Is Your Partner a Male Diva? Part Seven

Welcome to Part Seven or our Grande Finale of our Male Diva Series. In our last post we talked about the importance of having fun and creating an environment of fun for your Expressive Male. For our last part of our series, let’s discuss…

7) Knowing The Difference Between Disagreement and Disapproval:

Knowing the difference between disagreement and disapproval is so important to an Expressive, that I am just going to get Dr. Robby ( Director of the LMC Relationship Centre) to explain. The following is an excerpt from our Counsellor in a Box Home Study Program (http://www.counsellorinabox.com/)

Dr. Robby has the following to say about disapproval:

“Disagreement occurs on the mental or rational level. You may disagree with your partner’s choice of a tie. Or you may disagree with him being too tiredto go out after work.”

“Disapproval, on the other hand, occurs on the emotional level. Disagreement turns into disapproval when you start to withdraw emotionally from your partner.”

“Disapproval implies: ‘You did something I disagree with therefore, I can’t love you as much as before - so I am pulling away now.’ You disagree with your partner’s choice of a tie and then disapprove of him for making that choice and you turn off your love for him. It’s your disapproval of others that turns simple disagreements into big issues.”

“You can notice yourself changing from a disagreeing lover (healthy) to a disapproving lover (not healthy) when you catch yourself assigning negative qualities to your partner’s character: He is tacky, he lacks class, he is inconsiderate, he is overemotional, he is not understanding. When you move from evaluating the problem to evaluating the person, you are disapproving and not just disagreeing.”

“In successful relationships people accept one another. They do not necessarily agree with one another, but they have an acceptance, understanding and forgiveness.”

“Disapproval is based on criticism and judgment. Conditional love is based on approval. Unconditional love is based on acceptance.”

The major cause of conflict between two people is a lack of strong, positive emotional connection. So my (Dr. Robby’s) formula for dealing with conflict is:

1. Put the issue aside.

2. Reestablish your connection with your partner by dissolving the emotional tension.

3. Then go back to deal with the issue.

And of course keep in mind that you are in disagreement with your partner’s behavior or opinion – not your partner as a person. Keeping this last point in mind helps you from sliding over from Disagreement to Disapproval.

I have presented to you a lot of information to take in, so take your time and even just concentrate on one point or way at a time until you get used to it and then work on the next one. It will be worth it because you will see how happy and appreciative your Expressive partner will become.

Wishing You Fun, Freedom and Love,

Melody Chase

Are you in a committed relationship and are looking for communication tools so you can have that happy and harmonious relationship you have always envisioned? Check out our Counsellor in a Box Relationship Home Study Program at http://www.counsellorinabox.com

Is Your Partner a Male Diva? Part Six

Welcome to Part Six of our Male Diva Series. In our last post we talked about the importance of being your Male Diva’s #1 Cheerleader. Now for Part Six which is…

6) Have Fun – Create An Environment Of Fun: Expressives, (including Expressive males) middle name in “Fun”. They live and breathe for fun and it is one of their top values. So why not make the activities of daily life – fun?

For example - pealing potatoes? Make it fun, have the Potato Olympics where every time your partner peels potatoes, “time it” to see how long he takes (if there is skin still left on the potatoes, that’s o.k., it’s healthy for you.) Then the next time he peels, see if he beat his own personal time.

Cleaning? Put on his favorite music.

Got a cell phone? For no reason whatsoever just phone home while your still at home and get him to answer just to say “Hi”. In fact, just randomly call and say you miss him while you are out.

Watching T.V together? (Even if this normally bugs you) start commenting on the characters like you know them because Expressives just love people even people they don’t know.

There is no reason why we can’t be productive and have fun at the same time – in fact I have feeling that more productivity can be accomplished when people are having fun because everyone is more relaxed and more in the moment and aware of their surroundings.

For years, when I worked at a Marketing Research Firm, we were not allowed to do anything between phone-calls, not even doodle. One year the firm tried out a trial run where we were allowed to draw and read, do puzzles or write between calls and our productivity soared. Needless to say, we were allowed to do what we like between calls permanently after the trial was over.

Come back again for our Grande Finale of our 7 Part Male Diva Series.

Wishing You Fun, Freedom and Love,


Melody Chase

Are you in a committed relationship and are looking for communication tools so you can have that happy and harmonious relationship you have always envisioned? Check out our Counsellor in a Box Relationship Home Study Program at http://www.counsellorinabox.com

Is Your Partner a Male Diva? Part Five

Welcome to Part Five of our Male Diva Series. In our last post we talked about the importance of always empathizing with and validating your partner after your partner expresses how he feels. Now for Part Five which is…

5) Be Your Partner’s #1 Cheerleader in Public: Nothing devastates an Expressive more than being publicly humiliated – he just wants to be loved for who he is and he so definitely does not want to look bad in front of others.

So whatever you do don’t point out that his tie is crooked or there is BBQ sauce on his chin in front of others and don’t stand there with him in a group of mutual friends and start telling the funny story about how your partner stepped in a can of paint while painting the garage the other day. (This includes talking to your friends on the phone.)

Imagine that your partner is the President of the United States (o.k., even though right now you may be thinking – yeah right) and you are his Chief Press Secretary – your job is to raise him up and have people admire him for the wonderful person he is.

Come back again to find out what’s up for Part Six in our 7 Part Male Diva Series.

Wishing You Fun, Freedom and Love,



Melody Chase


Are you in a committed relationship and are looking for communication tools so you can have that happy and harmonious relationship you have always envisioned? Check out our Counsellor in a Box Relationship Home Study Program at http://www.counsellorinabox.com

Is Your Partner a Male Diva? Part Four

Welcome to Part Four of our Male Diva Series. In our last post we talked about allowing your partner their freedom whenever possible. Now for Part Four which is…

4) Always Empathize With and Validate Your Partner After Your Partner Expresses How He Feels: This can be naturally difficult thing to do if you are what is called a “mismatcher”, (where you will mismatch anything anyone says) or if you are a High Analytical personality which means you are into logic and truth.

Just to explain why you may mismatch -it allows you to stall and think about whatever a person says before you agree to it - even if your partner says the sky is blue, and you know it is, you will say “No it’s not” because you do not want to be influenced and fed any information until you are ready.

However learning how to empathize with and validate others before responding to their comments will help you in your relationship with your partner as well as other relationships in your life.

No one wants to be told that their feelings and emotions are not true or to be invalidated and Expressives are no different, they are just more naturally sensitive towards being shutdown or invalidated because of the threat of looking bad and the threat of having their freedom taken away.

Different people have better memories than others, and others get more easily flustered depending on the situation, so I have included a “3 Step”, “2 Step” and “1 Step” option on how the empathize with and validate your partner.

3 Step

The first 2 parts of this 3 step option is from the book “I Hate You, Don’t Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality” by J. Kreisman, M.D. and Hal Straus, (Published Avon Books, Feb 01, 1991).


Say the following:

1) I am very concerned about your feelings.
2) It must be horrible (or whatever description fits the situation) that you feel____ or that _____happened to you or I understand how you feel.
3) How can I support you or how can I help you to feel better?

This way your partner knows that you are concerned and you have acknowledged how he feels. You also put the solution to how he can feel better in his hands so it increases the chances of resolving what he needs.

2 Step

I actually got this step from the Movie “Woodcock” – A Fictional Comedy about a Published Self-Help Guru who wrote a book called “Letting Go” after being tormented by his gym teacher when he was a kid. The steps go as follows:

Step One: “I appreciate how you feel.”
Step Two: “I’m sorry you feel that way or I’m happy you feel this way etc.”

1 Step

The following are “one-liners” that you can use in a pinch:

“Yes, I understand how you would feel embarrassed.”
“Yes, I feel how embarrassing that would be for you.”
“Yes, I see how embarrassing that would be to you.”
“Yes, I hear you in regards to how embarrassing that you would be for you.”

Once you empathize and/or validate your partner, you can then share that you have a difference of opinion, but at least you allowed your partner his feelings and opinion 1st.

Come back to find out what’s up for Part Five in our 7 Part Male Diva Series.

Wishing You Fun, Freedom and Love,

Melody Chase


Are you in a committed relationship and are looking for communication tools so you can have that happy and harmonious relationship you have always envisioned? Check out our Counsellor in a Box Relationship Home Study Program at http://www.counsellorinabox.com

Is Your Partner a Male Diva? Part Three

By Melody Chase

Welcome to Part Three of our Male Diva Series. If your need to review about what a Male Expressive is all about, please read Part One of our Male Diva series, otherwise let’s just jump right in…

3) Allow Your Partner Their Freedom Whenever Possible: Expressives are all about freedom and if they are angry it is often a sign that they feel their freedom is being taking away.

So whenever possible, if you have a difference of opinion, (yes, even a difference of opinion is a way of taking someone’s freedom away) there are ways to approach your Expressive.

Plus, don’t forget to be nice if you have a difference of opinion - agreeing to disagree is very important in a relationship, but to prevent bursting an Expressive’s bubble when he has an idea, the following are two gentle ways of letting him know you have a difference of opinion:

The first is:

Say to your partner:

“I love you and I do not want to take your freedom away, so this is only an opinion, but I feel your black tie will go better with your blue suit then the neon green tie you are wearing.”

This way your partner knows you love him ( which is always a great way to start off a discussion), he knows that you know that freedom is important to him and you are not trying to take his freedom away plus you are owning your own feelings and opinions by saying “in my opinion” and “I feel”.

The second way is:

Say to your partner:

1) Your idea is fine.
2) I see that you are excited about your idea.
3) In truth, it wouldn’t work for me but it’s a great idea and I totally support you with what you think.

This way your partner feels totally good and supported about his idea, yet he knows that you have a difference of opinion. The communication is kept open and he will not feel offended.

Often what will happen too, is that your partner will then be curious about your opinion, instead of defensive, offended or discouraged.

Come back and visit us again for Part Four on our 7 Part Male Diva Series.

Are you in a committed relationship and are looking for communication tools so you can have that happy and harmonious relationship you have always envisioned? Check out our Counsellor in a Box Relationship Home Study Program at http://www.counsellorinabox.com/

Is Your Partner A Male Diva? Part Two

Welcome to Part Two of our Male Diva 7 Part Series.
Hi, it’s Melody.

Let’s jump right in and find out the second way on how you can give your Expressive Male Partner what he wants, in the way he wants it. If you need a review about what Male Expressives are all about, please read Part One of our Male Diva Series.

2) Start Every Conversation Off With Something Positive: Usually in most articles I suggest using the “Mary Kay Style” of approaching negative feedback with your partner, which is to say something positive - then something negative - then something positive.

For example “Thank you for volunteering to peel the potatoes, it really helps me out, I noticed that you are missing some of the spuds, so you may have to dig in a little deeper, however I’m so happy at how quickly you are getting through the whole bag.”

However, with some Expressives, especially if they are super sensitive of looking bad, (Looking bad to an Expressive is the equivalent to Kryptonite for Superman) keep the negative feedback to a minimum.

Prioritize only negative behaviours that are of the highest importance to you and just let the rest go and as I started off saying, no matter what- always start every conversation off with something positive.

I think I’ll have fun again and make Part Three of our Male Diva Series, yet another Cliffhanger.

Wishing You Fun, Freedom and Love,

Melody Chase

P.S. In case you may be wondering who the male is in the picture, it is the character Vincent Chase, from the HBO series “Entourage”. In the series, he plays a popular Hollywood actor and classic Male Expressive who keeps his entourage of best friends with him at all times who unconditionally love and support him for who he is.

Are you in a committed relationship and are looking for communication tools so you can have that happy and harmonious relationship you have always envisioned? Check out our Counsellor in a Box Relationship Home Study Program at http://www.counsellorinabox.com/

Is Your Partner A Male Diva? 7 Ways To Give Your Expressive Husband or Boyfriend What He Wants In The Way He Wants It – Part 1

It’s hard out there for an Expressive Male sometimes. An Expressive Personality Type is one of 4 main types of personalities that we use at our LMC Relationship Centre.

The following is just a brief explanation of the Expressive Personality Type, for an extensive understanding of Expressives or to learn about the rest of the personality types, check out our Counsellor in a Box Home Study Program at http://www.counsellorinabox.com/

In a nutshell Expressive Personality Type People are emotionally based, love people, are dominant and friendly, love appreciation, approval, centre stage, are charming, humorous, fun, have excellent people skills and change their minds a lot

Every personality type has top values that they live by and that are requirements for them to feel happy, fulfilled and loved.

For an Expressive personality his/her top values are freedom, fun and to be loved for whom he/she is.

High Expressives or Pure Expressive people who are not combined with any of the other personality types may often come across as “Divas” especially to people who do not understand them and/or to people who are not giving Expressives what they want in the way that they want it.

Society as a whole know how to deal with Female Expressives because it is more common for women to be emotionally expressive and they are often allowed to be doted on and treated like a princess or a diva.

But what do you do if you are a Male Expressive? What do you do when the majority of society expects the male in the relationship to be the stable, logical, “strong as a rock partner” instead of the fun-loving, freedom and attention seeking, wearing their heart on their sleeve puppy dog Expressive Male?

Sure many people out there are seeking a more balanced male blend of both female and male qualities in a male partner, but the reality is Male Expressives were designed to be “Divas” with an entourage - surrounded by people who love and take care of them.

Powerstruggles often occur between the Male Expressive and his female partner and a shutdown of emotions caused by the anger, frustration, disappointment, and resentment, even depression on the part of the Male Expressive’s partner often occurs because the female partner’s vision of her Expressive male partner isn’t measuring up to her expectations of what “a traditional male partner” is suppose to be like.

The female partner may also have an unhappy, tantrum prone and often depressed Expressive Male partner on her hands who is reacting to not getting his needs met from her.

Chances are the Male Expressive is not getting his needs met because the female partner doesn’t understand him or doesn’t want to give him what he wants if she did know because she has no energy left because she is not getting her needs met from all the powerstruggles, deficiencies and toxicities going on in the relationship.

The solution, as we say at our LMC Relationship Centre is that any successful relationship is all about a mutual fulfilling of needs and giving your partner what he/she wants in the way he/she wants it.

If a mutual fulfilling of needs is not happening in your relationship, someone has the get the ball rolling or else the relationship will continue being nothing but powerstruggles and frustrated desires.

For this article, let’s explain how to give your Expressive Male want he wants in the way he wants it first, he is actually quite easy to please when you key in on how to do so.

This way, when at least one partner is getting their needs met it highly increases the process of negotiation and learning how to work with each other’s incompatibilities, because one partner will no longer be fighting tooth and nail for what they want and will be open to helping the other partner because they will be relieved and appreciate finally getting some of their needs met in the relationship.

Due to the length of this topic, I’ve decided to make this article into a 7 part series, so for today, here is way #1):

1) I’m So Happy/ You Are My Hero: Males in a relationship want to be the hero and want to make their partner happy.

Expressive Males especially need to feel this order to feel good about themselves and to feel loved by their partner.

This is because often the Male Expressive does not get complimented for doing things that other “traditional males do” because they do not normally do those things or those things do not come naturally to them, so it is more of a struggle for them where as it is something that is second nature or taken for granted by “a traditional male”. This can lead to low self-esteem and low self-worth.

So even if you are the female and wear the pants in the household, it is still important to make your Expressive Male partner feel like he is doing all he can do for you (even if he doesn’t in your opinion).

So if saying something like “You are my hero” is too cheesy for you, try something like “I’m so happy that you took out the garbage (even if he missed half the garbage in the house).

Since I am a little bit Expressive myself, I thought I would have fun and not tell you what Part Two will be in about – it’s a surprise and you will just have to come back in a week or two for our next post to find out what it is.

Wishing You Fun, Freedom and Love,

Melody Chase

Are you in a committed relationship and are looking for communication tools so you can have that happy and harmonious relationship you have always envisioned? Check out our Counsellor in a Box Relationship Home Study Program at http://www.counsellorinabox.com/