Start Your Relationship Anew For Valentine’s Day!

Are you and your partner having relationship difficulties and the last thing on your mind that you feel like doing is celebrating Valentine’s Day?

Well, I may have a suggestion as to how and why to celebrate Valentine’s Day in a way like you may never have thought of before.

If you are having relationship difficulties and you feel like your relationship has ground to a stand-still – why not use Valentine’s Day as an opportunity to re-start or start your relationship anew and see your romantic night out or cozy night at home together as the very first date of your new relationship and life together.

At our Centre For Life Management/LMC Relationship Centre we talk about how often when couples have a lot of deficiencies or toxicities in their relationship that after a while all the life gets sucked out of the relationship and the relationship starts spiraling down until it comes to a standstill and there is no where else for the relationship itself to go like a spiral circling inwards.

So what happens when you have no where else to go in the center of the Spiral? Your only choice is to turn around and start traveling outwards and the benefit of this is that a spiral going outwards has room to spiral out to infinity.

A Relationship has this same opportunity when the couple realizes that the direction and choices that they are making in the relationship is taking them to a dead end so all they have to do to start over is to do the opposite of whatever they are currently doing and choosing to do.

The best way to get this process started is by bringing the old relationship including the rules, agreements, expectations and habits to an end in order to start a fresh, clean foundation upon which to create new rules, agreements, expectations/preferences and habits that are functional, life enhancing, inspiring and creates a mutual fulfillment of needs for both partners since relationships are a mutual fulfillment of needs.

Another benefit of ending the original relationship as well is that no one can blame their partners anymore for what they are not getting or getting too much of in the relationship since the old ways are no longer in effect.

Your relationship is a brand new relationship, so just as you wouldn’t bring the baggage or issues about an Ex into your new relationship, you no longer need to bring up and focus on the issues of the past with your partner, unless it can be used as a contrast effect or as a sign-post towards what you do want in your new relationship or simply for healing or closure purposes otherwise the past is the past and you have a brand new relationship to create together.

So why use Valentine’s Day as a launching pad or starting point for your new relationship?

You want to symbolically and energetically release your old relationship so what better symbolic celebration than one that is based on the promise of everlasting love and hope of the relationship and life of your dreams as well as the celebration of the love you already share with your partner – past, present and future.

So some suggestions for closing of the old relationship and beginning of a new one are:

Making a toast over dinner – toasting to the end of the old relationship and a toast to the new relationship and new beginnings.

Replacing your old set of rings with a new set of rings,

Writing on a piece of paper “Old Relationship” then ripping up, burying, burning and throwing the paper away and then write on a new piece of paper “New Relationship” and have both of you sign the paper then frame it or keep it with you all the time or throw out, bury, burn etc anything that has a symbolic meaning to the both of you and then choose something new to symbolize your new relationship.

Go for a walk together and crossover a bridge representing crossing over into a new relationship.

Re-write new vows and read them to each other.

Even renew your marriage or get remarried – anything that is creative, symbolic, meaningful and romantic for the two of you.

So the first step then is to end your old relationship, the 2nd is to celebrate the beginning of your new relationship.

From there you will begin your journey of discovery to find out what relationship systems work and are functional, healthy, and life enhancing for the two of you such as our Counsellor in a Box Relationship Home Study Program (http://www.counsellorinabox.com ) that helps couples to re-build their relationship based on a foundation created out of the understanding of the uniqueness of you and your partner and how to not only find out what each of your unique Requirements, Needs and Wants are but how to give these unique Requirements, Needs and Wants to your partner.

If you have any questions about how to end and/or begin the Rebuilding Process of your Relationship you can contact Dr. Robby or myself at relationshipcentre@shaw.ca

Warm Regards,

Melody Chase

Happy Valentine’s Day! Speaking of Valentine’s Day we are having a 50% Off Valentine’s Day Sale From Feb 14^th 9:00am EST to Feb 20 Midnight EST for Our Counsellor in a Box Relationship Home Study Program - Click On The Link Below To Purchase and/or For More Information: http://www.counsellorinabox.com

Toxic Communication: How To Tell If You Are A Toxic Communicator - Part Two

In Part One of our Toxic Communication: How To Tell If You Are A Toxic Communicator we discussed six ways of being a toxic communicator.

Now for Part Two let’s cover the next six ways of being a Toxic Communicator then I’ll give some suggestions on what to do if you are a Toxic Communicator yourself.

7) Negative Intent Implicator:

This is more of a feeling that your partner is going to pick up from you where you are basically accusing your partner of having a negative intent - this accusation is felt when you ask questions of your partner such as "When are you going to do___? Why aren't you doing _? Did you do this yet?

In these cases the underlying assumption is that you believe that your partner has no intent of doing what is being asked of him/her instead of being patient, trusting or giving him/her the benefit of the doubt.

Often you may be even more direct in blaming or accusing your partner by saying you did this or you didn't do that without checking things out first with open curiosity and the assumption that he/she has a positive intent and/or just waiting it out to see if he/she does what she or he has been asked, offered or agreed to do.

8) The Intensity Over-driver:

Check your body language, your level of emotional intensity, your tone and facial expression - basically are you too scary to have a conversation with? If you don't believe that any of these factors can make it an uncomfortable experience for your partner and your partner is just being overly sensitive then have your partner hold up a video camera towards you the next time you are in an intense discussion and then play back the video to get an idea of what it is like from the perspective of your partner.

9) Psychic Vampirism:

You may be a Psychic Vampire in the area of communication and not even know it. Psychic Vampires feel that they need to take other people's energy or at least prevent others from expressing their own energy thinking at some level that there is not enough energy to go around and that their partner is going to steal their energy if they don't steal their partner's energy first.

So the Psychic or Energy Vampire will use disempowerment, control dramas, aggressiveness and powerful negative emotions like guilt and shame to break their partner down and not only take the wind out of their partner's sails but take this energy for themselves.

Most people are not aware that they are Psychic Vampires, they have picked it up from a competitive adversarial society and paradigm where there is a lack of resources and one must fight for the limited resources or else they will perish - it is a fight for life and survival even at the expense of someone they love.

So just to check, do you ever feel uncomfortable when your partner is happy and excited about something and is throwing out positive energy but once you verbally knock your partner down a few pegs you feel much more comfortable, at ease and invigorated? If so you may be a Psychic and /or energy vampire.

10)The Constant Complainer:

Every time you see your partner the first thing that pops out of your mouth is a complaint or something negative, this includes making noises such as sighs, grumbles and ouches.

These complaints can be about your partner, what you are thinking or feeling or something that happens to you or with others. Often it is so automatic the negativity doesn’t even match the situation. It is like your partner comes home and says “Hi” and your response is “Oh my back hurts” or “You didn’t take out the garbage”

In our Counsellor in a Box Relationship Home Study Course (http://www.counsellorinabox.com) we talk about the 7 Principles of Relationship Success and Principle #3 is about being Responsible For Having a Positive Emotional Upstate.

This is a Principle because too much negativity creates toxicity and impresses your partner to associate you with something that is negative and painful. People, including your partner will either want to move away from pain or move towards pleasure – either way it won’t be towards you if you are negative all the time.

This by the way is one of the major reasons why partners have affairs because they find someone who is pleasant and is in a positive upstate most of the time which is so much easier and enjoyable to be around.

11) The Invalidator/Mismatcher:

Often unconscious of what they are doing, this type of communicator is invalidating you in order to be right all the time or mismatching you because he/she is not interested in anyone’s information until he/she has had time to think it through and decide if he/she wants to agree or not.

If you are an Invalidator/Mismatcher, even if your partner’s facts are correct you are going to mismatch anyway - your partner would say “The Grass is Green” and you will say no it not, even if you know that your partner is correct - you just have to urge to disagree.

I know Mismatchers and they can be quite annoying, it will be like the Mismatcher will ask “Who is that actress that stars in Pretty Woman?”

I’ll answer by saying “Julia Roberts”

The Mismatcher will say “No… but she is also in Erin Brockovich.”

I’ll say “Yes, you mean Julia Roberts”

The Mismatcher will then say “No. Let me think, she was also in Mystic Pizza – I know Julia Roberts.”

I’ll say “That’s what I said Julia Roberts”

Does this sound familiar? Be honest.

12) The Ante-upper:

For Ante-uppers, they can’t seem to be satisfied with anything coming to a close or a finish, so it feels to their partner like a conversation or any area of discussion will never be finished.

If you are an Ante-upper your partner begins to feel discouraged and disheartened because there never seems to be an end in sight no matter what he/she does to resolve the issue at hand.

It would be like your partner says “I took the garbage out.”

You respond by saying “Yeah but you didn’t put the bag in and the garbage bins need to be organized.”

Or you complain all the time that your partner doesn’t listen, so now your partner is listening and your partner even says “I’m listening”

Your response is: “Yes, but now I need you to talk more.”

Part Three – If You Are a Toxic Communicator…

The main purpose of this article is awareness and understanding so you can recognize if you are a Toxic Communicator.

Now if you have discovered that you are Toxic Communicator here are a couple of suggestions for dealing with being a Toxic Communicator:

Give your partner the courtesy of saying that you would like to talk and that you need to clarify something then state the topic, give an estimated length of time for the talk and ask if it is a good time for the discussion.

If your partner says yes, honor both the time and the topic that you stated you are going to talk about and not switch topics.

If you want to change topics go through the same procedure again – say you have another topic you would like to discuss, state topic, length and then ask whether it is a good time to continue talking.

If you accidentally go off topic, admit to it, reset and go back to the originally agreed upon discussion first.

If you have to walk away or you are triggered, to prevent a control drama, admit to being triggered, explain that you love your partner; your intent is that you do want to continue the conversation at a later time when you have regrouped.

As well, take responsibility for being upset before going into the conversation, if you are upset go for a walk first, do something physical, breathe, drink water, make sure your blood sugar is good and you are well-fed and if you still can’t help being upset confess to it and own it versus blaming your partner for how you are feeling.

The another important thing that you need to do is find Functional, Successful, Healthy Forms of Communication to replace the dysfunctional, toxic ones such as the types of communication that we teach about in our Counsellor in a Box Relationship Home Study Program.

What makes our forms of communication special is that they are based on unconditional love, abundance and creativity instead of communication taught in our society’s competitive adversarial beliefs such as there is scarcity and not enough resources so everyone has to fight to survive and strive.

For more information about Toxic Communication, Toxic Communicators and what can be done to change what is often simply a habit of communication you can reach Dr. Robby or I at relationshipcentre@shaw.ca or check out our Counsellor in a Box Relationship Home Study Program at http://www.counsellorinabox.com

Warm Regards,

Melody Chase

Toxic Communication: How To Tell If You Are A Toxic Communicator – Part One

Does your partner seem to want to avoid having discussions with you at all costs? When you are about to start talking do you see your partner’s eyes fill with fear? Do you wonder why it’s like trying to pull teeth to get your partner to open up with you when you are attempting communication with him or her?

If any of these questions sound familiar it may be because you are a Toxic Communicator and you may not even know it.

Most people when they think about having conversations with their partner think that the conversation is simply an auditory experience.

However, the reality is conversations are also an intellectual, emotional, mental, physical and energetic event. There is much more than just what you can hear and see that is going on which is why any toxicity that is involved in a conversation can have multi-layered effects for all involved.

What makes it even more intense is if the person giving the toxicities has no idea what they are doing so they will end up using their toxic communication and if what they are trying to get across doesn’t seem to be working they will just unknowingly amp up the toxicity or switch to another toxic form of communication.

This can lead to severe communication issues as the partner on the receiving end of the toxicity begins to pull away, react or get defensive all the time and at the extreme end will be so overwhelmed by the toxicities that he/she will start looking elsewhere to get his/her needs met and end up having affairs or leaving his/her partner for someone who doesn’t have these toxic tendencies.

So it is a serious issue and it is no one’s fault if you are a toxic communicator, the best functional types of communication are not taught by society and most of the time people pick up bad habits and toxic ways of communicating from the competitive adversarial society they live in as well as from the family and social environment they grew up in. Often toxic communication can even be passed down from one generation to the next.

So the following are a list of different forms or types of toxic communication that Toxic Communicators use that not many people may have heard of or be aware of that is important to put a stop to in order to have a Functional and Successful Relationship in the area of communication:

1) The Bait and Switch:

You start off with a safe topic that you announce that you want to talk to your partner about so that your partner is open and ready to have this topic of discussion with you then you suddenly shift to another topic out of the blue causing your partner to be totally taken off balance, confused and off guard.

2) The No Win Situation Provider:

You have a no win situation of yours and regardless of whether your partner is involved or can do anything about this no win situation, you tell him or her anyway.

However you are so confused, in limbo and all over the map because of the no win situation that this puts your partner into a situation where his/her hands are tied and he/she is helpless to help you in anyway other than being able to listen and validate you - yet even though a Mensa member wouldn't be able to solve your situation in the current way you are looking at it you are expecting and demanding that your partner save you and solve your dilemma.

Worse yet, there may be times when you really don't want a solution or are not willing to do what is really needed to be done to resolve the situation so you just keep telling your partner about it so you can relieve stress.

So not only is this a lot of pressure on your partner it is toxic because your partner feels bad for your dilemma yet feels helpless to do anything about it - it is even more toxic if your partner is part of the no win situation.

3) The Spinner:

You spin by jumping to so many topics in rapid precession your partner is overwhelmed and confused and his/her head is spinning. Then if your topics of conversation involve negativity and personal attacks towards your partner it is like you are a machine gun hitting your partner with round after round of painfully toxic emotional, physical and energetic bullets.

4) The Drama King or Queen:

You use “control dramas” to keep control of the situation and conversation by reacting to anything that you don't like by bursting out crying, running away, going silent, back talking, sarcasm, invalidation, mismatching, changing topics and even eye rolling in order to keep control of what you want to talk about and to try and influence your partner.

5) The Ambusher:

Your partner is minding his or her own business and suddenly out of the blue you pounce and begin talking usually in an intense and upset manner - it's about as shocking to your partner as the shower scene at the end of the Psycho movie.

6) Subconscious Mind Influencer:

As with most of these toxic forms of communication people don't actually know what power they are having over people. For some people who come from the Competitive Adversarial Paradigm they just can feel that this technique works or they have used this technique successfully in the past, but in any case you may use Subconscious Mind Influencing Techniques that goes directly into your partner's mind practically forcing him/her to do things involuntarily or against his/her will.

Your partner may not know why you are having such an influence but after a while your partner begins to realize that he/she is vulnerable and easily influenced around you and will start to guard and protect him/herself by avoiding having discussions with you.

So examples of Subconscious Mind wording and influencing include "you should" "you ought" and “aren't you going to do_ and _?”

In Part Two of our Toxic Communication: How To Tell If You Are A Toxic Communicator we will be revealing another six types of toxic communication as well as offering some suggestions as to what to do if your discover you are a in fact a Toxic Communicator.

Warm Regards,

Melody Chase

Want To Save Your Relationship? We have a free e-course, free video tutorials & free tips For You @ http://www.counsellorinabox.com/FreeVideos.html

Can Your Relationship Be Saved After Your Partner’s Midlife Crisis?

It is hard enough recovering, healing and regaining trust with your partner when he or she cheated on you but it becomes even harder if your partner has a midlife crisis and has left you for a period of time to be with someone else.

During the time of the midlife crisis you feel betrayed and abandoned, your partner doesn’t seem to care judging by his or her actions, everyone around you is mortified that your partner is doing this to you and your friends and family are hell-bent on making sure you don’t take your partner back ever.

The whole mid-life crisis seems so dark in nature and irreversible it almost seems impossible to even justify taking your partner back.

Yet there is something in your heart and soul that is telling you to hang in there and keep the eternal flame of your relationship lit.

Yet you wonder is it truly possible to have a future with your partner after so much potential damage has been done?

The answer is Yes – there are couples who have recovered from the mid-life crisis – the partner had to discover for him or her self what was truly in his or her heart and discover what was causing the emptiness in his or her life.

So once he or she is back, your next question will be – so where do I go from here?

The following are some important suggestions on how to successfully repair and rebuild your relationship.

1) Learn About What Causes Toxicities and Deficiencies in Relationships.

It’s nothing personal but a relationship is a mutual fulfillment of needs plus we are unique individuals with unique needs and have unique ways upon how we would like our needs to be met.

So you may have done everything in your power to give your partner what you think he/she needs or your partner may have even told you what his/her needs are or your partner may not even know what his/her needs are but in any case you may have been missing the mark in the area of successfully giving your partner what he or she wants in the way he or she wants it.

So now is the time to learn all about how people are unique and in particular what your partner’s needs, wants and requirements are. You also need to find out how to communicate clearly with your partner, learn creative negotiation techniques to fill in compatibility gaps as well as learn healthy, functional, unconditional love based approaches to having a relationship with your partner.

When all these areas are put in place not only will this help repair your relationship, but maintain and create a foundation for a new relationship to be created for you and your partner.

2) End Your Old Relationship and Start a Fresh New Relationship:

The reality is the original relationship that you had with your partner is never going to be the same and needs to be rebuilt from the ground or foundation up.

So it is best for the both of you to bring you old relationship to a close – all rules, agreements and past issues brought to an end and start fresh a new relationship where everything is created together by the two of you in ways that will work best for the both of you.

You can symbolically end your old relationship by removing, burying, throwing away or burning something that represents your old relationship and/or renewing your vows and deciding on something such as ring or a memento to represent your new relationship.

3) Maintain Your Social Network of Supporters

All because you and your partner are working on putting your relationship back together doesn’t mean that you don’t need your family, friends or support groups anymore.

There are times when you are going to need to talk about unresolved hurts and there are times when you will need to talk to others about how rebuilding your relationship is going so although you may be totally wrapped up in repairing your relationship with your partner, always remember to keep people around in your life to share with other than your partner.

4) Give Each Others Space When Needed

There is going to be a part of you that will feel like you never want to leave your partner alone for a second especially when you are just learning to trust your partner again.

However the reality is both of you (yes, even your partner) has been through a very trying and traumatic experience so if you or your partner feel like you need a little space to breathe it is important to honour these feelings.

Like anything in life, quality time is more important then the quantity of time so when both you are more relaxed and have the freedom to go at one’s own pace much more progress will occur in the rebuilding and repairing of your relationship.

5) Laugh and Have Fun Together

Every new moment is a new gift to create love, fun and happiness together so don’t miss out on opportunities to build wonderful memories of your renewed relationship.

Laughing, having fun and playing together recaptures the innocence of your relationship as well as reconnects the bond that the two of you once shared.

Following these five suggestions will all help to heal and inspire you and your partner towards having a new relationship that is safe and loving and once again the two of you will be able to share your eternal flame together.

Warm Regards,

Melody Chase

For more information on repairing and rebuilding your relationship including learning about your partner’s uniqueness, mutual fulfillment of needs and functional Relationship Mastery Skills such as Communication and Creative Negotiation Techniques check-out our Counsellor in a Box Home Study Relationship Program @ http://www.counsellorinabox.com as well as our Free Relationship Advice and Relationship Video Tutorial Blog @ http://counsellorinabox.com/FreeVideos.html

How To Prep For The Reality That Your Partner Is Cheating

If you suspect your partner is cheating then you need to prepare yourself and not just jump into telling your partner because it is not just your partner who is going to get caught with their pants down.

You are about to step into the biggest upheaval of your life and although you will never be completely prepared for what is about to unfold, at least you can do the best you can to prepare.

So the following are some important things you must do:

1) Open a Separate Banking Account

Open a separate banking account and start putting money in just in case your partner wants to play dirty or tries to blackmail you especially if his/her girlfriend/boyfriend is in the picture.

2) Contact a Lawyer

Just as important, make sure to find a lawyer and talk to a lawyer to ensure that your lawyer is on top of everything legally for you and so you are aware of what your legal rights are.

3) Keep An Emergency Exit Plan

Keep money and change on you at all times and a bag packed in case you have to leave suddenly.

4) Step-up A Place To Stay

Find a place to stay e.g. friends, relatives, or a hotel and start setting up there so if you have to leave and you can’t get back in the house right away that you are comfortably set-up.

5) Prepare Friends and Family

Tell the people that you are going to have as your social network a head of time about the fact that you may be calling out your partner on his/her affair so that they can prepare and recover in time to help you during your time of needing support and encouragement.

6) Ensure Your Business Is Not Effected

If you work from home make sure you have internet access and whatever else you need to set-up shop if you are the one leaving – it is going to be hard enough as it is to work so the less complications the better.

7) Take Care of Yourself

Get lots of sleep, eat, take vitamins, exercise – you are going to need all the energy and good health.

8) Find a Support Counsellor

Search out and prepare to find a Support Counsellor for yourself and a Family Counsellor for your children. If it is a Midlife Crisis situation with your partner don’t even bother with the Marriage Counselling for now – just take care of yourself and your family.

9) Prepare Your Children

If you know your partner is cheating for sure, you can prepare your children by saying that you and your partner need a break from each others but it has nothing to do with them and both of you love them and they are safe – you and the children just will be visiting Grandma for a while and you will be telling your partner soon.

10) Promise Yourself To Keep Your Faith

Promise Yourself to keep your faith – whatever keeps you at a high level of vibration and unconditional love - promise yourself never to turn your back on this – this is going to be the light that is going to get your through the dark tunnel.

11) Remember To Still Live Your Life

Allow yourself to Still Dance, Be in Joy, Laugh and Love now and once the flood gates are open – you still have your life to live no matter what so embrace everything and live – don’t waste a moment of your life – it is still the only one you are living right now.

From a position of security, safety and support you can then decide which route your relationship is going from there.

If your partner wants you back and wants to repair your relationship then I would recommend our Counsellor in a Box Home Relationship Study Program (http://www.counsellorinabox.com) to help you rebuild your relationship on a new and stronger foundation.

If your partner is not interested in getting back together but you do I would recommend both our Counsellor in a Box Home Study Program and Cucan Pemo’s Retrieve a Lover System http://www.retrievealover.com which is about How To Get Your Lover Back and/or Stop Your Divorce.

Warm Regards,

Melody Chase

Want To Save Your Relationship? We have a free e-course, free video tutorials & free tips For You @ http://www.counsellorinabox.com/FreeVideos.html

Unavailability: The Silent Relationship Enemy – Part Two

Welcome back for Part Two of our Two Part series on Unavailability.

In Part One I talked about the 6 areas of availability in a relationship that a couple can be unavailable in.

Now for Part Two let’s discuss what to do now since you know that there is an issue of unavailability.

Part Two – Now What?

I have created the following 3 steps or suggestions on how to deal with issues of unavailability in your relationship.

1) Acknowledge That You or Your Partner/Love Interest is Unavailable

The first step is to see the elephant sitting in the middle of the room for what it is – you and/or your partner is unavailable in one or more ways of being unavailable.

This will give you a base to work with in order to deal with you issue which is now officially real versus being ignored or invisible.

2) Acknowledge The Possibility That You May Not Be Able To Get Your Needs Met With This Partner/Love Interest:

It is important to acknowledge that you may not be able to get your needs met with your partner/love interest if you choose to stay in the relationship with him/her and release all expectations in the relationship.

It is like the Serenity Prayer by Elizabeth Sifton "God, Give us the grace to accept with serenity the things that cannot be changed, Courage to change the things which should be changed, And the wisdom to distinguish the one from the other."

3) Develop a Plan To Bridge The Incompatibility Gaps:

In both our Love By Design (http://www.lovebydesignbook.com ) and Counsellor in a Box Relationship Home Study Program (http://www.counsellorinabox.com )

We talk about negotiation and creative solutions.

This is what is going to have to happen if you choose to stay in a relationship with an unavailable person.

Yes you can choose to accept your situation for what it is but keep in mind that you will not be getting your needs met so you will have to be at peace with this.

You can also leave the relationship if you and your partner/love interest chooses not to negotiate or come up with creative solutions.

However if you have chosen to negotiate and/or use creative solutions you will have to learn how to negotiate in ways that work best for the both of you since both of you are unique.

Even more important both you and your partner/love interest need to have an open mind and think outside of the box to come up with creative solutions that are win/win and are highest and best for both of you.

Your power lies in your intention for what is highest and best for all versus logic so be open to all possibilities when it comes to creative solutions and/or negotiations and allow your creative minds to flow and your imagination play in harmony together.

If you need further advice on negotiation and creative solutions we have extensive information and resources in our Counsellor in a Box Home Study Relationship Program @ http://www.counsellorinabox.com

Wishing You All The Best,

Melody Chase


Do You Want to Save, Improve or Repair Your Relationship? We Have a Free 7 part E-Course, Free Video Tutorials & Free Tips For You ! Visit us @ http://www.counsellorinabox.com/FreeVideos.html

Unavailability: The Silent Relationship Enemy – Part One

We often have clients who come in to see us for relationship advice and counselling because their partner/ love interest appears to be into them, attracted and/or in love with them yet is never available. Our clients always seem to be fighting for their partner/love interest’s time and attention.

If you are one of these baffled people like these clients, I have created the following two part article to assist you in two areas in particular.

In the 1^st area or Part 1 of our series I will list the 6 types of availability so you can see which area or areas that you or your partner may not be available in and in Part 2 I will give you some suggestions as to what to do about your situation now since you are aware that there is in fact an issue of unavailability going on in your relationship.

Part One: 6 Types of Availability

At our Centre For Life Management and in our Love By Design Book (http://www.lovebydesignbook.com ) we talk about 6 types of Availability in a relationship.

Knowing what they are will help you to understand what they are and accept that they are real as well as at a bare minimum acknowledge that there is an issue that needs to be addressed in your relationship.

The 6 types of availability in a relationship are as follows: (I will include examples of “unavailability” for each of them)

1) Geographic – Your partner/love interest lives in a different city, town, location etc.

2) Social – Your partner/love interest is married or dating or living with someone else

3) Emotional – Your partner/love interest is shut down and can't deal with situations, emotions and affection

4) Physical – Your partner/love interest is not affectionate or he/she cannot do anything or go out because of illness or other reasons

5) Sexual - Your partner/love interest can't or won’t have sex with you

6) Mentally – Your partner/love interest is not on the same page - no form of communication connects with him/her

As I mentioned, in Part Two we will be discussing what to do now since you are aware of yours and your partner’s unavailability.

Warm Regards,

Melody Chase

Do You Want to Save, Improve or Repair Your Relationship? We Have a Free 7 part E-Course, Free Video Tutorials & Free Tips For You! Visit us @ http://www.counsellorinabox.com/FreeVideos.html

Power Struggle Quiz – Are You Aware Of What Is Really Eating Away At Your Relationship?

In many of my books and articles I talk about hidden powerstruggles in relationships and how if you are not aware of the hidden powerstruggles that they will eat away at your relationship and cause a build up of anger, frustration and resentment for both you and your partner.

So I created this Power Struggle Quiz to help bring to light some of the common powerstruggles of relationships that couples often have.

These power struggles often occur because both partners don’t realize that they are both unique individuals so they assume that what they like or want would be the same as their partner therefore they would never have thought to ask their partner whether they may have different likes, needs or views.

If you take the quiz and find out that you and your partner do have powerstruggles that were hidden, this does not mean that you are incompatible with each other, it just means that now that you are aware of what is really going on you can set to work at creating negotiations and creative solutions to assure that everyone gets their needs met without the conflict of the hidden powerstruggles.

At the bare minimum you will at least be aware of what is causing the powerstruggle so you can prepare yourself and choose healthier options other than reacting with anger or frustration or carrying out control dramas to try and get your needs met.

To take the quiz, have you and your partner take the quiz separately then compare notes and see how much (if any) hidden powerstruggles (answers that you and your partner do not match up on).

You can write your answers on a piece a paper or print the quiz out.

1) What does a relationship mean to you? (Circle as many as apply)

a) Relationships are about Survival: Two people banding together and pooling resources to get through life.
b) Relationships are about Learning and Expansion: People who believe in this definition believe that a relationship is an opportunity to expand themselves and their consciousness.
c) Safety and Security: People with this mindset believe that a relationship is a place of refuge, a place to feel safe and protected from the rest of the world.
d) Relationships are for Emotional Support: People who believe in this definition believe that a relationship is a place to feel supported and express one’s feelings and experiences.

2) How Do You Feel Cared For By Your Partner? (Circle all that apply)

a) When your partner is attentive towards you.
b) When your partner does things and activities with you.
c) When your partner does things for you when asked.
d) When your partner does things for you on his/her own initiative without you asking.
e) When your partner talks with you.
f) When your partner understands you.
g) When your partner reads your mind.
h) When you partner is physically affectionate towards you.
i) When your partner protects you/has your back.
j) When your partner compliments you.
k) When you partner speaks kindly towards you.
l) When your partner buys things for you.
m) When your partner makes you things i.e. builds you something or cooks or bakes.
n) When your partner emotionally supports you.
o) When your partner validates you in any area i.e. emotions, thinking, beliefs, perceptions etc.
p) When your partner respects your space and independence.
q) When your partner respects your values i.e. family centred, work centred, friend centred etc (this includes being relationship-centred too).
r) When your partner loves you unconditionally – loves you for being you.

3) Is there a Captain of the Ship? Who Makes The Final Decisions in Your Relationship?

a) You in charge
b) Your partner in charge
c) Both of you equally in charge
d) Neither of you are in charge

4) If you are equally in charge, does that mean … (you can skip this question if it doesn’t apply)

a) All final decisions are decided equality between the two you always.
b) Certain situations your partner can override you and make the final decision
c) Certain situations you can override your partner and make the final decision.

5) What does a ‘relaxing evening’ at home the majority of the time mean to you regardless of what your partner is doing or wants to do? (You can pick more than one, but keep in mind what you would like to do MOST OFTEN)

a) Snuggle on the couch watching t.v. together with your partner.
b) Some alone time (without your partner or kids) whether that is watching t.v., taking a nap, going on the computer, tinkering in the garage, playing a video game, doing a hobby or chore, reading a book, cooking or baking alone etc.
c) Doing chores together with your partner i.e. cleaning up the garage together, vacuuming together, tending the garden together, cooking together, doing dishes together etc.
d) Playing a board game, reading or playing videogames or playing cards together with your partner.
e) Going for a walk or drive together, going out for dinner, to a movie, sports game etc together (just the two of you).
f) Going for a walk or drive, dinner, a movie, sports game etc with you kids, relatives, friends and your partner all together.
g) Going for a walk or drive, dinner, a movie, sports game etc with you kids, relatives, friends without your partner.
h) Sitting and chatting together with your partner.
i) Chatting with other people other than your partner i.e. with kids, parents, siblings or friends.
j) Sitting on the porch or in the yard watching the sunrise or set, watching the stars, nature or the weather with your partner only.
k) Sitting on the porch or in the yard watching the sunrise or set, watching the stars, nature or the weather by yourself without your partner.
l) Sitting on the porch or in the yard watching the sunrise or set, watching the stars, nature or the weather with others like kids, relatives and friends along with your partner.
m) Planning the future and setting goals together with your partner.
n) Planning the future and setting goals by yourself without your partner.

If your partner is not interested in doing the quiz when you are doing yours, be creative such as when your partner isn’t busy ask for his/her answers to the quiz verbally, send the quiz to him/her via email or leave the quiz with him/her to answer when he/she feels like it and you will compare and total the answers yourself.

As long as you have the answers you, yourself can take the next step of coming up with creative negotiations and solutions to yours and your partner’s powerstruggles and incompatibilities and at the very least you have a heads-up and awareness of the potential of powerstruggles so you have choice as to how you choose to act or react since in the big picture it takes two to tango.

For more information on Hidden Powerstruggles, Creative Negotiation and Creative Solutions for Relationship Success check-out our Counsellor in a Box Home Study Relationship Program @ http://www.counsellorinabox.com

Warm Regards,

Melody Chase

Want 2 Save, Improve or Repair Your Relationship? We have a free 7 part e-course, free video tutorials & free tips for you ! Visit us @ http://www.counsellorinabox.com/FreeVideos.html

How To Tell If Your Partner Will Cheat – Top 5 Signs That Your Partner Is The Cheating Kind.

Are you in a new relationship and not sure whether you can trust your partner or are you already in a relationship and your guts are telling you to keep a close watch on your partner?

As far as you can tell, your partner is not the type who would cheat, but you wonder how you can tell for sure if he/she has the potential within him/her to have an affair?

The good news is that there are some common traits to look out for when you are getting into a new relationship or when you are beginning to have doubts about the partner you are already in a serious relationship with.

The following are the Top 5 Signs That Your Partner is the Cheating Kind:

1) Character Disordered

Simply put, a person who lacks character is Character Disordered. Some people have been taught that this is how to get their way in life; others are Character Disordered simply because they can get away with it. Why they are the way they are doesn’t really matter here – what matters is that if your partner thinks he/she can get away with whatever he/she wants and is not interested in the welfare of others or the cause and effect of his/her behavior and decisions then there is nothing stopping your partner from cheating. Simple ways to tell if your partner is character disordered is that you will often hear your partner lying to other people or you catch him/her cheating when playing boardgames and he/she doesn’t appear to be sorry for what he/she is doing but rather proud and up for the challenge.

2) Super Pain Avoidant

Most people are either Pain Avoidant meaning their focus in life is to move away from pain or people are Pleasure Centred which means their focus in life is to move towards pleasure or are moved by pleasure. However people who Super Pain Avoidant or who cannot stand pain or conflict of any sort are prime candidates for cheating because they are to afraid to ask for what they want or communicate their needs. If Super Pain Avoiders are in enough pain from not getting their needs met over time they would rather risk the chance and have an affair then to risk the conflict of confronting or talking it out with their partners. It doesn’t sound like such a bright idea because of the potential of much greater and more intense conflict if they are caught, but Super Pain Avoiders are just interested in avoiding pain in the moment and the near future over all things including logic or examining the big picture of things. The way to recognize Super Pain Avoidance people are that they will avoid discussions at all costs, rarely tell the truth about what their requirements, needs, wants etc are and are extremely sensitive to conflict to a point where they will cringe or even run away in an uncomfortable situation.

3) Super Pleasure Centred

A Super Pleasure Centred person’s main focus is pleasure - like an addiction, pleasure comes first other people and their feelings come second. So if Super Pleasure Centred people see someone who is more pleasurable than their current partner in whichever way pleasurable means to them, they are going to be moved to seek out the more pleasurable person. It is not even anything personal - they are just being moved by their desire for pleasure. The way to recognize a Super Pleasure Centred person is that pleasure is all consuming in their life. A healthy person seeks out self-love which in turn creates pleasurable situations for themselves, but a Super Pleasure Centred person will feel to you like they are unbalanced and seeking pleasure unconsciously and in an overindulgent way.

4) Doesn’t Take Responsibility For Themselves

The problem with people who don’t take responsibility for themselves is that they have a tendency to blame others and feel unjustly wronged, resentful and revengeful towards others who are not giving them what they want in the way they want it which primes them towards having affairs with little reservation and a whole lot of justification for having the affair. For example “It’s my partner’s fault, if she didn’t hold back from giving me what I needed I wouldn’t have gone to another woman.” A tell-tale sign of a person who doesn’t take responsibility for themselves is that they will often be heard complaining and blaming everyone else in their life for what happens or doesn’t happen to them in their life.

5) Have Cheated in the Past

In an another article I wrote, I explained how if your partner has had an affair in the past whether it is with you or someone else, this is sign of the potential of your partner cheating again in the future. Yes, many people may cheat once and vow to never do it again and they don’t. However, for others especially the people who say that they would never have an affair in the first place, the fact that they were able to give in to the affair indicates that there is a point where they give in and if the temptation was strong enough to get them over the hump to cheat the first time around what is stopping them from an even stronger temptation to cheat once again?

Knowledge gives you the power to decide what to do in your relationship and even if your partner has the potential to cheat and hasn’t acted out on it, all of the above traits are issues that need to be addressed and/or resolved in order to have a healthy, functional relationship that will grow and expand for the rest of your lives.

There are always solutions and answers –gifts in disguise - for a happy relationship when issues are opened up to the light of knowledge and understanding of yours and your partner’s reality.

Melody Chase

Issues that have been discussed above are addressed in our Counsellor in a Box Relationship Home Study Program and as you may know by now we have our Official Launch Date for our Counsellor in a Box Relationship Home Study Program which is Jan 18^th 2009!

So if you are looking for more suggestions on how to heal, repair and rebuild your relationship, we encourage you to look into our Counsellor in a Box Relationship Home Study Program at www.counsellorinabox.com where we provide you with real-life, practical, proven solutions, support and resources to help you save your relationship.

Announcing Counsellor in a Box Official Launch Date!

We have an Official Launch Date for our Counsellor In a Box Relationship Home Study Program which is Jan 18th 2009!

We will send you a reminder as we get closer to the launch date.

As a review, the Counsellor in a Box Relationship Home Study Program is for you if:

• You are in a committed relationship and are looking for advice and tools to improve or strengthen your relationship and/or rekindle the spark in your relationship.
• If you or your partner have cheated and you are looking for ways to repair your relationship.
• You are looking for ways to get your lover back and keep him or her forever.

For More Information Check-out Our Counsellor in a Box Home Study Program Website at http://www.counsellorinabox.com

Happy New Year!

Melody Chase
Centre For Life Management
http://www.trueloveondemand.com
http://www.lovebydesignbook.com
http://www.counsellorinabox.com
http://www.drrobbyonline.com
Email: relationshipcentre@shaw.ca
(204) 475-0323

How To Get Over Being Cheated On

By Melody Chase

I have noticed that in many of my articles related to cheating and being cheated on, that the feedback from the readers’ comments are that one of the hardest parts about being cheated on is about the reader wanting to take his/her unfaithful partner back but the reader can’t because he/she just can’t get over what the unfaithful partner has done.

If this sounds like you, you probably already know that the reality is there are no easy solutions, but the following are three suggestions that may help you in your healing process:

1) Talk To Someone Who Knows How To Listen and Empathize With Your Feelings and What You Have Gone Through:

You have your friends who rally around you calling your unfaithful partner every negative name they can think of, you have your friends who will take you out so you will have fun and you have the friends who will sit silently with you or hug you while your cry (or “hug it out” for the guys) but you also need to find someone (a friend, family member or support counsellor) who can listen, validate and empathize with both your feelings and what you have been through in order to heal unresolved emotions.

It is the unresolved emotions of sadness, loss, resentment and betrayal that will keep you stuck in pain and in an unforgiving state.

2) Give Yourself Permission To Take The Time To Heal

Your unfaithful partner knows you are angry and untrusting right now, but if you are thinking about getting back together with your partner, you can not help but feel some pressure to move forward in your relationship even if your partner isn’t directly pressuring you.

The important thing is to stand your ground and take the time you need to heal and recover. If you get back together with your partner too soon or before you are ready any underlying resentment, anger, feelings of betrayal or loss of trust that hasn’t been healed is going to simmer underneath the surface instead of go away which does nothing but prolong your ability to heal what you have been through.

3) Appreciation Exercise:

If you and your unfaithful partner are thinking about getting back together but you cannot even look your partner in the face let alone in the eyes without re-living all the feelings of betrayal, anger and loss, then I would recommend doing the following Appreciation Exercise.

On a piece of paper write down 10 things that you appreciate about your partner, then read it back to yourself or even to your partner. Read the list often and add more to the list if you can think of anything else that you appreciate about your partner as you go along.

This exercise is designed to remind you of what originally attracted you to or kept you attracted to your partner before he or she cheated. This exercise also helps to impress you with positive associations of your partner to help override the negative associations when you see your partner in the present moment.

With the support from family and friends, taking one day at a time as well as following the suggestions above, you will be able to fully embrace your partner with love and trust once again.

If you are looking for more suggestions on how to heal, repair and rebuild your relationship, we encourage you to look into our Counsellor in a Box Relationship Home Study Program at www.counsellorinabox.com where we provide you with real-life, practical, proven solutions, support and resources to help you save your relationship.

Is Your Partner Cheating On You? 14 Signs To Determine Whether Your Partner is Having An Affair - Part 2

In Part 1 we covered the first 7 out of 14 signs to determine whether your partner is having an affair. Now in Part two we will cover the next 7 signs.

8) Your Partner's Explanations Of Where He/She Has Been Isn't Making Sense:

An example would be if your partner says he/she stopped off for a big grocery shop on the way home from work and that is why he/she is so late, yet your partner only came home with a few items.

9) Your Partner is Using More Gas and Mileage On Their Vehicle:

If your partner has the same routine everyday but there is a lot more miles on the speedometer and more gas being used up this is often a tell-tale sign of an affair.

10) Your Partner's Friends Don't See Your Partner As Often:

Your partner's friends don't know where your partner is most of the time or has not seen or got together with him or her as often anymore.

11) Spending Extra Time In Communications With Their Co-worker or Assistant:

This may be a sign if your partner has a business partner, co-worker or assistant, and your partner is having longer than normal conversations and are having more frequent communications whether that is in person, by phone, text or email etc with this person from work.

12) Your Partner Has a Business Partner, Co-worker or Assistant That They Talk About More Often or Never Mentioned Before:

Another sign is that if your partner has a business partner, co-worker, assistant or even a friend who your partner suddenly can't stop talking about or on the other end of the spectrum, your partner may have a new person at work that he/she works closely with and your partner never mentioned him or her to you before.

13) Your Partner's Sex Routine Has Changed:

Your partner is either too tired to have sex a lot more than usual or has sudden spontaneous urges to have more passionate than normal sex with you. Often your partner may go back and forth between being too tired and spontaneous as well.

14) Changes in Clothes or Appearance of Clothes:

No one wants to be paranoid but if you do have your suspicions that your partner is cheating, start paying attention to the little details of their clothes, for such things as markings or smells, or are they changing a lot or taking a lot of showers more than usual. Also look out for the subtle things like certain clothing items disappearing, or you find a pair of socks you never seen before or things like your partner keeps forgetting to put his/her wedding ring/band back on after your partner has taken it off.

Without a confession from your partner, getting directly caught in the act or hiring a private investigator, figuring out or getting a conformation of whether your partner is cheating or not is no easy task, but with as much information, knowledge and observation on your side, it will help in your final decision as to what to do.

Melody Chase

Have you reconized any of the signs of cheating in your partner? Are you looking for a way to prevent your partner from having an affair? Check out our Counsellor in a Box Home Study Program at www.counsellorinabox.com - everything you need to know to repair your relationship and create a passion filled relationship that you have always dreamed of - right at your fingertips.

Is Your Partner a Male Diva? Part Seven

Welcome to Part Seven or our Grande Finale of our Male Diva Series. In our last post we talked about the importance of having fun and creating an environment of fun for your Expressive Male. For our last part of our series, let’s discuss…

7) Knowing The Difference Between Disagreement and Disapproval:

Knowing the difference between disagreement and disapproval is so important to an Expressive, that I am just going to get Dr. Robby ( Director of the LMC Relationship Centre) to explain. The following is an excerpt from our Counsellor in a Box Home Study Program (http://www.counsellorinabox.com/)

Dr. Robby has the following to say about disapproval:

“Disagreement occurs on the mental or rational level. You may disagree with your partner’s choice of a tie. Or you may disagree with him being too tiredto go out after work.”

“Disapproval, on the other hand, occurs on the emotional level. Disagreement turns into disapproval when you start to withdraw emotionally from your partner.”

“Disapproval implies: ‘You did something I disagree with therefore, I can’t love you as much as before - so I am pulling away now.’ You disagree with your partner’s choice of a tie and then disapprove of him for making that choice and you turn off your love for him. It’s your disapproval of others that turns simple disagreements into big issues.”

“You can notice yourself changing from a disagreeing lover (healthy) to a disapproving lover (not healthy) when you catch yourself assigning negative qualities to your partner’s character: He is tacky, he lacks class, he is inconsiderate, he is overemotional, he is not understanding. When you move from evaluating the problem to evaluating the person, you are disapproving and not just disagreeing.”

“In successful relationships people accept one another. They do not necessarily agree with one another, but they have an acceptance, understanding and forgiveness.”

“Disapproval is based on criticism and judgment. Conditional love is based on approval. Unconditional love is based on acceptance.”

The major cause of conflict between two people is a lack of strong, positive emotional connection. So my (Dr. Robby’s) formula for dealing with conflict is:

1. Put the issue aside.

2. Reestablish your connection with your partner by dissolving the emotional tension.

3. Then go back to deal with the issue.

And of course keep in mind that you are in disagreement with your partner’s behavior or opinion – not your partner as a person. Keeping this last point in mind helps you from sliding over from Disagreement to Disapproval.

I have presented to you a lot of information to take in, so take your time and even just concentrate on one point or way at a time until you get used to it and then work on the next one. It will be worth it because you will see how happy and appreciative your Expressive partner will become.

Wishing You Fun, Freedom and Love,

Melody Chase

Are you in a committed relationship and are looking for communication tools so you can have that happy and harmonious relationship you have always envisioned? Check out our Counsellor in a Box Relationship Home Study Program at http://www.counsellorinabox.com

Is Your Partner a Male Diva? Part Six

Welcome to Part Six of our Male Diva Series. In our last post we talked about the importance of being your Male Diva’s #1 Cheerleader. Now for Part Six which is…

6) Have Fun – Create An Environment Of Fun: Expressives, (including Expressive males) middle name in “Fun”. They live and breathe for fun and it is one of their top values. So why not make the activities of daily life – fun?

For example - pealing potatoes? Make it fun, have the Potato Olympics where every time your partner peels potatoes, “time it” to see how long he takes (if there is skin still left on the potatoes, that’s o.k., it’s healthy for you.) Then the next time he peels, see if he beat his own personal time.

Cleaning? Put on his favorite music.

Got a cell phone? For no reason whatsoever just phone home while your still at home and get him to answer just to say “Hi”. In fact, just randomly call and say you miss him while you are out.

Watching T.V together? (Even if this normally bugs you) start commenting on the characters like you know them because Expressives just love people even people they don’t know.

There is no reason why we can’t be productive and have fun at the same time – in fact I have feeling that more productivity can be accomplished when people are having fun because everyone is more relaxed and more in the moment and aware of their surroundings.

For years, when I worked at a Marketing Research Firm, we were not allowed to do anything between phone-calls, not even doodle. One year the firm tried out a trial run where we were allowed to draw and read, do puzzles or write between calls and our productivity soared. Needless to say, we were allowed to do what we like between calls permanently after the trial was over.

Come back again for our Grande Finale of our 7 Part Male Diva Series.

Wishing You Fun, Freedom and Love,


Melody Chase

Are you in a committed relationship and are looking for communication tools so you can have that happy and harmonious relationship you have always envisioned? Check out our Counsellor in a Box Relationship Home Study Program at http://www.counsellorinabox.com

Is Your Partner a Male Diva? Part Five

Welcome to Part Five of our Male Diva Series. In our last post we talked about the importance of always empathizing with and validating your partner after your partner expresses how he feels. Now for Part Five which is…

5) Be Your Partner’s #1 Cheerleader in Public: Nothing devastates an Expressive more than being publicly humiliated – he just wants to be loved for who he is and he so definitely does not want to look bad in front of others.

So whatever you do don’t point out that his tie is crooked or there is BBQ sauce on his chin in front of others and don’t stand there with him in a group of mutual friends and start telling the funny story about how your partner stepped in a can of paint while painting the garage the other day. (This includes talking to your friends on the phone.)

Imagine that your partner is the President of the United States (o.k., even though right now you may be thinking – yeah right) and you are his Chief Press Secretary – your job is to raise him up and have people admire him for the wonderful person he is.

Come back again to find out what’s up for Part Six in our 7 Part Male Diva Series.

Wishing You Fun, Freedom and Love,



Melody Chase


Are you in a committed relationship and are looking for communication tools so you can have that happy and harmonious relationship you have always envisioned? Check out our Counsellor in a Box Relationship Home Study Program at http://www.counsellorinabox.com

Is Your Partner a Male Diva? Part Four

Welcome to Part Four of our Male Diva Series. In our last post we talked about allowing your partner their freedom whenever possible. Now for Part Four which is…

4) Always Empathize With and Validate Your Partner After Your Partner Expresses How He Feels: This can be naturally difficult thing to do if you are what is called a “mismatcher”, (where you will mismatch anything anyone says) or if you are a High Analytical personality which means you are into logic and truth.

Just to explain why you may mismatch -it allows you to stall and think about whatever a person says before you agree to it - even if your partner says the sky is blue, and you know it is, you will say “No it’s not” because you do not want to be influenced and fed any information until you are ready.

However learning how to empathize with and validate others before responding to their comments will help you in your relationship with your partner as well as other relationships in your life.

No one wants to be told that their feelings and emotions are not true or to be invalidated and Expressives are no different, they are just more naturally sensitive towards being shutdown or invalidated because of the threat of looking bad and the threat of having their freedom taken away.

Different people have better memories than others, and others get more easily flustered depending on the situation, so I have included a “3 Step”, “2 Step” and “1 Step” option on how the empathize with and validate your partner.

3 Step

The first 2 parts of this 3 step option is from the book “I Hate You, Don’t Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality” by J. Kreisman, M.D. and Hal Straus, (Published Avon Books, Feb 01, 1991).


Say the following:

1) I am very concerned about your feelings.
2) It must be horrible (or whatever description fits the situation) that you feel____ or that _____happened to you or I understand how you feel.
3) How can I support you or how can I help you to feel better?

This way your partner knows that you are concerned and you have acknowledged how he feels. You also put the solution to how he can feel better in his hands so it increases the chances of resolving what he needs.

2 Step

I actually got this step from the Movie “Woodcock” – A Fictional Comedy about a Published Self-Help Guru who wrote a book called “Letting Go” after being tormented by his gym teacher when he was a kid. The steps go as follows:

Step One: “I appreciate how you feel.”
Step Two: “I’m sorry you feel that way or I’m happy you feel this way etc.”

1 Step

The following are “one-liners” that you can use in a pinch:

“Yes, I understand how you would feel embarrassed.”
“Yes, I feel how embarrassing that would be for you.”
“Yes, I see how embarrassing that would be to you.”
“Yes, I hear you in regards to how embarrassing that you would be for you.”

Once you empathize and/or validate your partner, you can then share that you have a difference of opinion, but at least you allowed your partner his feelings and opinion 1st.

Come back to find out what’s up for Part Five in our 7 Part Male Diva Series.

Wishing You Fun, Freedom and Love,

Melody Chase


Are you in a committed relationship and are looking for communication tools so you can have that happy and harmonious relationship you have always envisioned? Check out our Counsellor in a Box Relationship Home Study Program at http://www.counsellorinabox.com