Power Struggle Quiz – Are You Aware Of What Is Really Eating Away At Your Relationship?

In many of my books and articles I talk about hidden powerstruggles in relationships and how if you are not aware of the hidden powerstruggles that they will eat away at your relationship and cause a build up of anger, frustration and resentment for both you and your partner.

So I created this Power Struggle Quiz to help bring to light some of the common powerstruggles of relationships that couples often have.

These power struggles often occur because both partners don’t realize that they are both unique individuals so they assume that what they like or want would be the same as their partner therefore they would never have thought to ask their partner whether they may have different likes, needs or views.

If you take the quiz and find out that you and your partner do have powerstruggles that were hidden, this does not mean that you are incompatible with each other, it just means that now that you are aware of what is really going on you can set to work at creating negotiations and creative solutions to assure that everyone gets their needs met without the conflict of the hidden powerstruggles.

At the bare minimum you will at least be aware of what is causing the powerstruggle so you can prepare yourself and choose healthier options other than reacting with anger or frustration or carrying out control dramas to try and get your needs met.

To take the quiz, have you and your partner take the quiz separately then compare notes and see how much (if any) hidden powerstruggles (answers that you and your partner do not match up on).

You can write your answers on a piece a paper or print the quiz out.

1) What does a relationship mean to you? (Circle as many as apply)

a) Relationships are about Survival: Two people banding together and pooling resources to get through life.
b) Relationships are about Learning and Expansion: People who believe in this definition believe that a relationship is an opportunity to expand themselves and their consciousness.
c) Safety and Security: People with this mindset believe that a relationship is a place of refuge, a place to feel safe and protected from the rest of the world.
d) Relationships are for Emotional Support: People who believe in this definition believe that a relationship is a place to feel supported and express one’s feelings and experiences.

2) How Do You Feel Cared For By Your Partner? (Circle all that apply)

a) When your partner is attentive towards you.
b) When your partner does things and activities with you.
c) When your partner does things for you when asked.
d) When your partner does things for you on his/her own initiative without you asking.
e) When your partner talks with you.
f) When your partner understands you.
g) When your partner reads your mind.
h) When you partner is physically affectionate towards you.
i) When your partner protects you/has your back.
j) When your partner compliments you.
k) When you partner speaks kindly towards you.
l) When your partner buys things for you.
m) When your partner makes you things i.e. builds you something or cooks or bakes.
n) When your partner emotionally supports you.
o) When your partner validates you in any area i.e. emotions, thinking, beliefs, perceptions etc.
p) When your partner respects your space and independence.
q) When your partner respects your values i.e. family centred, work centred, friend centred etc (this includes being relationship-centred too).
r) When your partner loves you unconditionally – loves you for being you.

3) Is there a Captain of the Ship? Who Makes The Final Decisions in Your Relationship?

a) You in charge
b) Your partner in charge
c) Both of you equally in charge
d) Neither of you are in charge

4) If you are equally in charge, does that mean … (you can skip this question if it doesn’t apply)

a) All final decisions are decided equality between the two you always.
b) Certain situations your partner can override you and make the final decision
c) Certain situations you can override your partner and make the final decision.

5) What does a ‘relaxing evening’ at home the majority of the time mean to you regardless of what your partner is doing or wants to do? (You can pick more than one, but keep in mind what you would like to do MOST OFTEN)

a) Snuggle on the couch watching t.v. together with your partner.
b) Some alone time (without your partner or kids) whether that is watching t.v., taking a nap, going on the computer, tinkering in the garage, playing a video game, doing a hobby or chore, reading a book, cooking or baking alone etc.
c) Doing chores together with your partner i.e. cleaning up the garage together, vacuuming together, tending the garden together, cooking together, doing dishes together etc.
d) Playing a board game, reading or playing videogames or playing cards together with your partner.
e) Going for a walk or drive together, going out for dinner, to a movie, sports game etc together (just the two of you).
f) Going for a walk or drive, dinner, a movie, sports game etc with you kids, relatives, friends and your partner all together.
g) Going for a walk or drive, dinner, a movie, sports game etc with you kids, relatives, friends without your partner.
h) Sitting and chatting together with your partner.
i) Chatting with other people other than your partner i.e. with kids, parents, siblings or friends.
j) Sitting on the porch or in the yard watching the sunrise or set, watching the stars, nature or the weather with your partner only.
k) Sitting on the porch or in the yard watching the sunrise or set, watching the stars, nature or the weather by yourself without your partner.
l) Sitting on the porch or in the yard watching the sunrise or set, watching the stars, nature or the weather with others like kids, relatives and friends along with your partner.
m) Planning the future and setting goals together with your partner.
n) Planning the future and setting goals by yourself without your partner.

If your partner is not interested in doing the quiz when you are doing yours, be creative such as when your partner isn’t busy ask for his/her answers to the quiz verbally, send the quiz to him/her via email or leave the quiz with him/her to answer when he/she feels like it and you will compare and total the answers yourself.

As long as you have the answers you, yourself can take the next step of coming up with creative negotiations and solutions to yours and your partner’s powerstruggles and incompatibilities and at the very least you have a heads-up and awareness of the potential of powerstruggles so you have choice as to how you choose to act or react since in the big picture it takes two to tango.

For more information on Hidden Powerstruggles, Creative Negotiation and Creative Solutions for Relationship Success check-out our Counsellor in a Box Home Study Relationship Program @ http://www.counsellorinabox.com

Warm Regards,

Melody Chase

Want 2 Save, Improve or Repair Your Relationship? We have a free 7 part e-course, free video tutorials & free tips for you ! Visit us @ http://www.counsellorinabox.com/FreeVideos.html

Relationship Quiz

Do You Know What Your Partner Wants? What They Really, Really Want?

All relationships are what we at the Centre For Life Management/ LMC Relationship Centre call a mutual fulfillment of needs. A mutual fulfillment of needs means that in order to have a successful and functional relationship, we need to give our partner what he/she wants, in the way that he/she truly wants it.

However what often happens is that we give our partners what WE think our partner would want in the way WE would want it not knowing that everyone, including our partners are unique people with their own needs, wants and requirements.

Let’s use a married couple by the name of Nick and Nancy as an example. Nick would feel cared for by being financially provided for and by being given material things like clothes and nice cars. He thinks that is how Nancy would feel cared for as well, so Nick works overtime, is rarely at home and gives it his all to provide money and nice material things for his wife. Nick is very proud of how hard he is working to show Nancy how he cares for her.

Nancy however, unbeknownst to Nick, actually feels cared for when someone spends time and centres their full attention on her. So even though Nick is trying to show her how much he cares for her in the way he thinks she would because they how he likes to be cared for, she is not aware of this.

Nancy is lonely and feeling uncared for because Nick is working all the time, so she complains to him that she doesn’t feel like he cares for her or wants to care for her.

Nick, totally taken aback whenever she complains, complains right back at her by saying of course he cares for her, look how he’s working so hard to give her what she wants.

Nancy tries explaining to him, that she doesn’t want material things, she just wants him to spend time and pay attention to her. Nick doesn’t understand why she would want that, because he sure wouldn’t want that, and Nancy doesn’t understand that he is trying show her that he cares, because she can’t understand why anyone would want material things.

So hopefully you get the point of how important it is to truly know what you partner needs, wants and requirements are.

Instructions

The following is a quiz for you and your partner to take. How it works is that without looking at each other’s answers, you answer Quiz A, and your partner will answer Quiz B.

When both of you are done, you can check how many of your answers you got right by comparing your Quiz A answers to your partner’s answers from Quiz B. Then if you like, your partner can then take Quiz A, and you can answer Quiz B in order to see if your partner knows what your needs, wants and requires are as well. There is no scoring system because there can be more than one answer per question, the quiz’s main purpose is to be able to see how well you know you partner, and an opportunity to learn something about your partner that you may or may not have known before.

QUIZ A – Do You Know What Your Partner Really Wants?

1) How Does Your Partner Feel Loved? (You can circle more than one answer)

a) By being touched, such as hug, being caressed, kissed, holding hands, or by placing a hand on his/her knee, back or shoulder.
b) By being told they are loved.
c) By receiving gifts or having things done for them.
d) By being understood.

2) How Does Your Partner Give or Show Love? (You can circle more than one answer.)

a) By being touched, such as hug, being caressed, kissed, holding hands, or by placing a hand on his/her knee, back or shoulder.
b) By being told they are loved.
c) By receiving gifts or having things done for them.
d) Being understood.

3) How Does Your Partner Feel Cared For? (For example does your partner feel cared for when he/she is provided with material things, when your partner is paid attention to, when you think of your partner before you make decisions, when you are thoughtful or do things for your partner without him/her having to ask you first etc.)

4) How Does Your Partner Show That They Care?

5) In Order For Your Partner To “Get In The Mood” Which Of The Following Would Get Their Fire Started? (You can circle more than one answer)

a) Being touched such as kissed, hugged, caressed etc.
b) Being talked to or having you whisper in his/her ear.
c) You dressing up, doing a little striptease or you providing a romantic scene like candles or rose peddles on the bed.
d) Have a deep philosophical discussion with you.
e) Being exposed to their favorite scents such as a scented candle, perfume or cologne.

6) What Is The Main Reason Why Your Partner Would Go On A Vacation - Is It For: (You can circle as many as applies)

1) The Food
2) The People
3) The Music
4) The Shopping
5) The Traveling
6) The Scenery/Sightseeing
7) Getting To Talk With You
8) Exploring New Places/New Cultures
9) What He/She Learns/Learning Something New
10)Spending Alone Time With You
11) Playing Sports/Doing Activities With You
12)Spending Time Relaxing, Resting/and or Lounging

7) How Would Your Partner Celebrate His/Her Birthday If They Could Plan Their Own Birthday? (You can circle as many as applies)

1) Celebrate With a Birthday Cake.
2) Going Out For Dinner.
3) Going Out To A Movie.
4) Going Out To a Sporting Event.
5) Staying In and Renting Movies With You.
6) Celebrating With Family and Friends.
7) Having a night of passion with you.
8) Going Out To a Night Club.
9) Going for a walk and talk.
10) Just sitting around and talking.


QUIZ B – What Do You Want? (Have Your Partner Answer This Quiz)

1) How Do You Feel Loved? (You can circle more than one answer)

a) By being touched, such as hug, being caressed, kissed, holding hands, or by placing a hand on his/her knee, back or shoulder.
b) By being told they are loved.
c) By receiving gifts or having things done for them.
d) By being understood.


2) How Do You Show Love? (You can circle more than one answer.)

a) By being touched, such as hug, being caressed, kissed, holding hands, or by placing a hand on his/her knee, back or shoulder.
b) By being told they are loved.
c) By receiving gifts or having things done for them.
d) Being understood.


3) How Do You Feel Cared For? (For example do you feel cared for when your partner provides you with material things, when your partner pays attention to you, when your thinks of you before they make decisions, when your partner is thoughtful or does things for you without you to having to ask first etc.)

4) How Do You Show That You Care For Your Partner?

5) In Order For You To “Get In The Mood” Which Of The Following Would Get Your Fire Started? (You can circle more than one answer)

a) Being touched such as kissed, hugged, caressed etc.
b) Being talked to or having you whisper in your ear.
c) You dressing up, doing a little striptease or you providing a romantic scene like candles or rose peddles on the bed.
d) Have a deep philosophical discussion with you.
e) Being exposed to their favorite scents such as a scented candle, perfume or cologne.

6) What Is The Main Reason Why You Would Go on a Vacation, Is It For: (You can circle as many as applies)

1) The Food
2) The People
3) The Music
4) The Shopping
5) The Traveling
6) The Scenery/Sightseeing
7) Getting To Talk With You
8) Exploring New Places/New Cultures
9) What He/She Learns/Learning Something New
10) Spending Alone Time With You
11) Playing Sports/Doing Activities With You
12) Spending Time Relaxing, Resting/and or Lounging

7) How Would You Celebrate Your Birthday If You Could Plan Your Own Birthday? (You can circle as many as applies)

1) Celebrate With a Birthday Cake.
2) Going Out For Dinner.
3) Going Out To A Movie.
4) Going Out To a Sporting Event.
5) Staying In and Renting Movies With You.
6) Celebrating With Family and Friends.
7) Having a night of passion with you.
8) Going Out To a Night Club.
9) Going for a walk and talk.
10) Just sitting around and talking.

So how did you and your partner do? If you already know your partner really, really wants – Congratulations! If there were new things that you learned about your partner and that your partner learned about you, congratulations is in order as well, because as we mentioned at the beginning of the article, relationships are all about and giving your partner what they want in the way they want it, and the more you know about your partner, the more easily both of you will be able to continue in having a successful, happy and fulfilling relationship.

For more information and examples of how you and your partner are unique as well as strategies to improve your relationship, check out our new Home Study E- book Program Counsellor In A Box at http://www.counsellorinabox.com/.

Melody Chase