How To Stop Being Enmeshed With Your Ex- Partner – Part 4

Welcome to Part 4 of our 4 Part Series on “How To Stop Being Enmeshed With Your Ex-Partner.

In Part 3 we talked about the Importance of “Seeking Support Elsewhere”

For our Last entry of our Series let’s examine the importance of “Reminding Yourself That It Is An Abundant World.

4) Remind Yourself That It is an Abundant World:

Just as we mentioned under the last heading and as we explain in our Love By Design Book (http://www.lovebydesignbook.com) there is an abundance of people who can support you as well there is an abundance of people who would love you unconditionally and give you all your needs, wants and requirements in life – effortlessly and authentically – there is over 6 billion people in the world – why hold on to your ex-partner and get a fraction of your needs met when you can let your ex-partner go completely and get your needs met 100% and be in a full partnership with someone.

You may already be with someone and not realize that your new partner is here for you or there may be a new person waiting in the wings for you to release you ex-partner for good at an emotional, physical, intellectual and energetic level.

In any case if you find yourself in a similar situation as Paul and Danielle where one or both of you do not want to get back together and the reality is that your lives are going to cross paths for ongoing reasons such as sharing custody with the children, working at the same company (and a transfer or change of occupation isn’t possible at this time) or having relatives who are married or connected to your ex-partner’s family as examples – doing what you can to ensure that you are no longer enmeshed and remain that way is in yours and in everyone’s best interest.

If you have any questions, you can email us at relationshipcentre@shaw.ca

Warm Regards,

Melody Chase

Is He or She Your Destiny?

If You Are Looking For a Proven System to Help You Decide Whether You Should Stay or Go In Your Relationship Check-out our Love By Design Program Now at http://www.lovebydesignbook.com

How To Stop Being Enmeshed With Your Ex- Partner – Part 3

Welcome to Part 3 of our 4 Part Series on “How To Stop Being Enmeshed With Your Ex-Partner.

In Part 2 we discussed suggestion #2 about Creating Boundaries. Now for Part 3 let’s discuss “Seeking Support Elsewhere”

3) Seek Support Elsewhere:

It’s time to find support elsewhere – it is abundant world full of people willing to give you support whether that is family, friends, support groups for women, men, divorced people, parenting, grief counselling and don’t forget internet forums - it is amazing how many outstanding and professional relationship, parenting and dating forums that are out there who can help you and provide support who have been through and is going through what you are going through. An example of an excellent Relationship Website Forum that covers a multitude of Relationship Topics is LoveShack.Org Interpersonal Relationship Centre at http://www.loveshack.org/forums/

We understand that part of the hesitation is that you may never find someone who feels as natural as your ex-partner when it comes to support but a lot of that is really because of the safe feeling of familiarity of simply interacting with your ex-partner for so long and from the bonding experience of experiencing crisis situations with your partner.

Now is the chance to develop new healthy relationships based on familiarity and bonding created from unconditional love, support and healing instead of crisis.

As well, you will never lose the experiences good or bad that you had with your ex-partner, you were witnesses to each others traumas and came to each other’s rescue - be appreciative of that - even tell your partner that you appreciate everything that he or she has done for you and say thank-you but it is time for both of you to carry on and find new supportive systems. – especially if your ex-partner or yourself is in a new relationship.

In Part 4 of our 4 Part Series we will be discussing the importance Reminding Yourself That It Is An Abundant World.

If you have any questions, you can email us at relationshipcentre@shaw.ca

Warm Regards,

Melody Chase

Is He or She Your Destiny?

If You Are Looking For a Proven System to Help You Decide Whether You Should Stay or Go In Your Relationship? Check-out our Love By Design Program Now at http://www.lovebydesignbook.com

How To Stop Being Enmeshed With Your Ex-Partner – Part 2

Welcome to Part 2 of our 4 Part Series on ‘How To Stop Being Enmeshed With Your Ex-Partner’

In Part 1 of our Series we gave the example of Paul and Danielle who were divorced but were still enmeshed with each others in many ways and areas of their life.

We then introduced four suggestions of how to cut ties with one’s ex-partner and went into more detail about suggestion #1 about Having a “Letting Go Ceremony”

Now for Part 2 let’s discuss “Creating Boundaries.”

2) Create Boundaries:

Boundaries don’t have to be complicated – sometimes it is as simple as making a commitment to have boundaries with your ex.

My favorite quote about commitment came from the side of my Starbucks Coffee Cup one day from the Starbucks “The Way I See It” Series #76 by a Starbucks Customers named Anne Morris. It goes as follows:

“The irony of commitment is that it’s deeply liberating—in work, in play, in love. The act frees you from the tyranny of your internal critic, from the fear that likes to dress itself up and parade around as rational hesitation. To commit is to remove your head as the barrier to your life.”

So if you commit to having boundaries - emotional, physical, intellectual and energetic boundaries with your ex-partner you will be surprised as to how much easier it will be to maintain and hold fast your stand.

In Part 3 we discuss Suggestion #3 about “Seeking Support Elsewhere”

If you have any questions you can email us at relationshipcentre@shaw.ca

Warm Regards,

Melody Chase

Is He or She Your Destiny?

If You Are Looking For a Proven System to Help You Decide Whether You Should Stay or Go In Your Relationship? Check-out our Love By Design Program Now at
http://www.lovebydesignbook.com

How To Stop Being Enmeshed With Your Ex- Partner - Part 1

At our LMC Relationship Centre we had a question from a man (who we will call Paul for the purposes of our article) who was in a really difficult and sticky relationship situation.

Paul had divorced his wife (who we will call Danielle) and his wife Danielle was in a new relationship.

However, Paul and Danielle were still enmeshed with each other because of several factors including:

1. That they share custody of their children.
   
2. They were used of being each other’s support system during crisis situations and both of them were having a period of crisis with relatives so they were naturally still drawn to support each other.
3. They still had romantic and/or sexual chemistry together.

The enmeshment causing factors wasn’t bothering Danielle because she was in another relationship but this was driving Paul crazy especially knowing the Danielle was with someone else.

Paul didn't know how to sever ties with Danielle - he had to share the children and was so used to being there for Danielle and Danielle’s family that Paul couldn't fathom not supporting Danielle emotionally anymore and no longer receiving emotional support from Danielle as well.

Paul was afraid it was only a matter of time before he was going to give in and want to be in a relationship with Danielle again or worse yet end up having an affair with Danielle.

So whether you are in a situation like Paul or Danielle and especially when there are other people involved like children and new partners, it is only fair to everyone involved to learn ways on how to break the enmeshment and create new, healthy boundaries.

So we have developed some practical suggestions on how to create boundaries which include:

1) Having a Letting Go Ceremony

2) Creating Boundaries

3) Seeking Support Elsewhere

4) Reminding Yourself It Is An Abundant World

I have split this article into a 4 Part Series so we can go over in more detail each of the suggestions above.

For Part 1 of our Series let’s go over ‘Having a Letting Go Ceremony'.

1) Having A Letting Go Ceremony:

In another article I wrote I talked about the importance of being able to let go of your ex-partner and offered some exercises that can help symbolically cut the ties emotionally, physically, intellectually and even energically between you and your ex-partner. These same exercises can be applied here in the case of mutual enmeshment. It may sound simplistic but do not underestimate the power of putting on a production- this is why all cultures have symbolic ceremonies such as weddings, funerals and graduations to name a few.

So some creative ways to have a “Letting Go Ceremony” in order to symbolically let your relationship go would be writing a good-bye letter. A letter is also a good way to get anything that is unresolved about the relationship that you need to get off your chest.

If it doesn't feel right to give the letter to you ex-partner, you can always burn it or bury it like Ugly Betty did with her ex-boyfriend Henry's things that they shared together at the beginning of the T.V. Series Ugly Betty Season Two. You can take anything that represents your relationship to symbolically dispose of as well.

In Part 2 of our 4 Part Series we will be discussing the importance of creating boundaries.

If you have any questions, you can email us at relationshipcentre@shaw.ca

Warm Regards,

Melody Chase

Is He or She Your Destiny?

If You Are Looking For a Proven System to Help You Decide Whether You Should Stay or Go In Your Relationship? Check-out our Love By Design Program Now at http://www.lovebydesignbook.com