Do You Know How To Tell If Your Partner Is Into You?

Dr. Robby (Director of the Centre For Life Mamagement ) recently did a short radio interview with Winnipeg Radio Personality Laurie Lancaster about the Movie “He’s Just Not That Into You.” (Produced by Flower Films 2008, Directed by Ken Kwapis, Written by Abby Kohn & Marc Silverstein)

Although Dr. Robby and I have not seen the movie yet, Dr. Robby did explain that not recognizing that the person you are seeing is into you is not only a female thing but a male thing as well.

I recently was answering a reader’s question from the Counsellor in a Box Ask The Wizard Series and Blog (http://www.counsellorinabox.com ) about how to tell whether someone truly loves you and how to get your partner to admit to that you that he/she loves you.

In my answer I explained that many people may think that the only way to say that they love someone is to actually say “I love You” but everyone has their own way of expressing or showing how they love someone, plus the way how each partner says or shows love to each others may be interpreted differently by each partner.

So in order to truly find out if your partner loves you or to make sure you are not missing your partner’s attempts of expressing that he or she loves you is to learn about what we call Communication Modes.

It is through studying Communication Modes that you can also find out whether the person you are seeing or dating is in to you or not with or without verbal confirmation.

So for this article I’m going to give a brief description of the four types of Communication Modes, how people can give indications as to whether they are in to you through their Communication Modes and then some tips as to how to spot whether your partner or the person you are dating is into you or not using the Communication Modes as a guide.

The following is a quote from Dr. Robby from our Counsellor in a Box (http://www.counsellorinabox.com ) Mini-book about Communication Modes:

“Communication is the result you get. Different people are on different channels. We learn, we express love and communicate through different channels or modality love strategies (modes for short) or combinations of modes.”

“It is important to know who you are playing with and what channel they are playing on, or else your communication will not be very effective.”

So not only is an understanding of communication modes or love strategies a basic skill for relationship success it is also important in order to help you determine whether your partner is expressing love for you or in the early stages of a new relationship whether your partner is in to you or not.

In the paragraph above, I mentioned Love Strategies - there is an article by Bob Scheinfeld about Love Strategies that he had learned from Tony Robbin’s “Three Days to Unlimited Power Program.” In Bob Scheinfeld’s article, he explains how a person in each communication mode would like to be loved.

Bob Scheinfeld has an explanation for Visual, Auditory and Kinesthetic people; however, he has left out the Digitals, so we have added some information on Digitals to his explanation.

There are 4 main Communication Modes and a person can be a blend of 1, 2, 3 or all 4 and some Communication Modes may be stronger than others.

Visual Communication Mode: Visual people communicate by seeing and doing. They like activities and they like gifts. They notice people, places and things with just the slightest glance. They feel and share love by doing things with or for other people. They take things at face value and do not look deeper into things. They learn by seeing and doing.

People who are in the Visual love strategy need to “see” that you love them. “Seeing” takes the form of receiving flowers or gifts and/or seeing you do unexpected thoughtful acts for them (like a special romantic evening or getaway, a massage, a day of pampering, etc.). People with this strategy need to see “evidence” or “proof.”

If you partner is Visual, he or she may think you are as well and will be showing you love or that he or she is into you by doing any of the love strategies above for you.

Has your partner being doing any of the above strategies with or for you?

Auditory Communication Mode: Auditory people communicate through talking. They have the natural gift of the gab and are designed to be able to talk for long periods of time. They enjoy talking and listening to other people talk. They feel loved when they are talked to, and like to hear the words “I love you”. They learn by hearing.

People with the Auditory love strategy need to hear the words “I love you” (or similar words) to feel totally and completely loved. The also want to connect through conversation. Talk, talk, and more talk.

Depending how far into your relationship you are, it may be too early for your partner to actually say “I Love You” however does he/she seek out conversation with you and always loves to chat with you? He/she may be not emotionally comfortable yet or it may be too early into the relationship to actually tell you that he/she loves you, but he may be trying to express that he/she is into you in a round about way by wanting to talk with you all the time.

Does your partner want to talk with you all the time?

Kinesthetic Communication Mode: Kinesthetic people communicate through their bodies. They move, feel and express through their bodies and love doing physical activities. Kinesthetics love to touch and are very touchy-feely. They feel loved when they are touched.

They learn through touch and through experience. People with the Kinesthetic love strategy need to be touched in certain ways or in certain places to feel totally and completely loved. It might be massaging the scalp a certain way, kissing a certain spot under the neck, rubbing an ear just so, etc. It should be noted that this strategy rarely if ever involves touch of a sexual nature.

If your partners loves you or is in to you he/she will want to touch you and be touching you all the time but not in a sexual way, he/she may want to hold hands, snuggle close, touch you face or your hair all the time, in a natural comforting way.

Does your partner want to touch you all the time?

Digital Communication Mode: Digital people communicate through connection and understanding. They find the deeper meaning in everything they think, see and do. Understanding is very important to them. They feel loved when they share connections with others and are understood. They learn by understanding.

Digitals seek to understand and to be understood in order to feel loved. They would like to connect with their partner at an emotional, intellectual and spiritual level.

If your partner is Digital and loves you or is in to you he/she will want to connect with you all the time, he/she will want to understand you and seek to understand you.

Does your partner want to connect with you and understand you?

So our article may not be as entertaining as the “He’s Just Not That Into You Movie” however the more information you have the more aware you can be as to what is truly going on in your relationship,

For more information on Communication Modes, especially on how to find out what yours and your partner’s communication modes are - check-out our Counsellor in a Box Relationship Home Study Program at http://www.counsellorinabox.com

Plus

Are You Looking For The Perfect Gift For Your Partner On Valentine’s Day? Check-out my favorite Valentine’s article from our past Valentine’s Day called “The Art of Gift-Giving: How To Give Your Partner The Perfect Gift For Valentine's Day” at http://lovebydesignbook.blogspot.com/2008_02_01_archive.html

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Melody Chase

Is Your Partner A Male Diva? 7 Ways To Give Your Expressive Husband or Boyfriend What He Wants In The Way He Wants It – Part 1

It’s hard out there for an Expressive Male sometimes. An Expressive Personality Type is one of 4 main types of personalities that we use at our LMC Relationship Centre.

The following is just a brief explanation of the Expressive Personality Type, for an extensive understanding of Expressives or to learn about the rest of the personality types, check out our Counsellor in a Box Home Study Program at http://www.counsellorinabox.com/

In a nutshell Expressive Personality Type People are emotionally based, love people, are dominant and friendly, love appreciation, approval, centre stage, are charming, humorous, fun, have excellent people skills and change their minds a lot

Every personality type has top values that they live by and that are requirements for them to feel happy, fulfilled and loved.

For an Expressive personality his/her top values are freedom, fun and to be loved for whom he/she is.

High Expressives or Pure Expressive people who are not combined with any of the other personality types may often come across as “Divas” especially to people who do not understand them and/or to people who are not giving Expressives what they want in the way that they want it.

Society as a whole know how to deal with Female Expressives because it is more common for women to be emotionally expressive and they are often allowed to be doted on and treated like a princess or a diva.

But what do you do if you are a Male Expressive? What do you do when the majority of society expects the male in the relationship to be the stable, logical, “strong as a rock partner” instead of the fun-loving, freedom and attention seeking, wearing their heart on their sleeve puppy dog Expressive Male?

Sure many people out there are seeking a more balanced male blend of both female and male qualities in a male partner, but the reality is Male Expressives were designed to be “Divas” with an entourage - surrounded by people who love and take care of them.

Powerstruggles often occur between the Male Expressive and his female partner and a shutdown of emotions caused by the anger, frustration, disappointment, and resentment, even depression on the part of the Male Expressive’s partner often occurs because the female partner’s vision of her Expressive male partner isn’t measuring up to her expectations of what “a traditional male partner” is suppose to be like.

The female partner may also have an unhappy, tantrum prone and often depressed Expressive Male partner on her hands who is reacting to not getting his needs met from her.

Chances are the Male Expressive is not getting his needs met because the female partner doesn’t understand him or doesn’t want to give him what he wants if she did know because she has no energy left because she is not getting her needs met from all the powerstruggles, deficiencies and toxicities going on in the relationship.

The solution, as we say at our LMC Relationship Centre is that any successful relationship is all about a mutual fulfilling of needs and giving your partner what he/she wants in the way he/she wants it.

If a mutual fulfilling of needs is not happening in your relationship, someone has the get the ball rolling or else the relationship will continue being nothing but powerstruggles and frustrated desires.

For this article, let’s explain how to give your Expressive Male want he wants in the way he wants it first, he is actually quite easy to please when you key in on how to do so.

This way, when at least one partner is getting their needs met it highly increases the process of negotiation and learning how to work with each other’s incompatibilities, because one partner will no longer be fighting tooth and nail for what they want and will be open to helping the other partner because they will be relieved and appreciate finally getting some of their needs met in the relationship.

Due to the length of this topic, I’ve decided to make this article into a 7 part series, so for today, here is way #1):

1) I’m So Happy/ You Are My Hero: Males in a relationship want to be the hero and want to make their partner happy.

Expressive Males especially need to feel this order to feel good about themselves and to feel loved by their partner.

This is because often the Male Expressive does not get complimented for doing things that other “traditional males do” because they do not normally do those things or those things do not come naturally to them, so it is more of a struggle for them where as it is something that is second nature or taken for granted by “a traditional male”. This can lead to low self-esteem and low self-worth.

So even if you are the female and wear the pants in the household, it is still important to make your Expressive Male partner feel like he is doing all he can do for you (even if he doesn’t in your opinion).

So if saying something like “You are my hero” is too cheesy for you, try something like “I’m so happy that you took out the garbage (even if he missed half the garbage in the house).

Since I am a little bit Expressive myself, I thought I would have fun and not tell you what Part Two will be in about – it’s a surprise and you will just have to come back in a week or two for our next post to find out what it is.

Wishing You Fun, Freedom and Love,

Melody Chase

Are you in a committed relationship and are looking for communication tools so you can have that happy and harmonious relationship you have always envisioned? Check out our Counsellor in a Box Relationship Home Study Program at http://www.counsellorinabox.com/