOT IN YOUR HIGHEST AND BEST RELATIONSHIP

Aside from getting caught up in the courtship phase, we also often get a gut feeling or a knowing that there is something not quite right with the relationship but we ignore this feeling, usually because we haven’t been trained to recognize our intuition, we have been taught not to trust our feelings or discouraged from listening to our feelings because they are illogical.

Then of course some people are afraid of conflict, hurting someone’s feelings and are afraid of the social pressure of family, friends, their religion and society especially if you are already engaged or been with each other’s for a long time. So you ignore or bury that feeling.

However, if you are not in your highest and best relationship, those feelings will begin to resurface again or if you have learned what you need to learn in your current relationship and it is time to continue on into another relationship you will be begin to get these feelings for the first time. The following are what some of the feelings will feel like:

- The relationship feels stale.
- You feel unsettled.
- You are asking is that all there is?
- You feel that something is missing.
- You are daydreaming about your perfect mate.
- Something just doesn’t feel right; something feels off although you can’t put a finger on it.
- Both you and your partner can’t seem to get ahead in any area of life.

So whether Jessica’s decision to leave Nick was because she wasn’t in the highest and best relationship or because she had learned what she needed to learn and/or experienced what she needed to experience, it is safe say that she was a perfect role model of someone who trusted, listened to and valued the wisdom of her feelings.

Authentic Relationship And Marriage Counseling Would you like to KEEP Him or Her for life? Get ALL the answers in here! Disocver how you can bring NEW PASSION to a long time relationship, heal a broken heart, or even BREAK DOWN barriers that are keeping you and your partner apart! My strategies have been used successfully by people in the REAL WORLD, people who are facing REAL LIFE challenges just like you! Find out how we have helped thousands of couples and individuals find and keep their relationships. Click Here!

Relationship Mastery Online! Summary of our works, research and our passion! Click here for your Relationshpi Mastery today!

Make Your Dream Comes True! FREE magical eBook has changed thousands of lives all over the world! Download your free copy and get what you want in life the easy and magical WAY!