3 Communication Tips To Prevent Conflict In Your Relationship

There have been many books about Communication, Communication Styles, and Conflict Resolution Techniques, including our book called Love by Design which is about attracting your true love and keeping your true love.

This article is to focus on the less common, but just as important areas of communication known as:

Body Language
Tone
Indirect Communication

Contrary to popular belief, as mentioned in the romantic comedy “Hitch” with Will Smith, words are only a small fraction of the communication.

In fact, according to Rob, (Director/ Counsellor of The Centre for Life Management/LMC Relationship Centre, and Co-author of Love by Design,) says that the following is roughly how communication is divided.

10% of Communication is conducted through Words.
30% of Communication is conducted through Tone.
60% of Communication is conducted by Body Language.

So what does this mean? We spend the majority of the time focusing on what people are directly saying, but we are missing 90% of what people are really saying. It is no wonder then, that above and beyond couples not having the same communication modes, or not having relationship skills, miscommunication can also be occurring because we are not focusing on the full picture.

Indirect Communication is also an alternate form of communication, because a person needs to listen to what is being said underneath the words, and not take the words at face value only.

Let’s give some examples of the less well know forms of communication.

BODY LANGUAGE: When a couple comes for counselling, by the time they sit down on the couch together, we already have an idea of the dynamics of the relationship. How? By how they are sitting on the couch. Is the couple sitting on opposite ends of the couch? Are they sitting close together, are they leaning towards each other, away from each other? Is one couple leaning away from the other even though the other is leaning towards the other one? Is one person practically sitting on the other? Are they holding hands? Does someone have their arm behind the other one? Are they sitting forward, leaning back relaxed, or sitting up poker straight? Is someone fidgeting or restless? Is someone hugging a pillow, or putting a pillow between themselves and their partner? There is a lot going on, if one is aware.

It is important when communicating to be aware of one’s body language. Often a person may shutdown by something the first partner is saying or doing, but are not saying anything, so the first partner continues unaware.

As an example, if someone shuts down, they may lean away from you, they may or may not be smiling, they may have a very tight, restricted look on their face. Their eyes will usually be directed away, looking down, or looking up and away. If they do maintain eye contact, chances are their arms will be crossed.

Arms being crossed is fascinating, in and of itself and has more than one meaning, but as the person doing the communicating and as the receiver of the communication it can send different messages. It may need to be checked out to prevent misinterpretation. Arms crossed could mean:

They are angry
They feel encroached upon or threatened
They are taking a stand or being stubborn
They feel anxious or uncomfortable
They are cold

TONE: We once had a couple come in to see us where the wife’s main complaint was that she didn’t like the way her husband talks to her. She said she told him time and again that he had to stop talking so angrily towards her, and she couldn’t handle the intensity when they talked.

The husband was truly perplexed. He honestly though his wife must be hypertensive or looking into things that weren’t there because as he explained, he never yells or raises his voice towards her and he never says anything derogatory or mean to her. So what was going on?

When explained to him that it was his tone and intensity of his voice that was conveying anger, he responded by saying…“ Tone? What’s tone?”

He never knew that people can react to the tone of one’s voice. He just thought communication was black and white, you are either yelling or not yelling.

Tone can be much more subtle, but just as powerful. Many years ago, when I was going through a marriage prep class with my 1st husband, one of the marriage prep teachers, pulled me aside one day and asked me, if I ever noticed the tone of my voice before. I said” No, what are talking about?” He said that I had a tone to my voice that said “I’m not worthy” to people.

Now, I was shocked at first because of this man’s honestly and truth. But he was dead on with how I was feeling inside at the time, and to my surprise it was actually coming through in my tone.

So the bottom line, you may think you are just communicating with words, but there is a whole other conversation going on, that people can pick up by your tone whether it is intentional or unintentional.

Lastly, there is INDIRECT COMMUNICATION

It is very important to be a Direct Communicator, express what you feel, think or need directly. Communication is a very subjective art in the first place because everyone has filters when it comes to interpreting what other people mean due to your belief systems, your mood, past traumas, experience and education. What one thing means to you may not have the same meaning to another person.

So if you are the type of person who uses indirect communication to express your needs you are complicating your communication ten fold. You are opening up tons of new interpretations that are not necessary, in hopes of couching your needs or hoping that you are not going to cause a reaction from the person you are asking the request from.

The reality is that you are actually decreasing your chances of the person you are communicating with understanding what you want, plus you are potentially frustrating the other person with unclear messages. Sometimes, indirect communication can also cause the other person to feel like you are trying to control, care give or influence them, instead of stating what you want.

The following are some examples from a book called Relationships and Family Living by EMC publishing, about what they call Coded Messages, that is used in schools to help teach elementary students to learn how the decode indirect communication. See if you can interpret Coded Messages. The answer key is underneath
Chapter 10, Relationships, Empathy, and Communication.
Activity Master 3 Coded Messages.
Coded Messages Uncoded Messages
1) " I wish I could get sick once in a while like Michael. He's so lucky. I.e/ Answer: I don’t want to go to school
2) " I got an "F" on this last English test. I can't get into studying. ________________
3) " I want to talk with you about Dave. He's gotten so he hates to come to school." ________________
4) " Daddy, please take me to the classroom for play school." _________________
5) "Why am I always the one being sent to detention? Everyone else was goofing around, too." _________________
6) "Don’t' call my parents about what I did. They’ll ground me forever." ___________________
7) "I don’t like class. It's noisy and I can't accomplish anything." __________________
8) "Why do we have to study spelling? That doesn't help me read faster." ___________________
ANSWER KEY
1) I don't want to go to school
2) He's blaming his F on his studying skills.
3) He's not coming to school.
4) I want to play.
5) I'm mad about detention. It's unfair.
6) I'll get in trouble.
7) I can’t think when it's loud.
8) I'm a slow reader.
SOLUTIONS
So the following are suggestions for dealing with these forms of communications:
1) Be aware of your own Body Language, Tone and Indirect Communication.
2) Be aware of your partner’s Body Language, Tone and Indirect Communication.
3) If in doubt , check it out – Ask always in a way so you are owning your own feelings or observations, such as “ I feel like you may be annoyed with me because I hear a sharpness in your voice, how do you feel?” OR “I noticed that your arms are crossed, how are you feeling or what are you thinking?” If it is an indirect communication, feedback what you think they are saying and see if you have hit it on the nose or not. Sometimes, Indirect Communicators still won’t tell you what they are really thinking, so reassure them that it is safe to voice their option or ask for what they want.

Attract True Love! Keep Your True Love!
Melody Chase is a Counsellor and Writer at the Centre for Life Management/LMC Relationship Centre and is the Co-author of Love by Design. (http://www.lovebydesignbook.com/). She can be reached by email at msmelody@shaw.ca or support@LoveByDesignBook.com.

How to Work Out What Provisions Should be Made for Adjustment if a Wife is Smarter than her Husband

If a wife is smarter than her husband what provisions should be made for adjust­ment?

Over and over we hear it said that men do not want wives who are too intelligent. Girls who consult with us frequently complain that they do not dare let their boy friends discover that they have brains. Many feel that if a boy finds out that a girl is smarter than he is, he will lose interest. Therefore some groups of women deliberately play the "sweet but helpless" role. Girls are taught to flatter a man, and to make as their main appeal, their need for his brilliance and strength. How sound is this policy? How true is the popular notion that men demand that their women be inferior?

Certainly there have been and are men who regard their wives as they do their fine houses, their memberships in ex­clusive clubs, their liveried chauffeurs and other symbols of wealth and position. The main job of such a wife was to look beautiful in expensive clothes, to appear as a charming hostess to the "right" people, and at all times and places to say the right things while little intelligence was necessary. It might prove a decided disadvantage. A woman with brains might have ideas of her own, which would never do. To supply this demand there have been and continue to be, women who are glad for a life of luxury and ease, even under such conditions. Some women see nothing more desirable for themselves than to be private ornaments for men of wealth and position.

Yet men who cannot afford social ornaments sometimes want inferior wives. Why? Often because they harbor a great sense of inferiority. Therefore at all economic levels there are some men who want apparently weak and docile women whom they can dominate completely, who will not put up any arguments, and who will do as they are told without any "ifs," "ands," or "buts." Likewise there are women who either want to be dominated, or who are so eager to marry that they will do so under such circumstances.

What about the "ordinary man" who has no serious feel­ings of inadequacy, and who cannot afford, and does not desire a social ornament? Does he demand that his wife not have too many brains? Certainly he wants her to be intelli­gent enough to do her job well. He does not want to feel ashamed of her because of her stupidity. Actually, too, the marriage will turn out more successfully if the wife is smart enough to be interesting, and to help develop satisfying per­sonal relationships.

Still, the man usually does not want to feel inferior to his wife. But feeling inferior is not the same as being inferior. Some men have a quiet pride in a wife who is smarter, pro­vided that she is smart enough not to make him appear and feel inferior, especially in front of his friends.

Some men, like some women, want others to run things for them. This desire may result from an unwillingness to assume responsibilities. It may come from a deep-seated de­sire to be dominated. Whatever its basis, there are men who want to be dominated by their wives. In such cases, both of them should know it in advance.
The problem is not limited to what men in general, or this man in particular, may want. There is also social de­mand. The boy and the girl who plan marriage should have a clear understanding of what the entire situation actually is, including its contradictions which they must somehow resolve. Our culture expects the husband to be intellectually superior to his wife. Yet actually, he is not and in many cases cannot be. By the law of chances, there will be almost as many wives who are superior to their husbands, as husbands who are superior to their wives. So what to do?

In actual life the situation does not work out too badly. Vocationally, the wife usually becomes side-tracked while she is bearing and rearing the children. With a twenty-year advantage, even a relatively inferior husband can usually manage to keep ahead. And as a result of the differences in what society expects, the wife usually runs with the throttle only partly open. While the husband is advancing himself vocationally, or rising in his union, the wife busies herself getting up church suppers and organizing flower shows which consume her time and energy, but do not show up in either the pay check or her vocational standing.

Yet such advantages are not always enough to keep the husband ahead. If the difference in ability is marked, it speedily becomes known. In Gone with the Wind even the lowliest slave knew that the real boss of Tara was not Mr. O'Hara, but his far more competent wife. Such a situation may be concealed by a polite little conspiracy to maintain the fiction of male superiority, but everyone knows to whom to go, to get things done. In our day this fiction is becoming more difficult to maintain. More and more wives are going back to work as soon as their children are old enough to be left by themselves, and are getting real money and recogni­tion. In some instances, the wife will outstrip her husband. The problem often becomes a real issue at the time when her income exceeds his.

Our feeling is that the soundest marriages are those in which husband and wife are on about the same level of intelligence. We may think that the problem will be serious, only if the girl is markedly superior, but this is by no means necessarily true. The girl who marries a man who is intellectually far superior may face problems quite as serious. She will be safer if she chooses a man more nearly on her own level, so that through the years the relationship can most easily be maintained.

There is just as much chance that the wife will be superior to the husband, as the other way around. All who marry should face this fact. Actually there is no more justi­fication for a man feeling embarrassed because his wife is superior, than there is for a wife to feel embarrassed because her husband excels her. In any case, character and personality are far more important, provided each of the couple is intelligent enough to do a good job.

Learn my proven strategies to choosing your RIGHT companion and to even KEEP him/her for life! Get access to all of the BEST relationship systems, methodology and technologies ALL IN ONE PLACE, plus I'll reveal to you the EXACT SAME systemI've taught all my successful clients at my relationship Centre. You too CAN stop hunting down those Coaches or Counsellors, and learn ALL their trade secrets, includingTHOSE which they have been holding back from You!

How to Understand Why Family Relationships are Important in a Successful Marriage

Why are family relationships important?

Each person is mainly a product of his family. The family has created him not only physically, but his character and his personality as well. Although wholesome development requires that he become separate and independent from his parents, stand on his own feet and assume control of his own life, he is still largely what his family has made him. The family is not only the factory in which each of us was built. In some respects it is the material out of which we were con­structed. Therefore one of the best ways to know a person is to know his family. Someone has said, "The best way to pick a wife is to find a happy family and marry any one of the daughters." So extreme a statement requires qualifica­tions. But even taken literally it would result in a higher de­gree of success than the methods of choice now usually em­ployed. Here are some further questions you should both ask about each other.

Were your own parents happily married? Your own home background happy?
In most of the studies which have been made so far, a happy home background stands out as one of the most important essentials for marital success. As Professor Nimkoff says in ‘Marriage and the Family’, “Happiness begets happiness. It appears that those who are brought up in a happy home come to expect happiness and act in ways which produce it; they have the habits that make for happiness.”

The Burgess and Cottrell study found that when both parties to a marriage come from very happy homes, their chances of making a good adjustment are more than twice as good as when both have come from average or unhappy families. These statistics carry both a warning and a hope. Over ten percent of those from happy homes made poor adjustments, and nearly three-tenths of those from homes not particularly happy made good adjustments. A happy home background does not guarantee success nor does an unhappy home background foredoom you to failure. If either or both of you come from unhappy home backgrounds, it means, not that you should refrain from marriage, but that you should exercise greater care, and work harder to make your marriage a success.

An important part of the question concerns the happiness of your own childhood. A commonly accepted myth makes childhood the happy period of life. Careful research and clinical experience has shown that the opposite is often true. Many childhoods have been periods of violently resented oppressions and terrifying fears. We know that the basis for personality is laid during the early years. Therefore the hap­piness of your childhood is one important indication of your chances for success in marriage. Here, again, you are not guaranteed or necessarily doomed. But it is a matter to which you should give most careful consideration.

Are you CHOOSING between two people whom You like?

Having difficulty finding out whether HE or SHE is the RIGHT mate for you?

Beginning to question whether you have CHOSEN the right life companion? If you are a single, I'll teach you how to custom make your own, ideal relationship. If you are already attached, I'll teach you how to bring new passion to a long time relationship, heal a broken heart, or break down barriers that are keeping you apart!

A complete manual more than 200 pages of information and contents used successfully by individuals and couples having real life challenges! If you are looking for a system that works in the real world, this is it. Grab your copy today.

Check out Relationship Mastery Online...

How to Understand Why You and Your Spouse being from the Same Racial Group is so Im­portant for a Successful Marriage

Are you from the same racial group?

The whole subject of interracial marriage involves strong emotional tones and many misconceptions. Therefore we must begin by a clear statement of important relevant facts:

1. Racial differences in abilities and character are results of environment and conditioning.

They are not inborn. If we wanted to, we could take all our people over five feet ten inches in height and make a separate group out of them. We could call them by some special name, such as "Gigants." We might even convince ourselves and them that they were a different "race." Then, by treating them differently, we could actually make them different from the rest of us. If we denied them equal educational advantages and kicked them around enough, we could prove by scientific tests that the Gigant was intellectually inferior, more criminally in­clined, and more sexually lax. "Would you want your daugh­ter to marry a Gigant?" Actually it would be as absurd to talk about "the" Gigant (as though all of them were essen­tially the same) as it is to talk about "the" Negro, "the" Jew, or "the" white man.

2. Social attitudes, however misleading or false in them­selves, are realities of vital importance in the selection of a life partner.
Let us see how this works out in this matter of interracial marriage. It sometimes happens that persons of different races fall in love with each other. There is nothing unnatural about this. It can happen here—to anyone. What about marriage?

There are customs, and in some states laws that place re­strictions upon who can eat together in public places, who can stay in hotels, travel in public conveyances, and the like. Sum­mer resorts and exclusive clubs often draw the line closely. Marriage across interracial lines, even when not forbidden by law or ironclad custom, is thus made exceedingly difficult by the culture in which we live. Why?—not because one or the other person is racially inferior, for this is not true. It is be­cause love between two persons is never the only basis for successful marriage. The social situation has to be taken into account. The two will have to go to great pains to foresee the problems in which marriage would involve them, and it is especially important to consider the children that may come to them. In the face of these considerations, the two young people may conclude that marriage for them is not wise.

Is HE or SHE The Right Mate for you? How would you know whether you are making the RIGHT decision when it comes to choosing the right companion for life? Would you like to KEEP Him or Her for life? Get ALL the answers in here! Disocver how you can bring NEW PASSION to a long time relationship, heal a broken heart, or even BREAK DOWN barriers that are keeping you and your partner apart! My strategies have been used successfully by people in the REAL WORLD, people who are facing REAL LIFE challenges just like you! Find out how we have helped thousands of couples and individuals find and keep their relationships...Click Here

How to Understand Why a Similarity of Social Background is so Im­portant for a Successful Marriage

Why is a similarity of social background so im­portant?

On one point practically all studies of success in marriage agree. The more similar their social background, the greater chance a couple will have for success and the easier and hap­pier will be their adjustments. The problem can be likened, in some respects, to that of language. You might associate for a time with someone speaking another language just because you found it interesting, or because you wished to learn their language. But in permanent association the problems of ad­justment will be much easier with your own group.

For example, if a large number of men speaking different languages were to get jobs in which they must work to­gether, it will be easier on all concerned if each elects to join those of his own language. The Spaniard who chooses to work with a Spanish-speaking group does not thereby imply that he thinks his language is better than French, or Russian, or Chinese. He merely means that he will have a less dif­ficult time, and be under less of a strain if he and those with whom he works speak the same language. So it is with mar­riage. Marriage is a job which often puts those who work to­gether at it under considerable pressure. The more they can speak the same language in their backgrounds and standards, the more satisfactory will be the relationship and the better job they will do. Your own group may not be bet­ter than other groups, but it is usually better for you.

Are you from the same social class? What difference does it make?

Yes, we do have social classes here in America. They may not be as clearly defined as they are in England, or in India, but they are here, and they make a real difference in the selection of a life partner. Professor W. Lloyd Warner has classified Americans into three main classes; upper, middle, and lower. These groups show very real differences in such matters as morals, manners, customs, ideas, ideals, speech, political affiliation, and church membership. Class is deter­mined largely by who will accept whom. These distinctions are based mainly upon family. Money makes some difference, but is not most important. The wealthiest are usually not at the top, and the white-collar worker will often rate higher than a better paid manual worker. Other factors which determine status are vocation, part of the town lived in, re­spectability, and education. Except for the upper-uppers, these classes are not fixed by birth. Many people are able to pull themselves up a notch, especially from the lower into the middle classes. Occasionally a person steps down a place or two to where the strain is not so great.

Social class indicates how people "rate" in their com­munity. It has little to do with merit or worth. To call a social class higher or lower is not to say that it is better or worse. The "lower" classes are, on the whole, quite as moral and intelligent as those in the "higher" classes. Often they are more personable and better-looking. Therefore men espe­cially, and sometimes women, may prefer mates from a class "lower" than their own. Yet differences in social class can make a real difference to the success or the failure of a mar­riage.

If an upper-class boy marries a girl from a lower class, she may be accepted by his group. But if so, she must be willing to learn and to adopt the speech and many of the manner­isms and etiquette of his class. For a bright middle-class girl, this may not be difficult. She may be able to pick it up merely by being alert. But for a lower-class girl it can be difficult. Remember Shaw's Pygmalion, and the terrific struggle of the poor girl from the slums who was being taught to talk and act like a duchess? How can one learn in a short time, what one born in the class took many years to acquire? The task of overcoming the contrary speech and habits of a lifetime can put a strain upon the whole relationship which may prove more than it can endure. Christopher Morley portrays this vividly in his Kitty Foyle, the story of a working-class girl who finds the adjustments which she would be required to make in order to be accepted by Wyn Strafford's upper-class family intolerable.

Social acceptability may be important for vocational suc­cess. If a man is not to be handicapped in landing either jobs or business deals, he and his wife must usually be able to associate with those in his social class as equals. Under some circumstances this may mean being acceptable to the "right" clubs and social groups. Yes, this matter of class is important.

And don't forget the families. It might be better if all who married were required to be without living relatives. But since this does not seem feasible, the continued interest of the families is a fact which must be taken into consideration. Remember that neither you nor your parents can act toward each other as if they had not brought you up. And if Uncle Bill and Aunt Sue had fingers in the pie of your develop­ment, even emotionally, neither can they. If you can live far enough away from all relatives, you may be safer. But in these days of rapid communication, even this may not be enough. The attitude of your families toward social class is one factor which you must, by all means, take into considera­tion.

Finally, there is yourself. You may think, in the glow of your fantasy, that love will cover all differences. You will better rely upon intelligent understanding. Because of the particular social class in which you have been brought up, each of you will come to marriage with definite ideas of what constitutes proper conduct and good taste. You are in for some shocks, in any case. But if you come from the same social class, each of you is more likely to behave as the other thinks proper. If you come from different classes, you are each likely to have habits which will add to the difficulties of the marriage adjustment.

In this matter of marrying one from a different social class, we are not saying "don't." We do say that it is usually better and possible to marry someone from your own social class and thus save yourselves trouble. If you do select someone from another social class you should both know what you are up against. The best way to know is for both of you to work out the adjustments which will be necessary. These adjustments should be made, certainly before you marry, and if possible, before you become engaged.

Are you CHOOSING between two people whom You like?

Having difficulty finding out whether HE or SHE is the RIGHT mate for you?

Beginning to question whether you have CHOSEN the right life companion? If you are a single, I'll teach you how to custom make your own, ideal relationship. If you are already attached, I'll teach you how to bring new passion to a long time relationship, heal a broken heart, or break down barriers that are keeping you apart!

A complete manual more than 200 pages of information and contents used successfully by individuals and couples having real life challenges! If you are looking for a system that works in the real world, this is it. Grab your copy today.

Check out Relationship Mastery Online...

How to Work Out How Well You and Your Future Spouse Know Each Other.

How well do you and your future spouse know each other?

A valid type of love takes time to develop. The Hollywood lover may murmur softly to the girl whom he has just met, "I've known you all my life." But he is following a script, not stating a fact. Really coming to know a person takes time, and lots of it. Studies indicate that those couples who have been engaged for two years or longer are most successful in their marriages. And presumably they knew each other for some time before they became engaged.

But time is not the only consideration. Important also is the kind of association which you have had together. George and Mabel have known each other for eight years. But during all this time they have been together hardly twenty times, and all these contacts were at formal parties and dances, where people wear their best behavior as well as their best clothes. Actually George and Mabel do not know each nearly well enough to become engaged. One problem in connection with separate men's and women's colleges is that boys and girls see each other only on week-end social occasions. Often they have great difficulty in really getting to know each other. By far the best situation is that in which the young people have grown up together from childhood. But this is not for most of us. The best which most young people can do is a few years of group association. They go around for some time with the same "crowd." Or it may be that they belong to the same church, the same political clubs, or they have gone to school together. Here the important consideration is not merely the time span through which such associations have taken place, but the number and the kind of the associations.

What kinds of associations have you had with each other? One of the best ways to get to know anyone is to work with him. By this we do not mean merely to work in the same factory or office. We mean to work with him at the same job. Tom thought that he knew Violet and Rose fairly well. He had dated them individually several times, and had gone on many parties and picnics with them. But not until he worked with them on the school paper did he really get to know them. In a job like this you cannot stay on your good be­havior for long. In order to turn work out, you must relax and be yourself. One Friday when the printer failed to get his copy out for the paper due Monday, Tom saw two per­sonalities whom he had never known before. The Rose wilted, cried, and went home with a headache. The Violet, however, refused to shrink. She said some things over the phone that would not have been printable. Then she collected Tom and two other boys, and they visited the printer. They stayed there together until the copy was finished and the presses ready to roll the first thing Monday morning. The old adage should be changed to "You never really know a man until you have worked with him under pressure." You who are becoming mutually interested; how well do you really know each other?

Is HE or SHE The Right Mate for you? How would you know whether you are making the RIGHT decision when it comes to choosing the right companion for life? Would you like to KEEP Him or Her for life? Get ALL the answers in here! Disocver how you can bring NEW PASSION to a long time relationship, heal a broken heart, or even BREAK DOWN barriers that are keeping you and your partner apart! My strategies have been used successfully by people in the REAL WORLD, people who are facing REAL LIFE challenges just like you! Find out how we have helped thousands of couples and individuals find and keep their relationships...Click Here

How to Work Out How Much Your Choice of Spouse is Based on Minor Attractions

How much have you been swayed by "minor point" attractions?

In all areas of life, people often choose upon the basis of what is relatively unimportant. In selecting a second-hand car, for example, they may choose one which has serious defects just because they like the looks of the dash, or the color of the upholstery, or the general lines. One couple even bought a house in the country because of such minor point attractions. In the moonlight, when they saw it first, it seemed the most beautifully picturesque place they could imagine. Outside was the Old Oaken Bucket hanging in the well. Inside, a huge fireplace took up one end of a large living room, through the walls of which the moon made charming patterns on the floor. Even the sag in the roof gave an appearance of stalwart patience which they felt belonged to the house. They were as eager to buy it as the agent was to sell. Then they moved in.

They had not expected perfection, but. . . . The lovely fireplace smoked so much as to be almost unusable, yet was the only means of heating the place. Through the holes which had admitted the moonlight also came the rain and cold and snow. The romantic Old Oaken Bucket weighed a ton, and there seemed no way of emptying it without spilling water all over yourself, and it was the only source of water. By December they could no longer stand it and moved out, which was fortunate. In January the patience of the sagging roof was no longer stalwart, and the whole thing caved in.

"You're lovely to look at, delightful to know, and heaven to kiss." So ran a popular song. A combination like this is certainly desirable. As with a car or a house, nice lines and a good paint job are all to the good. So also is that lock of curly hair, the charming smile, the way her cute little nose wrinkles when she laughs, and those alluring eyes. But if you allow such minor points to determine your choice, you may, like the couple who bought the charming house, come to grief.

The belief that marriage is a prolonged party may cause us to choose the one with whom we can have the most fun. "I have such a good time with Jim on a date." "Fred is so jolly and so exciting." "Doris is so sparkling and vivacious on a picnic." "Marian is such a charming hostess." And so the list goes. All such qualities are desirable and can add much to a marriage. But they are not enough. If we are employing a girl as a stenographer, it is nice if she can select drapes and arrange flowers tastefully. But the important considera­tion is her shorthand and typing. So it is with a marriage partner. Many people who are delightful dates at a dance, or fine companions for a summer vacation are not at all suitable for the long pull of marriage.

In your choice, then, make sure that you are not influenced too much by minor point attractions. How will she be to live with? How well will he wear, year after year? Will you have to carry her when the going gets tough, or will she come through when you are under your greatest pressures? Such are the important considerations in choosing a mate.

Learn my proven strategies to choosing your RIGHT companion and to even KEEP him/her for life! Get access to all of the BEST relationship systems, methodology and technologies ALL IN ONE PLACE, plus I'll reveal to you the EXACT SAME systemI've taught all my successful clients at my relationship Centre. You too CAN stop hunting down those Coaches or Counsellors, and learn ALL their trade secrets, includingTHOSE which they have been holding back from You!

What is one's Highest and Best Relationship

by Melody Chase

At our centre we believe that there is a highest and best partner out there who will align with your areas of compatibility and level of relationship mastery, and as well will unconditionally love you just as you are in the present moment.
In this highest and best relationship both parties are easily and effortlessly able to support and allow the other person to be a full expression of themselves and their soul.
In our relationship system there are 37-40 areas of compatibility. The more areas of compatibility one has in common, the more energetic and expansive the relationship will be.
People have asked “What is Relationship Mastery and why do I have to increase my level of Relationship Mastery and Consciousness.
Relationship Mastery refers to the mindset as well as the tools and skills that a person develops to be able to relate to another in a Relationship. These include abilities and acquired talents such as communication, conflict resolution techniques and what we call the 7 Principles of Relationship Success.
Relationship mastery may also be needed to help a gap in compatibility come closer together. So even if you find you and your partner have some issues around compatibility but still want to stay together a greater Relationship Consciousness and Mastery will help create a good Relationship.
Another important factor about relationship mastery is each partner’s willingness to learn relationship mastery skills. If some one or both partners are not keen on learning and training that will impede ones success, however one partner can do significant evolution that will impact the Relationship for both.
If a couple has low compatibility and poor relationship mastery skills then their relationship will have high levels of toxicity and deficiencies. A Relationship Toxicity is a bad love habit. A Relationship Deficiency is lack of a relationship skill, mindset or attitude.
A deficiency is also a need or want that you are not getting in a relationship.
So a partner cause of their Relationship Deficiency can create a deficiency for their partner. For example if your partner is a poor communicator and lacks support skills you will feel empty and deficient cause you are craving emotional support , communication and validation.
The farther apart in compatibilities and relationship mastery, the lower the chances of a couple having a successful, fulfilling relationship where one can be a full expression of oneself.
Therefore at the centre we also believe that a square peg doesn’t need to be forced into a round hole. This is because we have a different paradigm than most of society.
We teach and believe that there is an abundant universe and everyone can, and will find someone that is highest and best for them. It’ s a matter of becoming clear and use laws of attraction to draw what best for you in.
You do not have to settle out of fear of never finding anyone, societal pressures or fear of hurting their present partner.
In regards to hurting your present partner, if you are not with your highest and partner you will cause more hurt to your partner as well as yourself because of the continuous build up of toxicities and deficiencies. As well, you will both block each others from being full expressions of oneself. This blockage effects all areas of your life including health, wealth, and your dharmic path.
For example in my first marriage to Travis, we were teenage sweethearts, then got married in our early 20s. We were not compatible in many areas and because we has low relationship mastery skills, for 6 years we lived in quiet desperation, neither one of us understanding just how unfulfilling our relationship and our lives were.
The energetics of this situation impacted many other areas of our lives as well.
We had dead end jobs that seemed to us that we couldn’t escape, we had constant financial problems, sex problems, and we kept putting off having children because we felt like we wouldn’t be able to provide for them.
Travis became addicted to videogames and started smoking pot. I was very lonely and empty because Travis had different value centre than I. Travis was friend and family centred meaning that he likes to focus his energy and time on friends and his relatives. I was relationship centred, meaning that I would rather spend one on one time with Travis.
We also had different communication modes, so I didn’t receive love from him in my communication modes, even though he would be trying to give love to me through his communication modes.
When I finally came into consciousness that we were not in our highest and best relationship with one another and that the relationship mastery wouldn’t be enough to close the gaps in our incompatibility, I was still really hesitant about leaving him/and or telling him.
He was at a particularly low point in his life and was suffering from low self esteem. I was afraid that I would really hurt him, kicking him while he was down and I was afraid that he wouldn’t be able to recover.
Well, he was upset of course at first. However, he was able to recover. Today, he is remarried, now to his soulmate, he has renovated his home, he has a new high paying job, is out of financial debt and I bet I’ll be hearing any time now that he’ll be having a little family.
For me, I was able to find my dharma (which I never thought I was ever going to find) which happened literally because of leaving Travis, and I have found my highest and best relationship and soulmate.
Had I not made the decision to allow both Travis and I to let go and find our highest and best relationship, we would have been blocking each other from our dharma and our true soulmates from entering into our lives.
So in any relationship there are three decisions to make, once you are aware of where you stand in regards to compatibility and relationship mastery in your relationship.
Stay and Accept
There are positive and negative aspects of staying and accepting even if you know the relationship is not in yours or your partner’s highest and best interest.
On the negative side, as individuals you can only expand to a certain point. Then, from there you cannot be a full expression of yourself because you are not being authentic and you are not in an environment that is going to support yourself being yourself, the same for your partner.
At least one benefit of staying and accepting is that at least you are no longer in resistance to who your partner is and the environment that you find yourself in.
Also, you can love your partner without trying to force them to change and have the opportunity to appreciate them just as they are. Staying and accepting also saves you a lot of energy that could be wasted hoping and trying to get them to change, you can except that different people have different games and rhythms. Is staying and accepting healthy? It can be healthy in the sense that you are no longer in resistance and stress to your reality, but it is not healthy in the sense that it is not in the highest and best for yourself.
Attempt to Change
Most people have their own rhythms, differences and limitations. Attempting to change can be healthy when skills and new abilities are added on to their personalities. For example, a non-auditory person can learn communication techniques, a dominant person can learn conflict resolutions skills, as could an amiable person learn conflict resolution and assertiveness techniques.
It is unhealthy when how you are attempting to change the other person is taking something away or their authenticity is being denied or disowned. As the person trying to change the other person, you will also experience a lot of stress resisting how the other person is authentically, especially if the other person doesn’t want to change, and you want them to even for the sake of the relationship.
If you find yourself using control dramas, (i.e. getting really angry, arguing, and crying) even subtle ones all time, then you know there is too much that you are trying to change in the person. It is also important to note, that even if you managed to get your way and have them change in the way you want them to, if they are being inauthentic every change you force them to make damages them. It is like your partner is a flower that you like to look at and enjoy their scent. However, every time you force them to change, you are stomping on the flower. In the end, you can not enjoy your flower anymore, because the flower is dead.
Letting Them Go
The unhealthy aspects of letting your partner go are temporary and the more you are aware of what is going on the quicker you, your partner, friends and family can heal.
When you know the relationship is not the highest and best for either of you, yet you are not letting them go, you are basing your decision to stay on fear.
Basing your decision on fear is far unhealthier than temporary transition stage of parting ways. Fear of disrupting the children, fear of disrupting the family, fear of disrupting the friends, fear of change, fear of losing your belongings, your home, your way of life, your happy memories, fear of failure, fear of disappointment, fear of hurting your partner, fear of the unknown, fear of financial loss, fear of social standing in the community. That’s a lot of fear.
What happens if you approach this from a self love perspective for a moment? If you were a Mom and your soul job was to love yourself, what your Mom self want you to do? Would you want yourself to be happy? Do you want yourself to be a full expression of yourself? Would your Mom self want you to be authentic? Would your Mom self want to support your purpose? Would you Mom self want you to be healthy? If you answered yes to any or all of these questions, then as a person who loves themselves, then you would then be able to make a decision based on love, instead of fear.
From there, although I can’t prove it, until you try it, everything will fall into its natural place. Just as what happened with Travis and I, our transitions may have been a little rocky, because we were afraid, but when we did go through with letting our partners go, everyone benefited.
When I was making my decision to leave Travis, I would have to admit, a lot was based on the knowledge that I wasn’t the highest and best for him, and on the faith that he was going to be o.k., but there must have been some self-love in there too, because at the time, I was seeing myself as a person who needed someone like myself to make a decision in love.
If you want more information on whether you should stay or go take a look at my book “Love by Design” @ http://www.lovebydesignbook.com/
Warm Regards
Melody Chase

Info & Comments write Melody at mailto:ChaseRelationshipcentre@shaw.ca

ELIMINATE THE STRAIN OF DEBT IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP

While we are on the subject of debt, we might briefly mention the problem of borrowing. In buying a large item, such as a house or a car, you may properly borrow. Other­wise the usual rule is "Don't." Borrowing encourages you to live beyond your means. Usually you can do better by living more simply. If you do borrow, get it from a credit union. If you cannot, many banks offer personal loans at rates lower than those of other sources. Before you marry, become acquainted with the possibilities and rates for bor­rowing in the town in which you are to live.

Winning the battle of the budget, then, requires a com­bination of essentials. These include the ability to make your money buy more, freedom from the need to spend money to inflate your ego, the discipline to refrain from buying non-essentials which you cannot afford and to keep reasonable track of your expenditures.

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How to Work Out How Suitable You and Your Future Spouse are to Each Other

How Suitable Are You to Each Other?

Seventy years ago, when Harry Allen and Susie Robinson decided to get married, they did not have any books to help them. They had no professional premarital counseling. And yet they and their generation de­veloped far more stable families than we do today, with all our books, counseling and scientific knowledge. Why?

In the first place, they had a much better chance of marry­ing "our kind of folks." In Grandpa's day the range of selec­tion for most young folks was about as far as Dobbin could travel and get back the same day—probably less than ten miles. Within this radius there were only about twenty avail­able girls among whom Harry Allen could choose. Most of these were from his general background. The few who were not, he knew about. Today a girl from Portland, Oregon meets a boy from Portland, Maine while both are on vaca­tion at Biloxi, Mississippi. Because so many of us now live in big cities, and because of greater possibilities for travel, the number of available mates a young person might meet runs into the hundreds. Furthermore, many of these are not suitable, because of very different backgrounds. Yet super­ficially they look, behave, and generally act alike. The prob­lem of choice was certainly a whole lot simpler in Grandpa's day.

Secondly, both Harry and Susie understood what marriage meant at that time, far better than most young people know what it means now. When Susie said "Yes" to Harry, she knew what she was getting into. What is more important, she had learned from her mother how to handle it. She could not only bake a pie, Billy Boy, but also tend a garden, raise chickens, make clothing, and manage a household. She and Grandpa would never have dreamed of discussing sex. But both of them had been brought up on farms where animals were bred. In some ways they knew more about it than their less inhibited grandchildren.

They also knew each other and each other's families well long before they were called upon to "know" each other in the Biblical sense. Both their families had lived in the same town since before they were born. There was little about any family which was not publicly understood. Harry knew what the whole town knew, that Susie's Aunt Jane had run off with a man not her husband, and was now living some­where in New York with her twelve-year-old son, supported in part by Brother Jo, who was Susie's father. Harry's Aunt May, who was "not too bright," lived in the same town with an unmarried brother, with no attempt to conceal either her mental limitations or her relatedness. Everybody knew that Harry's mother had "not been the same" since her youngest son died, and that Susie's father sometimes drank too much hard cider and was not too reliable. Yes, our grandparents knew, not only the persons whom they married, but often the characters and even the emotions of their in-laws.

Finally and perhaps most important, they demanded far less of their marriages. Life was hard, and often a rather grim business. The most important task was to secure basic physical necessities. Marriage might have its moments of romance and emotional glow, but its main function was to produce things, especially things to eat. Husbands and wives no more thought of demanding glamour of each other, than a farmer of today would demand it of his tractor. They might appreciate beauty in each other, as in their animals and their land, but the function of them all was primarily to produce.

The relative stability, plus the romantic portrayals of mar­riage in the past, have caused many to overestimate the de­sirability of the "old-fashioned home." Yet the absence of divorce is not the same as success. There is another side to the picture. As Thornton Wilder has so skillfully portrayed, the atmosphere of Our Town was constricted and arid; its people emotionally malnourished. The peculiarities and per­sonality quirks so vividly and truly described by such nov­elists as Dickens and Mark Twain were amusing to our fathers. But these authors themselves sensed what we are just now beginning to realize, that humor is often the dis­torted mask of tragedy. If they wrote truly of their times, serious personality distortion was tragically common. Of course personality, good and bad, is a product of an entire culture, not of the family alone, but the family is a major influence. Our ancestors were less successful in their family life than many have supposed. But we must get back to the problems of the people of today.

Harry Allen's grandson faces a far more difficult problem of mate selection. Within a ten-mile radius of Harry's home lived about twenty available girls. The grandson lives in a big city, and within a ten-mile radius of his home are more than twenty thousand marriageable girls. Furthermore, be­cause of modern transportation, the size of the radius can be expanded indefinitely. Harry knew which of the girls were "his kind of folks." His grandson finds it very difficult to know the background and the family of the girls he meets, and how they look at, think and feel about life. Yet such knowledge of those whom we are considering marrying is as important as it ever was.

Young folks of today have another problem which adds to their difficulties of selection. They expect so much more from marriage. Susie demanded only that Harry be reason­ably decent and a "good provider." Harry demanded little more than competence in the garden and in the kitchen. We of today demand much more. We expect that the person whom we marry will be able to make us happy. Living in big cities among thousands of people who never really know us, makes us hungry for intimate companionship. When we marry we demand of each other a kind of intimate feeling interaction which is far more difficult to get than anything expected by our grandparents. And to complicate matters, Hollywood glamour pictures give us absurd ideas of the romantic bliss which we feel that marriage should give.

Yes, marriage selection today is difficult and full of chal­lenge. How can you know what you will want in a wife or husband years from now? How can you know what he or she will be like at the very time when your mate will be most important to you? Furthermore, even if you do know what you may want, how can you know that you are getting it?

Learn my proven strategies to choosing your RIGHT companion and to even KEEP him/her for life! Get access to all of the BEST relationship systems, methodology and technologies ALL IN ONE PLACE, plus I'll reveal to you the EXACT SAME systemI've taught all my successful clients at my relationship Centre. You too CAN stop hunting down those Coaches or Counsellors, and learn ALL their trade secrets, includingTHOSE which they have been holding back from You!

How to Work Out How Much Your Choice of Spouse is Based on Minor Attractions

How much have you been swayed by "minor point" attractions?

In all areas of life, people often choose upon the basis of what is relatively unimportant. In selecting a second-hand car, for example, they may choose one which has serious defects just because they like the looks of the dash, or the color of the upholstery, or the general lines. One couple even bought a house in the country because of such minor point attractions. In the moonlight, when they saw it first, it seemed the most beautifully picturesque place they could imagine. Outside was the Old Oaken Bucket hanging in the well. Inside, a huge fireplace took up one end of a large living room, through the walls of which the moon made charming patterns on the floor. Even the sag in the roof gave an appearance of stalwart patience which they felt belonged to the house. They were as eager to buy it as the agent was to sell. Then they moved in.

They had not expected perfection, but. . . . The lovely fireplace smoked so much as to be almost unusable, yet was the only means of heating the place. Through the holes which had admitted the moonlight also came the rain and cold and snow. The romantic Old Oaken Bucket weighed a ton, and there seemed no way of emptying it without spilling water all over yourself, and it was the only source of water. By December they could no longer stand it and moved out, which was fortunate. In January the patience of the sagging roof was no longer stalwart, and the whole thing caved in.

"You're lovely to look at, delightful to know, and heaven to kiss." So ran a popular song. A combination like this is certainly desirable. As with a car or a house, nice lines and a good paint job are all to the good. So also is that lock of curly hair, the charming smile, the way her cute little nose wrinkles when she laughs, and those alluring eyes. But if you allow such minor points to determine your choice, you may, like the couple who bought the charming house, come to grief.

The belief that marriage is a prolonged party may cause us to choose the one with whom we can have the most fun. "I have such a good time with Jim on a date." "Fred is so jolly and so exciting." "Doris is so sparkling and vivacious on a picnic." "Marian is such a charming hostess." And so the list goes. All such qualities are desirable and can add much to a marriage. But they are not enough. If we are employing a girl as a stenographer, it is nice if she can select drapes and arrange flowers tastefully. But the important considera­tion is her shorthand and typing. So it is with a marriage partner. Many people who are delightful dates at a dance, or fine companions for a summer vacation are not at all suitable for the long pull of marriage.

In your choice, then, make sure that you are not influenced too much by minor point attractions. How will she be to live with? How well will he wear, year after year? Will you have to carry her when the going gets tough, or will she come through when you are under your greatest pressures? Such are the important considerations in choosing a mate.

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How to Understand Why Mental Health is Important in Marriage

Why is mental health important in marriage?

Many of our greatest problems arise out of the fact that people insist upon doing what is contrary to their own self interest. The American people are swindled out of millions of dollars every year, which could be saved by a simple tele­phone call to a Better Business Bureau or a bank. Why don't they investigate before they invest? They ruin themselves vocationally by hopping needlessly from one job to another. They ruin their health by dissipations which they know are harmful. They seek as friends those who are certain to get them into trouble, and avoid those who would and could help them. Why?

Poor choices in marriage result not only from bad judg­ment, or the deceitfulness of glamour and romance. They also can express deep distress of the personality. We can see this distress fairly clearly in marriage "on the rebound." We understand that a jilted person wants to bolster up his pride and "show" his friends. Therefore he may marry a person whom he would not consider seriously, if he were not under serious emotional stress.

Less easily recognized is the marriage which is entered into to "get even" with someone, usually one's parents. Children often grow up with strong feelings of resentment against their parents. Such feelings may lead them to select un­suitable marriage partners because the parents will strongly object. Thus the daughter of a conservative but domineering millionaire marries a Communist. The minister's son who has come to hate his father, marries an avowed atheist. Chil­dren of prim, respectable families marry characters who are questionable. Such bases for selection are understandable, but hardly sound.

In other instances, the individual may seek to punish, not his parents, but himself. Feelings of shame and guilt may result in strong desires for punishment. Forms of self-torture, as illustrated by the Flagellantes and some "Holy Men" of India, or even suicide show the power of such desires. This punishment may take the form of selecting a marriage part­ner who is obviously unsuitable. The conscientious girl may marry a known alcoholic to "reform" him, and almost eagerly accept the hardships of the situation as her "cross." Spirit­ually sensitive men of fine reputation may marry women known to be dissolute. The prophet Hosea may have been an instance of this desire for punishment. Masochism, the deriving of a kind of sexual satisfaction from enduring suf­fering, seems at least related to the wish to be punished. Many, if not most of the so-called "mistakes in judgment" which wreck marriages result from a lack of mental health. Ignorance may have slain its thousands, but emotional in­stability has slain its tens of thousands. Many authorities regard mental health as the most important factor in the success of a marriage.

A lack of mental health may show itself in the emotional inability of people who want to and could marry, to do so. George has been engaged three times to three different girls. Each time the same thing happened. As the date for the wedding approached, he found that he could not go through with it. He had nothing against any of the girls. It was mar­riage that he feared. George has some deep emotional dif­ficulty which only a psychiatrist could likely correct. But his "instinct" is sound. He is not ready to marry.

Is HE or SHE The Right Mate for you? How would you know whether you are making the RIGHT decision when it comes to choosing the right companion for life? Would you like to KEEP Him or Her for life? Get ALL the answers in here! Disocver how you can bring NEW PASSION to a long time relationship, heal a broken heart, or even BREAK DOWN barriers that are keeping you and your partner apart! My strategies have been used successfully by people in the REAL WORLD, people who are facing REAL LIFE challenges just like you! Find out how we have helped thousands of couples and individuals find and keep their relationships...Click Here

How to Work Out if You are Vocationally Competent Enough for Marriage

Are you vocationally competent?

In the eyes of most people, this question will apply mainly to the man. In our culture, the husband is expected to earn the living for himself, his wife, and their children. At one time it was believed that any man "worth his salt" could provide adequately for his family. Poverty in a family in which there was an able-bodied husband was regarded as the result of shiftlessness and laziness. We now know better. Due to circumstances beyond the control of any individual, such as bad business conditions and depressions, able and competent men may be unable to secure employment. This pos­sibility is a risk which anyone who marries must be willing to take. The couple should demand of the prospective hus­band only that he should be able to hold down a suitable job, if one is to be had. Exceptions to this rule can safely be made, also, for those who are in training, including students, even though at the time of marriage they are not yet earning a living.

The idea of what constitutes a suitable living will vary with the individual. Florence was brought up in a fairly well-to-do family. She has been used to having almost anything she wanted without question. Her boy friend, Jeffrey, is a fine man but without especial abilities or ambitions. He will make a good, steady husband, and will earn enough to supply a family modestly. He will never be able to earn the kind of money which Florence will demand. Her father could give Jeffrey a well-paying position in the firm. But he could not do the work satisfactorily. He would either have to live on a kind of charity, or face frustration and defeat. They were both wise in seeing the situation and so calling the whole thing off. Tom, another friend, could earn what Florence requires. But he wants to become a college professor, and would not be happy doing anything else. So neither of them will let things go too far. They may be genuinely fond of each other, even to the point of love, but they both understand that marriage to each other is not in the picture.

Do not think of vocational competence as a matter only for the husband. The wife, too, has a vocation. Her job, if well done, may require quite as much as that of her husband. Household management, shopping efficiently, planning de­sirable menus, cooking well and providing for the needs of an entire family on limited amounts of money require voca­tional competence. The proper raising of children, which is usually her major responsibility, requires even more ade­quacy, as we shall later consider.

There is yet another aspect of her vocational situation. In an increasing number of households the wives work outside the home to help with the family income. Furthermore, the young mother should be able, in case of the death of her husband, to earn a living for both herself and her children. In most cases the amount of insurance will not be more than enough to keep the family going until she can adjust herself and find suitable employment. Every young person, male or female, married or single, should be able to earn a living.

Are you CHOOSING between two people whom You like?

Having difficulty finding out whether HE or SHE is the RIGHT mate for you?

Beginning to question whether you have CHOSEN the right life companion? If you are a single, I'll teach you how to custom make your own, ideal relationship. If you are already attached, I'll teach you how to bring new passion to a long time relationship, heal a broken heart, or break down barriers that are keeping you apart!

A complete manual more than 200 pages of information and contents used successfully by individuals and couples having real life challenges! If you are looking for a system that works in the real world, this is it. Grab your copy today. Check out Relationship Mastery Online...

Why Women Cheat

Years ago a woman cheating on her spouse was unheard of but in modern times the number of women who cheat on their spouse is growing exponentially. The differences in men and women cheating is that men often cheat for physical reasons while women often have emotional reasons for cheating on their partner. The reasons why women cheat include loneliness, revenge, boredom and self esteem. These factors may be inexcusable but they do exist in the minds of a cheating woman. More and more women are becoming guilty of cheating on their partners and it is often emotional reasons rather than lust that drive them to these affairs.

Loneliness is one of the primary reasons that women seek out affairs and cheat on their partner. Although it sounds contradictory that they should feel lonely because the women are currently in a relationship, it is often a relationship that is not emotionally fulfilling. Women involved in these unsatisfactory relationships may feel as lonely if not more so than women who are not in a relationship. If a woman is not receiving the attention she feels she deserves in a relationship, she may be tempted to seek that attention elsewhere and become involved in an affair. A partner who becomes overly involved with his work or a hobby may not make time to spend with his partner and this often results in the women feeling as if they are all alone. This feeling of loneliness can drive a woman to cheat on her partner. One of the most prevalent reasons why women cheat is that they feel as though their current partner is not lavishing much attention on them and they feel lonely even in his presence.

Revenge has also become and increasing factor in why women cheat. The modern woman is no longer willing to sit back and accept the fact that their partner may cheat on them. If a woman confirms or even just holds a suspicion that their partner is cheating on them, they may be driven to engage in an affair of their own as an act of revenge. The theory of, “An eye for an eye,” has unfortunately trickled down into the realm of romantic relationships and many women see a cheating partner as a justification to have an affair of their own. They believe that they are justified in having an affair if they catch their partner cheating on them. Furthermore they may be extremely hurt by their partner’s actions and seek a way to hurt them in the same way. While it is not a justifiable reason, many women see revenge as an appropriate reason for cheating on their spouse.

Boredom may also factor into why women cheat. Their current relationship may have fallen into a rut and lost the excitement that it possessed in the early stages of its existence. They may feel that their relationship has become dull and predictable and rather than trying to bring excitement into their current relationship they may pursue affairs in the hopes of achieving the excitement they felt when they first became involved with their partner. While an affair may bring about a temporary solution of making the woman feel excited about love again it may ultimately destroy both their current relationship as well as their cheating relationship. An affair is exciting not only because it involves a relationship with a new person but also because it involves sneaking around and ultimately getting away with doing something wrong. To many women this is very exciting and they are willing to risk losing their relationship over their affair. Many women cheat because they are bored with the monotony of their current relationship and they seek to bring excitement back into their life through engaging in an affair.

Another reason why women cheat is a lack of self esteem. Women may feel that they are not getting an adequate amount of admiration from their partner and they may be tempted to cheat to affirm that they are still attractive and desirable. When a relationship meets a stagnant point where the partners are no longer making a conscious effort to reassure each other that they are still desirable, many women begin to feel insecure. This insecurity leads women to seek affirmation of their desirability outside of the relationship in the form of an affair. Being found desirable by another compensates for the lack of longing they feel from their partner and helps to boost their self esteem. While women with a healthy self esteem are more apt to remain happy in a relationship, those that lack self esteem are often driven to cheat on their partners.

Men are not the only ones who cheat on their partners. It is becoming more and more common for women to be guilty of cheating. While women are beginning to cheat as often as men the reasons why women cheat are much different than the reasons why men cheat. The reasons for women cheating are tied tightly to emotional reasons such as loneliness, revenge and boredom.

Are you CHOOSING between two people whom You like?

Having difficulty finding out whether HE or SHE is the RIGHT mate for you?

Beginning to question whether you have CHOSEN the right life companion? If you are a single, I'll teach you how to custom make your own, ideal relationship. If you are already attached, I'll teach you how to bring new passion to a long time relationship, heal a broken heart, or break down barriers that are keeping you apart!

A complete manual more than 200 pages of information and contents used successfully by individuals and couples having real life challenges! If you are looking for a system that works in the real world, this is it. Grab your copy today.

Check out Relationship Mastery Online...

Why Most Marriages Fail

Roughly 50% of all marriages fail and many of those don’t even make it past the first year. Understanding why these marriages fail can be key to ensuring that your own marriage does not fail. Some factors that contribute to the failure of a marriage include a lack of communication or poor communication, financial issues and even the circumstances of the marriage. All of these issues can exist in a healthy and enduring marriage but if they are not dealt with properly they can lead to the failure of the marriage.

Communication is critical to the success of a marriage. Without proper communication, conflict resolution becomes a difficult issue. If the couple lacks the communication skills necessary to resolve their problems, then even the smallest problems will become insurmountable. Communication allows a relationship to grow and thrive by giving the partners an opportunity to share their dreams, concerns, hopes and desires with each other. Without sharing in this way a couple will not grow as close together as possible. Communication also gives the couple a healthy way to resolve their arguments. If one or both partners lack effective communications skills it becomes difficult to resolve arguments because the couple is not able to understand each other’s points of view. If the marriage is already in trouble, both partners in the marriage must be dedicated to working on their communication skills in order to improve or salvage their marriage. The absence of effective communication techniques can lead to the failure of a marriage.

Love may conquer all but sometimes even love isn’t enough to save a marriage when there are significant financial concerns. While financial concerns in and of themselves may not be the cause of a failed marriage the tension that financial concerns create is often the culprit in a failed marriage. Financial concerns can be a heavy burden to bear and when a couple is struggling to meet their financial obligations, there can be a tremendous amount of pressure in the relationship. This pressure may be enough to destroy an otherwise healthy marriage. If one of the partners in the marriage becomes obsessed with the marital finances they can begin to neglect other aspects of the marriage. This neglectful behavior has the affect of making the spouse feel ignored and lonely which can be damaging to a marriage. Often one of the partners will become consumed with the financial affairs and this can be very damaging to a marriage.

Even the circumstances surrounding the marriage can lead to its failure. A marriage of convenience is often not a healthy marriage. When the decision to marry is based on something other than true love, it is likely that the marriage will fair. Some examples of marriage circumstances that often lead to failure are getting married because there is a baby on the way or because the couple is feeling pressure to get married by friends and family members. Neither of these reasons are truly valid reasons for marriage and often leads to divorce. When a couple marries for reasons other than true love the marriage is often doomed before it starts. Marrying too young is another reason why many marriages fail. While the right age to marry varies greatly depending on the person, many people argue that the teens and early twenties are too early to get married. Getting married before you have had a chance to enjoy many of life’s experiences can result in resentfulness in the marriage and can be the cause of failure of the marriage.

Another reason why many marriages fail is that society no longer places importance on the institution of marriage. Today it is common for couples to live together and have children without being married. This degeneration of society devalues marriage and results in a higher percentage of failed marriages. With so little value placed on marriage in today’s society, couples are not committed to making their marriage work and are often quick to give up on the marriage and each other.

Many marriages today are doomed before they even start. Marriage is no longer seen as a necessary step in a relationship so many couples are quick to divorce without making an honest effort to resolve their problems. Communication breakdown, financial difficulties as well as circumstances of the marriage are all problems that can cause many marriages to fail.

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