How To Keep Your Faith: A Major Key In Getting Your Ex-Partner Back

Matthew 17:20: And He said to them, "Because of the littleness of your faith; for truly I say to you, if you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move; and nothing will be impossible to you.”

Mindy sat staring off into space, her cellphone still in her hand. Her ex-boyfriend just called to say he was coming with a truck tomorrow to pick up the last of his stuff to take over to his new girlfriend’s house.

Mindy should be used to this by now, over the last 3 months her ex-boyfriend had slowly but surely been taking apart and separating all of their belongings and connection that they had to each others.

Mindy hasn’t given up whatsoever in getting her boyfriend back. She has read books on how to get her lover back and has gone on a journey of Self-love, Self-Discovery and Relationship Mastery plus she has heard and seen so many success stories of couples getting back together against all odds.

So the belief was there, the issue that she had that would shake her confidence the most and even her faith was when what she would see before her seemed so real and symbolic of change and separation and of her ex-boyfriend carrying on.

Her ex-boyfriend taking the last of his belongings was one of these changes that really shook her belief and faith like an earthquake. Then add on the after-shocks of such “apparent realities” as her ex-boyfriend seeming so happy and inspired by his new girlfriend and how he talks about how well they get along and hearing about their future plans.

Then there was the original earthquake that shook Mindy to her core – when her ex-boyfriend choose the new girlfriend instead of herself after she caught him cheating with this other woman and how he claimed that he would never come back to Mindy.

Mindy has just heard encouraging news in the entertainment world – she had heard about the Reality Stars from “The Bachelor” Series – Jake the Bachelor and his final rose pick Vienna who he was engaged to had just broken-up.

Pretty much anyone who watched the show was against Jake picking Vienna because Vienna’s motives were suspect by how she played the game and she really didn’t have anything in common with Jake.

Yet Jake and Vienna did such an amazing job of coming across as being deeply in love and having the attraction, romance and adventure that even Mindy (although at first Mindy knew beyond a doubt that they would break-up) got pulled into the illusion that the couple would last.

So now Mindy was experiencing the same issue with her ex-boyfriend – getting pulled into a certain reality that wasn’t true or at least is highly likely not to be true – yet with a lot of smoke and mirrors (or sometimes even with no smoke or mirrors at all) anything can become convincing especially when a person is attached to a certain outcome.

So how then does Mindy continue with having faith and not give into the potential illusions presented in front of her?

Since this is such a common experience for people who are in the process of getting their partner back, I have created a list of ways on how to approach your situation if you are feeling or going through with Mindy is going through as well:

1) More Time Spent With the Other Man or Woman and Less Time With You Is To Your Benefit

The saying that “absence makes the heart grow fonder is true” – the greatest fear about no communication or not being with your ex-partner all the time is that he or she is going to forget you completely, forget all the positive aspects of your relationship or get completely spun and distracted by the other man or woman and your partner will just disappear into activity and happy land with the other man or woman.

However it is when you are not pressuring or pursing your ex-partner that your ex-partner’s defenses go down and they have time to think and remember everything about you.

As well this gives your ex-partner time to recover and heal from any stresses or strains in your relationship and your ex-partner will begin to feel a draw towards you again instead of the draw to pull away which were caused for a number of reasons usually due to a build up of toxicities and deficiencies in your relationship and a perfectly timed game plan on the part of the other man or woman.

The good news is that the Courtship Phase (Everyone puts a good face on and is busy pursuing the other person stage) and the Honeymoon Stage (Celebrating the win of getting the other man or woman) does start to wear off – so time and being away from your ex-partner is on your side.

So think of the time that you are not spending with your ex-partner as a perennial seed that is growing under the surface and in the spring, when it comes to the light of day signifies the beginning of a new relationship with your partner whereas the seed that was planted with this other man or woman is just an annual that will just die off at the end of the season and will no longer return.

2) Don’t Give Into Potential Illusions

Our society thrives on spin and trying to control the opinions of others and create certain impressions with others – so as a rule in life in general be open with the curiosity of child but never take anything at face value otherwise you are just at the mercy of one spin after the other.

So yes, maybe your ex-partner is happy or maybe your ex-partner is high on oxytocin, serotonin and dopamine and will soon have a rude awakening once the Honeymoon Stage is over.

Maybe your ex already knows he or she has made a mistake and is too embarrassed to own up to this yet or is struggling to make things work with the other man or woman and doesn’t want any outside interference so he or she puts on a good front.

Maybe he or she is scared to leave because he or she realizes he/she is addicted to this other person and like an alcoholic or a smoker he/she needs to leave when he/she is ready and your ex-partner doesn’t want to get your hopes up in case he/she doesn’t have the strength to stay away and has to go back and forth to the other man or woman a few times before the relationship is done for good.

Your ex-partner may be in denial and in coping mode and one day will wake up realize you are the one and just leaves the other man or woman and comes back to you.

You can see how exhausting and an up and down roller-coaster of emotions this could cause for you if you followed along with any of these scenarios – so it is best to not give the time of day to anything that appears to be going on or not going on or anything that your ex says or does until one day he or she shows up asking if you will take him or her back and that the other relationship is done for good.

3) Make Positive Thought a Priority

After a break-up you are grieving, in shock and often in denial of all the change going on in your life – add fear, worry and doubt about ever getting your ex-partner back and no wonder why so may people experiencing this end-up having to take time off work, go on anxiety and anti-depressants, develop health problems, go for counselling and unfortunately often give up on getting their partner back.

So the healthiest thing you can do for yourself let alone for getting your ex-partner back is to learn how to make Positive Thought a Priority and your new way of thinking.

You have the rest of your life to choose fearful and negative thoughts so why not take this opportunity to try a different approach to thinking and if you feel it doesn’t work for you, you can always go back to the old way of thinking at any time.

So if you chose to go the Positive Thinking Route – make this into a Full Out Positive Thinking Campaign – be absolutely relentless in switching from negative thoughts to positive thoughts – don’t deny, resist or beat yourself up for having a negative thought – just be aware that you are having one then as soon as you can chose to think the opposite of the negative thought or just chose any positive thought you can think of to get back into a positive upstate.

As part of your Positive Thinking Campaign you need to come from a state of detachment and preference and think, say and feel that you are confident, you are capable, you are calm, you are relaxed, you are loving and lovable - think of yourself as all of these things and imagine what it would feel like to be all of these things and hold those thoughts and feelings with you for as long as you can and as often as you can - especially at night before you go to bed.


As well imagine and feel what it would be like for you and your ex-partner to be together again, the two of you getting along and for him or her to be joyful, connected and unconditionally loving with you - this is far more powerful and beneficial to you then focusing on the negatives of the past and the potential negatives of the future and if you are honest with yourself – has being negative helped you up until this point in your life?

So it is time to try something completely different and become 100% committed and relentless towards being confident, positive and having faith that all will be well for you and everyone.

Yes, you can be aware of the potential of negative outcomes - that is okay so you are not in resistance but at the end of the day you can handle your situation as it comes especially if you are calm and relaxed because then you can think clearly and create a calming atmosphere so any issues can be resolved peacefully - much better than being on guard and expecting the worse.

A Positive Thinking Campaign can help change your perception and reaction to your world. You can change that now by deciding to become dedicated to Positive Thinking and as you go you will discover that it will become more and more of a habit and a natural way of life as your subconscious mind absorbs this new way of thinking and eventually your new creations will override your old subconscious mind patterns, programs and way of thinking. You will also be so inspired by the feedback in your subjective reality you will want to create your world the way you like to by conscious choice all the time.

Even if you start off just for an hour a day and keep expanding your Positive Thinking Campaign from there. I even created a Contract for myself where I went on a 24 hr Positive Thinking Campaign that I signed in order to get myself started when I first changed over to Positive Thinking.

Once I tried the contract a couple of times I realized I wanted to make the switch to full-time Positive Thinking because I was no longer suffering in fear and just having the odd negative thought was such a better way to live then having the Negative Thoughts in control of my life.

Just to clarify as well, this doesn’t mean deny your emotions once you are already emotionally triggered or in a negative mental spin or simply still grieving the changes that have happened. You still need to lovingly embrace your feelings and just feel through the emotions and be in non-resistance to your reaction in order to fully release it.

Then from a state of detachment and preference - focus on what you do want to create – especially just before you go to bed – this a very powerful time for your subconscious mind to be impressed and it will set the tone for your next day.

With a Positive Thinking Campaign you will no longer keep yourself in a state of worry and doubt and in doing so not only will you feel more relaxed and at peace – the Positive Thinking will become a natural habit overtime and your life, environment and relationship will become a reflection of this.

In addition to the three suggestions above there is one last important thing to keep in mind and it was what the Quote by Matthew said – if all else fails and you are having a bad day and the illusions seem so real – just remember all you need is the faith the size of a mustard seed and you can move mountains!

Warm Regards,

Melody Chase

For More Information on What You Can Do To Get Your Ex-Partner Back Check-out Our Counsellor in a Box Relationship Repair Home Study Program at http://www.counsellorinabox.com

Relationship Advice: 7 Reasons Why Your Partner Chooses Not To Communicate – Part 4

Welcome to Part 4 of our 4 Part Series called “7 Reasons Why Your Partner Chooses Not To Communicate.

For this part let’s talk about your partner being a Hopeless Romantic.

7) Hopeless Romantic:

There are people out there who are for lack of a better description – hopeless romantics – they want to be rescued (i.e. give them what they desiring) and they assume that you will know this and that you will pursue them.

An example would be at the end of a movie with Keanu Reeves and Cameron Diaz.

In the movie their two characters became lovers but they had gotten themselves into trouble and Cameron’s character took off on her own to avoid the police.

A few months later she sent an email to Keanu Reeve’s character telling him that she is in Las Vegas now and is happy pursing her dream as a Showgirl.

Keanu rushed off the Las Vegas and was reading this letter to his Taxi Driver. The Taxi Driver said that he was confused because no where in the letter did Cameron Diaz’s character say that she wanted Keanu’s character to come meet up with her in Las Vegas.

Keanu’s character said it isn’t what she said but what she didn’t say.

Now luckily Keanu's character was in tune enough to this woman to realize that the letter itself was a message to pursue her but if a couple is busy and distracted with their everyday life it would be very easy not to pick up on what their partner is really desiring if they are not giving any indications.

So this completes the 7 Reasons For Why People Chose Not To Communicate.

For more information about why couples don't communicate as well as proven communication techniques to get your partner talking check out our Counsellor in a Box Relationship Rescue and Repair Home Study Program at http://www.counsellorinabox.com

Warm Regards,

Melody Chase

Relationship Advice: 7 Reasons Why Your Partner Chooses Not To Communicate – Part 3

Welcome to Part 3 of our 4 Part Series on why your partner chooses not to communicate.

For Part 3 we are going to be going the next 3 reasons out of 7 which are:

3) Your Partner is a Narcissist
4) Conditioned To Keep Things To Themselves
5) Burnt-out/Overwhelmed

3) Your Partner is a Narcissist

Narcissists expect others to know what they want and if others do not know it is the others people’s responsibility to find out and the Narcissist is not going to lift a finger to assist because according to them it is their birthright for others to figure out what their needs and wants are. It is not in their job description to be responsible for being understood or communicate.

4) Conditioned To Keep Things To Themselves

Some people, especially males are conditioned to become the strong silent types often as a result of picking it up from their family, community or society where it may seem the honorable way to be or it is respectful or even seen as a sign of strength where as expressing how one feels or thinks is considered a weakness. A person may also be conditioned to be non-communicative because they were punished or abused for speaking their mind. Your partner may have also had his/her heart broken in the past so he/she is afraid to open up in any area of communication in order to protect his or herself.

5) Burnt -out/Overwhelmed:

When a person is burnt out it is really hard to muster up energy to do anything, this includes wanting to talk and communicate especially if the topic at hand is a hard topic to handle or talk about. So your partner may be burnt out because of the current situation you are in, burnt out from talking to you all the time in the past, especially if issues were never resolved or they are simply burnt out from life in general and it really has nothing to do with you, you may be a part if a much larger life problem whether that is being caused by family, school, community or a former relationship partner. Likewise if a person is really overwhelmed by things going on in one's life they may not be able to talk or communicate either.

6) Given Up:

Sometimes a person gets to a point where after they tried and tried in the relationship they just break on all levels - emotionally, physically, spiritually and they just give up and completely check out of the relationship. The are apathetic and is what we describe as having both feet out the door - if apathy is involved they have gone past the point of no return and there is no hope for the relationship to be resuscitated. In the last part of our series will be discussing Reason #7 – Your Partner is a Hopeless Romantic.

Warm Regards,

Melody Chase

For more information about why couples don't communicate as well as proven communication techniques to get your partner talking check out our Counsellor in a Box Relationship Rescue and Repair home Study Program at http://www.counsellorinabox.com

Relationship Advice: 7 Reasons Why Your Partner Chooses Not To Communicate - Part Two

In Part One of our Series we talked people simply being non-communicative by nature.

Now for Part Two Let’s Discuss People Who Are Conflict Avoidant for reasons for why you partner may chose not to communicate with you:

2) Conflict Avoidant:

There are certain personalities such as what is called the Amiable or Stabilizer personality whose natural disposition for harmony and for everyone to get along also causes them to be conflict avoidant.

Amiable personality people are not as dominant as some of the other personalities so they are just not going to have the urge to take the risk and stand up for their rights so they don’t end up communicating what their requirements, needs and wants are especially if they are with a dominant or competitive partner.

Plus if their partner is very reactive, or even just a little bit reactive this can cause an Amiable personality person to retreat into themselves or physically try to avoid their partner due to the amount of stress and discomfort they feel that a person of a different personality would not feel the same intensity of.

Another potential conflict avoidant person is the Analytical Personality Type Person. Analytical people are more dominant than an Amiable but otherwise are more passive then the rest of the personalities.

They are into rules and procedures and it is important for them to be right and for other people to go along with their rules.

Due to their Analytical nature and attention to detail they are also black and white, all or nothing thinkers and they make decisions in the all or nothing way leaving no room for grey or potential for creative solution above and beyond what they can logically understand and/or prove.

So if met with a conflict, Analytical people will deal with the situation one of
two ways - if it is something they are really passionate about and have more a dominant personality mixed in with their Analytical side or if they feel safe with who they are with they will argue their point until the cows home.

However if they are less dominant, been conditioned not to argue, are burnt -out from arguing all the time or is with someone who is too aggressive and reactive to their opinions, the Analytical person will keep his/her opinions to his or herself then one of 3 things will happen - the unresolved issue will fester and the Analytical will get more and resentful - resentful being something that is common since Analyticals are often more negative and cynical by nature.

The second thing that could happen is the repressed need or opinion gets added to the stack of the rest of the issues that the Analytical is holding in and this leads to emotionally shutting down and disconnection from their partner.

As well because of the Analytical’s black and white thinking whether it is one incident or twenty something in the Analytical snaps and he/she totally writes off his/her partner, the partner may feel it and see that the Analytical partner may no longer give his/her partner the time of day, but he/she has written off his/her partner and has just not said anything nor does he/she have any interest in telling him/her so because he/she is done and it no longer matters to him or her.

In Part 3 of our series will be discussing 4 reasons since they are shorter in length including – Your Partner is a Narcissist, Conditioned To Keep Things To Themselves, Burnt-out/Overwhelmed and Given Up.

Warm Regards,

Melody Chase

For more information about why couples don't communicate as well information about the different personalities and how to test to see what yours and your partner’s personalities are check out our Counsellor in a Box Relationship Rescue and Repair Home Study Program at http://www.counsellorinabox.com

Relationship Advice: 7 Reasons Why Your Partner Chooses Not To Communicate - Part One

At our Centre For Life Management and with our Online Clients and Readers we have a lot of people asking why their partners chose to never talk about what they were upset about and then one day their partner just gets up and leaves the relationship without ever wanting to talk things over and resolve anything.

For the one partner who does believe in talking and discussing issues and what is upsetting them it is hard to understand why their partner would chose to be silent and then just throw the relationship away without even trying to fight for it.

This type of situation is more common that you would think and whether the following information can be used to help you to understand how to get your partner to open up before it is too late, to get your partner back if they have left or to even just have closure if your partner has decided to carry on it is worth taking the time to find out.

So the Following Are Potential Reasons Why Your Partner Has Chosen Not To Communicate With You In The Relationship:

1) Non- Communicative People
2) Conflict Avoidant
3) Your Partner is a Narcissist
4) Conditioned To Keep Things To Themselves
5) Burnt -out/Overwhelmed
6) Given Up
7) Hopeless Romantic

I will be going over 7 Potential Reasons Why Your Partner Chooses Not Communication by splitting the Reason into a 4 Part Series.

For Part One let’s talk about Non-Communicative People

1) Non- Communicative People:

There are people who by their natural dispositions are not talkers and are often thinkers versus talkers.

At the Centre For Life Management we talk about the Four Styles Of Communication Modes which are how people communicate, learn as well as give and receive love.

One of these four types of Communication Modes is what is called an “Auditory
Person”. Auditory people are designed to talk, they have the gift of the gab and can speak without rehearsing often off the top of their head.

They in fact need to talk and be talked to in order to feel loved. If your partner is Auditory (unless there is a build up of toxicities of some sort in the relationship causing him or her to shut-down) you will never have trouble getting your partner to talk.

Now if your partner is any of the other Communication Modes other than Auditory then there is a much greater chance that it will be hard to get your partner to open up because it just doesn’t come naturally to him or her.

For example, Visual People are into doing, Digital People are into connection and understanding and Kinesthetic People are into touching and feeling – none of these Communication Modes are naturally inclined to talk a lot with the exception of Philosophical Digital People but if they not Auditory to go along with being Digital they may carry on conversations in their head without realizing that people are not hearing them because they are so convinced that everyone is on the same wavelength as them which is a common trait of a Philosophical Digital person.

In Part Two We Will Be Discussing Your Partner Being Conflict Avoidant

Warm Regards,

Melody Chase

For more information about why couples don't communicate as well as proven communication techniques to get your partner talking check out our Counsellor in a Box Relationship Rescue and Repair home Study Program at http://www.counsellorinabox.com

Unavailability: The Silent Relationship Enemy – Part Two

Welcome back for Part Two of our Two Part series on Unavailability.

In Part One I talked about the 6 areas of availability in a relationship that a couple can be unavailable in.

Now for Part Two let’s discuss what to do now since you know that there is an issue of unavailability.

Part Two – Now What?

I have created the following 3 steps or suggestions on how to deal with issues of unavailability in your relationship.

1) Acknowledge That You or Your Partner/Love Interest is Unavailable

The first step is to see the elephant sitting in the middle of the room for what it is – you and/or your partner is unavailable in one or more ways of being unavailable.

This will give you a base to work with in order to deal with you issue which is now officially real versus being ignored or invisible.

2) Acknowledge The Possibility That You May Not Be Able To Get Your Needs Met With This Partner/Love Interest:

It is important to acknowledge that you may not be able to get your needs met with your partner/love interest if you choose to stay in the relationship with him/her and release all expectations in the relationship.

It is like the Serenity Prayer by Elizabeth Sifton "God, Give us the grace to accept with serenity the things that cannot be changed, Courage to change the things which should be changed, And the wisdom to distinguish the one from the other."

3) Develop a Plan To Bridge The Incompatibility Gaps:

In both our Love By Design (http://www.lovebydesignbook.com ) and Counsellor in a Box Relationship Home Study Program (http://www.counsellorinabox.com )

We talk about negotiation and creative solutions.

This is what is going to have to happen if you choose to stay in a relationship with an unavailable person.

Yes you can choose to accept your situation for what it is but keep in mind that you will not be getting your needs met so you will have to be at peace with this.

You can also leave the relationship if you and your partner/love interest chooses not to negotiate or come up with creative solutions.

However if you have chosen to negotiate and/or use creative solutions you will have to learn how to negotiate in ways that work best for the both of you since both of you are unique.

Even more important both you and your partner/love interest need to have an open mind and think outside of the box to come up with creative solutions that are win/win and are highest and best for both of you.

Your power lies in your intention for what is highest and best for all versus logic so be open to all possibilities when it comes to creative solutions and/or negotiations and allow your creative minds to flow and your imagination play in harmony together.

If you need further advice on negotiation and creative solutions we have extensive information and resources in our Counsellor in a Box Home Study Relationship Program @ http://www.counsellorinabox.com

Wishing You All The Best,

Melody Chase


Do You Want to Save, Improve or Repair Your Relationship? We Have a Free 7 part E-Course, Free Video Tutorials & Free Tips For You ! Visit us @ http://www.counsellorinabox.com/FreeVideos.html

Unavailability: The Silent Relationship Enemy – Part One

We often have clients who come in to see us for relationship advice and counselling because their partner/ love interest appears to be into them, attracted and/or in love with them yet is never available. Our clients always seem to be fighting for their partner/love interest’s time and attention.

If you are one of these baffled people like these clients, I have created the following two part article to assist you in two areas in particular.

In the 1^st area or Part 1 of our series I will list the 6 types of availability so you can see which area or areas that you or your partner may not be available in and in Part 2 I will give you some suggestions as to what to do about your situation now since you are aware that there is in fact an issue of unavailability going on in your relationship.

Part One: 6 Types of Availability

At our Centre For Life Management and in our Love By Design Book (http://www.lovebydesignbook.com ) we talk about 6 types of Availability in a relationship.

Knowing what they are will help you to understand what they are and accept that they are real as well as at a bare minimum acknowledge that there is an issue that needs to be addressed in your relationship.

The 6 types of availability in a relationship are as follows: (I will include examples of “unavailability” for each of them)

1) Geographic – Your partner/love interest lives in a different city, town, location etc.

2) Social – Your partner/love interest is married or dating or living with someone else

3) Emotional – Your partner/love interest is shut down and can't deal with situations, emotions and affection

4) Physical – Your partner/love interest is not affectionate or he/she cannot do anything or go out because of illness or other reasons

5) Sexual - Your partner/love interest can't or won’t have sex with you

6) Mentally – Your partner/love interest is not on the same page - no form of communication connects with him/her

As I mentioned, in Part Two we will be discussing what to do now since you are aware of yours and your partner’s unavailability.

Warm Regards,

Melody Chase

Do You Want to Save, Improve or Repair Your Relationship? We Have a Free 7 part E-Course, Free Video Tutorials & Free Tips For You! Visit us @ http://www.counsellorinabox.com/FreeVideos.html

Power Struggle Quiz – Are You Aware Of What Is Really Eating Away At Your Relationship?

In many of my books and articles I talk about hidden powerstruggles in relationships and how if you are not aware of the hidden powerstruggles that they will eat away at your relationship and cause a build up of anger, frustration and resentment for both you and your partner.

So I created this Power Struggle Quiz to help bring to light some of the common powerstruggles of relationships that couples often have.

These power struggles often occur because both partners don’t realize that they are both unique individuals so they assume that what they like or want would be the same as their partner therefore they would never have thought to ask their partner whether they may have different likes, needs or views.

If you take the quiz and find out that you and your partner do have powerstruggles that were hidden, this does not mean that you are incompatible with each other, it just means that now that you are aware of what is really going on you can set to work at creating negotiations and creative solutions to assure that everyone gets their needs met without the conflict of the hidden powerstruggles.

At the bare minimum you will at least be aware of what is causing the powerstruggle so you can prepare yourself and choose healthier options other than reacting with anger or frustration or carrying out control dramas to try and get your needs met.

To take the quiz, have you and your partner take the quiz separately then compare notes and see how much (if any) hidden powerstruggles (answers that you and your partner do not match up on).

You can write your answers on a piece a paper or print the quiz out.

1) What does a relationship mean to you? (Circle as many as apply)

a) Relationships are about Survival: Two people banding together and pooling resources to get through life.
b) Relationships are about Learning and Expansion: People who believe in this definition believe that a relationship is an opportunity to expand themselves and their consciousness.
c) Safety and Security: People with this mindset believe that a relationship is a place of refuge, a place to feel safe and protected from the rest of the world.
d) Relationships are for Emotional Support: People who believe in this definition believe that a relationship is a place to feel supported and express one’s feelings and experiences.

2) How Do You Feel Cared For By Your Partner? (Circle all that apply)

a) When your partner is attentive towards you.
b) When your partner does things and activities with you.
c) When your partner does things for you when asked.
d) When your partner does things for you on his/her own initiative without you asking.
e) When your partner talks with you.
f) When your partner understands you.
g) When your partner reads your mind.
h) When you partner is physically affectionate towards you.
i) When your partner protects you/has your back.
j) When your partner compliments you.
k) When you partner speaks kindly towards you.
l) When your partner buys things for you.
m) When your partner makes you things i.e. builds you something or cooks or bakes.
n) When your partner emotionally supports you.
o) When your partner validates you in any area i.e. emotions, thinking, beliefs, perceptions etc.
p) When your partner respects your space and independence.
q) When your partner respects your values i.e. family centred, work centred, friend centred etc (this includes being relationship-centred too).
r) When your partner loves you unconditionally – loves you for being you.

3) Is there a Captain of the Ship? Who Makes The Final Decisions in Your Relationship?

a) You in charge
b) Your partner in charge
c) Both of you equally in charge
d) Neither of you are in charge

4) If you are equally in charge, does that mean … (you can skip this question if it doesn’t apply)

a) All final decisions are decided equality between the two you always.
b) Certain situations your partner can override you and make the final decision
c) Certain situations you can override your partner and make the final decision.

5) What does a ‘relaxing evening’ at home the majority of the time mean to you regardless of what your partner is doing or wants to do? (You can pick more than one, but keep in mind what you would like to do MOST OFTEN)

a) Snuggle on the couch watching t.v. together with your partner.
b) Some alone time (without your partner or kids) whether that is watching t.v., taking a nap, going on the computer, tinkering in the garage, playing a video game, doing a hobby or chore, reading a book, cooking or baking alone etc.
c) Doing chores together with your partner i.e. cleaning up the garage together, vacuuming together, tending the garden together, cooking together, doing dishes together etc.
d) Playing a board game, reading or playing videogames or playing cards together with your partner.
e) Going for a walk or drive together, going out for dinner, to a movie, sports game etc together (just the two of you).
f) Going for a walk or drive, dinner, a movie, sports game etc with you kids, relatives, friends and your partner all together.
g) Going for a walk or drive, dinner, a movie, sports game etc with you kids, relatives, friends without your partner.
h) Sitting and chatting together with your partner.
i) Chatting with other people other than your partner i.e. with kids, parents, siblings or friends.
j) Sitting on the porch or in the yard watching the sunrise or set, watching the stars, nature or the weather with your partner only.
k) Sitting on the porch or in the yard watching the sunrise or set, watching the stars, nature or the weather by yourself without your partner.
l) Sitting on the porch or in the yard watching the sunrise or set, watching the stars, nature or the weather with others like kids, relatives and friends along with your partner.
m) Planning the future and setting goals together with your partner.
n) Planning the future and setting goals by yourself without your partner.

If your partner is not interested in doing the quiz when you are doing yours, be creative such as when your partner isn’t busy ask for his/her answers to the quiz verbally, send the quiz to him/her via email or leave the quiz with him/her to answer when he/she feels like it and you will compare and total the answers yourself.

As long as you have the answers you, yourself can take the next step of coming up with creative negotiations and solutions to yours and your partner’s powerstruggles and incompatibilities and at the very least you have a heads-up and awareness of the potential of powerstruggles so you have choice as to how you choose to act or react since in the big picture it takes two to tango.

For more information on Hidden Powerstruggles, Creative Negotiation and Creative Solutions for Relationship Success check-out our Counsellor in a Box Home Study Relationship Program @ http://www.counsellorinabox.com

Warm Regards,

Melody Chase

Want 2 Save, Improve or Repair Your Relationship? We have a free 7 part e-course, free video tutorials & free tips for you ! Visit us @ http://www.counsellorinabox.com/FreeVideos.html

Is Your Partner A Male Diva? 7 Ways To Give Your Expressive Husband or Boyfriend What He Wants In The Way He Wants It – Part 1

It’s hard out there for an Expressive Male sometimes. An Expressive Personality Type is one of 4 main types of personalities that we use at our LMC Relationship Centre.

The following is just a brief explanation of the Expressive Personality Type, for an extensive understanding of Expressives or to learn about the rest of the personality types, check out our Counsellor in a Box Home Study Program at http://www.counsellorinabox.com/

In a nutshell Expressive Personality Type People are emotionally based, love people, are dominant and friendly, love appreciation, approval, centre stage, are charming, humorous, fun, have excellent people skills and change their minds a lot

Every personality type has top values that they live by and that are requirements for them to feel happy, fulfilled and loved.

For an Expressive personality his/her top values are freedom, fun and to be loved for whom he/she is.

High Expressives or Pure Expressive people who are not combined with any of the other personality types may often come across as “Divas” especially to people who do not understand them and/or to people who are not giving Expressives what they want in the way that they want it.

Society as a whole know how to deal with Female Expressives because it is more common for women to be emotionally expressive and they are often allowed to be doted on and treated like a princess or a diva.

But what do you do if you are a Male Expressive? What do you do when the majority of society expects the male in the relationship to be the stable, logical, “strong as a rock partner” instead of the fun-loving, freedom and attention seeking, wearing their heart on their sleeve puppy dog Expressive Male?

Sure many people out there are seeking a more balanced male blend of both female and male qualities in a male partner, but the reality is Male Expressives were designed to be “Divas” with an entourage - surrounded by people who love and take care of them.

Powerstruggles often occur between the Male Expressive and his female partner and a shutdown of emotions caused by the anger, frustration, disappointment, and resentment, even depression on the part of the Male Expressive’s partner often occurs because the female partner’s vision of her Expressive male partner isn’t measuring up to her expectations of what “a traditional male partner” is suppose to be like.

The female partner may also have an unhappy, tantrum prone and often depressed Expressive Male partner on her hands who is reacting to not getting his needs met from her.

Chances are the Male Expressive is not getting his needs met because the female partner doesn’t understand him or doesn’t want to give him what he wants if she did know because she has no energy left because she is not getting her needs met from all the powerstruggles, deficiencies and toxicities going on in the relationship.

The solution, as we say at our LMC Relationship Centre is that any successful relationship is all about a mutual fulfilling of needs and giving your partner what he/she wants in the way he/she wants it.

If a mutual fulfilling of needs is not happening in your relationship, someone has the get the ball rolling or else the relationship will continue being nothing but powerstruggles and frustrated desires.

For this article, let’s explain how to give your Expressive Male want he wants in the way he wants it first, he is actually quite easy to please when you key in on how to do so.

This way, when at least one partner is getting their needs met it highly increases the process of negotiation and learning how to work with each other’s incompatibilities, because one partner will no longer be fighting tooth and nail for what they want and will be open to helping the other partner because they will be relieved and appreciate finally getting some of their needs met in the relationship.

Due to the length of this topic, I’ve decided to make this article into a 7 part series, so for today, here is way #1):

1) I’m So Happy/ You Are My Hero: Males in a relationship want to be the hero and want to make their partner happy.

Expressive Males especially need to feel this order to feel good about themselves and to feel loved by their partner.

This is because often the Male Expressive does not get complimented for doing things that other “traditional males do” because they do not normally do those things or those things do not come naturally to them, so it is more of a struggle for them where as it is something that is second nature or taken for granted by “a traditional male”. This can lead to low self-esteem and low self-worth.

So even if you are the female and wear the pants in the household, it is still important to make your Expressive Male partner feel like he is doing all he can do for you (even if he doesn’t in your opinion).

So if saying something like “You are my hero” is too cheesy for you, try something like “I’m so happy that you took out the garbage (even if he missed half the garbage in the house).

Since I am a little bit Expressive myself, I thought I would have fun and not tell you what Part Two will be in about – it’s a surprise and you will just have to come back in a week or two for our next post to find out what it is.

Wishing You Fun, Freedom and Love,

Melody Chase

Are you in a committed relationship and are looking for communication tools so you can have that happy and harmonious relationship you have always envisioned? Check out our Counsellor in a Box Relationship Home Study Program at http://www.counsellorinabox.com/