It’s a fact that more marriages end in divorce than those that last. It used to be that marriages really were forever. The phrase “’till death do us part” was actually meant when it was uttered during wedding vows.

Now, we see or hear about celebrities who marry for 18 hours and couples that get hitched only to get legal status in one country or another.

Marriage is not a word that should be taken lightly, yet it is on a daily basis. But what do you do when your marriage is starting to fall apart, when everything you want is slowly slipping away?
You rescue it.

Rescuing the Relationship

To save your relationship, you must first figure out what is causing it to fall apart. Do you and your spouse talk about things, or are you too busy working and raising your family to discuss what’s going on?

Have you gone on a date in the last six months? Do you fight and argue all the time, or has one of you cheated on the other?

What is causing the relationship to break down? Let’s face it; you don’t just wake up one morning and say, “I think I’d like a divorce today.” In order to figure out what’s going (or gone) wrong in your relationship, you need to take a step back from your feelings to observe what is going on.

If you fight frequently, write down the things you fight about. Write down the amount of time you’ve spent together in the last few days, and write down what you were doing when you weren’t spending time together.

You will want to get everything straight in your head before you start to talk to your spouse about your problems and what you think might be damaging your relationship.

Talking—It’s Not Overrated

After you have gathered your information, approach your spouse. Make sure you go into the discussion calmly and rationally. You also want to make sure that you’re not accosting or accusing, but rather asking and questioning.

If you go into the talk too aggressively, you are going to turn them off and nothing will get answered or resolved. Make sure you lay everything out on the table, from the things that are bothering you to the things that you wish you did more of together.

Explain that you want to know how your spouse is feeling, and that you care about where they want the relationship to go.

Scheduling

If you have a busy schedule, you may want to make an appointment to have this discussion. Actually, making a schedule for the two of you on a weekly basis is an excellent idea.

All parents know that children thrive on routine, which is why they have a time to wake up, a time to eat, and a time to go to bed. Relationships thrive on a somewhat of a timed schedule, as well.

For instance, I have a friend whose husband and herself spend every Saturday night together. They have young children, so most of the time they stay in instead of going out. They will rent a movie and either get take-out or some quick meal they can throw together once the kids have gone to bed.

They would leave the lights on in the living room long enough to eat their meal, and then, once that’s done, they put the dishes in the sink (they will still be there the next day, so there’s no reason to spoil the mood by doing them), turn the lights off and snuggle together to watch the rest of the movie.

They don’t talk about anything except the movie, and make sure that they are touching each other as much as we can.

It is not “un-romantic” to schedule time to be with your spouse. Make sure that you get some time together, whether it’s going out together, or staying in watching a movie. Sometimes you can pull out a board game, add some alcohol, and have a great night being silly together.

As you get along in your relationship, you come to take each other for granted. Spending fun, relaxing time together is one great way to get your relationship back on track.

If you’re thinking about filing for divorce because you can’t stand the fighting anymore, stop. Think about why you are fighting, and try to put yourself in your partner’s shoes.

When you love each other and put a little work into it, marriages really can last forever.

By the way, here's a FREE Video tutorial for you with some amazing Marriage Restoration tips! Learn how you can save your marriage and stop the break-ups TODAY!

~ Cucan Pemo
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Tags: Save Marriage, Save Relationship, Save My Marriage, Marriage, Marriage

Are You Having Anger Management Issues In Your Relationship?

The Story of Gwen Stephani and the Importance of Dissipating Anger

I was watching an evening entertainment show a few months ago and I saw a story about how there was a religious based student group in Malaysia who was angry at Gwen Stefani, the singer.

The student group was offended by Gwen, her lyrics, how she dances, her back up dancers, the L.A.M.B. t- shirts, her videos, you name it they wanted to ban it- ban it from the country!

Now you are probably thinking the same thing I was at the time –what? How and why of all the singers and entertainers did they target Gwen?

Dr. Robby (Director/Counsellor for the LMC Relationship Centre and my significant other) and I have always admired Gwen’s Creative Process and how when she did what she felt inspired to do amazing creations developed like her clothing line where are all the clothes that she likes to wear was designed with her in mind.

So what was going on?

The first thing that hit me is that she’s angry, full of resentment and her vibration matched with the vibration of the angry university students.

I don’t know the specifics about her anger and resentment, my suspicions, my feelings and my observations say that she has a childhood pattern or childhood wound of not being accepted for she is. It may not have been triggered until she went solo and broke away from the Band “No Doubt”. This childhood pattern or wound maybe why she was hesitant to break away from the band because she was afraid that people wouldn’t be able to accept her for who she is even though she practices following her own desires already in most areas of her life.

A pattern, just to explain, is created when your subconscious mind is impressed by an event or strong emotions. Since your subconscious mind is a broadcasting system, and everything is made up of energy, it continuously broadcasts the energetic vibration of what was impressed, then since like attracts like (as you may know if you are familiar with the Law of Attraction) what you are broadcasting will be drawn to you. You can recognize a pattern when you notice events happening in your environment that reoccur but don’t seem to make sense.

In the case of Gwen, this pattern we are talking about may be reflected in the Malaysia students who cannot accept who she is, what she does or anything about her.

All I know is that she definitely has an edge to her solo songs along with her creativity so I have a suspicion that she is angry towards people who don’t’ accept her highlighted by her childhood wound or pattern. She may also be angry and bitter because she has lost a lot of time catering to the fear of people not accepting her and she’s blaming others for her loss of freedom and opportunity of creation.

Now that’s fascinating in and of itself but it also made me ponder the power of anger. Now anger like any emotion is a signal that a feeling is being coloured a certain way by how we are thinking, something that we are not unconditionally loving about ourselves or others that we have to release. Anger is only supposed to be used as a signal, not something we are supposed to hold on to. It is something that helps to fuel the fire and gets our solar plexus ready to take action.

However, if we hold on to anger, not only is it not healthy for our body, it also causes others to react with anger. They act as a mirror, others are directly reflecting what is going on within you, so if Gwen is not unconditionally loving herself the Malaysian students may be reflecting that by not unconditionally loving her and if not she may be just intently angry about something else and that intense anger is just reflecting back.

Have you ever noticed that if you are angry you find others who are just as angry right back at you? Two exceptions to the rule are passive or repressed people, instead of getting angry at you, you will get even more angry at them no matter how polite, nice and patient they are towards you. That is just because they are furious at you a deeper level but will not openly admit that to you, so they just get walloped with your fury. They are still angry but the battle between the two of you is going on at a deeper level.

The other exception of the rule is when someone is open and unconditionally loves and embraces your anger. What will happen instead is that your anger will dissipate and you will feel loved and supported even if the other person isn’t verbally validating or empathizing with you.

Until the world gets to the point where everyone can unconditionally love themselves and others, the most important thing you can do for yourself if you find yourself angry a lot or are on the receiving end of others being angry at you, is to take note of your anger, see what the message is for you and what you need to unconditional love about yourself or others then let go of the anger. Then you just have to dissipate the residual emotion and adrenalin of the anger in your body by doing activities such as running, jumping, stomping, (Gwen’s Hollaback song and video is actually probably a good way to dissipate anger) yelling, kicking, biting , punching, slamming doors, throw things, don’t be afraid to have a really good deep scream even.

Anger is as we said only a signal to allow you to be able to embrace and unconditionally love all aspects of yourself, it’s not necessary to hold onto it and the benefits of dealing with it is a benefit to you and through you it is a benefit to the world.

Melody Chase