THE ART OF GIFT GIVING- How To Give Your Partner The Perfect Gift For Valentine’s Day

By Melody Chase

The following is an updated version of my favorite Valentine's Day article that I posted a few years back. Happy Valentine's Day!

Communication is important in any relationship, but did you know that communication is also a form of giving and receiving? Quite literally people give and receive in what we call communication modes.

This really hit home one year when my partner, Dr. Robby (Director of the LMC Relationship Centre) and I were trying to plan my Birthday. Although Dr. Robby is the person who introduced communication modes to me in the first place, neither one of us realized how specific my needs were when it came to celebrating my birthday.

I discovered this was because of my own unique communication mode style. What Dr. Robby thought would be a satisfying day for me, wasn’t everything that I wanted and it wasn’t because I am a needy or picky person, it was just because not all of my communication mode areas were being satisfied.

So what is a communication mode?

We all learn, express love and communicate through different communication modes or combinations of modes. It is important to know what channel your partner communicates, as well as gives and receives love in or else your communication will not be very effective.

The following is a very basic definition of the Communication modes. You and your partner can be primarily one mode or a mixture of up to all four.

Visual people communicate by seeing and doing. They like activities and they like gifts. They notice people, places and things with just the slightest glance. They feel and share love by doing things with or for other people. They take things at face value and do not look deeper into things.

Auditory people communicate through talking. They have the natural gift of the gab, are designed to be able to talk for long periods of time. They enjoy talking and listening to other people talk. They feel loved when they are talked to, and like to hear the words “I love you.”

Digital people communicate through connection and understanding. They find the deeper meaning in everything they think, see and do. Understanding is very important to them. They feel loved when they share connections with others and are understood.

Kinesthetic people communicate through their bodies. They move, feel and express through their bodies. Kinesthetics love to touch, feel and do physical activities. They feel loved when they are touched.

There are also two more communication modes, which are not as well known (as well as harder to explain how they are a form of communication) known as Gustatory and Olfactory communication modes.

Gustatory Mode is when a person communicates through taste. (I am Gustory; I actually remember events often by what I have eaten in and around that event.

The Olfactory Mode is centred on scents and sense of smell. There are plenty of people out there such as my partner Dr. Robby who communicates and receives communication through smell.

Now, how does all this fit into gift giving? Well, if you want to give you partner the best gift ever; find out what communication modes they communicate in since each communication mode receives in a certain way.

For example Visuals like to give and receive gifts, have people do things for them like cook or do things with them like go out dancing. You, if you are Visual may think well, of course everyone likes to receive gifts don’t they?

You will be surprised to know that people who are not Visual would prefer other gestures of love. Of course they wouldn’t mind gifts and they would appreciate it, but it will not satisfy them or make their day.

An Auditory person would rather sit and chat with you or listen to music together and hear you say that you love them.

A Digital person would like to talk about deep philosophical discussions and connect on a deep level.

A Kinesthetic person would like to cuddle and hold hands.

So what you may think is the ultimate show of love and affection may not be what the other person wants. What you may think is as boring as watching paint dry, may be the other person’s delight.

So just in time for Valentine’s Day, the following are two main steps that you can do in order to find out what is the perfect gift or date for you partner.

STEP ONE

Find out what you partner’s communication modes are, that way in case your partner isn’t even sure what they like, you have the general bases covered.
The following is a quick communication test, ask your partner the following question:

"How do you want to Get or Receive Love" from someone you truly love?

1. Have your partner do things for you, be there for you and/or get gifts.
2. Have your partner say "I love you" and phone as well as talk with you in person
3. Get touched cuddled, kissed, and held physically.
4. Be understood and talk about ideas and concepts as well as talking about feelings and the relationship.

Answer Key: (Your partner can be a combination of one, two, three or all four modes):

If your partner picked #1 they are a Visual.
If your partner picked #2 they are an Auditory
If your partner picked #3 they are a Kinesthetic
If you partner picked #4 they are a Digital

In addition, if your partner loves food and every aspect surrounding food your partner Gustatory.

If your partner has a very strong sense of smell, notice scents and loves the scent of things your partner is Olfactory.

If you partner wasn’t able to take the test, here are some basic things that you partner will say during normal conversations which will help you figure out what mode or modes your partner is in.

A Visual person will say things like “I see or do you see what I mean.”

Auditory people will say “Do you hear what I am saying or I hear what you are saying or I hear you.”

Digital people will say “Do you know what I mean or I understand what you mean.”

Kinesthetic people will say “I get a feeling for it or I know how your feel.”
Now since you know your partner’s communication mode, here are some “gift” ideas to satisfy your partner.

VISUALS

Gifts (If you know specifically what they like that’s the best, but it is actually the act or gesture of giving the gift is what is so special to them)
Doing things together (i.e. walking, dancing, going to a sporting event or movie) Doing things for them (i.e. cooking for them, cleaning for them or making them a gift)
Playing games (i.e. Board games, cards)

AUDITORY

Talking together
Singing together
Listening to music together
Listening to the radio together
Hearing “I love you”

DIGITAL

Deep philosophical discussions.
Taking the time to understand them and ask them what they are thinking.
Things that help them understand and learn about things such as: Books, Crossword puzzles, Board games, trivia.

KINESTHETIC

Touching
Cuddling
Hugging
Kissing
Holding hands
Rubbing/Massaging them
Bubble bath
Soft clothes
Sex
Stuff Animals or Plushies

GUSTATORY

Food
Going out to eat
Cooking

OLFACTORY

Flowers
Perfumes
Incense
Lotions
Scented Candles

STEP TWO

The second part of what you can do to give you partner a wonderful special occasion or gift is to explore further to find out the specifics of what you partner would like.

Ask them what their ideal day would be, ask them what they would like to do, hear, think and feel. You can then incorporate the list of suggestions above into their perfect day.

The bottom line is that we are all unique; therefore we all have our own unique wants and needs. What could be a more beautiful gift for your love one than a gift that reflects the uniqueness of the person? Taking the time to learn your partner’s communication modes also strengthens the foundation of your relationship which will also be an everlasting gift for the both of you.

Do you want to have the relationship of your dreams with your partner? Check out our relationship home study e-book program Counsellor in a Box (www.counsellorinabox.com).