Having What You Want In The Way That You Want It In Your Relationship

Rob (Director/Head Counsellor of the Centre for Life Management/LMC Relationship Centre) once had a phone consultation with a client who we will Finola.

Finola had read Rob’s book True Love on Demand (www.trueloveondemand.com). She understood how to create or manifest someone into her life but she was having trouble wrapping her head around the idea that she could have what she wanted in the way she wanted in a relationship. Finola was also having trouble explaining why she felt this way.

Rob started getting the conversation flowing by giving her examples of her thought processes in another area of her life other than relationships such as if she new exactly what kind of car she wanted and money was not as issue, what would stop her from getting the car she wanted?

Finola thought it over and she said that there isn’t anything that she could think of as to why she wouldn’t buy that car. In fact, it was kind of silly as to why she wouldn’t.

Then Rob asked her if she could have the partner of her dreams and if how he was drawn into her life wasn’t a problem, is there anything that would stop her from having this partner in her life?

This time Finola did pause, she was blocked. After some deep thinking she came up with some dysfunctional beliefs and reasons such as she didn’t feel she deserves her highest and best partner, even though she did believe she had the power to draw him in.

Upon deeper investigation, it came out that she came from a family where Finola’s parents had settled for each others, so Finola had picked up the belief system that she too would have to settle for who ever came along.

There are many beliefs that can cause people to block themselves for allowing their highest and best partner from coming into their lives such as the following:

They don’t deserve their highest and best for one reason or another.

It’s not fair to others who don’t have their highest and best.

Others will be jealous if you have your highest and best partner.

Others will not approve or you feel like you don’t have permission to seek out your highest and best mate.

You have a belief that you have to settle because there isn’t anyone out there who’s perfect.

In order to change those beliefs you just have to acknowledge your old beliefs so you will not be in resistance to them and then replace them.

The following are few tips to help you in changing your beliefs.

It is an abundant world; you can have exactly what you want. The only reason why others don’t have what they want is because they believe they can’t have what they want.

If we are not suppose to have what we want why would be naturally be given to power to create it?

I have heard that the original definition of sin is falling below your fullest potential. A highest and best relationship is an opportunity to be in a supportive and expansive environment where you can express at your fullest potential. When you are not in your highest and best relationship no one involved can reach their highest potential. Why would anyone want to hold themselves back let alone their partner from creating yours and your partner’s highest and best relationship?

When you do choose to draw in your highest and best partner regardless of your present circumstance, it creates a pebble in the pond effect for everyone involved.

For example with my ex-husband we were not the highest and best for each other, we actually held each other down financially and dharmically. When I finally decided to release and draw in my highest and best soulmate not only did my soulmate show up but my dharma also revealed itself. As for my ex-husband he met his soulmate, as well as a stable home life and a high paying occupation that he absolutely loves.

So for Finola, after we explained about the different beliefs that she would have to shift, we then suggested the following in order for her to truly have what she desire in relationship, there are three main important things for her to do and to believe in:

1) You have to know what you want.
2) Need to believe that you have the right to have what you want.
3) Need to give yourself permission to have what you want.

By the end of the phone consultation Finola understood that she had to uncover any beliefs she had then replace them with the belief that she had the right to have what she wanted as well as giving herself permission. She already had a good idea of what she wanted in a mate so she was now able to openly and freely draw him in.

~ Melody Chase

Discover how you can easily get your true love on demand by learning the proprietary information in this ebook! Used and tested with success by thousands of people over the last 15 years, we are going to come clean and reveal the "formula" in this tell-all manual! You can stop failing in your relationship right from the start! Click here to get your true love ON DEMAND!

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Love Em or Lose Em – Part 2

In Part One we explained about the dynamics of Amiable and Expressive Personalities who are with reactive partners.

Now in Part Two the following are four examples of Amiable and/ or Expressive women and where they are at in regards how they deal with their reactive partners depending upon their degree of acceptance, level of burnout and which counselling route or technique they decided to use.

(In part two will go over four examples of …use. We will also go over some final conclusions as to couples who are dealing with reactiveness in their relationships can do. )

Tanis, who is our top relationship Counsellor, is in her early thirties, an Expressive, Amiable, Analytical with a husband who is a Driver. She originally came to see us as client. She has two sons who are now 4 and 7. When she first came to see us she had suffered from major stress and anxiety and was codependent. For most of her life she didn’t really have many problems with reactive and conflictual people, this is until she got married to her husband.

Then all hell broke lose for her because she didn’t know how to deal with her husband and he wasn’t interested as well as didn’t understand what she needed in a relationship or what she needed in order to feel supported raising children.

She tried control dramas to try to influence him but nothing seemed to work. She began to get more and more reactive to his reactions and the more he reacted the more stressed she became. Then she hit a crisis point and her body began to shutdown. She became so sick that she couldn’t get out of bed.

She came to see us with her husband desperate to find out something that would help her and her relationship. We explained to her everything that we had mentioned in regards to reality of living with a Driver and the reality of what her needs were. Because she was at the biggest crisis point than the rest of the women we will be introducing, she was open to changing her paradigm because she couldn’t live the way she was anymore.

Tanis was actually able to accept who her husband for who he is and release the need to have a husband who wasn’t reactive. Her husband didn’t continue counselling, but because she was at peace with herself and her husband, their relationship greatly improved. Things that used to stress her no longer effects her and she understood the concept that if her husband was upset it wasn’t anything personal and she felt no need to be upset and protect herself. This greatly reduced the majority of the stresses and conflicts in their relationship. Tanis now would only like her husband just to take some basic communication mastery skills; otherwise her relationship was now functional.

Natalie is a 34 year old Amiable, Analytical, Expressive living with a Driver, Expressive, Analytical. For most of her life she has been surrounded by reactive, conflictual people. She had done a lot of personal work towards accepting and understanding people who were reactive.

Although she was not in resistance to the fact the people get angry she was still in resistance to having people getting reactive towards her, and was now beginning to burn out from many years of being on the receiving end of people’s reactiveness, including her Driver partner who she had been together with for six years. She was now at the point that any reaction from her partner caused her to automatically react back which didn’t go over very well with her partner who has taken the same amount of relationship counselling as she did. He kept telling her that it was her job not to react if he slips up and gets reactive, since they had made negotiations to be nice to each other. Natalie explained to him that she can no longer help it, after so many years, she just snaps when other people do. Natalie understands the concept of victim hood, and accepting her partner for who he is which helps release the stress she is under as well as understanding that she has the power to create her relationship.

However, she is not quite ready to release and allow her partner to be reactive because she still at some level believes that she needs to protect herself and that it is just not right to be on the receiving end of people’s reactions. She also knows and believes that she could draw in someone that will fulfill her needs but just hasn’t come to a conclusion yet which way she wants to go. So for now until she at least ready to allow her partner to be a full expression, they have developed negotiations where both of them will try their best to be nice to each other and for the most part it is working well for them.

Julia is a 40 year old Expressive, Amiable, Analytical, who has been dating a Driver man who has 2 kids from his last marriage. The couple had come to see us because Julia was in the verge of a breakdown. She managed to keep it together at work, but her dysfunction in her relationship was causing enough of a disruption in her boyfriend’s life, that he recognized that they needed help. Julia, like Natalie spent most of her life surrounded by reactive, conflictual people many of them much stronger in intensity than Natalie. Julia over the last couple of years decided that she had enough and she was going to fight for what she wants and wasn’t going to allow people to be reactive anymore. Of course because she was in resistance to them, she would attract the same amount or even more reactive people into her life.

This came to a head with her boyfriend since he was a Driver. After several sessions, her boyfriend still wasn’t getting the concepts of what we were teaching them and Julia was beginning to get even more rundown. It wasn’t until Julia called for a timeout in the relationship, that her boyfriend began to take us seriously. Now he was willing to learn what it takes to give Julia what she wanted in the way she wanted, he understood it was going to be a slow process because what she was asking of him wasn’t in his natural nature and because of her burnout it was hard for her to give him much slack when he would return to his own ways and become reactive.

Although, she understands about allowing her boyfriend to be himself, she isn’t ready to release yet, she wants him to be nice and non-reactive first, before she can release herself from her need to protect her self. Therefore, although we are doing personal work on her, the majority of responsibility at this time is on her boyfriend to create the environment that she wants and in order for her to feel safe enough to trust that he is being sincere and supportive of what she truly desires. The result is that there are a lot more blow-ups and falling of the wagon than Natalie and her boyfriend, but Julia and her boyfriend are dedicated and slowly but surely making progress.

Last but not least, Jean is an Amiable in her early 60s. She has been married to a Driver for man for 12 years. They met after her kids were grown, so they have no kids together. Unlike Natalie and Julia, Jean had been living a life with no conflict or reactive people in her life; she was living the Amiable dream life that was until she met her latest husband. For the first time she was introduced to a reactive and conflictual person. She didn’t know what to make of it a first, because it was quite a shock to find out that there were people like that in the world. She then tried to live with it, but after 12 years, there was enough build up from being on his receiving end; she was shutting down sexually and pulling away from him.

They came into counselling together. They were making some progress at about the speed of Julia and her boyfriend. However, at one counselling session where we were explaining that it was important to accept and allow her husband to be who he authentically he was, she reached her breaking point, saying she wasn’t going to take being with a reactive person anymore. She left the session and decided she wasn’t going to settle. Since she had spent the majority of her life in harmonious environments, she knew that she could find that type of environment again. Will she find her harmony in her next relationship without accepting people who are reactive, is yet to be seen, but she did take action towards creating the relationship that she wants without compromise or negotiation.

So really, in conclusion, what it comes down to for anyone who is dealing with a reactive partner is being able to:

1) Accept, allow and appreciate people who are reactive.

2) Release and be in non-resistance of people when they do react.

3) Understand that it is nothing personal when someone is reactive, if they understood that there is a better way to deal with you, that they believe genuinely that it works and would be able to apply it, they would use it since they do have good intentions.

4) Working on your own personal issues will improve your relationship regardless of whether your partner is on board or not.

You will be at a higher level of consciousness so things that use to bug or you, cause you stress or to be reactive would bother you anymore.
Your partner will also raise in consciousness automatically.
Your partner will fall away and you will draw in someone who is your highest and best.

5) You can create your reality, you have the right to create you reality and it is alright to give yourself permission to create your reality. It doesn’t have to be accept or let go, you can accept and still choose what you want to create and whatever is best will unfold, whether that is your partner ending up being your highest and best, or if they fall away, in either way you are covered by being in nonresistance and being in the power position of creating your reality.

~ Melody Chase

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Love Em or Leave Em: Hw to Deal With Reactive Partners – Part 1

This is the story of four women and how they deal with having a reactive partner.

At our Centre we often explain to couples that some personalities are more naturally reactive and conflictual and there are also some personalities who do not handle reactive or conflictual people well. What often happens is these opposite ends of the spectrum personalities end up together as mates. For example, reactive, conflictual in a nature Driver Personalities will attract a non-reactive, conflict avoidant Amiable and/or Expressive Personality.

Since we will be talking about personalities throughout the article the following is a brief overview of the four main types of personalities:

At our Centre, we have a Personality Chart that we use, that involves 4 basic personality types that can have 16 variations when the personalities are mixed together. To keep my example simple, the following is a very basic overview of the four main types (For an extensive understanding, check out our Love by Design Book at www.lovebydesignbook.com )

Drivers: Are bottom line aggressive people who like results, tasks, control dominance and authority. They are independent, goal oriented, bossy, and sometimes even rude.

Expressives: Are emotionally based, love people, dominant and friendly, love appreciation, approval, centre stage, change their minds a lot, charming, humorous and fun. They have excellent people skills.

Amiables: Are friendly, like people, not aggressive, tend to promote harmony, safety, security, like to blend in and not make waves, accepting.

Analyticals: Analyticals like to work alone, precise, accurate, have rules, standards and procedures, finicky. Judgmental, critical and sometimes negative.

So getting back to the topic at hand, in many situations as the Driver personalities continue to be their authentic selves, the Amiables and Expressives have trouble handling the Driver’s personality. The Amiables and Expressives are sensitive of the Driver’s reactiveness and are often in judgment or resistance to their partner.

For many Amiables and Expressives, they have been on the receiving end of reactive people all their lives. Their judgment and resistance as well as the constant reactiveness of others cause the Amiables and Expressives to reach a breaking point. At a minimum, they become just as reactive as their Driver counterparts and at the extreme end having nervous breakdowns or develop major health issues like breast cancer.

The Driver partners don’t start to notice or acknowledge that there is something seriously wrong until there are physical symptoms or the Amiables and Expressives are seriously impeding the Driver’s A-B or the Amiables and Expressives threatens or actually leaves the relationship. If it gets to any of these points, the Amiable or Expressive may be pretty burned out.

Another thing that also happens along the way with Amiables or Expressives is that at first, when they are children and as young adults they believe that they don’t have a choice in having to deal with reactive people, they just had to accept and take the reactiveness of people. However as they get older, at some point they decide they are just not going to take it anymore and make it their mission to protect themselves. However, because they are in resistance, they end up drawing in more reactive people or increase the intensity of the reactiveness of the people they already have contact with and/or will meet.

So when we have couples who come to see us where one partner is a Driver and the other is an Amiable and/or Expressive who is in the process of burning out due the reactiveness of the Driver (Often the Driver is a Driver/ Analytical or a Driver, Expressive Analytical combination) we teach them the following points about their relationship:

We get both parties, the Driver and their Amiable and/or Expressive to understand each other’s differences, wants, needs and requirements.

We will show the Driver personality how to be aware of how to treat Amiables and Expressives and how to show caring towards them.

For the Amiables we get them to understand the nature of the Driver, that the Driver does not have a bad intent so that once the Amiable and Expressives understand that they will be able to support the Driver’s needs as well.

We also explain to the Amiable and Expressives that they are actually playing the victim and in fact partly responsible for their situation.

Once the Amiable and Expressives understand that they are playing the victim role it frees them to understand that they actually have the power to chose and create their reality. They can create the relationship that they want.

Some common concerns for the Driver partner is that they are afraid that they can’t be themselves and that they may not be able to complete their tasks and goals or they may have to lower the bar for their future achievements in order to give their Amiable and/or Expressive partners what they want.

Amiables and Expressives often find themselves in an interesting dilemma of 1) Allowing their Driver partners to be themselves and release the need for a non-reactive and non-conflictual partner versus 2) Leaving their partner and drawing in exactly what they want in a partner since they can have what they want and it is an abundant universe.

Amiables and Expressives can be happy if they stay and accept their partner or try negotiating or by leaving. Their happiness is just dependant upon their degree of acceptance, nonresistance and non-judgment of their partner, their degree of burnout and their ability to release their need for their partner to treat them a certain way.

The following are four examples of Amiable and/ or Expressive women and where they are at in regards how they deal with their reactive partners depending upon their degree of acceptance, level of burnout and which counselling route or technique they decided to use.

(In part two will go over four examples of Amiable and/ or Expressive women and where they are at in regards how they deal with their reactive partners depending upon their degree of acceptance, level of burnout and which counselling route or technique they decided to use. We will also go over some final conclusions as to couples who are dealing with reactiveness in their relationships can do.

~ Melody Chase

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Find out if HE or SHE is the one for you today! If you are a single, I'll teach you how to custom make your own, ideal relationship. If you are already attached, I'll teach you how to bring new passion to a long time relationship, heal a broken heart, or break down barriers that are keeping you apart! A complete manual more than 200 pages of information and contents used successfully by individuals and couples having real life challenges! If you are looking for a system that works in the real world, this is it. Grab your copy today. Click here!

Are You Controlling In Your Relationship, Yet Are Not Aware of It?

There are some personalities who are more sensitive and reactive to people who try to control them, whether the other person is doing this intentionally or not. Due to the fact that most of society is seated in the competitive adversarial paradigm, we have often picked up competitive ways to try to control or influence others without even knowing that we are doing it.

For some people it comes as a shock to them when they are accused of being controlling or trying to control others. They are genuinely confused because to them, in order to be controlling you would have be openly directive, bossy, aggressive, demanding and barking out orders.

However, a person can be much more subtle in their style of control and influence, yet still get to same intense reaction from the people who they are attempting to control who doesn’t like to be controlled.

This article will be divided into Two Parts; Part One is Awareness of the ways one can be controlling and Part Two alternatives to being controlling.

Part One – Awareness

The following is an overview of ways on how people can be influencing or controlling people without even knowing it; I will go over each in further detail after I Iist them.

Subconscious influencing words like “You” and “Should” and “Need”
Control Dramas including using guilt and social influence.

Fait Du Complete

Judgment and invalidation

Suggestions and problem solving.

Subconscious Influencing Words Like “You” and “Should” and “Need”

People often use influencing words and words that directly affect the subconscious without realizing that they are doing it. Trained sales people and people who know a lot about the subconscious mind also may use these types of words intentionally.

The most common influencing word is “You”; second biggest is “should”. For example if a person is having a discussion or an argument people may say things like” You are paranoid” “You are the one with the problem.” “You should take care of your kids “You should stop blaming me” “You need to decide what is best for the kids.” “You should listen to what I say.” If these words are used enough, it can have an effect on even the strongest willed person and for a person who is sensitive to being controlled they will react right away because they are being told what do, say or be.

Control Dramas

What is a Control Drama? A control drama is a way or technique that people use to try to get what they want which often causes conflict and is usually learned or developed unconsciously. Although the ways that the people are using control dramas may appear to work for them in the moment, often it doesn’t achieve their goals and causes damage in the relationship. For people who had no idea that the following are actually forms of control, may have been just using them all along thinking that this is just the normal stuff that people do when they are arguing, upset or not getting what they want. The following are control dramas:


· Criticism or guilt
· Charm, gifts, doing stuff for another
· Crying
· Yelling or Screaming
· Threats, verbal or physical
· Pulling away, shutting down or not talking to your partner
· Hurting themselves, breaking things (consciously or unconsciously) or throwing things
· Being nice
· Giving affection or sex
· Using security, children, money, relatives, using social pressure, or any combination of people, places and things to get what you want.


One of the forms of control dramas mentioned above is social pressure, which is often used by the Expressive Personality, people who use this control drama technique will say things like “What will you Mother think if you don’t do ___” or “What will your friends think if you do ___” “Your children are going to think ___ of you if you don’t do ___.” It is a very strong way of influencing or guilting you into doing whatever it is that they want you to do.

Fait Du Complete

A Fait du Complete is where someone decides something that effects you without your say in it that is too late for you to do anything about. What better way for a person to get what they want then by doing what they want then telling you about it after the fact, when it’s too late. For example, “ Oh, Honey, I know we didn’t discuss this, but here’s our new puppy that I picked up from the Human Society on the way home from work” Or “ Oh by the way, I just gambled $200 dollars at the casino on the way home from work. “ Sometimes, you may have a discussion, but they go off and do what you were discussing even if you didn’t come to a final decision about it.

In another article we mentioned often people use Fait du Completes because they are unaware that what they are doing is taking away freedom and choice from their partner and this is just what they do because everyone seems to do it. Other people feel they need to do Fait du Competes because it is in the best interest of their partner or because they feel like they have no choice because in their mind there is no way their partner is going to go along with their plans unless it is already too late.

Judgment and Invalidation

Another way people may feel like they are being controlled and influenced is by people who are in judgment and invalidate what the first person is doing, thinking, saying or deciding to do. Nothing sours a person’s enthusiasm, sense of self esteem and even their inner child more than having someone passing judgment on them or taking apart what they believe. Sometimes people are intentionally doing this in order to stop the other person in their tracks and prevent them from going down a certain route or they may be jealous of them and will try to disempower the other person. The majority of the time though, people just do not know how to disagree without disapproval or how to disagree without sounding like disagreeing. As well, some people are just naturally what we call mismatchers, which is a metaprogram where they come from a perspective of seeing difference in everything versus seeing things as having things in common. As well, there are people who are highly Analytical who are very logical and need to point out things that are not logical, however in doing so, they are potentially controlling they other person’s viewpoint and perspective on things even though that is not their intent.

Suggestions and Solutions

At our centre we have a system which is designed for a couple to be able to problem solve together called the DADADADA system. In the system the beginning steps involve finding out if both partners are aware that there is a problem and whether both partners agree that there is a problem. In order to continue with the rest of the steps, both partners have to agree that there is a problem. What often happens in couples that are not aware of the DADADADA system, one partner will decide that there is a problem and without checking to see if the other person understands or agrees that there is a problem will start giving suggestions or solutions to the problem. These suggestions usually begin with “You Should ” and the other partner if they are sensitive to being controlled are going to be in resistance to any suggestions or solutions because they haven’t agreed that there is anything wrong or agreed to do anything about it. They just have this partner coming at them with a bunch of things that they think they should do, be or think.

Part Two – Alternatives

Now the following are some alternatives to using control and influencing techniques:

Awareness: Sometimes just the awareness that you are doing it is enough. It’s actually kind of neat when you catch yourself using a control drama for example, it can take you to a new level of understanding of yourself and how we often do things on automatic pilot.

“I Feel” Statements: Using “I feel” statements takes away the influence factor of the “You should”. “I feel” statements signals that you are taking ownership of the statement and that you are expressing how you feel, not giving a directive or a suggestion.

Disagreeing Without Disagreeing: The following is an example of a technique that we use, to be able to disagree with your partner without sounding like you are disagreeing as well as still supporting your partner’s ideas.

Say to your partner:

1) Your idea is fine.
2) I see that you are excited about your idea.
3) In truth, it wouldn’t work for me but it’s a great idea and I totally support you with what you think.

This way your partner feels totally good and supported about their idea, yet they know that you have a difference of opinion. The communication is kept open and no one feels offended.

Since the partner with the idea does not feel judged and feels supported, this highly increases the chances of them being open to negotiation and/or hearing your ideas or point of view as well.

The system may seem simple, but it can go a long way towards keeping the
creativity and expansion in your relationship open and alive.

DADADADA System

Last but not least, here is a brief overview of the DADADADA system.

Discuss if there is in fact a problem.

Agree there is a problem or not.

Discuss what the problem is.

Agree as to what the problem is.

Discuss possible solutions.

Agree to solution or not.

Discuss when and how to take action on it.

Agree to when and how to take action on it.

At the point where your partner and yourself agree or disagree that there is a problem, if they disagree that there is a problem, you cannot continue on to the next steps, or freely jump into giving suggestions or solutions. You will have to start over and again discuss whether there is a problem again, at the present time or again in the future when your partner is up to it, until then, do not go ahead with suggestions or solutions.

The steps may seem like a lot, however trust us, the difference between a partner who is sensitive to being controlled being open to problem solving is directly related their acknowledgment, and agreement to the problem as well as their agreement to solutions and problem solving, otherwise any advances from you with will be interpreted that you are trying to control them.

For more information about the DADADADA system as well as other communication and conflict techniques check out Love by Design Book at www.lovebydesignbook.com or contact Dr. Robby Bilton at relationshipcentre@shaw.ca.

~ Melody Chase

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Are You An Indirect Feelings Communicator?

In our Love by Design book (www.lovebydesignbook.com) we touch on the topic of indirect communication and how some people chose or have learned that by trying to communicate indirectly may help prevent getting a negative reaction from the person they are communicating with.

We explained in the book that indirect communication was not a functional form of communication because more often than not the person who you are talking to will either not pick up or will misinterpret what you are trying to say which could lead to further conflict anyway as either you or your partner will become frustrated from the miscommunication.

A specific area that a person may use indirect communication is in the area of feelings and expressing feelings. Rob, Director/ Head Counsellor of the Centre for Life Management/ LMC Relationship Centre said he has noticed that many people who come in for counselling will send copious amounts of time rehashing or describing situations that they have had with their partner but never would discuss how they feel.

What ends up happening is they spend a lot of time saying nothing, hoping at some level that their partner will pick up on how they are feeling. However, most people do not have the natural ability or the training to be able to read between the lines or practice a deeper level of listening.

The following are some of the reasons why people are hesitant to describe how they feel:

Are not aware that they are using indirect communication.

Believe that if they describe a situation people will understand how they feel without stating it.

They are afraid of the reactions of the people they are talking to if they directly explained how they feel.

May feel vulnerable or others will think they are weak or emotional if they openly admit how they feel.

May be emotionally shutdown and they can only describe how they feel through events rather than through feelings.

Have been taught by others that there is no benefit to expressing how they feel.

Have been punished for showing emotions.

For people who are afraid of the reactions of others, often these people are highly sensitive or has had traumatic experiences (usually from early childhood or what we call childhood wounds) so they are very hesitant to directly say how they are feeling.

People who are indirect feeling communicators may also have issues about reactive people so they will draw in people who are reactive, so it is a genuine conflictual situation when they are trying to express their feelings.

Also if the person who is the indirect feelings communicator, is emotionally shutdown themselves (usually because of childhood wounds or because of learned behavior for examples coming from a emotionally shutdown family environment) you may draw in a partner who is emotionally shutdown and cannot handle emotions themselves or only know how to invalidate versus validate, again causing the original communicator to hesitate to express their feelings.

The following then are some suggestions for breaking the indirect communication habit.

1) Awareness: Sometimes simply being aware or simple awareness is all you need to make the switch. So when you being to tell a story, you can think oh yeah and just saying what you are feeling instead.

2) Using I Feel Statements and Conflict Resolution Techniques: may help in certain situations. Other people are able to handle people’s expressions of feelings and emotions when they are stated in ways where nothing is taken personal and the communicator is owning their own feelings.

3) Find Out What You Are Afraid Of and Heal and Resolve The Reason: It is important to find healing techniques or ways to heal your wounds. By doing this it allows you your freedom to make a decision in the present that isn’t based or influenced by the past.

4) Accept the Reality That There Are Reactive People In The World: It is also important to accept reality that there are reactive people in the world since, that way what you resist won’t persist then you can create what you want by focusing on what you do want.

5) Accept Your Own Feelings: Lastly, it is also important to accept you own feelings and emotions, and realize it is important and that it is your own right to express your feelings. That way since we attract others at the same level of vibration that we are vibrating at, if you accept your own feelings and emotions you will draw in others who will support and accept your feelings. You will then feel supported when you do directly communicate your feelings.

So directly expressing your feelings may seem like just a small area in the relationship as a whole, but in fact directly expressing your feelings is an important piece of a functional, healthy relationship.

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The Real Power and Role of Visualization in Creating the Life and Relationship of Your Dreams!

Today, you are in luck! I’m going to teach you the secrets of tapping universal flow by letting go of fear, control, expectation and focusing on what you want which is highest and BEST for you and all!

How many times have we bought into the hope that we can just focus on what we want and poof by magic we create it in our life.

From the early years of many of the classic works on Creative Visualization, Mind Control and Power of the Subconscious Mind and Magic of Belief Stuff we have all been led down this path of possibility that many times leaves us discouraged alone and confused.

So whats the real deal you wonder????

Does your focus, belief and thoughts & pictures in your head really matter or is it just simply "candy" that information peddlers sell for instant delight and profit.

Inquiring minds want to know.!!@!

As of late the buzz is about FEELINGS more than the old school advice of pictures, words and affirmations.

What is the system your are tapping into and how to access it..
Is it like getting on the Net. How do we connect and use the awesome power supposedly at our fingertips you may wonder.

If you want to get to Hollywood & Beverly Hills and you are in the OC (Orange County) the fastest way is to take the Freeway.
Unless you are a bird or have a helicopter a straight line doesn’t work.

However you want to transcend even the Freeway and go to a higher level like a plane or bird would take

The analogy to manifesting is transcending to the Creative Plane.

In this “Sea of Energy” the vehicle or method of drawing in whats highest and best is “Vibration”

The Secret of Drawing in your Ultimate Soul Mate is to lock into the Vibe of what you want.

With the True Love on Demand Program you can learn how to Access the Universal Dream Machine to draw in your Ultimate Hearts Desire and how to avoid making mistakes that could create for you a duality which is a mix of what you want and what you don’t want.

When you have the right formulas its very simple, easy and fun.

If you have any questions email at me relationshipcentre@shaw.ca

Warm Regards

~ Dr. Robby

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The Importance of Being Fully Present in a Relationship

There are times when we find ourselves in situations where we would rather be doing something else. You wish you could get out of it, but at this point in time you are not up to being authentic for whichever the reason. So until you create the environment that you seek, what is the best way to deal with your present situation?

It is actually important to deal with this situation, in order to make sure you live every moment of your life regardless of your circumstances as well as the importance of being present if you are with your partner or the people around you. Regardless of whatever channel of communication your partner or the other people receive in, people can sense it when you are not fully present and are in resistance to your situation.

For example, your partner has been really looking forward to going on a fishing trip with you at the lake. You can’t stand the lake or fishing, you know if you where authentic, you would tell your partner the truth, but where you are at for the time being, you don’t have the heart to tell your partner because you are afraid you will hurt and disappoint your partner.

So you go on the trip. Although you don’t complain and are going through the motions, you are not really there because you are in resistance and judgment of the situation. Your partner at a deeper level can feel your heart is not in it and that you are distant and thinking about other things.

So now the trip is over, your partner and you are heading back home in the car. Your partner doesn’t look happy and they’re quiet. You ask what’s wrong. They say that they didn’t really have that fun of a time. You ask why not? They say because they felt like you really weren’t in to what the two of you were doing. You get offended and irritated pointing out to your partner that you did come out to the lake with them and you did everything that your partner wanted you to do. Your partner explains that they felt like you were just going through the motions.

So at the end of the day, (or weekend) you wasted the whole trip in resistance and aloofness and your partner felt unfulfilled anyway.

So in this type of situation, is there anything that you can do in order to have a happy partner and prevent yourself from wasting time in your life by not wanting to be in it? Is there way to change time in your life to the time of your life?

When you find yourself in the kind of situation as above, we do have the following suggestions as to how both of you can get the best of life and each others:

(The following is also the key to helping people who have stress and anxiety as well).

Accept your circumstances for the moment. If it is something that you don’t want be doing, you will have time to create what you want when the time comes.

Focus on the moment; don’t focus on the past or future. If the event is something that is fearful or anxiety provoking for you, as simple as it sounds as long as you are in the moment you will not be afraid of your present circumstances.

Momentarily suspend all judgment of the situation – do not judge whether the situation or anyone (including you) is positive or negative.

Come from a position of curiosity, “Let’s see what happens.”

Have fun and laugh.

Be the best you can be, go into your situation with 100% participation. Even if you are not the best at what you are doing, fully embrace what you are doing. For example, in the case of fishing at the lake, be the best fisherperson you can be. If you are not fishing, be the best companion to your partner as you watch them fish. Be the best listener to the sounds of nature and the lake around you. Heck, be the best mosquito swatter for you and your partner.

Don’t worry about over extending yourself, as long as you come from enthusiasm, ( instead of excitement) you will be fully energized and will have a ton of energy to spare that is freed up because you are not in resistance or worry about anything. When you participate with 100% attention and enthusiasm regardless of the situation you can’t help but be fully present and alive.

When you are fully present and alive, everyone around you will feel it and in turn they will also be sharing the same gift of the present and of life as you.

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