Do You Know How To Tell If Your Partner Is Into You?

Dr. Robby (Director of the Centre For Life Mamagement ) recently did a short radio interview with Winnipeg Radio Personality Laurie Lancaster about the Movie “He’s Just Not That Into You.” (Produced by Flower Films 2008, Directed by Ken Kwapis, Written by Abby Kohn & Marc Silverstein)

Although Dr. Robby and I have not seen the movie yet, Dr. Robby did explain that not recognizing that the person you are seeing is into you is not only a female thing but a male thing as well.

I recently was answering a reader’s question from the Counsellor in a Box Ask The Wizard Series and Blog (http://www.counsellorinabox.com ) about how to tell whether someone truly loves you and how to get your partner to admit to that you that he/she loves you.

In my answer I explained that many people may think that the only way to say that they love someone is to actually say “I love You” but everyone has their own way of expressing or showing how they love someone, plus the way how each partner says or shows love to each others may be interpreted differently by each partner.

So in order to truly find out if your partner loves you or to make sure you are not missing your partner’s attempts of expressing that he or she loves you is to learn about what we call Communication Modes.

It is through studying Communication Modes that you can also find out whether the person you are seeing or dating is in to you or not with or without verbal confirmation.

So for this article I’m going to give a brief description of the four types of Communication Modes, how people can give indications as to whether they are in to you through their Communication Modes and then some tips as to how to spot whether your partner or the person you are dating is into you or not using the Communication Modes as a guide.

The following is a quote from Dr. Robby from our Counsellor in a Box (http://www.counsellorinabox.com ) Mini-book about Communication Modes:

“Communication is the result you get. Different people are on different channels. We learn, we express love and communicate through different channels or modality love strategies (modes for short) or combinations of modes.”

“It is important to know who you are playing with and what channel they are playing on, or else your communication will not be very effective.”

So not only is an understanding of communication modes or love strategies a basic skill for relationship success it is also important in order to help you determine whether your partner is expressing love for you or in the early stages of a new relationship whether your partner is in to you or not.

In the paragraph above, I mentioned Love Strategies - there is an article by Bob Scheinfeld about Love Strategies that he had learned from Tony Robbin’s “Three Days to Unlimited Power Program.” In Bob Scheinfeld’s article, he explains how a person in each communication mode would like to be loved.

Bob Scheinfeld has an explanation for Visual, Auditory and Kinesthetic people; however, he has left out the Digitals, so we have added some information on Digitals to his explanation.

There are 4 main Communication Modes and a person can be a blend of 1, 2, 3 or all 4 and some Communication Modes may be stronger than others.

Visual Communication Mode: Visual people communicate by seeing and doing. They like activities and they like gifts. They notice people, places and things with just the slightest glance. They feel and share love by doing things with or for other people. They take things at face value and do not look deeper into things. They learn by seeing and doing.

People who are in the Visual love strategy need to “see” that you love them. “Seeing” takes the form of receiving flowers or gifts and/or seeing you do unexpected thoughtful acts for them (like a special romantic evening or getaway, a massage, a day of pampering, etc.). People with this strategy need to see “evidence” or “proof.”

If you partner is Visual, he or she may think you are as well and will be showing you love or that he or she is into you by doing any of the love strategies above for you.

Has your partner being doing any of the above strategies with or for you?

Auditory Communication Mode: Auditory people communicate through talking. They have the natural gift of the gab and are designed to be able to talk for long periods of time. They enjoy talking and listening to other people talk. They feel loved when they are talked to, and like to hear the words “I love you”. They learn by hearing.

People with the Auditory love strategy need to hear the words “I love you” (or similar words) to feel totally and completely loved. The also want to connect through conversation. Talk, talk, and more talk.

Depending how far into your relationship you are, it may be too early for your partner to actually say “I Love You” however does he/she seek out conversation with you and always loves to chat with you? He/she may be not emotionally comfortable yet or it may be too early into the relationship to actually tell you that he/she loves you, but he may be trying to express that he/she is into you in a round about way by wanting to talk with you all the time.

Does your partner want to talk with you all the time?

Kinesthetic Communication Mode: Kinesthetic people communicate through their bodies. They move, feel and express through their bodies and love doing physical activities. Kinesthetics love to touch and are very touchy-feely. They feel loved when they are touched.

They learn through touch and through experience. People with the Kinesthetic love strategy need to be touched in certain ways or in certain places to feel totally and completely loved. It might be massaging the scalp a certain way, kissing a certain spot under the neck, rubbing an ear just so, etc. It should be noted that this strategy rarely if ever involves touch of a sexual nature.

If your partners loves you or is in to you he/she will want to touch you and be touching you all the time but not in a sexual way, he/she may want to hold hands, snuggle close, touch you face or your hair all the time, in a natural comforting way.

Does your partner want to touch you all the time?

Digital Communication Mode: Digital people communicate through connection and understanding. They find the deeper meaning in everything they think, see and do. Understanding is very important to them. They feel loved when they share connections with others and are understood. They learn by understanding.

Digitals seek to understand and to be understood in order to feel loved. They would like to connect with their partner at an emotional, intellectual and spiritual level.

If your partner is Digital and loves you or is in to you he/she will want to connect with you all the time, he/she will want to understand you and seek to understand you.

Does your partner want to connect with you and understand you?

So our article may not be as entertaining as the “He’s Just Not That Into You Movie” however the more information you have the more aware you can be as to what is truly going on in your relationship,

For more information on Communication Modes, especially on how to find out what yours and your partner’s communication modes are - check-out our Counsellor in a Box Relationship Home Study Program at http://www.counsellorinabox.com

Plus

Are You Looking For The Perfect Gift For Your Partner On Valentine’s Day? Check-out my favorite Valentine’s article from our past Valentine’s Day called “The Art of Gift-Giving: How To Give Your Partner The Perfect Gift For Valentine's Day” at http://lovebydesignbook.blogspot.com/2008_02_01_archive.html

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Melody Chase

Is Your Partner Cheating on You? 14 Signs To Determine Whether Your Partner is Having An Affair - Part 1

By Melody Chase

You have a feeling in your guts telling you that your partner is cheating, you are not sure what to do about it, do you hire a private investigator or confront your partner about it?

The feeling isn't going away, but you know that if you do try and confront your partner on it and you are wrong it will cause trust issues in your relationship.

In Part 1 we will cover the first 7 of 14 signs that you can observe to see whether your partner may be cheating so that as you gather evidence, it will help you in your final decision as to whether to discuss with your partner whether he or she cheating or not.

1) Your Partner Changes His/Her Appearance:

Changes in your partner's appearance may be a sign that your partner is cheating such as dressing nicer or in a way that makes him/her look more attractive than usual or if your partner starts doing things to make his or herself look better like losing weight, working-out or working out more or if he/she changes his/her hairstyle/and or hair color. (This is always the #1 sign for women who are having an affair.)

2) Your Partner Has a Healthy and Exuberant Glow To Him/Her:

Does your partner have a healthy and exuberant glow both in his or her face and in his/her aura or energy? In fact, if your partner looks similar to how he/she looked and felt when the two of you first met and started going together is also a sign that your partner may be cheating.

3) Your Partner Seems Distant or Far-Away:

Does your partner seem distant or far away like he/she has emotionally, energetically and physically disconnected from you? (This is usually the #1 sign that your partner has found someone). This distance is probably because your partner is either totally into the person he/she is having the affair with or is thinking about him/her and imagining being with him or her all the time. Disconnecting from you may also mean that your partner has found what he/she is looking for in the other person so your partner has released his/her efforts from trying to get it from you.

4) Your Partner is No Longer Fighting With You:

This may be a sign if your partner is suddenly no longer fighting or arguing with you or if your relationship is past the point of fighting (numbed out, shutdown or if your partner has already written you off before) you will no longer feel the intensity and frustration radiating underneath the surface in regards to issues that used to bother your partner.

5) Your Partner Seems Happy and Content:

It may be a signif your partner seems more happy and content than usual and he/she is not complaining about anything.

6) Your Partner Takes Up New Hobbies, Interests or Sporting Activities:

Your partner takes up new hobbies, interests or sporting activities but to your surprise he/she doesn't tell you about it.

7) Your Partner's Account of His/Her Day Is Either Overly Detailed or Really Vague:

Your partner's explanation of his/her day has changed by either becoming very calculated and detailed or very vague and he/she will change topics very quickly.

In Part 2 we will be covering the next 7 signs to determine whether your partner is cheating or not.

Have you reconized any of the signs of cheating in your partner? Are you looking for a way to prevent your partner from having an affair? Check out our Counsellor in a Box Home Study Program at www.counsellorinbox.com - everything you need to know to repair your relationship and create a passion filled relationship that you have always dreamed of - right at your fingertips.

IS YOUR PARTNER A GOOD LISTENER? 10 WAYS TO TELL IF YOUR PARTNER IS REALLY LISTENING.

By Melody Chase

A good listener is worth their weight in gold and one of the most important foundations in a relationship is for both partners to be good listeners.

So whether you are already in a relationship and are looking for a good listener to use as a role model or if you are looking for the love of your life and one of your criteria is someone who is a good listener, it is always good to be able to recognize a good listener.

So the following are ten signs of a good listener:

1) You Can Feel That The Listener Is Fully Present And In the Moment With You: You can tell the difference between someone who is fully in the moment with you versus someone who has their mind on something else is when you are talking to the unfocused person you will get an urge to rush through what you are saying versus when you are with a person who is totally focused on you, you will feel at home and that you have all the time in the world to say what you have to say. With a person who is totally focused on you, you will almost feel like sighing because you feel so supported and because you feel like you are truly the centre of their attention.

2) The Listener Will Keep Eye Contact With You: The listener will keep constant eye contact with you, only looking away on occasion to prevent staring or awkwardness.

3) The Listener Will Nod, Smile And Give You Auditory Feedback: A good listener will nod, smile and give you auditory feedback such as “Mm hum”, “Yeah” “I see” or “No, really?” in a sincere and interested way to encourage you to continue and to indicate that they are listening.

4) The Listener Will Encourage You To Continue Talking: As you are talking, they will encourage you to continue talking. For example they will say things like “That’s really interesting” or “I find that interesting, please continue “or “I’d like to hear more.”

5) The Listener Will Parrot Back What You Are Saying When Appropriate: Every once in a while, a good listener will parrot back what you say to indicate they are paying attention and that they are right in your story with you.

6) The Listener Will Only Finish Your Sentence When Appropriate: A good listener will only finish your sentence when the timing is right, not to try to rush you through your story or to help you out when you are at a loss of words, but to show that they are on the same wave length as you.

7) The Listener Goes By the 80% Listening, 20% Talking Rule: A good listener knows that the art of being a good listener (whether that is because they just intuitively know or because they are actually aware of the rule) will listen approximately 80% of the time during the course of the conversation and spend only 20% of the conversation talking.

8) The Listener Will Keep The Conversation Focused on Your Topic of Discussion: There is nothing more annoying than to open a conversation with someone and they change the topic on you in the middle of what you are trying to express. This often happens when the person gives you an example about themselves to show that they understand what you are saying but then they keep going with their example or take the opportunity while the attention is on themselves to switch topics. A good listener if they feel the need to use an example to back up what you were saying will keep it short and will return the conversation back to what you were talking about.

9) The Listener Will Ask You Thoughtful and Open-ended Questions About What You Are Talking About: A good listener will ask you thoughtful questions that will lead you into opening up into further detail about your topic of discussion. For example, they may say something like “ So you work in the Marketing Department, tell me about some of the duties that you are in charge of or what specifically are in you charge of or what aspects of your job do you love?”

10) The Listener Knows How to Empathize With You: When a good listener feeds back how you are feeling, their description of the feeling or emotion will actually match how you are feeling. If they are off, they are dedicated to finding out how you are truly feeling versus throwing out a bunch of descriptions of how you are feeling in hopes of eventually guessing the correct feeling or emotion.

If you recognize a good listener in your life, tell them you how much you appreciate them. If you are still looking for a good listener to come into you life, it is both worth the search and the wait, because not only will they create a wonderful communication foundation for your relationship, they will always make you feel special and supported in expressing yourself.

Warm Regards,

Melody Chase

Are you looking for more information about communication and your relationship?

We Have Several Resources To Fit Your Needs:

Are you having communication problems and you are not sure whether you should stay or go in your relationship? Check out our Love By Design Book @ http://www.lovebydesignbook.com/

Are you in a committed relationship and are looking for communication tools so you can have that happy and harmonious relationship you have always envisioned? Check out our Counsellor in a Box Relationship Home Study Program @ http://www.counsellorinabox.com/

Is your relationship under a lot of stress and strain because your children don't listen and you feel like there must be a secret to parenting you are missing? We have the answers in Dr. Robby's Free "7 Lost Parenting Secrets Report". Check it out @ http://www.7lostparentingsecrets.com/